How many 5 year-olds.....

Mr. Manager

Felt this was a pretty good time to post this due to the nature of some of the threads round here.

Stemming from a drunken debate:


The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once? (No doubt someone will make a sex joke)

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernible abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

busyliving

I'm going to open the bidding with 10

freeze4real

For some reason I thought your name was serial rapist.

I had to read that twice.

How many five year olds beat you up ?

I'm sure I could take about 20 or so.

Stink on the inside

Two or three, im not all that tough.

yermandan

Any amount

ballsymchugh

i'd say 6. you could sit on 3, hold 2 more away with your hands on their heads while they swing their arms in a futile manner, and give the last one dirty looks before they run away crying.

Raze_them_all

They're 5. I'm 6 ft and 95kg or so and have martial arts training. Pick a number. I would happily beat the **** outta them

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Keep 'em comin!!!!!

Id say at least 800

Mr. Manager

In hindsight, I probably should have posted under a different username.

Thread title may be misleading otherwise...

Duggy747

I'm tall and have long limbs so all I have to do is swing me arms and legs.

Pick one up and use him like a bat on the others.

joshrogan

about 4-6 I'd say, I couldn't take on 10+ they'd swarm me.

Senna

Its a pity the schools don't open for another few weeks, or i would have a definitive answer by tomorrow.

bigwormbundoran

If I backed into a corner and I reckon I could literally take any amount until I passed out from exhaustion as opposed to being knocked out by a lunatic of a 5 year old

Mr. Denton

I'd just kill the first one , rip its head off with my teeth and then cover myself in its blood. There would be no more takers after that.

Duddy

Boards.ie is an odd place.



But yeah, bring it fúckers.

ball

freeze4real wrote: »

For some reason I thought your name was serial rapist.

+1

Also, with "how many 5 year olds" as the thread title, I thought this was gonna be a horrible thread.

mackg

Hi I'm a 5 year old and I can be picked up by the feet and used as a mace to batter other 5 year olds.

25

amacca

once you go past 4 or 5 its all about endurance surely?

only about 4 or 5 could attack you at once..so I would work on my stamina/endurance as well as my strength/fighting technique and would feel fairly confident I could emerge victorious if I had to take on about 25 of them at one

as long as its no holds barred and I can use an unconscious one as a bat/weapon to beat seven shades out of the rest of them

wait a minute...are they allowed punch you in the crotch........(revises estimate downwards)

amacca

mackg wrote: »

Hi I'm a 5 year old and I can be picked up by the feet and used as a mace to batter other 5 year olds.

25

swear to god I did not read yours before I posted mine.

Guill

I'd say about 100, i know a couple of five year olds, they are small and not very strong. It would be down to fitness and stamina.

Krusader

At least 50, 50 boots to the head and then you'll start to get tired

mackg

amacca wrote: »

swear to god I did not read yours before I posted mine.

Great minds...;)

Sky King

A physicist once used the 5 year old fight as an analogy to describe current and voltage to me.

Highj current and low voltage is 50 of the little fkers running around, trying to take you down. High voltage and low current is one big huge guy from eastern europe called Borris who eats whole sheep for breakfast.

Power is naturally V x I which would be 50 Borrisis.

I ****ing LOVE electricity! It's so waffelly versatile, not to mention electrical.

J. Marston

15-20. I'd kick the shít out of the first 7 or 8. Then the numbers could become an issue and stamina.
Once I get knocked to the floor, I wouldn't last long with a dozen or so 5 year olds kicking me in the head.

Chuck Stone

Hey,
Rapist,
Leave those kids alonnnne
Dum da-dum de-did-um

amacca

Crosáidí wrote: »

50 boots to the head and then you'll start to get tired

the voice of experience!

CardBordWindow

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

Felt this was a pretty good time to post this due to the nature of some of the threads round here.

Stemming from a drunken debate:


The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once? (No doubt someone will make a sex joke)

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernible abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I think you need new drinkin buddies!

Radharc na Sleibhte

A kick to the back of the knees from a wee skobie I didnt see coming at me from behind and Im on the ground.

If they can all come at me at once, I'll go for none.

Raze_them_all

amacca wrote: »

the voice of experience!

they're 5, it's not as if it takes alot of effort to kick a 5 year old in the head

Dravokivich

You say I can't touch the wall, can a kid, at high velocity?

theg81der

emmmm......what? i mean ...what?

PK2008

I am 30, approximately 6'1 feet tall, tip the scales at an even 200, and have a moderately athletic and muscular build.

Your average 5-year-old boy is about 3 feet tall, weighs in the area of a bucket of coal, and has developed little muscle mass.

Judging on these statistics and what I assume would be a natural ferocity that would spring forth in a moment of physical danger, I estimate that I could beat up fifteen 5-year-olds before they overtook me. This is also assuming that my opponents are smart enough to organize themselves into a circular attack instead of coming at me one by one. If it were an individual, king-of-the-mountain battle royale, I could endlessly pummel 5-year-olds without mercy. But we're assuming some combat education as well as some exposure to the teenage mutant ninja turtles, so these kids would form a circle

seanbmc

Epic thread.


Couldn't you keep them away with kicks? That would keep them at a distance as long as you stay on your feet. A well placed round house kick would knock a child out. :P

Dravokivich

seanbmc wrote: »

Epic thread.


Couldn't you keep them away with kicks? That would keep them at a distance as long as you stay on your feet. A well placed round house kick would knock a child out. :P

Kinda like a kick to the face? :pac:

mackg

Remake 300 but with 5 year olds instead of Persians and boardsies instead of Spartans.

We can make this happen lads we can go on dragons den to get the budget.

Standard Toaster

Getting fierce awful Déjà vu here OP

Raze_them_all

PK2008 wrote: »

I am 30, approximately 6'1 feet tall, tip the scales at an even 200, and have a moderately athletic and muscular build.

Your average 5-year-old boy is about 3 feet tall, weighs in the area of a bucket of coal, and has developed little muscle mass.

Judging on these statistics and what I assume would be a natural ferocity that would spring forth in a moment of physical danger, I estimate that I could beat up fifteen 5-year-olds before they overtook me. This is also assuming that my opponents are smart enough to organize themselves into a circular attack instead of coming at me one by one. If it were an individual, king-of-the-mountain battle royale, I could endlessly pummel 5-year-olds without mercy. But we're assuming some combat education as well as some exposure to the teenage mutant ninja turtles, so these kids would form a circle

combat educatedion for a week on a 5 year old would go as well as teaching them violin for a week.

And the turtles never fought as a group they always fought seperately!

Raze_them_all

also I'd like to add, if there was ever a thread for facekicker to be involed in, then this sirs is it

amacca

Raze_them_all wrote: »

they're 5, it's not as if it takes alot of effort to kick a 5 year old in the head

that may have been true in the 70s and 80s but the little fookers are fairly well fed and tough these days + hopped up to the eyeballs on red bull and sugar

Raze_them_all

amacca wrote: »

that may have been true in the 70s and 80s but the little fookers are fairly well fed and tough these days + hopped up to the eyeballs on red bull and sugar

a tough 5 year old....seriously....

amacca

Raze_them_all wrote: »

combat educatedion for a week on a 5 year old would go as well as teaching them violin for a week.

point conceded...with their ever shortening attention spans this seems credible

Raze_them_all wrote: »

And the turtles never fought as a group they always fought seperately!

cant be true...we all know how the song goes

there the worlds most fearsome fighting team
there heroes in a half shell and there green etc etc and so on and so forth

mackg

Raze_them_all wrote: »

a tough 5 year old....seriously....

http://www.bofunk.com/video/11853/5_year_old_tough_guy.html

PK2008

Raze_them_all wrote: »

combat educatedion for a week on a 5 year old would go as well as teaching them violin for a week.

And the turtles never fought as a group they always fought seperately!

Didn't the Foot Clan soldiers usually form a circle?

Raze_them_all

amacca wrote: »

point conceded...with their ever shortening attention spans this seems credible



cant be true...we all know how the song goes

there the worlds most fearsome fighting team
there heroes in a half shell and there green etc etc and so on and so forth

nope check it out, point out to me where the 4 of them team up on one person? bet ya wont find anything

They're a team like the jutice league, even when they fight together they all choose seperate opponents

Raze_them_all

mackg wrote: »

http://www.bofunk.com/video/11853/5_year_old_tough_guy.html

Video's not working for me, but im guessing it's either that little hercules kid or someone like Melvin Manoefs kid?

jd007

ball wrote: »

+1

Also, with "how many 5 year olds" as the thread title, I thought this was gonna be a horrible thread.

Beating up 5 year olds isn't horrible? :pac:

amacca

mackg wrote: »

http://www.bofunk.com/video/11853/5_year_old_tough_guy.html

ha....little tough guy doesn't even bother with a helmet..........he cant, uses his Mohawk as an offensive weapon

Bbbbolger

Realistically would it matter if they circle around you? Im young, 6'1" and pretty athletic. If I had to I'm sure I could jump a 5 year old. After that I would move to the corner where it would be easier to fend them off. If they begin to overwhelm you there you use one of them to throw into the others and make a quick dash to a different corner. The most important thing would be not letting them grab hold of your legs/arms. If they weigh down your limbs you'll tire quickly and become ineffective.

amacca

Raze_them_all wrote: »

nope check it out, point out to me where the 4 of them team up on one person? bet ya wont find anything

They're a team like the jutice league, even when they fight together they all choose seperate opponents

right..fine whatever..can we at least find some common ground here and agree that as cartoon babes go..April O'Neill was one of the best?

I want to save my energy for kicking the shyte out of 5 year olds

Raze_them_all

jd007 wrote: »

Beating up 5 year olds isn't horrible? :pac:

no it's a warm up for midget wrestling!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH2TJxSYJnk

Raze_them_all

amacca wrote: »

right..fine whatever..can we at least find some common ground here and agree that as cartoon babes go..April O'Neill was one of the best?

I want to save my energy for kicking the shyte out of 5 year olds

Yes we can, along with Jessica rabbit, lola bunny from space jam and the caramel easter bunny.

Why are cartoon rabbits hot??