Neighbours outside windows

Winnie

Firstly, not sure if in right place, feel free to move mods........anyway, we live in a ground floor apartment with double doors opening onto a terrace. We have two cats that sleep outisde on the terrace.
Every day, at least once or twice, there is a woman with her toddler that comes over to our balcony to let the child see the cats. This is really starting to annoy me as she stands right outside our windows with the child and sometimes comes right up to our terrace.....I know she is only showing the cats to her child but this is our private home and dont like strangers being so close to our windows.......plus the cats dont enjoy it! What should I say, if anything...Am I being unreasonable?

mikemac

Children grab tails, poke eyes and handle pets roughly
And then the parents are shocked and over react when the pet lashes out and scratches. But realy, it was the childs fault

Is the toddler just looking at the cats or petting them?

listermint

Em,

1)Either Say it to her.

2)Keep the cats indoors

3)Dont keep cats.


Your choice, but choose wisely...............

Justask

Winnie wrote: »

Firstly, not sure if in right place, feel free to move mods........anyway, we live in a ground floor apartment with double doors opening onto a terrace. We have two cats that sleep outisde on the terrace.
Every day, at least once or twice, there is a woman with her toddler that comes over to our balcony to let the child see the cats. This is really starting to annoy me as she stands right outside our windows with the child and sometimes comes right up to our terrace.....I know she is only showing the cats to her child but this is our private home and dont like strangers being so close to our windows.......plus the cats dont enjoy it! What should I say, if anything...Am I being unreasonable?

How long do she spend there? surely only a couple of mins?

mikom

Go to your nearest joke shop.
Buy a blow-up female sex doll.
Take it home, blow it up, and tie it to a deck chair on your terrace.
Woman with her toddler ...... no more.

Winnie

yeah she spends about 5 mins, but it is every day and sometimes more than once, I just turn around and she her standing outside the windows and I can see that she is trying to have a look to see if anyone is home so she is aware that she is very close to my apartment....I just feel that just because I have two cats outside that it doesnt give people the right to come up to my private house like that.......other people do it sometimes too but not as much as her.

Winnie

mikemac wrote: »

Children grab tails, poke eyes and handle pets roughly
And then the parents are shocked and over react when the pet lashes out and scratches. But realy, it was the childs fault

Is the toddler just looking at the cats or petting them?

The cats are behind the glass in the balcony railings so she cant actually touch them.

Winnie

listermint wrote: »

Em,

1)Either Say it to her.

2)Keep the cats indoors

3)Dont keep cats.


Your choice, but choose wisely...............

The cats are outdoor cats and I am certainly not going to get rid of them because people cant stay away from our apartment.....other people do it too but not as much as her.......it doesnt give people the right to come so close to my private home just because I have cats.

Justask

Winnie wrote: »

yeah she spends about 5 mins, but it is every day and sometimes more than once, I just turn around and she her standing outside the windows and I can see that she is trying to have a look to see if anyone is home so she is aware that she is very close to my apartment....I just feel that just because I have two cats outside that it doesnt give people the right to come up to my private house like that.......other people do it sometimes too but not as much as her.

To be honest I really cant see the big deal, its 5 mins. She is your neighbour. Im sure she doesnt think its any harm. I have neighbours all the time stopping to say hello to my pets.

An advantage to this is at least if you get called away for a night at short notice you know that you could ask her to keep an eye on the cats or feed them

listermint

Winnie wrote: »

The cats are outdoor cats and I am certainly not going to get rid of them because people cant stay away from our apartment.....other people do it too but not as much as her.......it doesnt give people the right to come so close to my private home just because I have cats.

So...

2 and 3 are out.

Em i think you may be left with 1 option then.

'Hi can you stay away from my balcony you and your child are freaking me out'


Additionally whats the point in out door cats? At least you can walk an outdoor dog. They sound like they are leeching off you. :cool:

The Scientician

Time to start wearing clothes when you're watching telly.

Winnie

well i should be able to watch telly naked if i please... :-)

I would like to say something to her but not sure how to put it without sounding like a cranky arse.

listermint

Winnie wrote: »

well i should be able to watch telly naked if i please... :-)

I would like to say something to her but not sure how to put it without sounding like a cranky arse.

Say it naked. With a smile .... Your guaranteed never to see her again

Winnie

I dont like it because she is right outside my window, I dont know her, she is a stranger and dont like strangers outside my windows! She is not a close neighbour Im not sure which block of apartments she lives in. If i had a garden out front of a normal house and she was stopping outside the front of the garden, that would be different as she wouldnt be right outside my windows then.

Winnie

Anyone any helpful advice! :-)

I am a friend

Winnie wrote: »

I dont like it because she is right outside my window, I dont know her, she is a stranger and dont like strangers outside my windows! n.

Oh for gods sake. She is showing her kids the cats... How do you know the cats don like it?

You choose to live surrounded by people but you dont want them to look at your property. You need to buy a site in the middle if nowhere and build a moat and a house in the middle...

listermint

Winnie wrote: »

Anyone any helpful advice! :-)

Well not really, You either talk to her and express your concerns or you put up blinds and ignore it.

There is no special fix formula to be fair. No one can go around and solve the problem for you.

Winnie

I am a friend wrote: »

Oh for gods sake. She is showing her kids the cats... How do you know the cats don like it?

You choose to live surrounded by people but you dont want them to look at your property. You need to buy a site in the middle if nowhere and build a moat and a house in the middle...

I know the cats dont like it because they run away and hid!
And who wants people to come up to their windows and look at their property?? Are you saying you wouldnt care if people where standing right outside your windows?!

Justask

Winnie wrote: »

I know the cats dont like it because they run away and hid!
And who wants people to come up to their windows and look at their property?? Are you saying you wouldnt care if people where standing right outside your windows?!

I wouldnt mind at all if their intentions are to say hello to my pets and to put a smile on the toddlers face for 5 mins. The cats are not in danger

I am a friend

Justask wrote: »

I wouldnt mind at all if their intentions are to say hello to my pets and to put a smile on the toddlers face for 5 mins. The cats are not in danger

I wouldn't mind at all either...

Why do you have cats if only to leave them out on a terrace? Do they roam? Who cleans up their droppings??? Sounds like the cats like people as much as the owners do!!

Seriously is this a big deal for you? Wish I had your problems. If you ask her to stop showing her child your cats, pretty soon she will have the whole neighbourhood talking about the crazy cat lady.

Janet1986

Do you have a back garden? If yes let the cats out there.

Only other thing is keep the cats in during the day and let them out around the evening when the toddler would be in bed.

It reminds me of our neighbours westie, he had two kids going into the drive way to pet him last week. The dog was terrified and the owners weren't there.

The big thing here is and like your cats what if the dog/cats attacked the child out of fear. Everyone would be outraged but the fact is the people stepped on your property without your permission!

not even wrong

Winnie wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable?

Yes. The child wants to see the kitties and is not trespassing on your property, get over it.

C-J

I have a toddler and I guarantee this lady doesn't intentionally set out to stare in your windows, it's more a case of toddlers not forgetting anything and just loving animals. I guarantee as soon as they leave the house the baby wants to see the cats. When i saw title of your issue i thought it'd be antisocial neighbours but For gods sake you're the one coming across as antisocial!

ilikepears

C-J wrote: »

I have a toddler and I guarantee this lady doesn't intentionally set out to stare in your windows, it's more a case of toddlers not forgetting anything and just loving animals. I guarantee as soon as they leave the house the baby wants to see the cats. When i saw title of your issue i thought it'd be antisocial neighbours but For gods sake you're the one coming across as antisocial!

Yeah that's so true about toddlers. I remember I used to mind a family friends child when they were this age and anytime we went outside he wanted to go see if one of his neighbours was using his digger (the neighbour was doing some work on his house at the time). So I used to take him over there to see and the best view was amongst the trees just across from the neighbour. I used to be very embarrassed about this, standing there awkwardly looking but luckily the neighbour never minded. The mother of this child is probably feeling a little bit embarrassed like me but its probably easier for her just to show her child your cats.

Miss Fluff

I'd say the little one is just obsessed with the cats and asks to see them every day. She probably asks about twenty times a day actually until her Mum brings her out. It's actually very very cute

I think you're being a bit precious. The lady stands outside looking at the cats with her toddler for a few minutes every day. I sincerely doubt she's casing the joint or wanting to see your interior design. It's innocent enough and they are not doing any harm.

Having a "word" will make you look anally retentive and rather mean-spirited tbh, I'd just leave it be. They genuinely aren't doing you any harm....

Baralis1

Does the terrace belong to you? If the woman and her child are not trespassing on your property then there isn't much that you can do about it except close your curtains. That's one disadvantage about owning a ground floor property that people can walk right up to your windows.

You can say it to her and ask her not to approach your apartment but she's under absolutely no obligation to comply if she doesn't want it and you will be at a high risk of sounding like a "cranky arse" as you put it.

If she and the child are not actually touching the cats behind a glass pane, then there is very little complaint that you can make about her interfereing with the cats.

If it was me, I would just grin and bear it and perhaps put up those old fashioned net curtains or those strip blinds to protect my privacy as much as possible.

Distorted

Its probably part of their daily walk or something and just a happy thing they do together. How can you object to such a small thing from such innocents for only 5 minutes a couple of times a day? Do they make a terrible racket? Do they trespass on your property?

I'm guessing they are on the public path while they do this and you can't really stop someone going on a public path and looking at someone, unless it amounts to harassment. (I'd like you to persuade the guards to investigate a case of a woman letting a toddler look at cats is harassment).

That leave you to take action yourself. You complain she is a stranger, in which case you could introduce yourself and maybe drop tactfully into the conversation that you get a bit of a fright when people stop by your window to look at the cats. You could keep the windows closed, since living at ground floor level with them opens seems to unsettle you. You could get out a bit more so small things have less influence on you. You could move somewhere more isolated or remote where you won't be plagued by women and toddlers?

Otherwise, it doesn't seem that much to get so bothered about. And you don't seem to have tried any of the obvious solutions.

ted1

I think the op is entitled to some privacy I know I wouldn't appreciate a neighbour looking in my window particular when I'm making the love whcich the op may do from time to time

woodchuck

I’m surprised by all the negative responses here! I’ve been in a similar situation and while it’s not the end of the world, it very irritating, especially if it’s happening so regularly. For me I’d have the window/door open a crack to let air into the bedroom and then little kids come right up to the windows and stick their hands in to pet the cat!!! I haven’t had the heart to scare them away, but it really is so irritating. Especially since I like to lounge around in my PJs when in the apartment or I might just be out of the shower and still in a towel or something.

Nothing’s going to change unless you talk to the woman. So either you tell her the truth and ask her to stop or you could make something up to scare her away… like that the cats have fleas or something :P

Neyite

Op, Get window blinds.

woodchuck

Neyite wrote: »

Op, Get window blinds.

You suggest she constantly has the blinds/curtains closed? Hardly ideal to never have natural light in her own apartment...

C-J

woodchuck wrote: »

You suggest she constantly has the blinds/curtains closed? Hardly ideal to never have natural light in her own apartment...

they're CLEARLY not suggesting that, just pull the blinds if the toddler makes the op uncomfortable. Which in itself sounds as absurd as the situation is

woodchuck

C-J wrote: »

they're CLEARLY not suggesting that, just pull the blinds if the toddler makes the op uncomfortable. Which in itself sounds as absurd as the situation is

Think of ALL of the things you do in the privacy of your own home... would you want a toddler or anyone else seeing that?! It might be a bit late to pull the blinds if the OP is already doing something or dressed in a way that she wouldn't want others to see her (which they wouldn't otherwise, unless they're right up against door like she says!). While this isn't a life or death type of problem, it is a nuisance and she's justified in her feelings.

Nulty

I'm with the OP here. I think the only thing you can do is be honest and reasonable Give them a time slot that they can visit the cats....say tuesdays and fridays 2pm - 4pm. Not that exactly, but you get my meaning. That way you know when they'll be there, the neighbour won't be compelled to look in your window because you have and agreement and the kid gets to hang with you awesome cats.

You just gotta be straight, upfront and reasonable with your neighbour.

Even go out one day and introduce yourself? That way you can get your neighbour to watch your flat when your away etc. Its good to have neighbours who can do stuff for you.

C-J

Oh for gods sake I live in an apartment with one solid wall of glass, standing outside you still cant see in you just see your own reflection in the glass. The neighbour is hardly pressed up against the glass with a camera taking mental notes of valuable possessions she's being a good mother to her child! Why doesnt the op ring the guards i'm sure they'd love to respond to such an urgent call

sharper

If you go out and strike up a conversation she won't be a stranger anymore. If I had a choice I'd live in a nice castle with a moat but until then I have to make do.

LegacyUser

O.P, I think you have given this matter for too much thought. The poor woman is probaly run ragged with the toddler and is willing to do whatever she can to appease him, I would very much doubt that her ultimate daily goal is to go and creep on you!

My neighbour brings his little daughter along the side of my house to look at my dog out in the back garden and it doesn't bother me. If anything, it's nice to know that there is someone decent who keeps an eye on the place with the amount of robberies going on lately.

May all your problems be as small as this!

Neyite

woodchuck wrote: »

You suggest she constantly has the blinds/curtains closed? Hardly ideal to never have natural light in her own apartment...

Did I say that she should keep the blinds closed? No. And I never even mentioned curtains!!

I have blinds in my house, I have also lived in a ground floor flat with communal grounds, So I know what its like for people to be passing by my full length window having a gawk.

Blinds can be angled so the light can get in but provide privacy at ground level. I know because I set mine that way - plenty of daylight, plenty of privacy.

Justask

Its a toddler saying hello to a cat for 5 mins a day.....:rolleyes:

Am I missing something here??

athtrasna

If you live in an apartment the outdoor patio/balcony is actually common property for which you have rights to sole use. Coming up to the railings she is actually on common property. Also are you allowed to have pets in your development?

In an apartment complex the only "private" areas are interior to your apartment. It's not the same as a private house where you would expect privacy outside too.

ted1

Yes your missing a complete invasion of privacy in ones own home. It's a toddler and mum. As the comic said "hello mister Wilson"

woodchuck

Neyite wrote: »

Did I say that she should keep the blinds closed? No. And I never even mentioned curtains!!

I have blinds in my house, I have also lived in a ground floor flat with communal grounds, So I know what its like for people to be passing by my full length window having a gawk.

Blinds can be angled so the light can get in but provide privacy at ground level. I know because I set mine that way - plenty of daylight, plenty of privacy.

The blinds might be a good idea then, but I don't think she's mentioned if it’s happening in the front room or the bedroom. Blinds might not be ideal for the bedroom to keep out light while sleeping. Even still, if people are coming up that close to the window they could probably still see between the slots.

(I only mentioned curtains in conjunction with blinds as she may already have these… no need to take offense! I’m not having a go or anything, I just know where the OP is coming from and I think a lot of people are being a bit insensitive. And you can't blame me for misinterpreting the 4 word post you had.)

thefeatheredcat

Winnie wrote: »

yeah she spends about 5 mins, but it is every day and sometimes more than once, I just turn around and she her standing outside the windows and I can see that she is trying to have a look to see if anyone is home so she is aware that she is very close to my apartment....

HI OP I can understand the issue - I think the woman is probably aware that she is indeed perhaps taking liberty in visiting the cats... if she's checking the window she may be on the look out for you to come out OP but so far nothing - for all you know it could be an excuse to strike up a conversation with you.

From my experience cats are always uncertain around toddlers because they're unpredictable and have yet to learn how gently to pet cats, which this woman is probably teaching the toddler anyway.

Once a day in your situation I would cope with OP, but not more than that. People may think it's nice and cute that the toddler is showing interest, and I know if I was passing by I'd show interest too, as probably are other people passing by taking note of the toddler with the cats at the double doors... it would just attract a little too much attention for my liking for both my and the cats' safety.

Best course of action is when you next see them pop outside and have a chat about the cats. No doubt she'll probably be apologetic for disturbing you and explain how the toddler is mad about the cats and hopes she's not been a nuisance. You could chat away about the cats and say they're cats who love their sleep and love to be undisturbed and feel at ease with their area if you don't want to outrightly tell her not to visit too often.

the groutch

too drastic?

mydearwatson

Winnie wrote: »

I know she is only showing the cats to her child

Just to point out ... it's probably not her showing the cats to her child ... it is just that it happens that their daily walk just happens to pass your apartment, and her child is drawn to the cats.

Just as the child may also be drawn to a house a few doors down where there is a dog; a particular bush along the way with pretty flowers; a little stream with ducks in it; a bit of a graffiti on a wall. Not the mention the random leaf, twig, puddle, stone, which the child will suddenly become fixated with. There are plenty of things that will draw a child's attention. Your cats are probably not the highlight of this mother's walk with her baby - just a tiny part of it, which is possibly fascinating to the child in question.

You want a solution? If it's bothering you that much, tell the mother that it bothers you that her toddler looks at her cats which you leave sitting in full view of a public walkway ... god I'm cringing as I type that! :eek: Because it's so ridiculous, that this could ever be an issue! But if you tell her that (i.e. the truth) it probably will encourage her to keep her kids well away from you (and therefore away from your precious kitties.)

Long term solution .... get a different apartment, if it bothers you so much.

Net curtains.

Problem solved.

ted1

Op said its a private terrace and they come to her balcony. There's boundaries .

R.D. aka MR.D

I can't get over all the negative replies here op! Obviously there are a lot of people comfortable with having strangers outside their windows!!!

Is there any way you can keep the cats inside for a day or two. That way the kid might forget about them.

Or maybe just open the door one day and as another poster said talk about the cats. say something like 'would you mind not coming up to the balcony, not being funny or anything but the cats can kind of be unpredictable. they are totally fine if you don't invade their space. But i'd be worried the little one would get a scratch or a bite and that would leave me in a tough situation. i might have to get them put down or something.' Be really apologetic and everything and hopefully she will get the hint and leave you alone.

I actually can't believe some one would be so brazen as to stand outside your double doors. I've had countryside neighbours i've known my whole life who wouldn't even do that!!!!

wild_cat

OP you mentioned that the cats run away and hide?

Surely they'd move on then as there are no cats to see.

Why don't you just let the cats out at night and keep them in during the day?

I am a friend

ted1 wrote: »

Op said its a private terrace and they come to her balcony. There's boundaries .

Yep TO her balcony not ONTO it... Big difference.

seenitall

I am a friend wrote: »

Yep TO her balcony not ONTO it... Big difference.

No, not a big difference at all in terms of having a free view into someone's living space. This isn't about the cuteness or otherwise of a toddler's curiosity either, it's about breaching privacy boundaries by the toddler's mother. Is there no such a thing as saying: "No, not today, honey, I'm sure the nice lady with the cats has had quite enough of us in front of her windows for a while"?

Reminds me of a holiday with an ex long ago, where we were in private rented accomodation, with a balcony running all the way around the house. Our host would completely unexpectedly show up in front of our bedroom french window, "just to be sociable and say hi", no longer than a minute or 2. We were very, very lucky in that it was a relationship badly lacking in sex, <- and heaven knows I never thought I'd ever be writing that sentence down!

I'd say get a bit more friendly with the person and then set out some boundaries, as already recommended, OP.