What's the number 1 thing you've learned from fillums?

recylingbin

For me it's that you should always get behind a car door in a dangerous situation. They are impenetrable.

Mr. Manager

To put the bunny back in the box

punchdrunk

the SWAT team will be late,plan accordingly!

AhSureTisGrand

Don't entrust the black guy with anything important as he'll be the first to die

Teddy_Picker

When you wake up from a bad dream, you always, always sit bolt upright.

biko

If you have sex you'll get killed.

red menace

Don't mess with time

And Judgement Day in inevitable

Yakult

Just as something explodes and your running away, do a diving jump and you'll be fine!
If you're lucky enough it will be in slow motion but that only happens every now and again.

Littlehorny

That if you sit there all tough, brooding and silent, the girls will love you.

mikemac

That I'm going to die on my last day before retirement

That if I'm back home after a funeral and put my arm around a girl and comfort her she will immediately go to bed with me. It's just the rule

Chuck Stone

All sorts of doors are easily unlocked by jiggling a credit card in the gap and twisting the handle.

*simples*

If you're days away from retirement and you get a young sidekick to train up, you're f**ked.

EDIT: Damn, Mike beat me to it by seconds!!

recylingbin

Also, if you're not one of the main crew, don't head down to the planet with the away team.

The King of Moo

That my computer is the only one in the world that uses Windows and it never beeps when I press a key or click on something

demakinz

They always come back for one more scare.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

There appears to be an unlimited supply of evil helicopter pilots who will gladly work for megalomaniacal supervillians.

Also seeing as I was always the hysterical rule follower with big glasses and bad hairstyle, all I really needed was to be screwed hard and it turns out I'm actually very pretty and really daring.

It's true..... of course..... yeah.

Littlehorny

4 or 5 solid punches to the face will not hurt, not even a scratch or a bruise but a good looking women treating a small cut with some form of medication will have you screaming like a banshee!

amacca

If for some reason there has to be a line of people doing something (eg: entering a dark gloomy looking building)...then do not be either last or first in this line.

Conversely its usually bad to be the middleman in any sort of shady underworld type dealings!

that is all.

Lambsbread

All housewives have fake boobs and are really lonely. Oh, and being a plumber is an awesome job!!

The_Thing

The MPAA are greedy bastards.

The King of Moo

Hacking looks like this and is tremendously fun and exciting!

Mr. Presentable

Girls LOVE anal

Mike 1972

People who plant bombs are always thoughtful enough to fit them with a large beeping LED countdown display so that the disposal squad always know how much time they have left.

AnamGlas

Life is like a box of chocolates

Pherekydes

No matter how many people get eaten the snake/T Rex/croc is still hungry.

Mike 1972

All kids have a handy tree growing outside their bedroom window.

Rented Mule

The plumber and pizza delivery guy always end up banging the 'lady' of the house.

mikemac

In America bedsheets are not square, they are L shaped
You will always see the mans chest but never the ladies

Ruu_Old

Landlines don't work or are cut off, bring yer mobile!

2 Miles From Narnia

Anything meaningful that happens in your life is accompanied by a soundtrack

puddinboxxx

the world turns to a blur at 120 mph

up for anything

As soon as something/someone begins to feel/look/act weird in the house, GET OUT. Don't delay to fetch the baby, cat, switch off the gas, make the bed, find your handbag - get the hell out and never, ever, never go back again. If it's family member that has begun to behave unnervingly LEAVE THEM BEHIND.


A priest/psychic will only makes matters worse.

Oscar the grouch

Aliens that come to take over the world cant get out of rooms with closed doors....

mikemac

If you carry around a photo of your loved ones you're fooked

On the plus side you will get a chance to hand this photo to your best friend just before you die an agonizing death

Teddy_Picker

The secret code is his daughter's favourite nursery rhyme from when she was little.

Taco Corp

It only takes one man to destroy a 'shopping mall'

krudler

If you're woken by a nightmare about a masked/deformed/monstrous killer and wake up in a cold sweat, when you go to wash your face in the bathroom sink you'll stand back up and said killer will be standing behind you reflected in the mirror. so avoid washing your face and standing in front of mirrors if you realise you're in a bad horror movie.

amacca

If you want to have sex with her...chances are she wants to have sex with you too!


the more scorn and derision she initially throws your way the more fantastic the sex will eventually be so keep trying


(its a message of hope)

Pherekydes

Martial arts training means you can do anything.

Samich

If he says he'll be back, he'll be back.

Oscar the grouch

Always bring a gun to a knife fight

starbelgrade

I've a top 10..

1. You should respect the family.

2. Red Indians are evil.

3. A lot of Nazis had posh English accents.

4. If you're ever going to get involved in a high speed car chase, San Francisco is the best place to do it.

5. Bad guys always wear black.

6. Vampires are sexy.

7. Action heroes make for terrible goalkeepers.

8. Kelly Brook has amazing knockers.

10. Always double tap.

amacca

When a man gets kicked in the crotch or has his genitals badly hurt.......that's some funny sh1t.

When a woman gets kicked in the crotch or has her genitals badly damaged......well that's not funny at all im afraid!

The King of Moo

If you're trying to find a serial killer and have no leads, don't worry as he'll inexplicable leave clues helping you to find him, even though he doesn't want to get caught.

The same goes for the masterminds behind ancient conspiracies.

CardBordWindow

The bad guys have terrible aim with guns!

krudler

bombs always have a handy timer on them with big red numbers telling you how much time you have to defuse it,use this time to crack jokes, try to convice your partner not to retire and obtain a new pet cat.

The King of Moo

People who smoke are evil, but people who smoke and hold the cigarette between their thumb and index finger are especially evil!

amacca

With the exception of the truly evil ones..Mexicans are a lazy and dirty people who don't shave

even the evil ones don't look that clean or shave often either....

Oscar the grouch

toys talk!!!!

Teddy_Picker

If the love of your life is emigrating and starting a new life on a different continent, don't despair! If you track them down to the airport at the last minute, somehow you will convince them to change their mind.

Security will be totally ok with this.