smacking children.

Mc Kenzie

Today i was out browsing the shops, needed the loo, as i was washing my hands i heard a wird whale of a sound from the toilet that drowned out some girls chatting. it was a child crying and the next thing i heard was a slap and the cchilds cry again. me and the girl beside me looked at each other, like what the hell.

I know iv prob got a few smacks as child, but i really found this..disturbing...i could still here the childs crying down the hall,

maybe i should have done something.

anyone any thaughts on this.

Paulw

You might be better off posting this in the parenting section.

Personally speaking, I see nothing wrong with a parent smacking their child, as long as it's not physical abuse (more than just a smack).

As you said, you were smacked as a child and I'm sure it did you no harm. In fact, I'd say most over 25 yrs old were probably smacked as a child.

Society is too soft these days.

Mc Kenzie

to be honest in my opinion i think it did more harm than good.

Goldenegg

+1

I got a smack when I was younger if I was acting up. Now I'm not talking beatings just a smack on the back of legs etc. It didn't do my siblings or me anyharm, even though at the time it probably felt like the worst thing in the world.

I don't have any children yet but when I do, I will be raring them as I was. A little smack (as a last resort) if they are bold.

Paulw wrote: »

You might be better off posting this in the parenting section.

Personally speaking, I see nothing wrong with a parent smacking their child, as long as it's not physical abuse (more than just a smack).

As you said, you were smacked as a child and I'm sure it did you no harm. In fact, I'd say most over 25 yrs old were probably smacked as a child.

Society is too soft these days.

FreudianSlippers

Paulw wrote: »

You might be better off posting this in the parenting section.

Agreed. Moved to Parenting.

nesf

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

to be honest in my opinion i think it did more harm than good.

You don't know the context of the situation and as such are not in a good position to judge whether it did more harm than good.*

*Unless you are one of those people who think a slap always does more harm than good, in which case I won't bother wasting my time arguing with you as we'll never agree.

Tayla

My OH was working in a shop one Christmas and a woman smacked her toddler really viciously across the face, he went down to the security guard and they got the incident up on the security camera and phoned the police who did indeed take it very seriously but I don't know if they ever found the person. My OH was very upset to witness it.

CathyMoran

Personally I feel that it is never right to hit a child - I have two children under 17 months of age and will never hit them. Our eldest does throw temper tamtrums at the age he is but we just put him im a safe place to work through it himself. OP, I would have reported the parent.

RustyNut

Don't mean to be flipant but for me it's a case of monkey see monkey do, so what you are teaching your kids by using physical force is the way to deal with issues is with force rather than reason,but each to their own.

CrazyRabbit

Smacking should be a very last resort. However, for many parents it is the only discipline that they use and it's therefore abuse.

Which is better? A child that only acts good whenever a parent is around due to a fear of punishment, or a child that has the self discipline not to misbehave even when there is no parent/adult around? That's what makes smacking self defeating...as the child becomes a teen, that fear which kept them in line when younger, is diminished.

emo72

RustyNut wrote: »

Don't mean to be flipant but for me it's a case of monkey see monkey do, so what you are teaching your kids by using physical force is the way to deal with issues is with force rather than reason,but each to their own.

How do you reason with a toddler? I don't think they have a concept of reason.
Smacking is harmless. Abuse is a different thing altogether.

stovelid

It's important to distinguish between witnessing an assault against a child and a parent using light smacking.

The latter is - frankly - none of your business; the former requires at the least an adult intervention.

Nanazolie

stovelid wrote: »

It's important to distinguish between witnessing an assault against a child and a parent using light smacking.

The latter is - frankly - none of your business; the former requires at the least an adult intervention.

Agree. I don't hit my children and hope I'll never loose my wit and do it. Because let's be honest, smacking is always an adult losing their cool. I find it disturbing when I witness it, because obviously you teach your children not to hit others but you allow yourself to hit them, something is wrong there. I too got a few slaps as a child, and while they didn't hurt as such, they didn't teach me anything else that if you do something naughty, it's best to lie. I don't want to teach my children that violence is an educational tool, or that it's okay for an adult to hit someone who is half their size.

But the way people raise their children is their choice and none of my business. I would of course report some abuse and a child being beaten, but not a slap or a smack. And the above is my view on education, like the way I dress or feed my kids. I don't want anyone to interfere with that so I don't do it to other parents

RustyNut

emo72 wrote: »

How do you reason with a toddler? I don't think they have a concept of reason.
Smacking is harmless. Abuse is a different thing altogether.

As a toddler we praised good behaviour and generally either ignored bad behaviour or removed them from the situation that led to it, unless it was dangerous when a stern talking to worked and as they get older explaining why a behaviour was not acceptable worked, but that's just what worked for us.

Nanazolie

emo72 wrote: »

How do you reason with a toddler? I don't think they have a concept of reason.

It's what I thought before having kids. In fact, babies realize from very early on what pleases their parents and what doesn't. So, say an 8 months baby keeps touching something you don't want them to touch, you repeat "no" firmly, remove the object from their reach, etc... They'll very quickly get it. I guess people have different opinions on what's good or not, so for instance some people won't mind if their child plays with the cat's food while others will teach the child not to do so.
An 18 months old might not understand why you don't want them to go on the road, but they will know that they are not allowed to. A young child will not stay on the bold step, so my way is to remove whatever they are playing with. When my son (18 months) throws things in a temper, I take his snuggy away. At first, he would just cry but after a few times he understood the connection between his acts and my reaction and will now pick up the objects, hand them back to me and ask for his snuggy back

It's actually quite a funny experiment: in a room full of toddlers, say "hin hin" in a loud and cross tone. Watch them all stop whatever they are doing and turn to you with a guilty look on their face

JDD

I agree with the above posters, there's a difference between abuse and an occasional smack. Usually people only witness it when they're out in public, and usually a parent will only resort to a smack while out in public because you can't send a child to "time out" in a supermarket/city street, and the option of going home straight away is not always available.

I was smacked as a child, and honestly I can only remember two occasions when it happened and one where I was in fear of it happening. I never hit another child, nor have I hit anyone as an adult. It didn't teach me anything negative. The benefit of it I suppose was that the threat of being smacked was enough to teach me to behave, and it was an immediate consequence, rather than "you'll have no dessert/no television/no toys when you get home". A consequence that was more than an hour away never even registered in my mind.

Having said that, I am now pregnant with my first and will not employ smacking as a disciplinary measure if I can at all avoid it. The "time out" method does seem to be more effective and I do think our generation have more tools at their disposal than our parents' generation did. We are also, in general, older and therefore should have a little more patience. I won't judge someone who does smack a child who is clearly misbehaving, I know how frustrating a screaming child can get and it is sometimes used as a last resort.

Abuse is clearly a different matter, and I would hope that I would be able to notice the difference. I have to say I would be against a parent repeatedly smacking a child, smacking a child older than five, or someone who smacks them on the head/face. That would lead me to believe that the smacking is used far more than just as a last resort and would show that the parent is having parenting difficulties. In those cases I would have no problem making a comment or reporting them.

kelle

Threads like this make villains of parents from 70s and 80s - when there was no Supernanny to teach alternatives. All my friends and I were smacked as children, yet we aren't vicious and none of us hit others children. We have grown up into law-abiding adults - and we never smack our children.

However, I'm pleased corporal punishment was abolished from schools. Teachers only carried it out on the weaker or the shy children - never the disruptive or nasty ones. It didn't force knowledge into the heads of those that just needed a better explanation, nor did it teach confidence to those that were afraid to speak in front of others. Humiliation was the order of the day, I still shudder at the memories.

Nanazolie

kelle wrote: »

Threads like this make villains of parents from 70s and 80s - when there was no Supernanny to teach alternatives. All my friends and I were smacked as children, yet we aren't vicious and none of us hit others children. We have grown up into law-abiding adults - and we never smack our children.

However, I'm pleased corporal punishment was abolished from schools. Teachers only carried it out on the weaker or the shy children - never the disruptive or nasty ones. It didn't force knowledge into the heads of those that just needed a better explanation, nor did it teach confidence to those that were afraid to speak in front of others. Humiliation was the order of the day, I still shudder at the memories.

Not necessarely so. My parents were very good parents IMO, yet on a few occasions they just lost their cool because - let's admit it - I was sometimes a real handful. But what I got from that experience (personal, everyone has different circumstances and background) is that if I knew I had done something stupid and I'd risk a smack, I would just deny it. Not that it worked much :P That didn't stop me from doing anything in the first place. What did, however, was when my parents explained the why and how...

My husband was never smacked in his life, yet we were born the same year and he had 3 brothers and sisters who never got smacked either. So it shows that even then, some parents managed without it.

And.... I don't have TV, and never got into Super Nanny or any parenting book. In fact, the only one I read was Gina Ford, which I didn't like or could relate to. The real reason why I decided not to smack (if possible) my kids is that once, my first child escaped on a busy car park and out of fright I gave her a smack on her bum. It felt so wrong, because I'm nearly 6 foot tall and she was only small, I thought "hang on, what will she learn from this?". Decided it wouldn't teach her anything and I want to be respected, not feared.

jackie1974

I dont judge a parent that uses smacking as a form of discipline and I certainly wouldn't want it to be made an offense to smack but it's not for me. I have smacked my oldest, shes 18 now, when she was small but felt guilty which then led me to be more lenient the next time she misbehaved so the discipline was inconsistent. I had to find ways to discipline that didnt make me feel guilty. Also I feel that smacking can become habitual and escalate as the child grows. I mean if you give an eight year old a smack on the ass they'll laugh at you so must you hurt them ?

stovelid

kelle wrote: »

Threads like this make villains of parents from 70s and 80s - when there was no Supernanny to teach alternatives. All my friends and I were smacked as children, yet we aren't vicious and none of us hit others children. We have grown up into law-abiding adults - and we never smack our children.

My mum sometimes expresses guilt for smacking us although we all turned out fine as it seemed like much the norm. When I was a kid, it seemed that the same censure and judgment that exists today re: smacking existed for parents that spared the rod.

I have lightly smacked my (very strong willed) boy (and privately anguished about afterwards it like most) but quite rarely as timeout and explanation works in most cases. I'm hopeful that as he gets older, I'll have more strategies to use as well, such as withholding treats, trips, toys etc.

Akrasia

emo72 wrote: »

RustyNut wrote: »

Don't mean to be flipant but for me it's a case of monkey see monkey do, so what you are teaching your kids by using physical force is the way to deal with issues is with force rather than reason,but each to their own.

How do you reason with a toddler? I don't think they have a concept of reason.
Smacking is harmless. Abuse is a different thing altogether.

A child too young to understand reason is certainly too young to understand why mammy or daddy is deliberately hurting him. I have a 2 year old. if he cats up at home or in public the very last thing i would do is hit him. He's a very well behaved child who has never been treated with anything resembling violence.

emo72

emo72 wrote: »

How do you reason with a toddler? I don't think they have a concept of reason.
Smacking is harmless. Abuse is a different thing altogether.

I find this post quite disturbing. You are on the one hand saying that a toddler wouldn't understand basic reasoning. And yet you think it's ok to smack them? I am actually kind of dumbfounded by this logic.

Toddlers don't understand, so smack them? that'll learn 'em?

That, in my head, makes zero sense.

emo72

Deleted User wrote: »

I find this post quite disturbing. You are on the one hand saying that a toddler wouldn't understand basic reasoning. And yet you think it's ok to smack them? I am actually kind of dumbfounded by this logic.

Toddlers don't understand, so smack them? that'll learn 'em?

That, in my head, makes zero sense.

its not really disturbing is it? thankfully i think i only smacked my kid once. never had to do it again. my kid probably thought he was getting murdered but i know it was a light slap.

anyway he learned a lesson cos i never had to slap him again. hopefully it stays that way. he was caught doing something wrong a couple of times, he was warned verbally, didnt respond, 3 or 4 years old. when he was caught again smack on the bum and problem solved.

i suppose as a parent you do what you think is right.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

That, in my head, makes zero sense.

In your head, and in many others.

But you might as well try to plait the rain as explain it to the people who think hitting a child makes sense.

Adults slap children because they can, and for no other good reason.

emo72

Deleted User wrote: »

Adults slap children because they can, and for no other good reason.

is that line really true? ".....slap children because they can...."

if that was the case wouldnt i be doing it all the time? because i can?

stovelid

Deleted User wrote: »

Adults slap children because they can, and for no other good reason.

Horseshit.

emo72

emo72 wrote: »

is that line really true?

Yes. It's nothing but the truth - although perhaps it's not the whole truth. Throw in a dash of impatience and a spoonful of insecurity, and you're getting closer to the whole truth.

emo72

Deleted User wrote: »

Yes. It's nothing but the truth - although perhaps it's not the whole truth. Throw in a dash of impatience and a spoonful of insecurity, and you're getting closer to the whole truth.

and maybe a tad holier than thou for yourself?:p

emo72

emo72 wrote: »

and maybe a tad holier than thou for yourself?:p

But only a tad.

People have very different (and somewhat entrenched) views about this, and the debate isn't helped by the fact that it's somehow not socially acceptable to criticise others for their parenting. In my view, it would be helpful if we could get to a point where it was just as socially unacceptable to hit your children, but I suspect that's some way off.

I'm an average parent, and I'm not a patient man. All the same, I simply don't buy any of the arguments people make for slapping children. I'm sure the arguments make sense to the people making them, but they don't make any sense to me, and IMO they don't stand up to anything approaching rigorous scrutiny.

RedXIV

Deleted User wrote: »

But only a tad.

People have very different (and somewhat entrenched) views about this, and the debate isn't helped by the fact that it's somehow not socially acceptable to criticise others for their parenting. In my view, it would be helpful if we could get to a point where it was just as socially unacceptable to hit your children, but I suspect that's some way off.

I'm an average parent, and I'm not a patient man. All the same, I simply don't buy any of the arguments people make for slapping children. I'm sure the arguments make sense to the people making them, but they don't make any sense to me, and IMO they don't stand up to anything approaching rigorous scrutiny.

Really? There was one here a little while ago about a grandmother who slapped a childs hand away as he went to reach at a hot stove. Is that wrong? If the child can't understand the obvious danger of placing a hand on red hot metal but understands the threat of a smack if he tries, is that not preferable?

I remember my little sister being fascinated by the fire when we were kids and used to try to get at it constantly until she got a smack one day for trying. Reasoning hadn't worked there but a smack did. Is that wrong?

Nanazolie

RedXIV, obviously, for the child's safety it's best to get a slap on the hand than third degree burns. We had another approach here because like all the kids, ours were fascinated by the oven and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. So I turned on the oven, waited until it was hot enough but not so hot as to burn, I touched it, saying "hot, hot, it burns, ouch ouch!", and started crying (for real). It worked for both my kids, the now 3 years old and the 18 months old, they never touch the oven. I understand that it might not work for all kids, however

greengirl31

I am not a believer in smacking children and I've always said it's not an effective form of discipline and that it teaches the child nothing ... However, the over the last few weeks there has been issues at bedtime in our house - as soon as its mentioned. my normally very good 3.5yr old starts kicking off - Big Time. I've done the reward chards, Naughty Corner, ignoring bad behaviour all the usual reasonable parenting things. The other night though, it was taken to a new level... as I led her to the naughty step she was hitting me !!! I told her to stop cause she was hurting me. She ran away from the naughty corner as soon as my back was turned and went to Hide - thinking that this "game" was Hilarious. Anyway, on the 5th trip back to the corner, she got a smack on her hand !!! She got such a shock and the guilt struck me at the same time. Now I realise that I'm the adult and when a parent resorts to slapping that it's more from frustration than anything else. I will admit that that wasn't my finest parenting moment and will also admit to being judgemental about others slapping their children - yet now I understand why. It's not something I plan to repeat but at that time I just didn't know what else to do ...

KingIsabella

I wouldn't like to witness it, but i know it didn't do me any harm. There's a fine fine line between abuse and light smacking. There's too much bull attached to everything these days. The slightest thing anyone does will be critised by SOMEONE who has a problem with it and there's so much hype attached to what you can and can't do and the repurcussions if someone else doesnt agree with you, but personally, i dont think ill smack when i have children, but i do know it definitly didn't do me any harm. Again a fine line between abuse and light smacking.


I remember for a few weeks my mother once resorted to non stop tickling me instead of light smacks when i was out of order.......worst few weeks of my life. I remember those weeks more than any light smack. Horrible horrible tactic...

....well played mother....

Mc Kenzie

nesf wrote: »

You don't know the context of the situation and as such are not in a good position to judge whether it did more harm than good.*

*Unless you are one of those people who think a slap always does more harm than good, in which case I won't bother wasting my time arguing with you as we'll never agree.

actually im just saying from my experience, i think it did, so i do really think im in a position to give an opinion about myself!!!:rolleyes:

RedXIV

RedXIV wrote: »

Really? There was one here a little while ago about a grandmother who slapped a childs hand away as he went to reach at a hot stove. Is that wrong?

Yes. If you have time to reach out to slap a child's hand, you have time to reach out to catch his arm. The "safety" argument doesn't wash.

RedXIV wrote: »

If the child can't understand the obvious danger of placing a hand on red hot metal but understands the threat of a smack if he tries, is that not preferable?

No, it's not preferable, because those aren't the logical choices. Remember that our objective should be to teach the child to avoid the danger of the hot metal - not to make the child fearful of a slap from an adult.

RedXIV wrote: »

I remember my little sister being fascinated by the fire when we were kids and used to try to get at it constantly until she got a smack one day for trying. Reasoning hadn't worked there but a smack did. Is that wrong?

Yes, it's wrong, because once again those aren't the logical choices.


Sorry, but this is blindingly simple stuff. Hitting a child gets immediate short-term results, but the long-term effects are often negative and damaging. Hitting a child is almost always the result of short-term and over-emotional reaction on the part of the adult doing the hitting. In fact, if we were being honest, we wouldn't say that we hit children because we can't reason with them - we'd say we hit children because we haven't the patience to reason with ourselves.

And though we don't like to admit it, one of the reasons we have trouble managing our own emotional over-reaction and our anger is that we were hit as children. I wonder how many people who slap their children were slapped by their parents? And how many weren't?

RedXIV

Deleted User wrote: »

Hitting a child gets immediate short-term results, but the long-term effects are often negative and damaging.

You'll have to forgive me here but as a child who received, well deserved, smacks as a child, I'd have to disagree that that I've negative and damaging long-term effects. Its probably one of those "we'll agree to disagree" moments

Deleted User wrote: »

And though we don't like to admit it, one of the reasons we have trouble managing our own emotional over-reaction and our anger is that we were hit as children. I wonder how many people who slap their children were slapped by their parents? And how many weren't?

I have a memory of this when I was in school where a religion teacher asked how many of us were smacked as a child, rather interestingly, the over achievers and respectful children raised their hands bar one, and the disruptive students didn't. That always stuck with me even if its too small a sample size (25-27 maybe?)

I've had this argument several times, and while I can usually agree to disagree with people's parenting style, I do tend to get stubborn when people start criticising my parents who in my mind provided me with a fantastic childhood even if I did receive a few smacks.

Nanazolie

RedXIV wrote: »

I've had this argument several times, and while I can usually agree to disagree with people's parenting style, I do tend to get stubborn when people start criticising my parents who in my mind provided me with a fantastic childhood even if I did receive a few smacks.

As I said before, my parents, who gave us a few smacks were very good parents IMO. So were my parents in law who raised their 4 kids without a smack. There is a widespread opinion that kids who are not smacked are not disciplined at all. But you can find plenty of counter examples, kids who are very well behaved and never receive a smack or others who receive more than they actually deserve and grow up into untamed adults. As it stands, my kids, 18 months and 3.5 years are very polite and although mischevious at times and testy, they are good kids and no one ever complained about them.
Smacking doesn't really teach something, unless you follow up with an explanation. But in most cases, a parent gives a smack because they are at the end of their teether and a 10000th explanation just seems useless. A child will need to be repeated the same things many times over, so if you expect the child to do something (or stop doing something) after just a few times, you will eventually loose your patience.

In fairness, there are many, many times when I think it would just be easier to give a smack than repeating for the Xth time the same thing. Or times when I am so exhausted I want to leave the kids at home and close the door behind me. Or some kids I see on the street and think "they really deserve a good bashing to teach them" (incidentally, a lot of adults too, but they are much bigger than me ).
I'm very lucky that my husband takes over when he sees I am on the verge of loosing it. Or that my kids are at the creche and they learn an awful lot about good manners and social life there. I think that if I had them 24/7 it might change my opinion, and I certainly don't judge people for smacking because I don't know their personal circumstances.

RedXIV

RedXIV wrote: »

You'll have to forgive me here but as a child who received, well deserved, smacks as a child, I'd have to disagree that that I've negative and damaging long-term effects. Its probably one of those "we'll agree to disagree" moments

I'll tell you what. If you can prove to me beyond reasonable doubt that you're a better, more well-adjusted and happier person than you would have been if your parents had disciplined you instead of hitting you, fair enough. Otherwise, I'll just have to "agree to disagree" with your wrong viewpoint.

RedXIV wrote: »

I do tend to get stubborn when people start criticising my parents who in my mind provided me with a fantastic childhood even if I did receive a few smacks.

I wouldn't criticise them - I've never met them. It's just tempting to wonder if they could have provided you with a better childhood by not slapping you.

Nanazolie

Nanazolie wrote: »

(incidentally, a lot of adults too, but they are much bigger than me ).

Now there's a thought.

One of my female relations is dreadful for texting or calling on her mobile and not watching where she's walking. Several times, we've had to physically stop her from walking on to the road while doing this. All of us have argued with her about this, some of us several times. I've said this to her at least 2 or 3 times since Christmas. But she carries on blithely and just won't listen to reason from any of us.

Would it help if one of the lads - say me, or perhaps her husband - gave her a slap?

Groinshot

I'm under 25, and was smacked as a child, but never beaten. If I was told not to do something, and I did it, I was given out to. If I'm told I'm grounded, what happens if I refuse to do that too? I remember sneaking out when I was grounded, for being a litle ******, and getting a smack for it, and I'll tell you I never did it again. I was also never in a fight in school, and am not a violent person...

RedXIV

Deleted User wrote: »

I'll tell you what. If you can prove to me beyond reasonable doubt that you're a better, more well-adjusted and happier person than you would have been if your parents had disciplined you instead of hitting you, fair enough. Otherwise, I'll just have to "agree to disagree" with your wrong viewpoint.

Touché!

Deleted User wrote: »

I wouldn't criticise them - I've never met them. It's just tempting to wonder if they could have provided you with a better childhood by not slapping you.

Could be the rose tinted glasses here but I'd say no

Deleted User wrote: »

Now there's a thought.

One of my female relations is dreadful for texting or calling on her mobile and not watching where she's walking. Several times, we've had to physically stop her from walking on to the road while doing this. All of us have argued with her about this, some of us several times. I've said this to her at least 2 or 3 times since Christmas. But she carries on blithely and just won't listen to reason from any of us.

Would it help if one of the lads - say me, or perhaps her husband - gave her a slap?

See now this is interesting. Lets take for example a person who texts and drives. She does this all time, regardless of the fact people are pulling her up on it and the awareness campaign is everywhere. Do you think after a car crash she might get the message?

I know someone who did this and from my (possibly warped) point of view, the physical chastisement is what worked.

Similarly, if your relation walks into a pole or similar do you not think she will learn from it? Its one thing for someone to tell you not to do something but when you suffer the consequences, surely thats the strongest lesson?

Ayla

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

...i heard a wird whale of a sound from the toilet that drowned out some girls chatting. it was a child crying and the next thing i heard was a slap and the cchilds cry again...i could still here the childs crying down the hall.

Let's go back to the OP. Whatever caused the parent/guardian to be so irked that they pulled the child into a public bathroom stall then hit the kid must've been pretty bad. This was not a case of the parent being afraid (ie: pulling the child away from a busy road or a hot burner). This situation was so bad that the adult took the time to remove the child from public view (but not public hearing) and hit them there. And considering the OP doesn't refer to any adult screaming, it's hard to imagine there was a verbal lesson being learned by the child.

We don't know how old the child was, or what the situation was. But if I was the OP I would have been sickened to leave the bathroom without making sure the kid was ok. I probably would've taken a *really* long time to wash my hands or arrange my bags so that I could wait until they come out from the stall, just to make sure the kid was alright. For all we know, maybe the adult was a regular hitter, or maybe they were a complete stranger to the child & were actually attacking the child under the guise of being a repremanding parent. We don't know, but the child's safety would be my only concern.

I know for a fact that if my parents were ever that mad at me & my siblings we would get "the look" which would freeze us dead in our tracks. We then dreaded the long drive home, fearing what would happen when we got there. Once home I remember some all-out screaming matches, but usually what happened was a subdued disappointment (aahhh, not that! I'd rather be yelled at then be disappointing! ) My parents kept a 1x1" timber behind the kitchen sink faucet, though, just to keep the fear of God in us, and I think in all our years it only moved a couple times.

JDD wrote: »

...I have to say I would be against a parent...smacking a child older than five...

So, sorry, but are you saying that you'd be ok with a parent smacking a toddler, but not a child who has reached the age when they can mentally comprehend and rationalise why the person they love & trust more than anyone else has hurt them?

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

So, sorry, but are you saying that you'd be ok with a parent smacking a toddler, but not a child who has reached the age when they can mentally comprehend and rationalise why the person they love & trust more than anyone else has hurt them?

A lot of 5 year olds can be reasoned with yet a toddler cant be reasoned with.


Going back to my 5 year old self, i was terrified to do something wrong in case my dad would smack me, so then i was a good girl (did nothing bold), did i love him at 5? NO, did i trust him at 5? YES, Did i respect him? YES Always! Do i love him now YES

I see far too many kids these days with no respect, this is down to lack of discipline/smacking (not beating a child, but a simple smack) the naughty step is nothing its not punishment its a time out time to think hey i can do this again and i will only have to sit here for a few mins, to me that sounds more like prison where a person thinks, i can murder this guy cause i dont like him and ill be out of prison in 5 years..... its just a little time out...... or they can think i will go steel from this house and if i get caught i will only have a max of 1 year in prison, its only a little time out!


Perhaps if some of those rioters in the uk were given a good boot up the bum they would have more respect for their neighbours and their community.

Magic Beans

I can see the merits of both sides of the smacking divide. Whatever you decide to do make sure you don't stray into harshness. I was beaten as a child and it has left a mark that has never gone away. To this day an unquenchable anger burns within me. I control it 99.99% of the time but there are times when I have reacted to situations much much more angrily than I should have. I regret it within seconds but it is too late then, somebody has usually been hurt. Don't do this to your children whatever you do.

EvesBlogg

dont think there is anything wrong with it, it should be a persons own choice. it is not ideal but in some circumstances i think its ok...constant beating, abusive hitting, and smacking a child for silly things isnt

RustyNut

grindelwald wrote: »

A lot of 5 year olds can be reasoned with yet a toddler cant be reasoned with.


Going back to my 5 year old self, i was terrified to do something wrong in case my dad would smack me, so then i was a good girl (did nothing bold), did i love him at 5? NO, did i trust him at 5? YES, Did i respect him? YES Always! Do i love him now YES

I see far too many kids these days with no respect, this is down to lack of discipline/smacking (not beating a child, but a simple smack) the naughty step is nothing its not punishment its a time out time to think hey i can do this again and i will only have to sit here for a few mins, to me that sounds more like prison where a person thinks, i can murder this guy cause i dont like him and ill be out of prison in 5 years..... its just a little time out...... or they can think i will go steel from this house and if i get caught i will only have a max of 1 year in prison, its only a little time out!


Perhaps if some of those rioters in the uk were given a good boot up the bum they would have more respect for their neighbours and their community.

That's right sure isn't mount joy full of people who were hugged cuddled and talked to too much. They needed a little respect beaten in to them, or maby.....

emo72

RustyNut wrote: »

That's right sure isn't mount joy full of people who were hugged cuddled and talked to too much. They needed a little respect slapped in to them, or maby.....

i think we get your point now, or maybe......:D

nesf

RustyNut, I just had to delete five posts of your's. Please don't do something like that again on here.

Da Shins Kelly

It depends on the situation. I don't think it is the first option for most parents, but there are some situations in which it is necessary, I think. For example, if a child repeatedly tries to put its hand on a hot iron, and won't listen to you when you ask them to stop, I think a smack on the hand is necessary. I was smacked occasionally as a child. It did me no harm, and I'm not a physically aggressive adult now as a result. Again, I would see it as a very last resort, and I think sometimes people are far too soft. There are some people who regard raising your voice to a child as too harsh. If smacking them is giving kids the wrong impression which may be bad for them in future, I think being too soft on them is also giving the wrong impression. At the end of the day, you cannot let your child walk all over you either, and I think people baby their children for far too long and wrap them up in cotton wool. I think that treatment is doing your child a greater disservice.

RustyNut

nesf wrote: »

RustyNut, I just had to delete five posts of your's. Please don't do something like that again on here.

Sorry iv no idea what happened.

CathyMoran

My mother hit me because she was in a bad mood which was a lot of the time. I find the idea of hitting a child horrific - there are other ways of encouraging good behavour in even young children.