Male Clichés

leggo

Doing up a blog, for my own amusement, with the central theme being male clichés. Things that every man says, generally while in a relationship, pulling a girl or breaking up with her.

Have a fair few so far but figured the smart arse lads and war-torn ladies of AH would provide some fantastic ideas and inspiration for some more. For what it's worth (though probably only 10 or so people will read it), if I use your quote I'll give credit (if you'd like your real name used put it in your post).

And, in the meantime, it'll provide for an interesting conversation about how fooking predictable and clichéd us lads are.

Some basic one's I have thus far include:

"You're different/special"
"I don't know what I want"
"It's not that I don't love you, it's that I'm not in love with you"

So you get the idea.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can help!

kincsem

Your bum looks big in that.

dirtyghettokid

"welcome to dumpville.....population.....YOU"
- homer simpson

Wolflikeme

A blog that tells people about things they obviously already know? Sign me up!

deathrider

Real men don't do relationships. They do one night stands so that it doesn't get in the way of the time demanding blowing-sh1t-up-and-wrestling-bears lifestyle.

Denerick

Most invocations of male clichés are an inverted and egregious form of sexism that are ostensibly intended as being playful, but more often than not are part of a vicious campaign of abuse directed by a secret cabal of feminazi's.

There, I said it.

Bloody Nipples

I love you.

krudler

I'll pull out I swear

Tandey

Whose your daddy

W.Shakes-Beer

You're a very special unit.

PK2008

You dont sweat much for a fat bird

amdublin

I've got the flu.

hondasam

It only happened once, meant nothing, I was really drunk and can't remember much about it.

Jess16

"She's just a friend"














*that I want to have sex with

Da Shins Kelly

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

hondasam

The usual, It's not you It's me.

Cill Dara Abu

Denerick wrote: »

Most invocations of male clichés are an inverted and egregious form of sexism that are ostensibly intended as being playful, but more often than not are part of a vicious campaign of abuse directed by a secret cabal of feminazi's.

There, I said it.

I agree















WTF is he on about??

Temptamperu

Aww baby, why would i want anyone else? :P

holystungun9

good girl Sharon, here's your pantys back.

leggo

Some quality one's here guys, rushed off my feet trying to click thanks to you all. Keep 'em coming this is great!

stupidusername

I really cant imagine myself ever being with anybody else.

Though i've said this too,and it was true

Mint Sauce

hondasam wrote: »

The usual, It's not you It's me.

Never a good idea. Yet we keep using it.

Jess16

"I'll call you" lol

stupidusername

Though in reality has anyone ever heard / said any of these things? Seems like film-based stuff to me

TheZohanS

You're much better looking than your friends...all of them.

Mint Sauce

No I dont hate your mother.

senorwipesalot

Of course I like your mother.

W.Shakes-Beer

Your mother just didn't like me.

Greentopia

"Of course I wasn't eying her up, I only have eyes for you, you know that"

"It'll text ya"

Tar.Aldarion

I've got something for you.

df1985

Drink!
Feck!
Arse!
Girls!

LETHAL LADY

You are the only woman in the world for me.

aaronjumper

"Honey what are you doing home this early?!"

leggo

stupidusername wrote: »

Though in reality has anyone ever heard / said any of these things? Seems like film-based stuff to me

To be fair, the inspiration for this blog is from hearing girls complaining about men so much and the same cheesey lines/excuses coming up over-and-over again. And there's plenty here I've heard many times before.


COUGHandsaidmyselfCOUGH

Mint Sauce

Are you taking the pill?

W.Shakes-Beer

trim that beaver up first please.

LETHAL LADY

I am allergic to johnnys.

gcgirl

Tandey wrote: »

Whose your daddy

Ohn Josef

Richard Hillman

"Sorry, i just blacked out. I dont even remember doing it. I will never hit you again"

Jess16

"I'll do it later" -which basically means a fortnight later and after there's been a row about it

leggo

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I am allergic to johnnys.

Haha yep, that's in there don't worry!

Tar.Aldarion

If it is leggo...



'Thanks'

aaronjumper

I have never seen her before in my life, I swear.

Tonyandthewhale

How about that ole classic;

"Does the internet really need your vacuous little blog you tedious fvck?"

Apologies, am I being passive aggressive again?

up for anything

Thanks to the recession men have been given a new breaking up excuse.

"I like* you too much and I'm moving abroad for work in about 3/6 months so it's better if we finish it now before we get too serious and we both get hurt."






*respect
got what I wanted
have found somebody better
don't want to trot out an over-used cliché
can't think of any other way to get out of this
JEWELLER'S windows on the third date, you must be joking
find you too boring
find you too intense
frankly find you ridiculous
my wife is beginning to suspect something
you're too clingy

3hn2givr7mx1sc

If ya can't lift her, don't shift her.

HazDanz

"Is my sandwich ready?"

Topper Harley

Is heaven missing an angel? Cause you've got nice cans!

Wibbs

leggo wrote: »

"I don't know what I want"
"It's not that I don't love you, it's that I'm not in love with you"[/I]

I'd reckon L more men have heard those lines from the ladies rather than the other way around. Though the lady version of the first one is more likely to be "I'm confused".

Ones a little more male? Dunno... emmm...

"I've never felt like this before" Translation(after ones first love): "I have but forgot about it and little head is taking over".

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen". Translation: "You're the most beautiful woman I've had a shot at in the last year. I've seen better but she stubbed a ciggie out on my hand and called security".

"I don't care about your past". Translation: "Just don't tell me about it. I really don't need to hear it. And yes it will test my ego".

"I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment" Translation: "I'm not looking for a relationship with you, but I'm horny/I'm not looking for a relationship cos I can get my end away for little input on my part. Why buy a book when one can join a library".

"I do alright" Translation: "I've a job".

"Ahh I'm into all sorts of things. I'm finding myself" Translation: "I'm on the dole and smoke the doobie".

"I love women" Translation: "I couldn't get laid as a youth/I'm BSing you/I'm horny and think I'm telling you things you want to hear".

"No, don't fret, you can tell me anything and I'll listen" Translation: "You're lucky you've a nice arse/bewbs/legs/face/are possibly available/yes your boyfriend is a tard".

"Yes dear" Translation: "did a buzzing insect pass by? Back to my telly watching"

"You've a lovely face" Translation: "WTF is going on below the neck?".

"You deserve better" Translation: "christ I hope you buy that/I'm a fcukup, what were you thinking?".

"I love your mother" Translation: "In small fcuking doses/I hope you take after your dad".

"Hello" Translation: "You've a nice arse/bewbs/legs/face/are possibly available/yes your boyfriend is a tard"

"I think women put themselves under too much pressure sexually" Translation: "Let's do the dance with no pants and no you can't have my number. Well you can but it'll be the number of the Colostomy bag support centre".

"I won't judge you" Translation: "Let's do the dance with no pants and no you can't have my number. Well you can but it'll be the number of the Colostomy bag support centre".

df1985 wrote: »

Drink!
Feck!
Arse!
Girls!

Ah here. Compensation please. :mad:

Sinfonia

"Why [was I looking at her]? Um. That girl was wearing pink, and pink draws the eye. That's basic optometry hun, I'm surprised you didn't know that."
~David Spade

8 mins into this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G1ZLNsmXts

In fact there's a few good lines from about 6:50 onwards.

Sinfonia

"I've never met anyone like you" Translation: "I've met loads of people like you, they just never rode me" (So it's technically true, I guess..)