Should we still be buying 'the ring'?

py2006

In a modern society were men and women work and share the responsibilites of life and all that it entails. Should we still conform to the old tradition were the man must by the ring?

Do you think society on the whole is ready for a healthy mix of women proposing to men and paying a lot of money for a ring for their boyfriends.

Obviously some women have/will propose to their boyfriends but it is still extremely rare.

It is a difficult one I believe. You could argue that if the balls in the man court at least he is in control of the situation and when he feels ready for marriage he will propose.

On the other hand if the ball is in nobody's court necessarily and a high proportion of women propose/buy the ring, a lot of guys would freak out and do a legger at any hint of a potential proposal. haha :pac:

So perhaps this change won't be an over night job.

What do you think?

jaffacakesyum

I don't think it's ''extremely rare'' for women to propose. Maybe it's just me but I know plenty of women who have proposed to their husbands, maybe not in the stereoptypically romantic way of getting down on one knee, but they've been the one to suggest it.

But you have a point about the ring...I dunno..I guess a lot of people are still fussy of tradition but I certainly wouldn't mind chipping in to pay for the ring. Only fair

ToxicPaddy

py2006 wrote: »

In a modern society were men and women work and share the responsibilites of life and all that it entails. Should we still conform to the old tradition were the man must by the ring?

Do you think society on the whole is ready for a healthy mix of women proposing to men and paying a lot of money for a ring for their boyfriends.

Obviously some women who have/will propose to their boyfriends but it is still extremely rare.

It is a difficult one I believe. You could argue that if the balls in the man court at least he is in control of the situation and when he feels ready for marriage he will propose.

On the other hand if the ball is in nobody's court necessarily and a high proportion of women propose/buy the ring, a lot of guys would freak out and do a legger at any hint of a potential proposal. haha :pac:

So perhaps this change won't be an over night job.

What do you think?

To be honest I'm not sure about the whole ring thing.. its really up to the couple themselves. Some choose to spend a small fortune on what is essentially a piece of metal and a rock from the ground, other choose something better to do with that money and buy a token ring, something not too expensive but still distinctive to know what it is by looking at it.

As for the marriage part, a good number of couples I know have decided between then if they are ready to get married and when to do it. It wasnt really the guy getting down on one knee and completely surprising the girl who had no idea. Most were living together, decided that this was for life and the next logical step for them was marriage.

It really depends on the couple, some are traditional, one knee proposal, big rock on the finger and a big wedding for all to see and attend. Others are low key affairs, both agree its what they want, a small ceremony somewhere quiet, no real fuss with just a few close family members and friends there.

Outkast_IRE

Up to the couple , myself and the gf both agree we would rather spend the money on a class honeymoon and just get modest enough rings etc

ToxicPaddy

Whats the norm these days for the price of an engagement ring? Didnt it used to be 2 or 3 months salary or something crazy like that?

I wont if a girl insists on a huge rock for an engagement ring, should the guy turn the tables and insist on a large dowry from her family to be able to maintain the household??? :D:D

ToxicPaddy

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Up to the couple , myself and the gf both agree we would rather spend the money on a class honeymoon and just get modest enough rings etc

sounds like the sensible option to me..

I know a couple who are getting married soon and the bride's father offered a sizeable lump sum to them and the choices they had were to pay off a large lump off their mortgage and have a big flash wedding.

The groom was all for reducing the mortgage, the bride threw a strop and a tantrum about it being HER day and SHE should get whatever SHE wants.. This went on and on until the groom finally gave in and let her do what she wanted.

To this day, I cannot understand what the hell he is doing marrying her!!

gargleblaster

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Up to the couple

This. ^

From what I've seen most couples are already pretty much sharing large expenses/handling finances as a couple by the time a ring comes into the picture.

ToxicPaddy wrote: »

To this day, I cannot understand what the hell he is doing marrying her!!

Is she hot?

jokettle

Female, very unromantic POV here: A lot of the traditional notions related to marriage bother me somewhat. I don't like the idea of being walked down the aisle by my father, who will "give me away" from one family to the next, like a piece of property. Wearing white to symbolise purity is also feckin stupid. Being given an expensive ring in return for being someone's wife is a little too close to being bought off, in a sense (in my mind at least).

I do like the idea of a propsal, that someone would surprise me by asking me to marry him, or that I would surprise someone by doing the asking! The getting down on one knee and planning a romantic occassion for proposing is lovely and heartwarming. But a lot of engagement rings are insanely expensive, afaik it was an idea propegated by jewelers but I'm open to correction on that one. Having to wear a ring to symbolise you're taken or belong to another is outdated and I really don't understand why the tradition has lasted this long. I do of course realise that this is my own interpretation, and a lot of people don't see the ring tradition in such a cynical light.

I also regularly wear a shiny ring on my ring finger, and it p*sses me off no end when people pointedly look at it and either ask "have you anything to tell us?" in that nauseating, faux-excited way, or when bigger eejits tell me it's bad luck, as though no man will ever marry me because I have a piece of tin around a digit.

That was all a bit rambly, but basically, I'm not a big fan of the ring tradition because of what it symbolises to me. I still like shiny trinkets though

I thought the white dress had its origins in being impractical to display wealth or something. I was surprised when I heard the idea of it being about purity.
Anyway i would not like a ring without getting him something in return. The idea of having something to symbolise it is nice, just i would feel bad if it were one sided and I would like him to have something too as a nice memory or something. I also would hate one that cost the earth as I'd be paranoid about it... and no diamond either, definitely not. But then i really don't get a lot of the hype about engagements and overpriced ripoff weddings anyway...

Wolfe Tone

I'd get a ring, only worry would be that I would buy a sh!te one that looks like crap, I tend to suck at judging that type of thing.

jokettle

bluewolf wrote: »

Anyway i would not like a ring without getting him something in return. The idea of having something to symbolise it is nice, just i would feel bad if it were one sided and I would like him to have something too as a nice memory or something.

I definitely agree with this. I know both parties wear wedding rings, but somehow that's not the same.

I kind of like the idea of agreeing to get married, and then buying each other a gift to celebrate. Like a really fancy camera or something Of course, the money could go towards a really good honeymoon/open bar at the wedding/pratical costs of living together or whatever. I just don't think it's fair that one side gets to profit more than the other! It's meant to be a partnership after all.

Sofiztikated

We bought ours together, and in fact, she paid for it, as I was the one who was paying the bills in the house.

The wedding itself, noone has given us money for it, we've worked for it ourselves, and paid for it ourselves. Noone "owns" her.

jokettle

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Noone "owns" her.

I feel like I should clarify; I know I mentioned ownership in my first post, but I really don't believe that people view marriage or engagement rings as symbols of ownership these days. It's just that on a personal level, I'm uneasy with traditions that stem from these kinds of beliefs. I can't imagine that most people have the same kind of chip on their shoulder as I do!

The meanings of these traditions have practically, if not completely, disappeared from modern society and so are pretty much harmless. I'd happily wear an engagement ring but only if I could contribute to the cost, or buy a gift in return, or do something for my fiance of equal value/sentiment.

py2006

jokettle wrote: »

Female, very unromantic POV here: A lot of the traditional notions related to marriage bother me somewhat. I don't like the idea of being walked down the aisle by my father, who will "give me away" from one family to the next, like a piece of property. Wearing white to symbolise purity is also feckin stupid. Being given an expensive ring in return for being someone's wife is a little too close to being bought off, in a sense (in my mind at least).

I do like the idea of a propsal, that someone would surprise me by asking me to marry him, or that I would surprise someone by doing the asking! The getting down on one knee and planning a romantic occassion for proposing is lovely and heartwarming. But a lot of engagement rings are insanely expensive, afaik it was an idea propegated by jewelers but I'm open to correction on that one. Having to wear a ring to symbolise you're taken or belong to another is outdated and I really don't understand why the tradition has lasted this long. I do of course realise that this is my own interpretation, and a lot of people don't see the ring tradition in such a cynical light.

I also regularly wear a shiny ring on my ring finger, and it p*sses me off no end when people pointedly look at it and either ask "have you anything to tell us?" in that nauseating, faux-excited way, or when bigger eejits tell me it's bad luck, as though no man will ever marry me because I have a piece of tin around a digit.

That was all a bit rambly, but basically, I'm not a big fan of the ring tradition because of what it symbolises to me. I still like shiny trinkets though

So did he leave you as you were walking down the aisle or was it after the speeches? :P

Sunnyisland

Imo both people buy the rings and incorporate the expense into the wedding its self.

jokettle

py2006 wrote: »

So did he leave you as you were walking down the aisle or was it after the speeches? :P

It was after I screeched at him "YOU NEVER PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN! WHY HAVEN'T YOU COMPLIMENTED MY NEW SHOES?!?" for the 20th time :pac:

parker kent

realies wrote: »

Imo both people buy the rings and incorporate the expense into the wedding its self.

What about men who don't wear wedding rings? My father has never worn one. I know plenty of others like him as well. TBH I don't like the idea of wearing a ring. Not because "I'm too manly" or any other BS, but just because I don't really want to wear a ring.

Anyway, I'd have no problem buying a fiance a nice ring if she wanted. That would be the type of thing that people getting married should discuss for a good while beforehand. I imagine the type of woman I'd marry would be the type who'd also like the return the favour somehow.

VenusPlays

Totally agree that it depends on the couple. Sure I'd be delighted if my pretend boyfriend gave me a ring he forked out a decent amount of cash for. Everyone loves a nice present and I'm a magpie when it comes to sparkley things. But I would also be happy for both of us to get some cash together and buy it between us a part of the overall costs of the wedding.

I personally wouldnt like to go without a ring altogether, I like what the ring says, that its a sign of that I've commited to my man.

I recently was reliabley informed that a couple I know spent 25 grand on her ring and her dress was a 20 grand designer one off!!! Now they've money to burn but I dont get that sort of extravagance.

IrishEyes19

jokettle wrote: »

Female, very unromantic POV here: A lot of the traditional notions related to marriage bother me somewhat. I don't like the idea of being walked down the aisle by my father, who will "give me away" from one family to the next, like a piece of property. Wearing white to symbolise purity is also feckin stupid. Being given an expensive ring in return for being someone's wife is a little too close to being bought off, in a sense (in my mind at least).

I do like the idea of a propsal, that someone would surprise me by asking me to marry him, or that I would surprise someone by doing the asking! The getting down on one knee and planning a romantic occassion for proposing is lovely and heartwarming. But a lot of engagement rings are insanely expensive, afaik it was an idea propegated by jewelers but I'm open to correction on that one. Having to wear a ring to symbolise you're taken or belong to another is outdated and I really don't understand why the tradition has lasted this long. I do of course realise that this is my own interpretation, and a lot of people don't see the ring tradition in such a cynical light.

I also regularly wear a shiny ring on my ring finger, and it p*sses me off no end when people pointedly look at it and either ask "have you anything to tell us?" in that nauseating, faux-excited way, or when bigger eejits tell me it's bad luck, as though no man will ever marry me because I have a piece of tin around a digit.

That was all a bit rambly, but basically, I'm not a big fan of the ring tradition because of what it symbolises to me. I still like shiny trinkets though

Meh, the giving away point isnt really relevent anymore, no father walking his daughter down the aisle has the intention of "handing her over like property. If anything the thought of my dad doing that on such a big day for me and my to be husband is really special. And you dont have to wear white technically, if you dont approve of the church tradition, theres other places to get married in now and different styles. so you arent subject to that. also I think the girl wears the ring nowdays literarly to show she's engaged, not to symbolise she is now someones property. No-one thinks like that anymore, ideas can change, obviously the colour of the dress, the wearing of the rings and having your dad walk you down the aisle were just nice ideas that could still be fitted into a modern wedding under different symbolic meanings.
I really dont see why people get so antsy and feminist on these issues now, when they have no meaning in society anymore. The past ideals arent even in play regarding virginity, and a woman being her husbands property. If anything, the poor groom is the least popular of the two on the day with the bride taking the show, her decision.

In terms of the ring, hmm, well its up to the couple really. I suppose as a female I like the whole tradition of the male doing that, but Im sure a lot of factors come into it, regarding finances ect. I wouldnt throw a hissy fit anyway.

Dolbert

I'd kill him if he spent thousands on a ring, I rarely even wear jewellery and it's always cheap as I'm so likely to lose it :rolleyes: My mother is the same, after I was born my Dad got her a lovely maeternity ring, apparently she had it all of two weeks before it disappeared!

If he did feel obliged to buy me an expensive ring (expensive being hundreds not thousands) then I'd get him a nice watch or a new guitar or something.

eoferrall

jokettle wrote: »

Female, very unromantic POV here: A lot of the traditional notions related to marriage bother me somewhat. I don't like the idea of being walked down the aisle by my father, who will "give me away" from one family to the next, like a piece of property. Wearing white to symbolise purity is also feckin stupid. Being given an expensive ring in return for being someone's wife is a little too close to being bought off, in a sense (in my mind at least).

I do like the idea of a proposal, that someone would surprise me by asking me to marry him, or that I would surprise someone by doing the asking! The getting down on one knee and planning a romantic occassion for proposing is lovely and heartwarming. But a lot of engagement rings are insanely expensive, afaik it was an idea propegated by jewelers but I'm open to correction on that one. Having to wear a ring to symbolise you're taken or belong to another is outdated and I really don't understand why the tradition has lasted this long. I do of course realise that this is my own interpretation, and a lot of people don't see the ring tradition in such a cynical light.

I also regularly wear a shiny ring on my ring finger, and it p*sses me off no end when people pointedly look at it and either ask "have you anything to tell us?" in that nauseating, faux-excited way, or when bigger eejits tell me it's bad luck, as though no man will ever marry me because I have a piece of tin around a digit.

That was all a bit rambly, but basically, I'm not a big fan of the ring tradition because of what it symbolises to me. I still like shiny trinkets though

Since you asked!:pac:

Engagement rings originate as effectively an insurance policy. the woman had it should anything happen to the husband, who in ye olde times would be the one earning the money. should he die she could not just go out and work and therefor she would have something valuable to sell for income to tide her over until something was worked out (new husband or whatever). is one story that goes around.

The other is not jewelers as you say, but De beers, the Original diamond merchants. Diamond sales where not going well so marketing campaign about how much to spend on diamonds and how much you loved your woman... if this is the truth then surely has to be the most successful marketing campaign ever!

Take your pick, suppose one is the romantic/practical side, the other the cynical side?

on the actual topic, I still feel that the man should buy the ring to gift to the woman, but as said marriages are usually discussed and not surprises. so the woman contributing would not be outrageous. personally i would ot be big on gifts as is, but would prefer beautiful rings, but the value is not huge several hundred will buy you a beautiful ring. and the balance, honey moon of your dreams!!

Miss Olenska

parker kent wrote: »

TBH I don't like the idea of wearing a ring. Not because "I'm too manly" or any other BS, but just because I don't really want to wear a ring.

Well, I'm a laydee (allegedly) and I don't want to wear one either. Jewellery bores me and I have a phobia of wearing rings since getting one stuck on my finger as a kid. So I don't want a guy shelling out on something I don't really want.

Snowie

Miss Olenska wrote: »

Well, I'm a laydee (allegedly) and I don't want to wear one either. Jewellery bores me and I have a phobia of wearing rings since getting one stuck on my finger as a kid. So I don't want a guy shelling out on something I don't really want.

ok well what about a watch they help you tell the time /

never really thought about getting ingaged my self its something I dont really plan to do for some time...

strandroad

eoferrall wrote: »

The other is not jewelers as you say, but De beers, the Original diamond merchants. Diamond sales where not going well so marketing campaign about how much to spend on diamonds and how much you loved your woman... if this is the truth then surely has to be the most successful marketing campaign ever!

Take your pick, suppose one is the romantic/practical side, the other the cynical side?

The De Beers story is absolutely true, this article gives the whole story - fantastic read!
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/4575/

Which pretty much invalidates the first point, about the ring being an insurance policy - even if the woman wants to sell the ring, the price she gets will be nowhere near the original price.

Miss Olenska

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

ok well what about a watch they help you tell the time /

I would MUCH prefer to receive a nice wrist watch than a ring! I'd also like to buy him a memento too.

Snowie

Miss Olenska wrote: »

I would MUCH prefer to receive a nice wrist watch than a ring! I'd also like to buy him a memento too.

I think it depends on the girl but genrally rings are a bit traditional....

I dont like traditional..

They are a lot nicer mines a tag carreer if your interested fankoovewymuch

Galvasean

Buy hyper expensive wedding ring.
Can't afford food.
Watch her starve herself into that wedding dress! :pac:

Nah, i don't go for most of that big expensive wedding hokey pokey. If a woman expected me to buy a super expensive engagement ring I would probably have to re-evaluate why I want to marry this woman.

Xios

i'm agreeing with all the posts about "it's up to the couple"
I don't think 2 people working on 25k salaries are gonna be fused about a condensed rock. Either have a savage wedding or epic honeymoon, **** the metal and stone.

Sky King

I remember reading that DeBeers story before - fascinating read - considered one of the greatest marketing success of modern times.

foxyboxer

ToxicPaddy wrote: »

The groom was all for reducing the mortgage, the bride threw a strop and a tantrum about it being HER day and SHE should get whatever SHE wants.. This went on and on until the groom finally gave in and let her do what she wanted.

To this day, I cannot understand what the hell he is doing marrying her!!

She sounds quite the catch.

Acoshla

I love jewellery (mostly cheap stuff!) but I do love sparkly diamonds in any form, nothing to do with the cost or "status" that some people think they have but simply because they are sparkly and pretty and I am that easily entertained.

I am very lucky to have inherited my grandmother's diamond engagement ring which will be mine to wear when I get engaged. It's worth a lot, about 10-15 times what I would want spent on a ring if I didn't have one already, but it has a lot of sentimental value for me so I love it. I always joke that I'm a great bargain because I come with my own engagement ring, and a few days ago I was joking about this to a work colleague of my boyfriend's at a wedding, and he said "Ah no, sure he'd have to buy you something, you can't have him not buying the ring, that'd be embarrassing for him"

My boyfriend would be only too delighted to announce he had proposed and didn't even have to buy a ring for it! I think these days it's up to the couple, some people might like to go halves, some might like to give/receive the gift of the ring, some women might buy their own or contribute if they want a particular ring.

foxyboxer

VenusPlays wrote: »

I recently was reliabley informed that a couple I know spent 25 grand on her ring and her dress was a 20 grand designer one off!!! Now they've money to burn but I dont get that sort of extravagance.

If they have money to burn then fair enough but disclosing the price of those items is crass and tacky in the extreme.

LeeHoffmann

I agree with Acoshla about liking sparkly pretty jewellery - not for any status ambitions (??!!) - just because it looks nice. And I like the symbolism of the rings - committment, eternal etc. Thos things get at the romantic in me. However, I agree that engagements and weddings in general are very one-sided - this whole ''it's her day'' thing and again, only the lady gets a ring. Very unfair imo. Hence I bought a ring for my OH as a surprise after we got engaged. He was delighted. I would have proposed probably but he told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted to do that. Change comes from both men and women, don't forget - it's not just the ladies maintaining the status quo.

Malari

It's up to the couple, as I wouldn't pass any judgement on a guy who wanted to buy a girl a ring, but I voted no, as I don't think we would personally be going down that road. Or if we did, it would be a piece of jewelry for me and a watch for him.

I wear a ring on my ring finger anyway. It fits there, that's the only reason. But then I practice the art of living dangerously by walking under ladders and persistent use of the number 13. :cool::pac: