Don't know what to do

LegacyUser

I'm a 21 year old girl and I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, ever. I'm going to have to repeat this year of college and end up being nearly 24 by the time I graduate with a degree I don't even want anymore. A lot of my friends have graduated already, the rest are going into final year. The ones that didn't go to college are either settled or went travelling and did awesome things. I genuinely feel like such a failure. I have done nothing in the past 3 years that I'm proud of...except pass my driving test but even that took three goes.

I'm completely lost when it comes to my future. I know most people at my age are, but I mean completely lost. All I know is I don't want to do any further education for as long as I can after that but I have no dreams and no passions. I used to want kids someday and at least that was something I could vaguely plan for but now I don't want them but I'd still be afraid to not have a "real career" incase someday I change my mind again.

I don't fit in with my friends at all but I still love them to pieces and can't just let them go. I've never been in a relationship either and while I know that's not unusual it plays on my mind all the time. I feel like no boy (at least not one I'm going to find in Ireland) is going to like me because it's not like I don't get with boys but it's just never gone further than a text or two. And I'm sick of ons, they get so boring after a while.

I also hate myself for living off my parents, they're not exactly wealthy. But I have the worlds shíttest cv. I worked for like 6 month as a teeneager and that's pretty much it. I put down everything I can think of that sounds like it could be some form of a job but no luck.

I really just don't know what to do with myself. Any help? Thanks

Icyseanfitz

have pretty much been in the same boat since i finished my leaving cert 5 years ago, have done two different college courses both of which ive dropped out of as i simply havnt been interested in them,
have had no idea what im at pretty much my whole life, took up one or two hobbies this year (mountain biking mostly) which ive thought about for a good while and so im going to try and become a bike mechanic, i figure feck education a couple of letters after my name aint going to make me a happy man for the rest of my life, might as well try and get a career in something i have more than a passing interest in,
look you only live once if your not interested in education dont do it try to find something that interests you (if you have to go through a hundred different things until you find something that keeps you happy do),
lifes short as it is might as well try and enjoy it sure

as for your parents im sure they just want you to be happy

anonnona

anonnona wrote: »

I'm a 21 year old girl and I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, ever. I'm going to have to repeat this year of college and end up being nearly 24 by the time I graduate with a degree I don't even want anymore. A lot of my friends have graduated already, the rest are going into final year. The ones that didn't go to college are either settled or went travelling and did awesome things. I genuinely feel like such a failure. I have done nothing in the past 3 years that I'm proud of...except pass my driving test but even that took three goes.

How many years of this course have you actually done? If it's a course you don 't like, what are the options when it comes to possibly dropping out and picking a new course.

Here's my story - I started college first when I was 19, dropped out around the age of 21 - halfway through my second year of college. It just wasn't for me and I realized that it wasn't what I wanted to do. So I took a year off and did a PLC to pass the time, before returning back to college in 2007 and completing 4 years of college, in a course I actually liked, and will be graduating in November at the age of 26.

You don't have to be stuck in a course you don't like, just for the sake of having a degree.

I'm completely lost when it comes to my future. I know most people at my age are, but I mean completely lost. All I know is I don't want to do any further education for as long as I can after that but I have no dreams and no passions. I used to want kids someday and at least that was something I could vaguely plan for but now I don't want them but I'd still be afraid to not have a "real career" incase someday I change my mind again.

I know many 20 year olds who don't know what to do with their lives, as I know many 30 year olds who are in the same position. You are still young, so a "real career" could be years away, which is something you don't necessarily have to worry about! Like I said previously, there are always options and something might creep up without you expecting it.

I don't fit in with my friends at all but I still love them to pieces and can't just let them go. I've never been in a relationship either and while I know that's not unusual it plays on my mind all the time. I feel like no boy (at least not one I'm going to find in Ireland) is going to like me because it's not like I don't get with boys but it's just never gone further than a text or two. And I'm sick of ons, they get so boring after a while

If you don't like your current friends, then make new ones. It's a lot easier than you might expect - if you decide to stay in college, sign up to a new society or club, take up a class - perhaps a dance class, cookery, yoga - whatever.

You also may not be aware, but the Ladies Lounge has a private forum, which organizes meet ups, so perhaps it might be a good idea to PM a mod of that forum and ask whether you can join? I don't know too much about it, but it could be something worth investigating.

As for never having a relationship, have you looked into online dating? I do it myself and have met some wonderful people through it. If you read through this thread here, from the Gentlemen Club (don't worry, girls can post there too!), then you'll see that a lot of people do it too.

I also hate myself for living off my parents, they're not exactly wealthy. But I have the worlds shíttest cv. I worked for like 6 month as a teeneager and that's pretty much it. I put down everything I can think of that sounds like it could be some form of a job but no luck.

Work on developing your CV. Areas you could look into is volunteer work. A lecturer of mine, who used to work for HP, would often have to read many CVs and she always told us that jobs like to see people who volunteer. Perhaps you could also look into internships? There's that possibility.

You say they're not exactly wealthy, I presume you've looked into what grants you could get? If not, this is something you should definitely do.

I really just don't know what to do with myself. Any help? Thanks

Think I've about covered anything. And don't worry, things always have a way of working out. They may not be the way you want right now, or the way you expect, but they do.

Best of luck.

qwerty13

The thing about having a degree is that you may not end up working in anything directly related to it, but it opens more doors than it closes. I'm amazed by the number of jobs that specify having a degree - and I don't mean a qualification related to the job. So I think it's good that you will have a degree (even if you aren't that into it any more).

The older I get, the more I realise that hardly anyone I know had a plan about degree/job ... they all picked something, and kind of ended up down a particular route. This worked out well for some - but really not for others. That sounds a bit depressing; I don't mean it like that, I just mean that I could count on one hand the number of people that I know who had a plan about degree and related job, and how they ended up all happy with their plan. I don't think life works like that for most people, so I'd say stop putting yourself under pressure for simply not knowing what you want.

It sounds quite negative, but would you make a list of what you don't want (sometimes this is easier!) - you might see a pattern emerging. Is there anyone older that you know who seems happy with their job, maybe consider talking to them to see how they got to that place/whether they had a plan.

I'm not a child person, so maybe my advice is a little harsh here, but I really don't think planning for kids that may/may not happen is any substitute for looking at what you do with the rest of your life. Even if you end up having lots of kids, I don't think you should at your age rely on that as being a plan for your fulfilment in life. It may happen that you decide this is the right path for you later on, but right now, that would be putting your eggs in your prospective partner's basket - I mean I don't really know anyone who can afford to be a stay at home mother, especially the way no one knows how secure their job is now.

With regard to friends, jobs and guys, it sounds like you might be stuck in a bit of a rut. Could you pick one thing to change - whether that is joining a club to meet different people, really getting out there and getting ANY job, or just doing something for you. It is all too easy to do the same thing all of the time, and then wonder why the outcome is no different! I say pick one different/new thing this coming week, and just do it. Doesn't have to be a big thing, just something to re-focus you from the stuff that is currently frustrating you - and you never know, trying new things could inadvertently lead you to finding something (or someone!) that you like.

All the best.

Firetrap

The first thing I'd tell you to do is stop comparing yourself to your friends. It's your life and you need to do what's right for you. You are still only 21 years old and you have plenty of time to go travelling, do interesting things that you enjoy, meet someone and have a family. Stop stressing out about stuff like whether you want kids and a real career or not. Deal with what's straight in front of you now. You're lucky enough to have the intelligence to get into third level and the finances to go to college. You are in a degree course, something some poor unfortunates who sat their LC this year would kill for.

The biggest decision you need to make immediately is whether to continue with your degree course or to do something else. Why do you not want it any more? Is it too difficult? Going to lead to a career you know you'll loathe? Have you looked into what you could use this degree for when you graduate? Could you do a postgraduate course of some sort that would take you into a career you might like better?

The thing I've realised is that a lot of people (including myself) have ended up in their current careers more by accident than design. I know quite a few people whose college qualifications bear scant resemblance to what their jobs are now. Nowadays too, if you decide that you'd like to do something different, there are options there. Night classes, distance learning, part-time degrees etc.