Ode to the Nice Guys

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Stumbled upon this recently, thought it was a nice piece. I don't know anything about the author but his name.



This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete asshat now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003



TLDR; Nice guys are awesome, keep up the good work, you will be rewarded sooner or later

danniemcq

no probs anytime

MrStuffins

I read the TR;DR and


Bull! Nice guys always finish last. It's wishful thinking to think "You'll get rewarded in the end". Sounds like religion to me.

"Live like sh*t now, don't worry, there'll be heaven at the end"

RedXIV

I've yet to meet someone who called themselves a "nice guy" (as in this context not in general) who wished they weren't one

southsiderosie

There's a difference between being a nice guy and a pushover. That essay describes the latter.

And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor.

Ode to lying doormats with no personality or spine, more like

Creature

Nathaniel Salmon Sheriff wrote: »

TLDR; Nice guys are awesome, keep up the good work, you will be rewarded sooner or later

Nope, not going to happen. Not if you're like as described in the article anyway.

Napper Hawkins

So some women are tools and some guys don't know their arse from their elbow when it comes to attracting a woman.

And?

Phill Ewinn

Nice guys don't get any anal action.

mikemac

Nathaniel Salmon Sheriff wrote: »

TLDR; Nice guys are awesome, keep up the good work, you will be rewarded sooner or later

That's about as true as the meek shall inherit the Earth. So not at all.

Celly Smunt

he does all that and all he gets is a stupid little essay about him?,i'd be pissed off if i was that nice guy

Celly Smunt

Phill Ewinn wrote: »

Nice guys don't get any anal action.

they're natural takers actually

krudler

what a load of patronising shit. You can be nice without being someones go to doormat.

Sticky_Fingers

Ode, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme

Mickeroo

Nathaniel Salmon Sheriff wrote: »

for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population

Overprotective Cockblockers?

NothingMan

What the post described was not a nice guy, sounded more like the gay friend really. Girls don't all go for ass hats, but neither do they want a one sided relationship wih a guy who will fawn all over them and do what they're told. A relationship needs to be mutual and if a guy is willing to do all that crap described in the post it would not be a mutual relationship.

You can still be a nice guy and get laid. Just need to be pro active and somewhat assertive and not a doormat like the op describes.

Celly Smunt

i guess it all comes down to whether a girl would like a night of squirting all over the walls with a dickhead or a night of soft cráp sex with a chap she's friends with

--Kaiser--

southsiderosie wrote: »

There's a difference between being a nice guy and a pushover. That essay describes the latter.

Bang on the money
(Well, apart from the not-taking-advantage-of-drunk-girls part)

mackg

Who the fcuk tags along when their female friend goes shopping.

Monkey_Pirate

I'll just...........leave this here........

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

This is true of both sexes though, I feel. (Also, I'm a girl.)

Shoesa

Then there's a genuine nice guy, and the "nice guy" who does all those lovely things but only because he's actually trying to get in your pants. Like you owe him for being a good friend.

Basically, "nice guys/pushovers" who are only acting nice as a means to an end are more aptly described as "little bitches."

Frank Black

No wonder the guys described in the OP don’t have girlfriends – they’re quite obviously gay.

Logical Fallacy

lol "nice guys" = dudes who lack the balls to make a move on the girl they like.

Happily waiting in the friend zone for a shot at their friends nickers when she is down and out and on the rebound.

curlzy

What a load of trollop, it paints all girls as vacuous and all men as either scumbags or doormats. True there are vacuous women and scumbag men and doormat men but that's only a tiny amount. I hate when people make up these labels and go on as if the entire population must fit into one of them. My fella's a "nice guy", in fact he's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet in your whole life (but I'm biased ) but he is in no way a doormat. The author of that article seems to have very little respect for women or men for that matter.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

curlzy wrote: »

What a load of trollop, it paints all girls as vacuous and all men as either scumbags or doormats. True there are vacuous women and scumbag men and doormat men but that's only a tiny amount. I hate when people make up these labels and go on as if the entire population must fit into one of them. My fella's a "nice guy", in fact he's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet in your whole life (but I'm biased ) but he is in no way a doormat. The author of that article seems to have very little respect for women or men for that matter.

I doubt that was the authors intention, but could be perceived as such.

Describing ones self as a nice guy is a sure sign that you are a bell end. The true nice guys don't even know that they are, it is just natural behaviour for them

Monkey_Pirate

curlzy wrote: »

The author of that article seems to have very little respect for women or men for that matter.

I do think the few people who label themselves any of these things though have very little respect for themselves. Nice Guy/Bunny Boiler (Both gender variants on the same thing).

mikemac

Just to say the OP's article was about meeting girls

But you could say the same in work

The "nice guy/doormat" can be eager to please, always trying to help, playing the martyr to be honest.

But never speaks up, never makes strong points in meetings for fear of being controversial and come promotion time doesn't have the balls to take a risk and push themselves forward.

So sits in the corner frustrated, doing the donkey work while everyone else moves on and it's their own fault

krudler

Mickeroo wrote: »

Overprotective Cockblockers?

I have female friends who if they're out with me and they make the "get this guy the fcuk away from me" face I'll go over and ask if she wants a drink so she can make her escape, but I dont follow them around going "get awayyyy!" to any guy who looks at them, women put up with men perving on them all the time they can handle themselves.

You can be nice and be repsected, they're not mutually exclusive, what you cant be is overnice, full of yearning and filled with the satisfaction you're an awesome guy just nobody knows about it yet. cos if you do think that about yourself its probably not true.

Alter-Ego

Nice Guy = Friend zone w*nker who buzzes around a bird constantly cock blocking you or at least trying to, all because he's too much of a sissy b1tch to grow a pair and go for the hatchet wound that he faps over night after night while the salty tears of unrequited love roll down his acne savaged cheeks!

steddyeddy

That reads as a push over to be honest the girls who know a friend fancies them and takes advantage of that are just as bad though.

beano345

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

jesus christ the world is a sad state of affairs

amacca

pmcmahon wrote: »

he does all that and all he gets is a stupid little essay about him?,i'd be pissed off if i was that nice guy

don't be ridiculous you'd smile and take it like the repressed little bitch you were.....IF you were a nice guy.

St.Spodo

Those sort of ''nice guys'' are not really nice. guys. It's just a different type tactic to get the leg over. At least dickheads are up front about what they want and are brave enough to do something about it.

pragmatic1

Shoesa wrote: »

Then there's a genuine nice guy, and the "nice guy" who does all those lovely things but only because he's actually trying to get in your pants. Like you owe him for being a good friend.

Basically, "nice guys/pushovers" who are only acting nice as a means to an end are more aptly described as "little bitches."

Spot on. Played this game when I was younger. Its a means to an end.

Mickeroo

krudler wrote: »

I have female friends who if they're out with me and they make the "get this guy the fcuk away from me" face I'll go over and ask if she wants a drink so she can make her escape, but I dont follow them around going "get awayyyy!" to any guy who looks at them, women put up with men perving on them all the time they can handle themselves.

Totally agree, done the same thing meself,was more referring to the type who hang around girls they're friends with but really want to just sleep with them and do their best to make sure nobody else does.

pragmatic1

steddyeddy wrote: »

That reads as a push over to be honest the girls who know a friend fancies them and takes advantage of that are just as bad though.

Best mate is getting taken advantage of by a girl atm. No talking to him.

Columbia

I thought I was a "nice guy" until I read that. I thought being a nice guy was not throwing her ass down the stairs every time she woke me up with the hairdryer. Guess I was wrong.

steddyeddy

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Best mate is getting taken advantage of by a girl atm. No talking to him.

Yea it happened to me once when I was a lot younger but it was for the best as I copped on after that. I think your friend has to find out for himself too!

southsiderosie

NothingMan wrote: »

What the post described was not a nice guy, sounded more like the gay friend really.

black francis wrote: »

No wonder the guys described in the OP don’t have girlfriends – they’re quite obviously gay.

LOL - my gay male friends may go shopping with me and gossip with me, but if I were constantly bitching and using them to feed my ego, they would tell me to cop the **** on - and vice versa! Come to think of it, my gay male friends are more likely to be brutally honest with me about my behavior than my female friends.

Shoesa

steddyeddy wrote: »

That reads as a push over to be honest the girls who know a friend fancies them and takes advantage of that are just as bad though.

That's the thing. It's not like we're clueless either - I knew girls who used to ride this wave comfortably, pretending to be oblivious to their guy friend's non-advances, but practically rubbing it in their faces about the guys they really liked at the same time. They liked the attention.


Still, other times it's easier just to pretend not to notice that they like you- e.g. if you're already going out with someone, and the other guy knows it. Yet they try to create a wedge by pinning the girl as the reason they're so emo, or making themselves seem so pitiful that she almost feels like she has to take care of them - because surely taking care of someone's crippling emotionally-manipulation "depression" will make them love you..? You'd think people would grow out of that crap past secondary school. Willfully oblivious people don't even deserve straight answers, they're just looking for attention and don't care who they're f*cking over in the process.

IrishZeus

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete asshat now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003



TLDR; Nice guys are awesome, keep up the good work, you will be rewarded sooner or later

Clearly written by a virgin.

pickarooney

This is going down well, OP...

Misty Chaos

I once actually fitted the profile as detailed by the article.

Fortunately I got better but not before I did some seriously messed up crap either due to desperation or in one case, rage. Being a so - called ' nice guy ' like this is a recipe for disaster for the guy. If I hadn't coped on, I'd probably either committed suicide or gone postal a long time ago.

That's not to say I don't open doors for people or other things like that ( unless the person was a b!tch / cvnt, in that case, I'm not holding that door open for you! ) but I'm don't let people push me around either.

Earlier in the year, I was at the 21st of a girl I know and after seeing they were having problems connecting a laptop to a big screen, I told them I had the right cable at home and went to get it. Note, I did NOT do this to try and score with anyone, I lived 5 minutes from the venue, did it without being asked ( well, I told them I had the right cable for the purpose and knew what to do ) I ended up getting a few free drinks for my trouble.

Point is, I did it without expecting anything in return ( No, I wasn't expecting free drink either. ) A so called ' nice guy ' would have had an agenda. I didn't like that person I once was, I like myself a hell of a lot more now.

jimthemental

IrishZeus wrote: »

Clearly written by a virgin.

A virgin would have too much wanker's cramp to stay typing something that long.

Shoesa

Misty Chaos wrote: »

Point is, I did it without expecting anything in return ( No, I wasn't expecting free drink either. ) A so called ' nice guy ' would have had an agenda. I didn't like that person I once was, I like myself a hell of a lot more now.

Well see you're clearly just a nice person, not a "nice guy."

galwaybetty

Gosh now I can completely understand why men hate being called 'nice guys'. That description would offend anyone! TBH Im not a fan of the word nice in general. If I'm asked what someone is like and I dont like them/barely remember them I'll say that they are nice. Nice is bland, forgettable and lets face it....asexual.

Also in my experience someone who describes himself as a 'nice guy' is generally the passive agressive creep who has an ulterior motive.

A gentleman would never presume to call himself such and all that.

I know plenty of good guys, who are there for me when I am genuinely upset but have no problem telling me that Im being a ridiculous diva if I'm not. A good guy is honest even when he knows that itll piss you off, whereas a 'nice guy' will lie to you.

On another point, what kind of horrible women does the Author of the essay know?

sock puppet

galwaybetty wrote: »

Nice is bland, forgettable and lets face it....asexual.

Unless it's pronounced like this

Eric Cartman

get money fcuk bitches, just be an asshole

TheZohanS

Sounds as if the author is a woman.

steddyeddy

Shoesa wrote: »

That's the thing. It's not like we're clueless either - I knew girls who used to ride this wave comfortably, pretending to be oblivious to their guy friend's non-advances, but practically rubbing it in their faces about the guys they really liked at the same time. They liked the attention.


Still, other times it's easier just to pretend not to notice that they like you- e.g. if you're already going out with someone, and the other guy knows it. Yet they try to create a wedge by pinning the girl as the reason they're so emo, or making themselves seem so pitiful that she almost feels like she has to take care of them - because surely taking care of someone's crippling emotionally-manipulation "depression" will make them love you..? You'd think people would grow out of that crap past secondary school. Willfully oblivious people don't even deserve straight answers, they're just looking for attention and don't care who they're f*cking over in the process.

Yea I have friends were the guy fancies the girl makes it clear and she pretends not to notice hoping it will go away the girl kissed some guy on holiday in front of him after he confessed to liking her and she told him (I love you as a friend) and now they no longer speak he wont give her the time of day. So playing dumb can backfire.