Moving in with your boyfriend

High Hopes

My boyfriend and I are going out 6 months, and I am totally in love and everything is going so well. He lives four hours away from me, which makes it difficult to see each other. Also, we are both on the dole at the moment so the cost of transport is an issue. Anyway, recently he has been asking me to move in with him (he owns his own cottage). It sounds perfect, but I am so scared. Has anyone else taken the plunge to move in with their boyfriends so early on in the relationship?

achmairt

Before you take the big leap, why not stay the odd weekend and you'll get to know if he has any nasty habits! No need to rush into it. Does he need a housekeeper?

Penny Dreadful

I moved in with mine after 9 months. It was pretty soon (especially as he brought it up initially around the 5/6 month mark) but we talked it through, each of us outlined what our hopes and expectations for the relationship were and went for it. It has been great, yes we have had our disagreements, etc but overall it has been great.
One thing that has worked for us I think is that we are both 34 and have been around long enough and had enough relationship experience to recognise something good when we see it and are on the same page re: our future. Make sure you both know what you want / where you would like the relationship to go before you move in.
Good luck:)

Cathmandooo

I moved in with my boyfriend after 6 months together, we both moved though which is probably easier than one person moving into someone's space. It worked out well though, love living with him.

Are you living with your parents now? If you are and it doesn't work out I'm sure you could move back? You won't know until you try anyway

Malari

I moved in around this time. He was asking me after 2 months, but I held out :rolleyes:

Like a previous poster said, make sure you feel like you know how things work around his house! Have you spent much time in it? If he owns it and lives on his own, then maybe discuss what space you will have. When I moved in, he had been living there for a looong time, so I needed to make sure it became our space, and that delayed me for a few months at least. I wanted to be able to put my own mark on it - wardrobe space, I bought a new sofa, stuff like that! We are renting, though, so find out how he feels about it, considering he owns the place.

Have you discussed if you are going to live rent-free? How bills or any other household purchases will work? have you lived away from home (or just your hometown) before?

Cutie18Ireland

I moved in with mine after 2 weeks
He became my fiancé 2 months later.
Go for it

Did you check if it affects your social welfare entitlements if you move in together?

daenerysstormborn3

I moved in with my boyfriend after 9 months. We were long distance before that so it was an easy decision to make which came partly out of necessity also. We've been living together almost a year now and it's brilliant.

Do check out your social welfare entitlements etc before moving in, as I'm sure neither of you want the nasty shock of no dole when you're all settled in.

stinkle

there's no "perfect" time, everyone's situation is unique. Me and the boyfriend moved in together after almost 4 years, but 2 of those were long-distance and we were in college and too broke before that. If it wasn't for those situations it would have been a lot sooner. I agree with the poster who said to stay weekends if you can, our big move was a bit easier after spending many weekends in his place during the long distance phase.

Acoshla

I moved in properly with my boyfriend after 10 months, but had been spending 3-4 days each week in his house from 3 months on. I moved in on a Monday and the kitchen was ripped out on the Tuesday, for the first 3 months of living together we had no kitchen (no oven, no sink, no floor, just the microwave and a kettle on the windowsill!), so that was an adventure! Turns out he had a cleaner coming in every week before I moved in, I never knew about this, he was a messy b*stard! We also had a new puppy that he got 2 months after we met, so the first year was pretty chaotic to say the least.

It's taken us the best part of 2 years to iron out some of the problems, all teething problems were prolonged because of house renovations/job issues/etc but we've worked out a good harmony now, we both know what the other is like, the good and bad points, and we both pick up the slack for the other's...failings isn't the right word

Moving in together out of convenience when you're unemployed isn't the best idea, you'll see too much of each other too fast. A friend of mine has moved in with her boyfriend, she's unemployed, living in his home village, he works every night. They adore each other but with the best will in the world she's finding it tough, alone except for him in an unknown place, with no money for a social life or anything.

wild_cat

Moonbaby wrote: »

Did you check if it affects your social welfare entitlements if you move in together?

Keep an eye on this alight. Especially if it is a one bed house or apartment.

bronte

I moved in with mine because I was there half the time anyway.
It didn't make a lot of sense not to so he asked me and I agreed.
Expect an "interesting" first few weeks while you get used to each other. :pac:
I hadn't lived with anyone before and really liked my own space so it was a big adjustment for me. I love it now. You really do get to know each other inside out when you live together.

Malari

bronte wrote: »

I moved in with mine because I was there half the time anyway.
It didn't make a lot of sense not to so he asked me and I agreed.
Expect an "interesting" first few weeks while you get used to each other. :pac:
I hadn't lived with anyone before and really liked my own space so it was a big adjustment for me. I love it now. You really do get to know each other inside out when you live together.

Yes, I realise I left this out of my post - I do love living with my boyfriend. We are completely at ease and in tune with each other. I do like my own space and am very comfortable in my own company a lot of the time, so that's another thing to think about if you are both currently unemployed.

Chinafoot

I moved in with my boyfriend after 2 years together. He was living in Limerick and I was in Dublin. I was in college at the beginning of our relationship and we saw each other only at weekends. When I graduated and got a job he had already moved here for work. He was in his apartment for about 9 months before I moved in.

One thing I did find difficult was that I moved into his space. I never felt entirely comfortable with that, but this was a city centre apartment at a time when demand was huge and we felt we should just stay where we were. Unfortunately with the rents being so high we often had to rent out the extra room which wasn't ideal. We've been living together for 4 years now and have moved out of the city centre into a place where we have far more space for a lot less money and it's been really great. It really feels like a home for us. And not having to share with anyone else after 6 years together is fantastic.

It takes a lot of adjusting but when it works it's wonderful. I'd say go for it OP. Just be prepared for some bumps along the way.

Penny Dreadful

Chinafoot wrote: »

One thing I did find difficult was that I moved into his space.
.

I forgot to say that I too moved into his house and rented mine out. There are a number of reasons why we decided to live in his house rather than mine but to make it feel more "ours" and less "his" we did a big renovation and redecoration job. This was great as it allowed a stamp of "us" to develop in the house. The work only finished in the 2nd week of June and so we had been living in an absolute state from middle of March until then. The time without a kitchen sink, kitchen, downstairs toilet, etc etc made things interesting but its all great now.

Eve_Dublin

Lived in wit an ex after 3 months and it´s a regret of mine. I was too young and it was too soon. Wasn´t realistic about it at all and it was disasterous. It was too much way too soon but we continued to live together for 2 years after that. Perhaps if we´d taken our time, things might´ve worked out but...I wanted the romantic idea and wasn´t ready for the reality check I got...just be sure, OP. It´s a massive move.

I moved in with my guy after eight months, we've been living together for a year and a half, and now I'm moving out! While he found it really easy to be attentive and amorous while we only visited each other, it quickly wore off when we moved in and now he barely spends half an hour with me! I told him I was moving out so that we will be forced to rediscover how to spend time together, back to dating really - whereas I think he's all in favour cause now he wont have the hassle of having to look away from his computer once or twice a day. I'm hoping also that me not being here will give him a kick up the backside, when he realises the dishes don't do themselves, clothes don't put themselves in the washing machine and there's no one here to keep an eye on dinner to make sure it isn't burning. And if he can't do these things, then I really don't think I could handle being with him anymore!

Is moving closer to him, yet still staying apart from him, an option? Gradually increasing your time together? You might find it quite a shock after living four hours apart to suddenly be right there in each other's faces!

ElleEm

We decided a few weeks after our first date that we were gonna move in together, then moved in with each other properly about 5 months in.
We're still going strong 5 years later.
I think it really allowed us to get to know each other properly. We knew from day one that we would probably be together for ever so we kind of had a "why wait?" mentality. We were just so excited to start our lives together.

Going from living 4 hours away to living in each other's pockets might be a bit too big a step, so why don't you go down to him for a "holiday" for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

Alopex

High Hopes wrote: »

My boyfriend and I are going out 6 months, and I am totally in love and everything is going so well. He lives four hours away from me, which makes it difficult to see each other. Also, we are both on the dole at the moment so the cost of transport is an issue. Anyway, recently he has been asking me to move in with him (he owns his own cottage). It sounds perfect, but I am so scared. Has anyone else taken the plunge to move in with their boyfriends so early on in the relationship?

I'd go for it. If you were getting a flat together I'd say be cautious but there's no rent term agreement, paying a deposit hassle here. Basically if things take a turn for the worse in the relationship you are free to up sticks whenever you want.

Stench Blossoms

I wouldn't be happy moving into HIS place but would be fine with moving into a place would be new for both of you.

I'd feel like I was always a guest otherwise.

starlit

I'd advise not too rush into it too quickly OP. How well do ye know each other? If ye kind of get used to each other gradually in a living space then it be more easier to live with each other full time. It's not easy like and the adjustment takes time. Like one of the posters mentioned on this thread, maybe stay for a weekend, maybe now and again or a few nights a week at each other's places ye get to know each other in another way such as how things are done and what habits ye have like. Best to kinda know that before moving in together full time. Give it a few weeks or months and see how you feel about it and then consider moving in together!? Love isn't enough ye need to be able to blend and compromise too with each other like when ye are with each other a lot more than usual. Good luck OP.

High Hopes

Thanks for the posts!

To answer a few questions I'm 24 been living out of home since I was 18. I have lived with a boyfriend before for two years, we broke up and it wasn't because of living together. I know this guy really well, and we spend 4 days of the week together already. In september he will be doing a course. I am looking to move to his house as it will be rent free, and look for a job there aswell. I think I would def try and have a job organised and hoping to do a fas course... I think I am ready for a fresh start, a new beginning but not sure if its with him, or maybe I should move somewhere else on my own. I suppose what is stopping me is his parents live next door... and I would be very far away from my friends and family.:o

Malari

Woah, his parents live next door! It sounds like you are ready to move in but this has turned into a whole other issue.

How do you get on with them? How does HE get on with them? Why is he living next door to his parents?

ElleEm

Malari wrote: »

Woah, his parents live next door! It sounds like you are ready to move in but this has turned into a whole other issue.

How do you get on with them? How does HE get on with them? Why is he living next door to his parents?

It often happens down the country that kids build on their parent's land.

High Hopes

Malari wrote: »

Woah, his parents live next door! It sounds like you are ready to move in but this has turned into a whole other issue.

How do you get on with them? How does HE get on with them? Why is he living next door to his parents?

Yeah he built on their land. I get on okay with them, however, they are very quite people so it is hard to tell at the end of the day. He gets on with them and so do I! They kinda leave us alone unless we decide to go visit them or something.

--LOS--

not that soon, was after 2 years before, although I'd see no problem that early if you really know eachother well and are spending a lot of time together anyway. I would just be slightly skeptical about your situation as it is more of a long-distance thing. Really can't pass judgement on your relationship but you said already you feel scared, so maybe you should listen to your gut as it were, maybe you could move closer but not in together?