Going rate for wedding present...

Skuxx

Hey guys,
Heading to a wedding the weekend and just wondering whats the acceptable amount to give for a wedding present?? I was discussing it with a few friends and we reckoned 100 if going alone and 150 for a couple! How does that sound?

byhookorbycrook

Around right as upper limit, I'd say, but depends on what you can afford.

Toots

Loads of threads on this here, if you do a search you'll likely get answers ranging between anything from €50 to €500. These threads can get very heated also! Basically whatever you can afford, don't be putting yourself under pressure.

Kinetic^

We give 200 in the card for every wedding we attend.

justsomebloke

Kinetic^ wrote: »

We give 200 in the card for every wedding we attend.

is it too late to invite you to our wedding Actually if you do turn up on Friday I might have an invite for yous then

edit: forgot to reply to the question. OP there is no going rate and there shouldn't be due to the recession, give what you can afford.

cormac21051983

200 is about the right amount IMO.

clairemc29

I dont think there is a set amount, it does depend on what you can afford. Obviously if the bride and groom are family you will give a bit more or as much as you can. Most people seem to give 100-200 per couple these days. I have just gotten back from a wedding in Italy and we gave less, mainly because the wedding cost us a lot of money to get there etc. Some people will give a lot, and if they have it thats great! I wouldnt feel under pressure to give money that I hadnt got!

POKERKING

we gave €150 to the previous weddings we've been at.

I wouldnt expect €100 from a single person, €50 is sufficient.

The cost of the dinner is what most my friends give which is roughly what i said above.

But only give what you can afford and all that....

Acoshla

Can I ask where people get these sums from? Genuine question, as I'm just interested as to where the figures come from. I understand the concept of covering your meal, so then why would a couple give €200 as an average figure, that's a lot IMO?

I got really lucky today with this, thought we were gonna have to throw €100+ into an envelope for a work colleague that I don't particularly like, the thoughts of giving good money away to them filled me with dread. Then remembered they are moving in together for the first time after the wedding and are quite traditional so a gift would work, picked up a lovely drinks glasses set down from €100 to €50, they'll definitely use it (party people), score!

Laura.Lee

To be honest, I would be mortified giving someone a set of glasses for their wedding present.
Whether people like it or not, money is the preferred gift now whether or not a couple live together.
€150 minimum I think, although we always give €200 as a couple. And I'm not married myself!(yet:D)

LadyTBolt

Laura.Lee wrote: »

To be honest, I would be mortified giving someone a set of glasses for their wedding present.

I disagree.

A nice set of glasses will be a lovely thought especially if the couple are moving in together for the first time.

It doesn't always have to be money. Circumstances vary.

tinkerbell

We'll give €150 to good friends but if it's for really good close friends we will give €200 as well as a small pressie which I know the couple would like.

Acoshla

Laura.Lee wrote: »

To be honest, I would be mortified giving someone a set of glasses for their wedding present.
Whether people like it or not, money is the preferred gift now whether or not a couple live together.
€150 minimum I think, although we always give €200 as a couple. And I'm not married myself!(yet:D)

It's a set of 6 crystal tumblers that I know they will love and use and they will be trying to furnish and fill a new house, I don't see what's wrong with it at all, as long as it's not a toaster or tacky wedding champagne flutes! I put thought and effort into a gift, it's a pity that that's almost frowned upon these days.

Laura.Lee

Acoshla wrote: »

It's a set of 6 crystal tumblers that I know they will love and use and they will be trying to furnish and fill a new house, I don't see what's wrong with it at all, as long as it's not a toaster or tacky wedding champagne flutes! I put thought and effort into a gift, it's a pity that that's almost frowned upon these days.

Sorry, I didn't mean to insult your present.:o

Kinetic^

Acoshla wrote: »

Can I ask where people get these sums from? Genuine question, as I'm just interested as to where the figures come from. I understand the concept of covering your meal, so then why would a couple give €200 as an average figure, that's a lot IMO?

€100/person is what we've always done. It's to cover the price of the dinner and hopefully add something more so they can start a good life together. A really close friend got married recently and we gave €300.

We'd never buy a present either, people's tastes can be very different so we'd prefer to give the couple a choice on what to buy.

Gatica

In my student days wine glasses and photo frames were my standard wedding presents. I've since read in wedding forums how much people hated getting them as they got them in the dozens, and that made me feel a bit embarrassed at the thought.
Nowadays I think it's less common for people to get actual gifts, so there's less fear of them getting lots of glasses. Plus I think if you get a good quality set you know they'd like, then that's only a good thing.
I think a monetary gift should only be something you can afford. I've given 50 when I worked part-time and I've given 100, once I had a better job. When a close family member got married recently though I gave them 250, which I wouldn't normally do, but I wanted to.
Wanting to cover the cost of your meal at the wedding is considerate, but there's no way to know what it cost, so I'd just give what I could. We're looking at venues at the moment and quotes have varied from €49 to €125 a head.
I think people inviting you to their wedding should want you at it enough that they wouldn't count on recouping their cash spent on you, even though it's a nice bonus to make back some some of what they spent.

Moonbeam

what ever you can afford so 50 euro up or a nice present:)
People can be original these days, a voucher for a meal in a local restaurant,baby sitting tokens,make them something,a present once it is not a photoframe that won't match anything else;)

kandr10

I wouldn't necessarily think that a couple should give more. 100 would be more than enough for a couple!

tinkerbell

This whole "covering the cost of dinner" and putting in a bit more is a bit nonsense tbh. All the weddings I have been to their parents have been footing the bill for the wedding, not the couple (something I don't understand in this day and age). You're not giving the present to the parents, so essentially "covering the cost of dinner" would never even come into it.

I'd be more inclined to try to cover the dinner cost plus a bit extra if I knew the couple were paying for it themselves, but not if it is their parents covering it.

Laura.Lee

tinkerbell wrote: »

This whole "covering the cost of dinner" and putting in a bit more is a bit nonsense tbh. All the weddings I have been to their parents have been footing the bill for the wedding, not the couple (something I don't understand in this day and age). You're not giving the present to the parents, so essentially "covering the cost of dinner" would never even come into it.

I'd be more inclined to try to cover the dinner cost plus a bit extra if I knew the couple were paying for it themselves, but not if it is their parents covering it.

I don't know where you are from but of the 11 or so weddings I have been to in the last 18 months, the parents have never footed the bill. Realistically, most couples pay for their own weddings now!

prettygurrly

well i've now taken offence to wedding champagne flutes being a tacky present...unless you weren't referring to beautiful cut glass modern champagne flutes! i gave what i would love to get as a present. i love housey things even after living with my boyfriend for years and having accumulated so much stuff, even toasters. in fact kettles would be brill, do you know how long a kettle lasts in drogheda? 2 years if you're lucky, and that's if you like drinking limey tea. 6 months otherwise. so even if i got 10 kettles that's still only 20 years worth...and they're between 20 and 40 euro a pop...I have an attic so i'd happily keep them till they're needed. i also like the idea of restaurant vouchers. i know how infrequently i go out now, cant imagine what it would be like paying off a wedding so a meal out somewhere in my local town would be appreciated.

i think anybody who turns their nose up at any present doesn't know they're born. i know all my friends wouldn't be like that. some people need to grow up. and as for giving a present to cover a meal, biff! you're invited to a meal that is paid for you. the b and g want your company. if they cant afford a sit down meal then do a buffet. some places have them down to 18 euro per head. really some people! there is no way i'd spend more than 100 euro on a present no matter who it is. how about all the other expense of the day such as outfits, transport, hotel rooms, drink, and other miscellaneous things....even 100 euro is pushing it to be honest. when i'm getting married it's to get married not receive money to somehow pay back for my special day.

the only time i would divert from this opinion is if the couple needed money for a honeymoon. i'd happily contribute to that. restaurant vouchers in their hotel if they weren't looking for money for honeymoon would be nice too.

Cellygirl

There's no such thing as a going rate. We got everything from €50 to €400 and were blown away. We paid for our wedding ourselves and had every penny saved before the wedding so we weren't relying on gifts to pay for anything. Anything we received was gratefully received, we couldn't get over how generous people were.

We also got a lot of wrapped gifts and I think there was only one thing that wasn't to my taste. It was lovely now, but I wouldn't have bought it in a shop. Still, we've a big house, so we'll find somewhere for it.

On the glasses thing - we got 38 glasses for our wedding, in sets of six or four....so that's one thing I wouldn't give, not because they're not lovely because all of the ones we got were so pretty and modern, but just becuase the B&G are bound to get loads!

Apart form that though, I'd have no prob giving a bride and groom a wrapped gift, if we found something lovely for them.

Generally we give €100-€150 when we attend a wedding and friends/close family also get some kind of personal gift. For example my best friend got married recently and we gave them a cash gift, champagne and chocolates and I also paid for her veil.

Laura.Lee

prettygurrly wrote: »

well i've now taken offence to wedding champagne flutes being a tacky present...unless you weren't referring to beautiful cut glass modern champagne flutes! i gave what i would love to get as a present. i love housey things even after living with my boyfriend for years and having accumulated so much stuff, even toasters. in fact kettles would be brill, do you know how long a kettle lasts in drogheda? 2 years if you're lucky, and that's if you like drinking limey tea. 6 months otherwise. so even if i got 10 kettles that's still only 20 years worth...and they're between 20 and 40 euro a pop...I have an attic so i'd happily keep them till they're needed. i also like the idea of restaurant vouchers. i know how infrequently i go out now, cant imagine what it would be like paying off a wedding so a meal out somewhere in my local town would be appreciated.

i think anybody who turns their nose up at any present doesn't know they're born. i know all my friends wouldn't be like that. some people need to grow up. and as for giving a present to cover a meal, biff! you're invited to a meal that is paid for you. the b and g want your company. if they cant afford a sit down meal then do a buffet. some places have them down to 18 euro per head. really some people! there is no way i'd spend more than 100 euro on a present no matter who it is. how about all the other expense of the day such as outfits, transport, hotel rooms, drink, and other miscellaneous things....even 100 euro is pushing it to be honest. when i'm getting married it's to get married not receive money to somehow pay back for my special day.

the only time i would divert from this opinion is if the couple needed money for a honeymoon. i'd happily contribute to that. restaurant vouchers in their hotel if they weren't looking for money for honeymoon would be nice too.

To be fair, many people would not want/need 10 kettles. Each to their own though.

prettygurrly

Laura.Lee wrote: »

To be fair, many people would not want/need 10 kettles. Each to their own though.

i think that the point i was trying to make is that every present will eventually get used...i.e. there's no such thing as a waste of a present, even 20 kettles!

Laura.Lee

prettygurrly wrote: »

i think that the point i was trying to make is that every present will eventually get used...i.e. there's no such thing as a waste of a present, even 20 kettles!

But what about peoples personal taste? Are the 10 kettles going to be colour co-ordinated with your kitchen?
For example, my toaster,kettle, tea caddy etc are red to match the blinds and colour scheme in the kitchen. Are the guests going to know this and buy me 10 red kettles?
I think it's really hard to choose something for someone elses home. People have very different tastes.

Toots

One of the guys I work with got married a year or so ago, and as a joke the group of lads from work all bought him a toaster, as in each one bought a separate toaster! He said he nearly died laughing opening them all after the wedding, he got 17 in total! They kept one which toasted a smiley face into the bread and gave the rest to the local charity shop.

naughtysmurf

If the couple were family or close friends, €200, otherwise a bit less.

Slightly off topic, nowadays lots of couples live together before getting married and often have most off the practical stuff, stuff like glasses / ornaments etc aren't wanted generally speaking I would have thought.

I used to know a guy who reckoned wedding invitations should be sent in brown envelopes because it's the very same as getting a bill in the door

In parts of Italy, the tradition is that the bride & groom bring a pillowcase to the reception which is then filled with cash by the guests

We got married on a Saturday, heading on honeymoon the following Monday, hadn't a pot to p!ss in and were well happy to pick up over 1K (punts) on the day

POKERKING

prettygurrly wrote: »

well i've now taken offence to wedding champagne flutes being a tacky present...unless you weren't referring to beautiful cut glass modern champagne flutes! i gave what i would love to get as a present. i love housey things even after living with my boyfriend for years and having accumulated so much stuff, even toasters. in fact kettles would be brill, do you know how long a kettle lasts in drogheda? 2 years if you're lucky, and that's if you like drinking limey tea. 6 months otherwise. so even if i got 10 kettles that's still only 20 years worth...and they're between 20 and 40 euro a pop...I have an attic so i'd happily keep them till they're needed. i also like the idea of restaurant vouchers. i know how infrequently i go out now, cant imagine what it would be like paying off a wedding so a meal out somewhere in my local town would be appreciated.

i think anybody who turns their nose up at any present doesn't know they're born. i know all my friends wouldn't be like that. some people need to grow up. and as for giving a present to cover a meal, biff! you're invited to a meal that is paid for you. the b and g want your company. if they cant afford a sit down meal then do a buffet. some places have them down to 18 euro per head. really some people! there is no way i'd spend more than 100 euro on a present no matter who it is. how about all the other expense of the day such as outfits, transport, hotel rooms, drink, and other miscellaneous things....even 100 euro is pushing it to be honest. when i'm getting married it's to get married not receive money to somehow pay back for my special day.

the only time i would divert from this opinion is if the couple needed money for a honeymoon. i'd happily contribute to that. restaurant vouchers in their hotel if they weren't looking for money for honeymoon would be nice too.

You have completely missed the point of "covering the cost of the dinner", its not because the couple cant afford the dinner or even expect it to be covered, most people getting married(myself excluded) work on the notion that they wont get any presents and if they do(cash or otherwise) its a bonus, the OP was looking for an idea of the going rate of a wedding present, to give the OP an idea it is suggested the cost of the dinner. Nobody turns there noses up at presents but lets be honest people would rather cash as it means they can buy what they like and not what the person giving the present likes.

And your point regarding the kettles is silly, no one wants 10 kettles and no one wants to store them for the next 20 years.

POKERKING

tinkerbell wrote: »

This whole "covering the cost of dinner" and putting in a bit more is a bit nonsense tbh. All the weddings I have been to their parents have been footing the bill for the wedding, not the couple (something I don't understand in this day and age). You're not giving the present to the parents, so essentially "covering the cost of dinner" would never even come into it.

I'd be more inclined to try to cover the dinner cost plus a bit extra if I knew the couple were paying for it themselves, but not if it is their parents covering it.

I have been to lots of weddings in the past few years and lots of my friends/family are getting married in the future and not one of them is being paid for by the parents. Most couples save there backsides off for it or find ways to find the money. Personally i wouldnt let my parents or my OH parents pay for the wedding even if they were millionaires.

Parents paying for weddings ended in the 90's(or even the 80's!).

robinph

alan1990 wrote: »

I was discussing it with a few friends and we reckoned 100 if going alone and 150 for a couple! How does that sound?

I guess that is the fine one has to pay for dareing to go to a wedding single.

Balmed Out

Wow pretty shocked at the replies here.

For someone unemployed I wouldnt expect anything but in general everyone I know would give a standard 100 per person.

For close friends it would be 250 for a couple or 200 plus a small present.

If im groomsman or gf is bridesmaid we give 300 plus a small present.

Maybe that'd change if it was a very cheap venue or something but all the local venues charge 50 - 90 per head for meal add 10 in for wine and 10 for drinks reception. Then theres the band, dj, dresses, rings, cake etc etc.

Giving what I give the chances are they will cover the cost of the wedding just about.

Would hate to be going to a wedding thinking the couple will be forced into poverty over it.

tinkerbell

Well I thought it was the norm nowadays that the bride + groom pay (which I will be doing) however the last few weddings I have been to the parents have been paying for it!

Regarding presents, why would you want 20 kettles - how would you even store them? Unless the couple specifically state house gifts only then I think it is not a wise move to go buying stuff like that or that you know exactly what they want. What you might like may be another person's nightmare.

tfitzgerald

100 to 150 is the most I could afford because you also have the expense of going to the wedding there was a time I loved getting invites to weddings now if I hear of someone I know getting married I pray I don't get invited because I have to scrimp and save for ages to be able to afford to go

phasers

If im groomsman or gf is bridesmaid we give 300 plus a small present.

I cannot believe you have to pay more for the "honour" of being in a friend's wedding.

robinph

If the bride and groom are wanting to make a profit out of the event then it should be properly ticketed and sold on Ticketmaster.

If it is a party to celebrate their wedding day then they should be inviting their nearest and dearest and paying for the full cost of the do themselves. If someone who comes along feels the desire to give them a token cash gift then so much the better, but that is just a bonus.

POKERKING

robinph wrote: »

If the bride and groom are wanting to make a profit out of the event then it should be properly ticketed and sold on Ticketmaster.

If it is a party to celebrate their wedding day then they should be inviting their nearest and dearest and paying for the full cost of the do themselves. If someone who comes along feels the desire to give them a token cash gift then so much the better, but that is just a bonus.

that's pretty much what everyone has said, but the question in the OP is how much would the average token cash gift be? But this question seems to have been lost between everyones off topic rants...

robinph

Well with people talking about "the most I could afford" and the "price of meals are 50-90" then it seems that people are analysing the costs to the bride and groom a bit too much. All of that is irrelevant if your talking about a token gift from you that you can pay without any unpleasant effect on your finances.

John Mason

50e is more then enough

the whole point of giving gift is so the new couple can set up their life together.

if they are already living together, they shouldnt be getting presents or money in first place.

Am sick to death of weddings and being told "we expect 80e min. from each person" Fu.ck off

I already have 5 weddings for 2012, and have been told for that we MUST stay in the hotel on the night of the wedding 260e, it is not acceptable to stay in a BB for 80e and we MUST stay in a different hotel the night before the wedding

SERIOUSLY, some people need to cope the hell on - i have refused to go weddings for less

Gatica

I think most couples nowadays pay for their own wedding. Sometimes parents do chip in, but that's just so they can invite a load of their acquaintances that would expect to be invited to their kids' wedding.
If a couple has a registered gift-list, that does not necessarily mean they wouldn't appreaciate cash instead or even a different present. Just depends on how well you know them I suppose. I know some people created gift registries just to help out guests who'd be stumped for ideas for a gift or who wouldn't feel comfortable giving money. As POKERKING said, you're not giving cash cos you think a couple is expecting to get the money they spent on you back, but because you want to help out, whether it's taking the view that you'll at the very least save them the expense of your presence or that you're just giving them a bit of thoughtful cash that you can afford to give.

Gatica

PS: expecting people to fork out a fortune to stay the night of the wedding is as bad as expecting lavish gifts. I can understand why you'd refuse to go to their wedding then....

Kinetic^

irishbird wrote: »

Am sick to death of weddings and being told "we expect 80e min. from each person" Fu.ck off

I already have 5 weddings for 2012, and have been told for that we MUST stay in the hotel on the night of the wedding 260e, it is not acceptable to stay in a BB for 80e and we MUST stay in a different hotel the night before the wedding

SERIOUSLY, some people need to cope the hell on - i have refused to go weddings for less

I'm with you on this. Telling someone what to give or where to stay, please get lost. The night before too?

catch me if you can

im going to a wedding next week, and im giving 150.
its my best friends wedding next year and im giving her 500 towards her dress as her present.

angeldelight

I think it's really sad that some people approach their wedding as a money making exercise, and seem to lose all sense of reason when it comes to it.

Our hotel is 260ish for the night of our wedding - I told them to only hold ten rooms and actually I know we won't need all of them. People can go home, or stay somewhere cheaper near by. My best friend doesn't work, so if she doesn't give us a present so be it - she'll be there by my side for the day and that's all I want. In fact I've paid for her room in the hotel just so she can stay and not be under any pressure. Why do some seemingly normal people turn nasty when it comes to weddings, which should be the happiest day of their lives???

As for the OP - if it was someone I worked with or didn't know too well I'd give 150 from us as a couple, a good friend a bit more and a very good friend I'd offer to pay for something for them for the day

prettygurrly

angeldelight wrote: »

. Why do some seemingly normal people turn nasty when it comes to weddings, which should be the happiest day of their lives???

that's how I feel. who cares if you get 20 toasters or kettles. as it happens, in drogheda, as i said, i'd be delighted to get that many and since they dont last long it doesnt matter if they dont match the kitchen. why is there so much stress about this? i very much doubt anyone who's half decent is going to note that you only gave 50.

give what you can afford and ignore all this paying for your dinner stuff. some people have obviously forgotten what it's like to live on very little money. to be honest i'd be embarassed at getting huge cash donations from people. i'd feel under pressure to do the same when they got married...

HairMonster

Just to echo what the majority of people have said here - its not what the couple expect to get, but what you want or can afford to give.

Any reasonable couple won't want anyone to give what they can't afford. But if you can afford it, the cost of the meal + wine + a bit extra for themselves is a good guide, and 150-200 for a couple sounds about right.

As to those saying they shouldn't expect anything - they usually don't have expectations, but its just courtesy to want to give a nice gift!

Gifts are often a matter of personal taste and I'm sure no one wants to give a gift that the couple won't like. Its not that they won't appreciate it, but wouldn't you yourself prefer not to give them kettle number 19??

So unless you know something they want or need, money is the best option. Like someone said, most people have their house set up and don't need household items, or if they do they would prefer to have something that fits their house.

paulbok

Haven't seen a wedding threag with as much disagreement (at least no-one is POSTING IN CAPS )

I have to say to me it's the norm to give 150-200 a couple, and a bit more for close friends or if you are in the bridal party.
Last time I went to an afters, I gave 50, but that a long time ago.
I've heard from my friends that have gotten married that the majority of guests do give cash. They have all paid for their own weddings as well.

Having said that, if someone wasn't working they wouldn't be expected to give any king of cash gift, maybe some token actual gift.

bills

I would say the norm is 150 to 200 per couple.
We got married recently & I would say the majority gave approx this amount but we did get a lot more & a lot less from some. We also got presents but they were all quite good. Everybody did get us presents & even got presents from people not invited.
I could not imagine going to a wedding & not giving a present! I do think thats very rude!! It does not have to be expensive but not giving anything is bad form IMO.

Bride2012

tinkerbell wrote: »

This whole "covering the cost of dinner" and putting in a bit more is a bit nonsense tbh. All the weddings I have been to their parents have been footing the bill for the wedding, not the couple (something I don't understand in this day and age). You're not giving the present to the parents, so essentially "covering the cost of dinner" would never even come into it.

I'd be more inclined to try to cover the dinner cost plus a bit extra if I knew the couple were paying for it themselves, but not if it is their parents covering it.

I doubt that this is usually the case, the most recent survey showed that the average Irish wedding costs about 29k and only 1% of weddings were paid for by parents.osts about 29k and only 1% of weddings were paid for by parents.

tinkerbell

Bride2012 wrote: »

I doubt that this is the case, the most recent survey showed that the average Irish wedding costs about 29k and only 1% of weddings were paid for by parents.

What part of my post are you doubting? That the weddings I have been to have had the bill paid by their parents? Because that is real! It may not be what I thought is the norm but the last few weddings I have been to the couple have not paid for the reception. I think this is not the norm but for friends in my circle that is what has happened!

Bride2012

tinkerbell wrote: »

Bride2012 wrote: »

I doubt that this is the case, the most recent survey showed that the average Irish wedding costs about 29k and only 1% of weddings were paid for by parents.

What part of my post are you doubting? That the weddings I have been to have had the bill paid by their parents? Because that is real! It may not be what I thought is the norm but the last few weddings I have been to the couple have not paid for the reception. I think this is not the norm but for friends in my circle that is what has happened!

Sorry, didn't mean offence or to question your post. I meant to write 'I doubt that it is USUALLY the case. I need to start rereading stuff before posting.

Moonbeam

Bride2012 wrote: »

I doubt that this is the case, the most recent survey showed that the average Irish wedding costs about 29k and only 1% of weddings were paid for by parents.

Do you know the source? That sounds very high for the average spend.