Is my neighbour allowed to shout at my kids?

cork_buoy

My kids were out playing with their friends today. My neighbours child got upset because he couldn't play with a toy gun because someone else had it. He ran into his house crying. What do you expect from a few kids playing with toys.

On hearing the crying the boys father ran out and confronted my eldest son, 9 years old, who was close by but who had nothing at all to do with the reason for his son's upset. He screamed at my son "what did you do? tell me f**k happened!!!!" and went on "tell me the truth!!!". He was squared up to him fully.

Our son was terrified and my partner who was outside cutting the grass saw this happening. She walked over to confront the neighbour and demanded that he stop shouting at our son. He was quite agressive and replied to my partner "he wont tell me, he wont tell me what happened". Our son couldn't tell him anything because he never gave him the chance. The neighbour eventually stopped shouting and walked away. My son ran in home and was terrified to go back outside.

I got a call at work, my partner shaking on the phone telling me what had gone on. I was furious but at the same time I was trying to focus on staying calm and thinking about the best resolution - as stress free for our family. I hate confrontation but there's a line you don't cross and I think something needs to be done. I spoke to my son from work and reassured him that I would talk to the neighbour and sort it out - and that he did nothing wrong and had nothing to worry about. He went back out to play with his friends.

I would like my neighbour to apologise to my son to put his mind at ease. He has asbergers and has some confidence issues around other kids. This incident has shook him. He seems uncomfortable out the front. I think if he sees that the neighbour was wrong and is sorry for his behaviour it would help a lot.

If this course of action fails I was wondering what I should do next. I've thought about making a complaint at the garda station just to record the incident in case of future incidence.

Thanks in advance for your help.

P.S. I hope this is the correct forum for this post.

audi a4 2008

hey there,that is just dreadfull what he done to ure son just disgusting and that man is a bully,if i was u i would go in and demand that he say sorry to ure son also i would report this to gardai and then its on file.also u need to take ure son out playing in the green 2morrow and show him theres no need to b afraid and get him to try and forget it .take care i hope it works out for ure family.

jetsonx

cork_buoy wrote: »

I've thought about making a complaint at the garda station just to record the incident in case of future incidence.

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

Zambia

I don't see this as a police matter. No crime has been commited really.

You are just going to have to talk to your neighbour.

I reckon this is more for the parenting forum. Crap scenario best of luck.

Bloody Nipples

jetsonx wrote: »

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

Are you for real?

To the OP, I don't think there's any laws to cover raising your voice and being angry so while losing the plot at a kid with Asperger's places yer man firmly in ásshole territory, it's not something the guards could get involved in unless he was being threatening. A quiet word in his ear is really your only bet.

cork_buoy

jetsonx wrote: »

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

You're entitled to your opinion as much as the next guy so here's my thoughts on your comments. He's 9 years old and did nothing at all wrong. I feel that the neighbours reaction was excessive. Teaching our kids what is acceptable behaviour vs what is not is very much a large part of parenting. See London Riots. Allowing my son to believe that this neighbours behaviour is in any way acceptable would be bad parenting.

I'm was contemplating recording the incident. I have no intention to pursue the matter any further.

cork_buoy

Zambia wrote: »

I don't see this as a police matter. No crime has been commited really.

You are just going to have to talk to your neighbour.

I reckon this is more for the parenting forum. Crap scenario best of luck.

Thanks for feedback.

I didn't spot the parenting forum. Mod?

noodler

jetsonx wrote: »

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

Idiot? Are you for real?

I have no kids OP, but I do have a little brother. Bit of a hellraiser even when he was 9 but if an elderly man on our road squared up to him over something this ridiculous I'd have had serious words with him.

I agree a Gardai call is OTT but words need to be had with the neighbour IMO.

cork_buoy

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

Are you for real?

To the OP, I don't think there's any laws to cover raising your voice and being angry so while losing the plot at a kid with Asperger's places yer man firmly in ásshole territory, it's not something the guards could get involved in unless he was being threatening. A quiet word in his ear is really your only bet.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm thinking the same. I never had a run in with my neighbours before. We're only living here two years.

cork_buoy

noodler wrote: »

Idiot? Are you for real?

I have no kids OP, but I do have a little brother. Bit of a hellraiser even when he was 9 but if an elderly man on our road squared up to him over something this ridiculous I'd have had serious words with him.

I agree a Gardai call is OTT but words need to be had with the neighbour IMO.

Thank you for the feedback. Ideally he'll apologies about loosing the head and we'll move on - case closed.

jetsonx

cork_buoy wrote: »

I'm was contemplating recording the incident. I have no intention to pursue the matter any further.

Before you made your edit cork_buoy you wanted to record the incident.
Now all of a sudden (after the edit), you're "contemplating" recording the incident. Make up your mind.

Either way, maybe you just don't have enough life experience or cop-on to realise that harsh rebukes from neighbors to their neighbors kids happen across the land everyday and probably in every country in the world.

I can understand if you are annoyed. I would be annoyed. But, if you really wanted to teach your kid a lesson why not approach your neighbor, like a man, and have a few quite words with him, instead of wasting police time.

newmug

jetsonx wrote: »

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

Bloody hell! The OP wasnt even there, how can you call him the neighbourhood busybody and an idiot? How would you like it if it was your child? Do you seriously believe that the OP is an idiot over a grown man who verbally abuses minors?

OP, in a best case scenario, you could do this tosspot for tresspassing, public disorder, threatening and abusive behaviour, and abuse of a minor. In reality though, that would be an expensive, messy, drawn-out process which would not culminate in anything only a scarred childhood for your kid.

The way I would approach this is A) DO report it to the Guards, Talk to the tosspot neighbour in a firm, but friendly way, asking what happened. Bring a witness. Retired Guards are good for that sort of thing. C) If he's uncooperative or being a thug, (and lets face it, thats what he was acting like), educate him on the errors of his ways;)

@Jetsonx, I still cant believe your attitude. Are you in london on holidays at the moment by any chance?

cork_buoy

jetsonx wrote: »

Before you made your edit cork_buoy you wanted to record the incident.
Now all of a sudden (after the edit), you're "contemplating" recording the incident. Make up your mind.

See the OP "I've thought about making a complaint" = contemplating - well before you posted. Subsequent editing to a reply was purely for clarification.

jetsonx wrote: »

Either way, maybe you just don't have enough life experience or cop-on to realise that harsh rebukes from neighbors to their neighbors kids happen across the land everyday and probably in every country in the world.

That I understand - but it does not make it right.

jetsonx wrote: »

I can understand if you are annoyed. I would be annoyed. But, if you really wanted to teach your kid a lesson why not approach your neighbor, like a man, and have a few quite words with him, instead of wasting police time.

Read the OP. I'm going to ask him to apologise to my son. Thanks for your feedback.

rebel without a clue

for an adult to actually confront a child in that manner must be terrifying, for the child. i would make sure your child is telling you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. then go and talk to neighbour and say look he's no angel blah blah but he didnt deserve that type of confrontation from an adult. stay calm and invite neighbours child out to play with the rest of them tomorrow, just so he's not singled out.
you know that kind of **** can come back to haunt a child years later or stay with them and cause them to be nervous around adults. the fact that he has asbergers(?) does not help either.

rebel without a clue

[QUOTE=jetsonx;73733555

Either way, maybe you just don't have enough life experience or cop-on to realise that harsh rebukes from neighbors to their neighbors kids happen across the land everyday and probably in every country in the world.
[/QUOTE]

jesus the neighbour squared up to a kid! industrial schools in the 1940s/50s comes to mind.

milehip1

jetsonx wrote: »

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

wow just wow
it's to do with the op's son how does that make them a ''busy body''?

It involved a toy gun, it was the neighbour who overreacted and is molly coddling his children,any ''idiot'' could tell that,
shouting and cursing at a child is neither a verbal rebuke or frivolious

I hope you don't have any children or neighbours who have children.

You're clearly a Troll, how your first post got 3 thanks is beyond me

OP should report you for needless ''idiot'' insult aswell

ResearchWill

I am amazed at the reaction of some people on here to this. But first I would think a chat with the neighbour to get to the bottom of the issue, then a nice but firm statement if your neighbour has any issue with your child he is to chat to you and you will deal with it.

Now on the reactions, IMHO what was described could if the facts are correct be a section 2 assault, under s 2 (1) (b). Of course it would depend did the child think he was about to be assaulted, I am basing this on the statement that the adult squared up to the child It also amazes me with recent events that an adult screaming at a 9 year old child is considered ok, but god help us if someone wants to talk about the age of consent in relation to 15 and 16 year olds. Any adult screaming at any other person in public beyond the pale. Could also be an offence under section 6 public order act.


Non Fatal offences against the person act 1997
2.—(1) A person shall be guilty of the offence of assault who, without lawful excuse, intentionally or recklessly—

(a) directly or indirectly applies force to or causes an impact on the body of another, or

(b) causes another to believe on reasonable grounds that he or she is likely immediately to be subjected to any such force or impact,

without the consent of the other.

(2) In subsection (1) (a), “force” includes—

(a) application of heat, light, electric current, noise or any other form of energy, and

(b) application of matter in solid liquid or gaseous form.

(3) No such offence is committed if the force or impact, not being intended or likely to cause injury, is in the circumstances such as is generally acceptable in the ordinary conduct of daily life and the defendant does not know or believe that it is in fact unacceptable to the other person.

(4) A person guilty of an offence under this section shall be liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding £1,500 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 6 months or to both.

Criminal Justice Public Order Act 2004
6.—(1) It shall be an offence for any person in a public place to use or engage in any threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour with intent to provoke a breach of the peace or being reckless as to whether a breach of the peace may be occasioned.

(2) A person who is guilty of an offence under this section shall be liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding £500 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 months or to both.

jetsonx

newmug wrote: »

The way I would approach this is A) DO report it to the Guards, Talk to the tosspot neighbour in a firm, but friendly way, asking what happened. Bring a witness. Retired Guards are good for that sort of thing. C) If he's uncooperative or being a thug, (and lets face it, thats what he was acting like), educate him on the errors of his ways;)

Solution A = Sours relations with neighbors. Other neighbors will think
something else happen if Guards get involved. Child develops complex about
neighbours whom he thinks only shout at him. FAIL

rebel without a clue wrote:

i would make sure your child is telling you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. then go and talk to neighbour and say look he's no angel blah blah but he didnt deserve that type of confrontation from an adult. stay calm and invite neighbours child out to play with the rest of them tomorrow, just so he's not singled out.

Solution B = A rational measured common sense approach. PASS

cork_buoy

jetsonx wrote: »

measured common sense approach.

Like your replies is it?

audi a4 2008

jetsonx wrote: »

Solution A = Sours relations with neighbors. Other neighbors will think
something else happen if Guards get involved. Child develops complex about
neighbours whom he thinks only shout at him. FAIL




Solution B = A rational measured common sense approach. PASS

youre repleys JETSONX are just sad and cleary ure mind is in frezze mode have a nap for ureself and when u wake up press the reset button u might and i stress might come back to the real world

bohsboy

Just have a word with him non-aggressively. I wouldn't ask him to apologise to the child, just try and just forget about it if he acknowledges he was out of order. I can guarantee he won't say a word to your kid again.

If he chooses the hard man approach you then know what you are dealing with and can act accordingly.

You are NOT over reacting, they are your kids and your job is to protect them from such fools.....

newmug

jetsonx wrote: »

Solution A = Sours relations with neighbors.

Solution A = Report it to the Guards. Dont call 999 and ask for a sqoud car to be sent around! Just make a discreet statement the next chance you get to make sure its down on paper. No need for any further action. If the neighbour turns out to be a nutjob who uses violence, at least he will get noticed quicker, and you may be glad someday when that report rings bells before he attacks someone YOU love.

Nobody else has to know that the OP reported it, ESPECIALLY not the neighbour or OP's child.

jetsonx wrote: »

Other neighbors will think
something else happen if Guards get involved.

Other neighbours wont give a sh1t. Who's the busybody neighbour now?

Final Approach

I agree with all the other posters here that have suggested you go and knock on his door and have a quiet word with him first. I also agree that you are certainly not over-reacting, and I can say that I would feel exactly the same as you have described.

It might be worth bearing in mind that although your neighbors reaction was completely inappropriate, and the conclusion he drew was entirely inaccurate, he was, in his own mind, doing exactly what you are about to do, that is to take action in defense of his son. I would suggest therefore that you draw on that initially, so that he doesn't feel attacked, otherwise he may just go shouting his head off again. You can then proceed to tell him how wronged your son feels, and how you will not accept a reoccurrence of this type of behavior again. Depending on how he takes this, you could then consider asking him to apologise to your son.

I am sure that if you deal with this man as diplomatically and level-headed as you have with the disrespectful and frankly ridiculous replies that you've received here from Jetsonx, you will do just fine, and hopefully your neighbor will see how wrong he was to shout at your son like he did.

Be sure to let us know how it went.

irishdude11

newmug wrote: »

Solution A = Report it to the Guards. Dont call 999 and ask for a sqoud car to be sent around! Just make a discreet statement the next chance you get to make sure its down on paper. No need for any further action. If the neighbour turns out to be a nutjob who uses violence, at least he will get noticed quicker, and you may be glad someday when that report rings bells before he attacks someone YOU love.

Report what exactly? That the ops neighbour shouted at his son? Jesus christ, what is the world coming to. Do you honestly think the guards have the time to be dealing with this kind of nonsense. Somebody gave me a cross look the other day when I was driving, maybe I should go and report them to the guards too...:rolleyes:

cork_buoy

irishdude11 wrote: »

Report what exactly? That the ops neighbour shouted at his son?

Yes, and that type of behaviour towards a young boy from a grown man is entirely unacceptable.

irishdude11 wrote: »

Jesus christ, what is the world coming to. Do you honestly think the guards have the time to be dealing with this kind of nonsense.

Yes, it would take all of 10 mins to record the incident. It's purely a record to protect against future incidence and is entirely justifiable. It's also a last resort. If you followed the thread you'd see that. However, thanks for your feedback.

irishdude11 wrote: »

Somebody gave me a cross look the other day when I was driving, maybe I should go and report them to the guards too...:rolleyes:

A cross look is hardly comparable to a grown man getting within inches of a 9 year old and shouting expletives at him.

Manach

bohsboy wrote: »

Just have a word with him non-aggressively. I wouldn't ask him to apologise to the child, just try and just forget about it if he acknowledges he was out of order. I can guarantee he won't say a word to your kid again.

If he chooses the hard man approach you then know what you are dealing with and can act accordingly.

You are NOT over reacting, they are your kids and your job is to protect them from such fools.....

I'd agree with bohsboy on this. The OP also was right in that the neighbour out of line. If the situation were reversed and the boy was shouting at the neighbour, then the guards should only be brought in if a reasoned dialog fails.

reeta

jetsonx wrote: »

OP, you sound like the local neighborhood busy body, who overreacts to
even the most mundane of events. Contemplating calling the Gardai to make a complaint about a verbal rebuke which your neighbor gave to your son is beyond ludicrous. Your life needs a severe wake-up call to reality if this sort of frivolity worries you.

PS: Molly-coddling does not equate with good parenting.

idiot.

I am shocked by this response, they obviously know nothing about Aspergers and the effect this incident would have had on him. My nephew has Aspergers and this would destroy him if it happened to him,.

OP leave the guards out of this and talk to the neighbour calmly and ask
for an apology (if you can explain your boys condition). Thats all you can do (besides ignoring stupid replies here). Good luck !!

Zambia

cork_buoy wrote:

Yes, it would take all of 10 mins to record the incident. It's purely a record to protect against future incidence

How does that protect against future incidence?

MapForJ

A bit OT but :

What would have been the correct response from the neighbour who shouted? What if kids are breaking trees on a public green, I have seen people shout at them to stop

And i have told kids not to be climbing a fence, not shouted at them though.

cork_buoy

Zambia wrote: »

How does that protect against future incidence?

I'd be letting him know my intentions should I need to record the incident with the Gardai. He'd think twice about doing it again.

mcmoustache

audi a4 2008 wrote: »

hey there,that is just dreadfull what he done to ure son just disgusting and that man is a bully,if i was u i would go in and demand that he say sorry to ure son also i would report this to gardai and then its on file.also u need to take ure son out playing in the green 2morrow and show him theres no need to b afraid and get him to try and forget it .take care i hope it works out for ure family.

audi a4 2008 wrote: »

youre repleys JETSONX are just sad and cleary ure mind is in frezze mode have a nap for ureself and when u wake up press the reset button u might and i stress might come back to the real world

After spending some time deciphering this, I can conclude that your opinion is actually fairly sensible. Unfortunately, most people will just ignore what you post if it's full of text-speak and deliberately incorrect spelling. It hurts people's heads when they try to read it and it looks silly. If you are doing this deliberately, you should stop it if you want people to read your posts.

If you're dyslexic or foreign, then there is a spell-checker in mozilla firefox. It doesn't help with grammar but it will flag such words as "ure" and frezze which don't exist. Using it will make your posts readable at least.

Sorry for going OT and for being a grammar nazi but it's such a waste when a potentially valuable contribution to a thread is rendered worthless as a result of unnecessarily atrocious spelling.

cork_buoy

MapForJ wrote: »

A bit OT but :

What would have been the correct response from the neighbour who shouted?

An appropriate response could be something as simple as calmly asking for an explanation as to what had happened to his son. I wouldn't have minded that at all. In fact, I've often mediated disputes between a few kids arguing out in the front of the house. Remember, in this case he had no idea why his son was crying so why should he be aggressive towards anyone in the first place? Kids cry over the most trivial of things... they are kids. His child is a 4 year old crying over a toy gun.

MapForJ wrote: »

What if kids are breaking trees on a public green, I have seen people shout at them to stop

They are vandalising the estate which is totally unacceptable. Nothing wrong approaching the kids and demanding them to stop. Failing that, contact the parents.

MapForJ wrote: »

And i have told kids not to be climbing a fence, not shouted at them though.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

amdublin

Seriously don't go to the guards. They won't care - and rightly so. You'll sound like a nine year old yourself telling tales to you mammy.

Think this is a good example for your son to learn how some people are nice and some are not. And leave it at that.

You have nil chance of getting a neighbour to apologise to your child (this is not the playground and you are not a teacher dealing with two children)

Let it go for gods sake.

Zambia

cork_buoy wrote: »

I'd be letting him know my intentions should I need to record the incident with the Gardai. He'd think twice about doing it again.

Then just tell him you reported it to the police, same result.

Plazaman

Zambia wrote: »

Then just tell him you reported it to the police, same result.

OP hard to know without knowing your neighbour. Is he a loudmouth all the time? Have you ever had any problems before with him / them / their children? Do you regularly talk to him? Do you know him by his first name?

If this is the first incident and you know the guy fairly well then a quiet word would suffice, just say your son was upset about something and you were wondering what happened. His son could have said anything to him get attention and perhap lied through his teeth to make the father react the way he did. As someone else said, tell the neighbour you would appreciate him not shouting at your kid and you and only you will deal with discipline.

On the other hand if the neighbour is a nutjob bully and likes throwing his weight around and this is the first time shouting a your bot, then a firmer talk with a withness in the background would be needed. If a regualr occurence then a word with the Guards would do no harm.

cork_buoy

amdublin wrote: »

Seriously don't go to the guards. They won't care - and rightly so. You'll sound like a nine year old yourself telling tales to you mammy.

Not at all. There are lots of good reasons for recording this. I'm sure the Guards will listen.

amdublin wrote: »

Think this is a good example for your son to learn how some people are nice and some are not. And leave it at that.

That it is. But he needs to know that there are people there to support him. I wont drop this until he gets an apology.

amdublin wrote: »

You have nil chance of getting a neighbour to apologise to your child (this is not the playground and you are not a teacher dealing with two children)

I disagree. This is an estate where we pay good money to live. My kids are entitled to play safely without having to worry about some bully shouting at them. Your argument is flawed as we do not live in a lawless society. We do not have to accept behaviour like this. I will look after the best interests of my son and my family. No one is going to tell me otherwise.

cork_buoy

Plazaman wrote: »

OP hard to know without knowing your neighbour. Is he a loudmouth all the time? Have you ever had any problems before with him / them / their children? Do you regularly talk to him? Do you know him by his first name?

This man has had run ins with several individuals in the village in the past. Up to now, I have had a good relationship with him. We've looked after his son before when his partner was working and visa versa. We are on first name terms. This incident was unprovoked and totally unexpected. We were caught by surprise to be honest.

Plazaman wrote: »

If this is the first incident and you know the guy fairly well then a quiet word would suffice, just say your son was upset about something and you were wondering what happened.

Yes, this is what I would like to do.

Plazaman wrote: »

His son could have said anything to him get attention and perhap lied through his teeth to make the father react the way he did.

He didn't - since his Dad was running out his door as his son was running in. There was no exchange of words between them.

Plazaman wrote: »

As someone else said, tell the neighbour you would appreciate him not shouting at your kid and you and only you will deal with discipline.

I intend to.

Plazaman wrote: »

On the other hand if the neighbour is a nutjob bully and likes throwing his weight around and this is the first time shouting a your bot, then a firmer talk with a withness in the background would be needed. If a regualr occurence then a word with the Guards would do no harm.

I will be firm enough the first time. I wont be returning for a subsequent conversation. He either mans up and apologises or not.

cork_buoy

Zambia wrote: »

Then just tell him you reported it to the police, same result.

That's if he thinks twice about it... if he continues to behave like this I've got no record of the initial incident.

Zambia

Why do you think you need to keep a record with police? If your not going to be pressing charges now there is no point bending a cops ear.

irishdude11

cork_buoy wrote: »

Yes, and that type of behaviour towards a young boy from a grown man is entirely unacceptable.

Yes, it would take all of 10 mins to record the incident. It's purely a record to protect against future incidence and is entirely justifiable. It's also a last resort. If you followed the thread you'd see that. However, thanks for your feedback.

A cross look is hardly comparable to a grown man getting within inches of a 9 year old and shouting expletives at him.

Please show me where this is a crime? If anyone gives out to your son, whether its justified or not, do you plan on calling guards? Do you have any idea what an overreaction this is?

This man hasnt been constantly verbally abusing your son. It was a once off where he was shouting at him for explanations as to why his own son was upset. He didn't lay a hand on him, he didn't even insult/offend him, he was angry and looking for explanations and that's about the height of it. Do you realise how absolutely ridiculous it is to report something like this to the guards?

cork_buoy wrote: »

Not at all. There are lots of good reasons for recording this. I'm sure the Guards will listen.

The guards wont give a sh*t about this and why would they. Here's what they will see - two children playing and one starts crying and his father gives out to the other child asking why his own child is upset. What exactly is there for a guard to make record of there? What do you think the gardai's job is? To get involved in playground squabbles?

That it is. But he needs to know that there are people there to support him. I wont drop this until he gets an apology.

I think your best bet would be to have words with the neighbour. He will probably apologise straight off and your cordial relationship can be preserved and your son wont have to worry about anymore issues like this.

If you go to the guards your relationship with this neighbour and his family will be be ruined completely, they will not take being reported to the gardai lightly, in fact they would take serious offence to it. You and your family could do without having to spend years living near someone who hates your guts. It would be much better for yourself and your son if you just had a word with him man to man.

cork_buoy

irishdude11 wrote:

Please show me where this is a crime? If anyone gives out to your son, whether its justified or not, do you plan on calling guards? Do you have any idea what an overreaction this is?

It is clear that you have difficulty in comprehending the situation. He has over reacted in shouting expletives within inches of my sons face. This is a crime. See earlier post.

irishdude11 wrote:

This man hasnt been constantly verbally abusing your son. It was a once off where he was shouting at him for explanations as to why his own son was upset. He didn't lay a hand on him, he didn't even insult/offend him, he was angry and looking for explanations and that's about the height of it. Do you realise how absolutely ridiculous it is to report something like this to the guards?

This is not acceptable behaviour. An appropriate response may include reporting the incident to the guards to record it. Please see preivous posts. This has already been answered.

irishdude11 wrote: »

The guards wont give a sh*t about this and why would they.

They will.

irishdude11 wrote: »

Here's what they will see - two children playing and one starts crying and his father gives out to the other child asking why his own child is upset. What exactly is there for a guard to make record of there? What do you think the gardai's job is? To get involved in playground squabbles?

The issue isn't the kids fighting amonst themselves. The issue is the mans reaction to my son which was way over the top and totally unacceptable. You should re-read the thread. You seem to be missing the facts!

irishdude11 wrote: »

I think your best bet would be to have words with the neighbour. He will probably apologise straight off and your cordial relationship can be preserved and your son wont have to worry about anymore issues like this.

I've stated this a half dozen time. I think you need to re-read this thread.

irishdude11 wrote: »

If you go to the guards your relationship with this neighbour and his family will be be ruined completely, they will not take being reported to the gardai lightly, in fact they would take serious offense to it. You and your family could do without having to spend years living near someone who hates your guts. It would be much better for yourself and your son if you just had a word with him man to man.

He's renting and intends to return to Tipp when he retires. We've talked about this in the past. His reaction is over the top and he needs a firm talking to about his behaviour towards my family - I've stated this already on several occasions throughout the thread. Please re-read as you are missing the facts.

cork_buoy

Zambia wrote: »

Why do you think you need to keep a record with police? If your not going to be pressing charges now there is no point bending a cops ear.

You need to re-read the thread. Your line of questioning seems long and drawn out. I've already justified my intended course of action. I'm taking the non violent, non confrontational course of action. Recording the incident with the Gardai is a last resort. You should also re-read the thread. I've already stated this.

BostonB

Some peoples norms are seriously out of whack if they think its ok for a grown man to start roaring and cursing at a child with no provocation whatsoever.

I would tread carefully, though as it sounds like this guy is very stressed or has some issues of some sort.

cork_buoy

BostonB wrote: »

Some peoples norms are seriously out of whack if they think its ok for a grown man to start roaring and cursing at a child with no provocation whatsoever.

I would tread carefully, though as it sounds like this guy is very stressed or has some issues of some sort.

Agreed - I think that this thread has run its course. Thank you to everyone for your contributions.

Zambia

cork_buoy wrote: »

You need to re-read the thread. Your line of questioning seems long and drawn out. I've already justified my intended course of action. I'm taking the non violent, non confrontational course of action. Recording the incident with the Gardai is a last resort. You should also re-read the thread. I've already stated this.

I have read the thread. I also think you are going to go about this correctly and talk to the bloke.

What I don't get and was hoping you would sort of drop. Is that you don't have to report something to police prove it happened. Especially if you don't intend to press charges at that time. Chances are the Garda you tell this story to will only note it in some personal book and you can do that yourself.

In your position I would not even consider the police till you have at least talked to your neighbour.

BostonB

Community Garda deals with this kinda stuff AFAIK.

cork_buoy

Zambia wrote: »

I have read the thread. I also think you are going to go about this correctly and talk to the bloke.

What I don't get and was hoping you would sort of drop. Is that you don't have to report something to police prove it happened. Especially if you don't intend to press charges at that time. Chances are the Garda you tell this story to will only note it in some personal book and you can do that yourself.

In your position I would not even consider the police till you have at least talked to your neighbour.

I like to think ahead. If we can't work it out with a chat then I would contact the local Garda station. Unfortunately, thrashing it out with a chat isn't going to work with some...

What else can I do - get him into a headlock and demand an apology? I'm pretty sure there are many who would have lost the head by what he did. I'm 30 and have 4 kids - 3 boys, 4, 6 and 9 and a little girl of 10 months.

I'm trying to show my kids a good example of how to deal with confrontation through a level headed approach. This seems to be seriously lacking these days as can be seen by some of the replies where this guys acts should be ignored. Some even made out that I was overreacting. A few years ago I'd probably have just walked up to his door and threatened him with a violent act of some description.

source

OP if you go into a Garda station and try to make a complaint about this pushing for Section 6 POA you will be asked to make a statement, your wife and son will also have to make statements. This is an official complaint. If you refuse to do that, the incident will go no further than the conversation between you and the member. You cannot request for something to just be noted.

If you make a complaint it will be investigated. You will ruin your relationship with your neighbour who you have to live next door to.

Have a chat, invite him for a drink and have a quiet talk about it. Don't get angry and don't get accusatory. Just discuss what happened and tell him you'd rather he came to you instead of scolding your child in the street. Tell him you hope that this can be put in the past.

You've already said you have a good relationship with him, going to the Gardai is a knee jerk reaction which will do you, your neighbour and your kid no good.

I understand you're upset about what happened and how it happened, and yes technically by the strictest wording of the legislation he is guilty of an offence. This doesn't change the fact that this is the kind of thing better dealt with by having a quiet friendly chat, where you voice your concerns.

source

cork_buoy wrote: »

I like to think ahead. If we can't work it out with a chat then I would contact the local Garda station. Unfortunately, thrashing it out with a chat isn't going to work with some...

What else can I do - get him into a headlock and demand an apology? I'm pretty sure there are many who would have lost the head by what he did. I'm 30 and have 4 kids - 3 boys, 4, 6 and 9 and a little girl of 10 months.

I'm trying to show my kids a good example of how to deal with confrontation through a level headed approach. This seems to be seriously lacking these days as can be seen by some of the replies where this guys acts should be ignored. Some even made out that I was overreacting. A few years ago I'd probably have just walked up to his door and threatened him with a violent act of some description.

I admire your resolve to sort this out in a peaceful manner, but I would think that teaching your kids to call the Gardai for every little argument with your neighbour would be just as damaging and detrimental as going over there and ripping him a new one.

cork_buoy

source wrote: »

I admire your resolve to sort this out in a peaceful manner, but I would think that teaching your kids to call the Gardai for every little argument with your neighbour would be just as damaging and detrimental as going over there and ripping him a new one.

I'm going to chat with him first. How he responds will determine my next action.

Thanks for your feedback. I agree with your previous post that going to the cops will ruin our relationship.

Riskymove

source wrote: »

I but I would think that teaching your kids to call the Gardai for every little argument with your neighbour .

I really don't get this

how is a grown man running up to a nine year old, squaring up to him and shouting expeletives in his face "a little argument"??

I wonder how far people think it would need to have gone before it was a reporting incident?