The friend zone!

Waestrel

The worst place for a man to be we can all agree, but what does a man have to do , or not do to get into the dreaded friend zone? Im not asking for advice, as i dont currently find myself in this situation (or have ever) , im just curious as how a man can let himself fall into it. I would guess in a situation where the woman is of higher socail value than the man, so he is afraid to ask her out and instead settles for being close to her by providing a shoulder to cry on, assisting in manly chores and assiduously avoiding the issue of intimacy.

But, it cuts the other way too, I have had female friends who i was happy to be just as friends, who actually developed feelings for me. this is most strange, as I assumed it was easy for a man (even a handsome interesting guy like me ) to get freind zoned. Is it possible that the FZ is more a product of a mans attitude to women rather than being too friendly?

um7y1h83ge06nx

I think slipping into the friend zone happens when you are attracted to a girl but you leave it too late to go for it and make things really happen.

Back in first year of college I got a little burned by really falling for a friend. I should have made a move months before that but I was too shy.

It was a great learner though, I never ended up getting caught in the friend zone when I didn't want to.

tallaghtmick

The person in the friend zone doesnt really let themselves get into that situation the man/woman they fancy put them there by choice.

um7y1h83ge06nx

tallaghtmick wrote: »

The person in the friend zone doesnt really let themselves get into that situation the man/woman they fancy put them there by choice.

Actually that's pretty true, well said.

Although when you are genuinely friends with someone it can be difficult to change the intention of things from being platonic friends to something a little more sexual. Then again, as I said I sort of avoid that these days so I don't have much practical experience.

MitchKoobski

I've fallen into it a couple of times, but have emerged since with at least one best mate instead.

Alopex

Women put men they're not attracted to in the friend zone.

To avoid it she has to fancy you in the first place.

Dravokivich

This "Friend Zone" thing is vastly over hyped by shíte movies and TV shows. Just like that "Nice Guys" thing as well.

Some blokes are just timid, the same can possibly be said for women. That's it as far as I've ever seen.

paulmclaughlin

What's meant for you, won't pass you by.

I find I get FZ'd the odd time but in the end, it's her loss. If someone doesn't appreciate what your relationship could be, they aren't worth trying for that relationship.

Mr. Incognito

tallaghtmick wrote: »

The person in the friend zone doesnt really let themselves get into that situation the man/woman they fancy put them there by choice.

This imo is bollox. Why would you blame someone that is not interested being polite saying "lets be friends"- would you rather they were ignorant and said, ah no- feck off.

If you fancy someone you have two choices, ask them out or be a chicken and put up with this "friend zone" lark. Most girls don't ask a fella out and sometimes they might actually WANT to be asked out by you.

The only rule I have is if I am seeing someone and they say- let's be friends- I say hell no. What is the point of putting yourself through torture just to be polite. If they aren't interested tell them to f off. I have enough friends.

tallaghtmick

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

This imo is bollox. Why would you blame someone that is not interested being polite saying "lets be friends"- would you rather they were ignorant and said, ah no- feck off.

If you fancy someone you have two choices, ask them out or be a chicken and put up with this "friend zone" lark. Most girls don't ask a fella out and sometimes they might actually WANT to be asked out by you.

The only rule I have is if I am seeing someone and they say- let's be friends- I say hell no. What is the point of putting yourself through torture just to be polite. If they aren't interested tell them to f off. I have enough friends.

How is it bollox you just said it yourself if a guy asks a girl out or vice versa and they say no where do they go....the friend zone,one way or the other you will end up n the friend zone.

Malari

tallaghtmick wrote: »

How is it bollox you just said it yourself if a guy asks a girl out or vice versa and they say no where do they go....the friend zone,one way or the other you will end up n the friend zone.

Not necessarily! Presumably if she says no, you often end up in the "no contact" zone.

Larianne

tallaghtmick wrote: »

How is it bollox you just said it yourself if a guy asks a girl out or vice versa and they say no where do they go....the friend zone,one way or the other you will end up n the friend zone.

Or you can just become an acquaintance? Don't hang out with them any more?

If you are friends with someone and then become attracted to them you can't blame said friend for not liking you back.

amacachi

Larianne wrote: »

Or you can just become an acquaintance? Don't hang out with them any more?

If you are friends with someone and then become attracted to them you can't blame said friend for not liking you back.

True, though I think ya can blame them when they start really fcuking taking liberties. :pac:

minidazzler

tallaghtmick wrote: »

The person in the friend zone doesnt really let themselves get into that situation the man/woman they fancy put them there by choice.

I completely disagree, the onus is on the man to not become friends with someone who they are attracted to. Simply be upfront early in the friendship and you shouldn't slip into the friend zone.

tallaghtmick

minidazzler wrote: »

I completely disagree, the onus is on the man to not become friends with someone who they are attracted to. Simply be upfront early in the friendship and you shouldn't slip into the friend zone.

And what if she doesnt fancy him?Its not the stoneage he cant just clobber he over the head and drag her back to his cave.

paulmclaughlin

tallaghtmick wrote: »

And what if she doesnt fancy him?Its not the stoneage he cant just clobber he over the head and drag her back to his cave.

Move on...

I_am_LOST

In my opinion the 'friend zone' crap is a load of bollix. It's not a case of if you don't ask her out in the first week of knowing her you're stuck in the 'friend zone' and can't ask her out after that. It's a load of bollix people make up as an excuse.

My ex and I were good friends before we got together. He should've asked me out from the beginning (or rather I should've asked him out) but it didn't happen. We were both too chicken and ended up being friends. A few years later we get together.

parker kent

Dravokivich wrote: »

This "Friend Zone" thing is vastly over hyped by shíte movies and TV shows. Just like that "Nice Guys" thing as well.

+1 Both of them belong in the bad movies and TV shows they came from.

Snowie

I think it's down to a few things....

I would say when a lonely male starts to share to much of his own life with the girls he's interested in, she clocks it and says I'm going to share my life with him and before you know it your booth sharing your life with each other and boom your in the friends zone... The. The male gets disappointed but the reason why he's their is simple hes running before he walked....

minidazzler

tallaghtmick wrote: »

And what if she doesnt fancy him?Its not the stoneage he cant just clobber he over the head and drag her back to his cave.

Move on, find someone who does, there are 3.6 BILLION women in the world, there are a few thousand that you could potentially happily go out with.

Alopex

minidazzler wrote: »

I completely disagree, the onus is on the man to not become friends with someone who they are attracted to. Simply be upfront early in the friendship and you shouldn't slip into the friend zone.

nail on head

py2006

The friend zone is not nonsense!! It happens all the time!

I became friends with a girl recently and there was a hint of mutal attraction but because I didn't make a move the attraction faded away and it became a friends thing.

It happens.

Pyr0

Friend zone only really happens when one party is not interested in a relationship or anything happening at all with the other.

gargleblaster

It's an ego-massaging excuse, IMO.

It seems to me that what happens is people might have an initial attraction, but then after they get to know each other a little more, one decides they're not interested. The person rejected then might perceive that they've been 'friend-zoned', when really the other person was just never that attracted to them to begin with. It's certainly not just something men are relegated to.

If someone doesn't fancy you that much, you get 'friend-zoned', that's it. Nothing to do with not seizing the moment or getting friendly without making your attraction to the other person obvious. Doing so might result in a date or two before they realized you weren't for them, but the bottom line is there just was never all that much attraction there to begin with.

Alopex

gargleblaster wrote: »

It's an ego-massaging excuse, IMO.

It seems to me that what happens is people might have an initial attraction, but then after they get to know each other a little more, one decides they're not interested. The person rejected then might perceive that they've been 'friend-zoned', when really the other person was just never that attracted to them to begin with. It's certainly not just something men are relegated to.

If someone doesn't fancy you that much, you get 'friend-zoned', that's it. Nothing to do with not seizing the moment or getting friendly without making your attraction to the other person obvious. Doing so might result in a date or two before they realized you weren't for them, but the bottom line is there just was never all that much attraction there to begin with.

very true. I think its more associated with women because they tend to still be interested in being friends with a guy who fancies them. When a girl fancies a guy but its not mutual he isn't bothered continuing the friendship. Plus she is more likely to have other options and moves on.

py2006

gargleblaster wrote: »

It's an ego-massaging excuse, IMO.

It seems to me that what happens is people might have an initial attraction, but then after they get to know each other a little more, one decides they're not interested. The person rejected then might perceive that they've been 'friend-zoned', when really the other person was just never that attracted to them to begin with. It's certainly not just something men are relegated to.

If someone doesn't fancy you that much, you get 'friend-zoned', that's it. Nothing to do with not seizing the moment or getting friendly without making your attraction to the other person obvious. Doing so might result in a date or two before they realized you weren't for them, but the bottom line is there just was never all that much attraction there to begin with.

In fairness, that happens yes, but it is not the situation ALL the time.

dsmythy

The solution is to be ruthless. Tell them your into them that way earlier and harder. If they want to just be friends put them down as just a random contact and find someone who actually wants to be more.

Bloody Nipples

The friend zone is what happens to passive guys who just lurk around the object of their affections hoping to get noticed as a potential partner.

There can be something a little underhanded about a guy who's willing to hang around in the friend zone, as they have ulterior motives towards their friend and can often be the white knight types who hang about waiting to jump to the girl's aid in the event of a crisis occurring.

I realise this doesn't apply to people who were friends first before developing feelings but I find the idea of a guy developing a friendship with a girl while really just wanting to get into her pants a little off-putting because I feel that it's more of a friendship of convenience for the guy, as in he's using it as a means to an end.

I understand that these guys are lacking in confidence to be forthright with their feelings but as a guy whose had to deal with these kinds of guys lurking around previous girlfriends, the don't restrain themselves to single girls but do it to girls in relationships too so they can be in the vicinity if a breakup happens. They can also be very passive-aggressive to guys the girl shows an interest in which is intensely irritating.

Though as mentioned above, girls can also have fairly repugnant attitudes to guys needlessly string them along so they're available as an ego-boost when they're feeling down.

My feeling on the whole thing is that if a guy has feelings for a girl but these aren't reciprocated, then establishing a friendship is going to do more harm than good and only prolong the feelings of rejection a guy has to deal with when rebuffed. Going cold turkey until both people are in a position where they can lay the groundwork for a platonic friendship, is in my eyes, the best way to deal with these situations.

BigDuffman

Hmmm as previous posters have said, the friend zone is waaay too complicated. As the dynamic in a group can change! As when you meet someone initially you or they may be in a relationship so feeling other than pultonic friendship may not be fostered.

If this dynamic changes due to both people becoming single for example, if there is an attraction at some level it may not take much to knock the relationship out of the friends rutt.

Just get some clever maneuvering lined up. Invite a group consisting of trusted conspirer/s out. Add alcohol, get conspirers to phase out and get your casual playful flirt on! Plant the seed (not physically) and see what happens.

Carefull consideration before you try anything above a playfull flirt as nothing ruins a friendship quicker than a drunken advance!

fonecrusher1

How did you get into the friend zone?

Your in the friend zone because you let yourself get there.

Option A - Ask her out, get a knockback. Wanna be friends? No thanks = end of relationship, move on.

Option B - Ask her out, get a knockback. Wanna be friends? Yeah ok:(.... you know fine well you'll hang around for months even years hoping one day she'll finally want to be with you in the same way you want to be with her. Not going to happen im afraid.

Option A ALWAYS! Theres no way in hell i'd hang around a girl like some sort of lapdog for months on end waiting for something thats never going to happen.

Being friendzoned is sh!te but there are loads of other women out there.

entropi

I dont necessarily believe in a "friend zone" myself, as that term to me just smacks of an American-ism people made up from reading too much in to PUA type bullshit material and situations.

I've been guilty of doing some of those actions even up to recent years, but these days the way I see it in my life is simple; there are women You can only see Yourself being friends with, there are women You are attracted to, and there are women You are attracted to, but are either in a relationship, or are developing one with someone else, so You have no choice but to be friends.

Only one of these will apply at any one time.