Are Hen Parties becoming a thing of the past?

Sunny Dayz

Are Hen Parties going to be wiped out with the recession? Are people just not interested in them anymore?

Mine is on the weekend after next and the amount who previously said they would attend (when I invited them 3 months ago) have turned around in the last week and said they cannot attend (have no money, can't get off work, have other plans, etc etc).

:mad: Has rightly pee'd me off because we have booked a hotel hen package which required a minimum number, and now we are below that number (so whoever makes it in the end will have to pay over more than originally planned and we may not get all the package offered as not enough people). Also annoys me that these people had said initally that yes they would attend, can't wait, what will I wear etc.. It's actually not an expensive hen, we got a great deal. I am well aware of people not having money as I was unemployed last year and personally am a great bargain hunter!

Are hen parties losing their appeal though? I'm very tempted to cancel the whole bloody thing if people can't be arsed!

Rage now abating....Breathe...

Penny Dreadful

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

Are Hen Parties going to be wiped out with the recession? Are people just not interested in them anymore?

Mine is on the weekend after next and the amount who previously said they would attend (when I invited them 3 months ago) have turned around in the last week and said they cannot attend (have no money, can't get off work, have other plans, etc etc).

:mad: Has rightly pee'd me off because we have booked a hotel hen package which required a minimum number, and now we are below that number (so whoever makes it in the end will have to pay over more than originally planned and we may not get all the package offered as not enough people). Also annoys me that these people had said initally that yes they would attend, can't wait, what will I wear etc.. It's actually not an expensive hen, we got a great deal. I am well aware of people not having money as I was unemployed last year and personally am a great bargain hunter!

Are hen parties losing their appeal though? I'm very tempted to cancel the whole bloody thing if people can't be arsed!

Rage now abating....Breathe...

I think it is very bad form for people to let you down at the last minute. However, I personally don't like hen parties and could never understand the appeal of them. So maybe I'm not alone in this.
Sorry you are feeling so bad about this though:)

Mongarra

I think they are becoming more complicated than just out for a few drinks or a pub crawl, but also more popular, if anything.

A friend of mine has an open farm (unusual breeds, childrens' activities, restaurant) and last year decided to do a "Hen weekend". Includes breakfast, wellie throwing, message wall painting, nicest pot-planting arrangement (part of business has garden centre and they show how to do it and let the hens design their own individual arrangement), guided tour of farm and punchbowl (though not necessarily in that order!).

Have loads of bookings and most reaction has been very positive. Don't know the cost but it seems themed days/weekends are de rigeur for hen parties.

I think it is difficult to plan a "hen" very far in advance given that people may have every intention of going when asked but financial, in particular, and other, probably many genuine, reasons may arise that give rise to cancellations. I am sorry OP yours is becoming a problem but hope it goes well if you persist with it.

Sunny Dayz

Mongarra wrote: »

I think it is difficult to plan a "hen" very far in advance given that people may have every intention of going when asked but financial, in particular, and other, probably many genuine, reasons may arise that give rise to cancellations. I am sorry OP yours is becoming a problem but hope it goes well if you persist with it.

I think it annoys me most is that I purposely arranged things well in advance to give people plenty of time to get organised themselves with work, to put aside a few pound, arrange a babysitter etc.

the term "hen party" seems to have gone alright regretably, its now "hen weekend" or "hen holiday" or multiple hens. Hens used to be for one affordable night when the pressure was minimun, now you nearly need a bleedin' loan to attend one on top of all other wedding expenses.

I had a party in my house where i supplied food and drink and no one cancelled, dont get me wrong, i love a good session but i wanted people not to have to worry about cost. If im invited to a hen weekend i dont go, its too expensive and i want to keep the roof over my head - however i wouldnt commit to one if i didnt intend to go, thats bad form (but then maybe there were unforseen circumstances)

so yes "parties" seem to be a thing of the past

Acoshla

I hope to God they become a thing of the past, for the most part they are cringeworthy events with pink fluffy penises and a gang of squawking drunk women, ugh, the sooner people stop having them the better. Generally the bride (or groom in the case of a stag) wants you to spend at least €150 between accommodation, dinner and drinking, or a day at a spa with a bunch of people you barely know, let alone want to see while you try to relax. Nope, hate them, good riddance.

Edit: And you see some of them going off to Spain, Tenerife etc for 3/4/5 day "Hen Parties", that's a holiday, not a Hen Night. You'll be married, not dead, you don't need the wedding as an excuse for a holiday, you can do that any time!

Toots

Deleted User wrote: »

the term "hen party" seems to have gone alright regretably, its now "hen weekend" or "hen holiday" or multiple hens. Hens used to be for one affordable night when the pressure was minimun, now you nearly need a bleedin' loan to attend one on top of all other wedding expenses.

I had a party in my house where i supplied food and drink and no one cancelled, dont get me wrong, i love a good session but i wanted people not to have to worry about cost. If im invited to a hen weekend i dont go, its too expensive and i want to keep the roof over my head - however i wouldnt commit to one if i didnt intend to go, thats bad form (but then maybe there were unforseen circumstances)

so yes "parties" seem to be a thing of the past

Have to agree with this. I had my hen at my parents' house and it was jammed, nobody cancelled and it cost them all nothing to attend. I think in the cases of Hen 'Weekends' it can often be that people are really enthusiastic when it's mentioned but all of a sudden realise that it's actually going to work out fairly expensive and they can't afford it. I'm not trying to justify it, but I reckon that's why a lot of people drop out closer to the day.

Personally I don't usually go on the weekends, mainly because money is tight and I'm not 100% sure if I'll have the money to go at the time, so don't want to leave the bride up the creek by cancelling later on. Usually if the hotel etc isn't too far away from where I live I'd go down for the meal one night just to show my face and wish the bride well.

Any hen parties I've been invited to that have involved a weekend/night away have usually worked out quite expensive. It'll say in the invitation that it's say €80 for the two nights b&b plus a meal one of the nights, but then when you add in lunch for the two days, dinner the second night, drinks, activities and then if you're asked to chip in for costumes and stuff, the costs really add up.

My sister in law has had to organise loads of hen parties, and she's kinda got it down to a fine art now, she basically outlines in the invitation what the costs will be so people will know in advance. Also, she won't make a booking for someone who hasn't paid, so say if the accommodation is €X, they pay this to secure their place, that way if anyone does drop out the rest of the group won't have to fork over extra to cover their place. She's found that if you get the money upfront, you'll have a far more realistic number of people who can actually make it, and any last minute cancellations are usually due to genuinely unforseen circumstances.

OP, what might be an idea for you is to organise a casual night out for a few drinks/bit of grub so anyone who can't attend the weekend can go out then, if there's still some of you willing to go for the weekend I'd be hesitant to just cancel it completely, but get in touch with the hotel and ask what, if any, the additional costs will be so you can decide as a group if it's still practical to go.

ElleEm

Toots* wrote: »

Have to agree with this. I had my hen at my parents' house and it was jammed, nobody cancelled and it cost them all nothing to attend. I think in the cases of Hen 'Weekends' it can often be that people are really enthusiastic when it's mentioned but all of a sudden realise that it's actually going to work out fairly expensive and they can't afford it. I'm not trying to justify it, but I reckon that's why a lot of people drop out closer to the day.

Personally I don't usually go on the weekends, mainly because money is tight and I'm not 100% sure if I'll have the money to go at the time, so don't want to leave the bride up the creek by cancelling later on. Usually if the hotel etc isn't too far away from where I live I'd go down for the meal one night just to show my face and wish the bride well.

Any hen parties I've been invited to that have involved a weekend/night away have usually worked out quite expensive. It'll say in the invitation that it's say €80 for the two nights b&b plus a meal one of the nights, but then when you add in lunch for the two days, dinner the second night, drinks, activities and then if you're asked to chip in for costumes and stuff, the costs really add up.

My sister in law has had to organise loads of hen parties, and she's kinda got it down to a fine art now, she basically outlines in the invitation what the costs will be so people will know in advance. Also, she won't make a booking for someone who hasn't paid, so say if the accommodation is €X, they pay this to secure their place, that way if anyone does drop out the rest of the group won't have to fork over extra to cover their place. She's found that if you get the money upfront, you'll have a far more realistic number of people who can actually make it, and any last minute cancellations are usually due to genuinely unforseen circumstances.

OP, what might be an idea for you is to organise a casual night out for a few drinks/bit of grub so anyone who can't attend the weekend can go out then if there's still some of you willing to go for the weekend I'd be hesitant to just cancel it completely, but get in touch with the hotel and ask what, if any, the additional costs will be so you can decide as a group if it's still practical to go.

+ 1 to all of this.

I don't like going to Hen's parties because of the tackiness, but I also don't like the idea of spending loads of money I don't have going on holidays with a group of people, many of which I don't know.

Even with months to go, loads of people can't afford to save money for a hotel/ transport/ food and drinks for a weekend that they may ordinarily turn down.

Most of the people I know getting married over the last few years have had weekends away to European cities, which a few go on, then they have one night out in local pubs which are full of friends and family.

If you want everyone to be able to go, make it more accessible to those on a budget/ with kids/ short on time etc.

gaeilgebeo

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

Are Hen Parties going to be wiped out with the recession? Are people just not interested in them anymore?

Mine is on the weekend after next and the amount who previously said they would attend (when I invited them 3 months ago) have turned around in the last week and said they cannot attend (have no money, can't get off work, have other plans, etc etc).

:mad: Has rightly pee'd me off because we have booked a hotel hen package which required a minimum number, and now we are below that number (so whoever makes it in the end will have to pay over more than originally planned and we may not get all the package offered as not enough people). Also annoys me that these people had said initally that yes they would attend, can't wait, what will I wear etc.. It's actually not an expensive hen, we got a great deal. I am well aware of people not having money as I was unemployed last year and personally am a great bargain hunter!

Are hen parties losing their appeal though? I'm very tempted to cancel the whole bloody thing if people can't be arsed!

Rage now abating....Breathe...

Quick question, is your hen party one night or a weekend?

carolinespring

I personally do not like hen parties, I didn't have one. It would have been my worst nightmare. We had a pub meal with all our friends and family who had arrived the evening before the wedding with a couple of bottles of champagne. we also had someone into the house the day before the wedding doing nails and friends popping in and out all day for a cuppa or a beer and a chat. All very chilled and relaxed. We paid and it cost us around 300 in total. Pretty much what I am sure I would have spent if I had to have had a hen party.

When I am invited to a weekend/night away one I always say not. My close friends know how I feel about them and dont mind at all that I don't go. I make a point of doing somthing with the bride to be on a one to one. To show her I care and make the run up to her big day special

I have had to arrange 4 hens over the years and I was asked to by the brides as they knew I hate the tackiness of hens and they wanted a more laid back one. One was a spa night away including dinner,one treatment and use of all the spa facilities. It was what the Bride wanted. About 10 went and it came in at around 100 euro each. Again it was very relaxed, all close friends. Another was a lock in in a local beauty salon. We took snacks and wine with us and chilled. Decked the place out with 1950s style wedding shower stuff we got of the net. The salon done a deal of a facial/massage and maicure for 50 euro. After everyone came back to my place for a chinese take away (which I paid for,as it was a close friend) and drinks. Turned out to be a fantastic night.
Another was food and drinks again in my house. made a big pot of chilli, we made cocktails (everyone took a bottle of something they had at home) we played music, danced, did each others nails and it was a great laugh.I think the food cost me about 50 euro to do and as we always have loads of wine lying around as well as other drinks that didnt add to the cost.
the last one I arranged was for a older bride and we had a champagne afternoon tea in a lovely hotel. 25 euro each and I have to say it was fantastic. More turned up to that than any other hen. about 45 in total and the feed back was fantastic. In fact 2 brides from the group are doing as there hens. Everyone had such a laugh and it was fun to dress for afternoon tea. Something that felt like such a treat and didnt cost the earth. Would love to do that one again.

For me if I am going to go away I want to spend the money going with my OH. The girls at work give out about the cost of hens, the travel, hotel, food, drinks, club and they feel they have to have a new outfit so can can end up cost 300 or 400. Which is a hell of a lot of money.

Each to what they want. I think we will be seeing a lot more stay at home hen's in the future.

AoifeCork

My sister had her's as a weekend but ONLY invited close family and a couple friends.. there was about 10 altogether, maybe 12. The "image" of 25 girls with short skirts, pink flashing L plates and feather boas is kind of becoming a thing of the past. My sister turned hers into a nice little get away in Inchydonney.She gave 3months notice and,so she wouldn't have cancellations/disappointments, let everyone book their own room whenever. She knew there'd be at least 6 who would not let her down and because it was in a nice hotel, she knew that she wouldn't miss the no show-ers (thankfully there wasn't any!!) due to everything on offer in the hotel (beach, spa treatments, etc)... it ended up being very relaxed, reasonably priced and just a great time. Make a budget, have your very close friends.. don't bother relying on people who are not 100% about attending!

Most of all..enjoy it!!! Whether it's dinner and girly chats over wine or a weekend away or you and the small bridal party going out on the town-it's YOUR night... have a great one!

whatdoicare

Don't take it personally OP - I just recently had to say no to a friends hen party as no matter what angle I look at it, I just can't afford it. I felt like a jackass saying no but I had no choice - I'm flat broke.
My own birthday, a milestone one, would not even have happened if my folks hadn't sprung for part of it and my hubby doing a favour for the bar to get a deal for a few sandwhiches and sausages.

I offered to meet her group later in the night as I can just about afford to buy her a drink and offered the organisers some help with putting some stuff they were doing together but that's about as much as I can do. It feels awful and I'm sure she'll be upset but what can I do?

So, cut your friends a bit of slack - very few people have cash to even put away towards a night out anymore. They probably feel like **** having to cancel. Just go on your night out and enjoy yourself.

amdublin

I hate weekend hen parties.

I go for the one night ones but not the weekend ones.

Op maybe just change and have a smaller party or something?

gaeilgebeo

I feel "weekend" hen parties are selfish!
Whatever about the expense of one night away, a weekend is far too much expense. It doesn't matter how much notice you give guests, they are still going to have to fork out hundreds of euros.

Another thing people seem to forget is the expense of the actual wedding which is usually only a few weeks after the hen. A lot of people just don't have hundreds of euros to spare at the minute and I cannot understand brides who expect a WEEKEND away a few weeks before the wedding.

krankykitty

I don't think it's selfish once the bride doesn't EXPECT people to come, and once it's genuinely left up to the invitee to accept/decline. I think sometimes brides can't win - if they personally want to go on a weekend with a couple of their close buddies, there'll be moaning from all angles about people who weren't invited, yet when people are invited and can't afford/don't want to go,they moan rather than simply gracefully declining the invite.


I think what the OP was so upset about was people saying they would come and then pulling out closer to the time - it may have been better had they just said at the start that they were either not going, or were unsure?

krankykitty

Sorry Double Post :-(

gaeilgebeo

krankykitty wrote: »

I don't think it's selfish once the bride doesn't EXPECT people to come, and once it's genuinely left up to the invitee to accept/decline. I think sometimes brides can't win - if they personally want to go on a weekend with a couple of their close buddies, there'll be moaning from all angles about people who weren't invited, yet when people are invited and can't afford/don't want to go,they moan rather than simply gracefully declining the invite.


I think what the OP was so upset about was people saying they would come and then pulling out closer to the time - it may have been better had they just said at the start that they were either not going, or were unsure?

Yeah but what's to say the "close" friends can always afford it. If one of my close friends decided to have a weekend away a few weeks before a wedding, there's nothing to say that I could afford it, close friend or not. I would however feel immense pressure to find the money from somewhere!

You can't invite people to a hen based on their earnings. For example, my OHs sister is unemployed at the minute. We are very close friends. Should she not be expected to come on the basis that she can feel free to decline because it's a weekend away and sure she can't afford it?!. I would want her there.

Why not have an affordable night where everyone has an opportunity to attend?

missyb

hi, it is a pity that people backed out of you at the last moment especially when others will take the cost. To be honest I think hens are a bit of a dying breed, I know I wont have one when the time comes, and several of my friends who are recent brides had a few drinks in town and that was it. though there will always be people who will have them, I definitely think is it not unusual now for brides to forfeit having a hen whereas a few years ago that was unusual. I wont have one because basically a few of my close friends and a couple of family members are having financial troubles or money has always been tight for them so I might just host a few drinks or nibbles in the house at the most, Im really not bothered to be honest, but each to their own.

Teyla Emmagan

God I hate hens, they are always a nightmare. I also have one next weekend and I’m dreading it. All these emails going around about the ‘theme’ (heaven preserve us). And it’s a bit of an odd one in that she’s invited lots of people to it who aren’t even going to the wedding!

Anyway, this is the story of the hen my sister went to a couple of years ago (height of Celtic tiger excess I think and says very little about the bride to be). They were all asked for €75 euro up front (about 5 reminder emails were sent around). This covered:

• Drinks and a buffet in her parent’s house. The parents bought everything from Aldi/Lidi.
• Bus to that massive night club in Swords. No bus home. No cover charge in. Regardless of whether you were going or not.
• The Marc Jacobs handbag that the hen’s two sisters bought her from BT because ‘otherwise she would only be given rubbish’!!

I was absolutely gobsmacked. I couldn’t believe my sister actually went, or the tremendous greed of the bride to be (and her whole crass family). I would have told her to go jump in a lake.

For a start, my own parents would die before inviting my friends over and then asking them to pay for their own food and drink (and these people have a very nice house in a very good area of town and all the kids went to private school before you think they are broke). Secondly, herself and her sisters obviously saw this as an opportunity to just make some money out of her friends. How dare they dictate what has to be bought for the hen (or indeed that anything other than an inexpensive token needs to be purchased for a hen night). And to go and spend €600 on a handbag that your friends have been forced to pay for!!! I was horrified.

Anyway, I know that’s a bit off topic, but there ye go.

gaeilgebeo

I think inviting someone on your hen who is not invited to the wedding is the height of bad manners.
When all the wedding talk starts and discussion on outfits etc, the person must feel like a spare! Bigger fool them for going.

Sunny Dayz

gaeilgebeo wrote: »

Quick question, is your hen party one night or a weekend?

Just one night - that's enough, wouldn't be able for two nights in a row anymore!

Figured it was also easier to organise for one night rather than two. Also, I need some time at the weekend for the fiance and son.

Sunny Dayz

gaeilgebeo wrote: »

I feel "weekend" hen parties are selfish!
Whatever about the expense of one night away, a weekend is far too much expense. It doesn't matter how much notice you give guests, they are still going to have to fork out hundreds of euros.

It is for one night not a weekend. €90 for one night hotel, dinner, breakfast and treatment in spa. €12 if they want to go night club. One of my friends has a large stash of vodka we can drink before going out (reminding me of college days drinking before we go nightclubbing). Male friend is doing bus run as favour. So just some pocket money for whatever you're drinking. So I personlly wouldn't deem it to be expensive.

tatli_lokma

Personally I'm not into hen nights - well at least the ones where a gaggle of girls head out dressed in pink bunny ears and get locked and annoy everyone in Temple bar!
The suggestions another poster had about a 'lock in' in a beauty salon, or a girly night in would be more my thing, and thinking back to when my sisters got married (10 & 15 years ago) that was more the style of it. I remember my sis had a night in the house for all the female relatives and neighbours (young and old) and basically it was a good old natter about the wedding and a bit of a laugh. Then the next night she went out with her bridesmaids and a handful of mates for a few drinks and a laugh. That was it. No one had to RSVP to it, no one had to plan 3 months ahead for it. There was also no need to 'exclude' people such as your MIL to be, your granny or your mam (lets be honest, there are lots of us who wouldn't necessarily want our mams or worse yet, our mother in law to see us when we're locked! lol)

I didn't do a hen thing as I'm not into it. Instead 2 weeks before the wedding me and the OH had a BBQ in the house. As I met hubby when I was living abroad, some of my family/friends hadn't even met him, so it was an opportunity for everyone to get to know each other before the big day. There were adults and kids alike. We had salads and a BBQ and supplied the drink for everyone, and most people also brought a bottle or food or something. It turned into a great night, really relaxed really good fun. People were able to come after work, didn't need to plan for it weeks ahead, didn't even need a baby sitter.

I know that is not for everyone, and the hen is supposed to be a bit of a giggle and may not be suitable for kids, but I'm just pointing out that you don't have to do what everyone expects!

I 100% agree with the more laid back approach. People will be more likely to attend, and will feel more relaxed and will probably get to know each other better than if they are in a noisy nightclub. A bit of female bonding over the nail varnish works wonders!

(I also seriously have a problem with 'presents' for the hen? whats that all about??? with the exception of perhaps a 'joke' gift or a pitching in to pay for her facial or something, I really don't see where anyone could be expected to buy a present for a hen??? that is just greedy and rude IMO)

Malari

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

It is for one night not a weekend. €90 for one night hotel, dinner, breakfast and treatment in spa. €12 if they want to go night club. One of my friends has a large stash of vodka we can drink before going out (reminding me of college days drinking before we go nightclubbing). Male friend is doing bus run as favour. So just some pocket money for whatever you're drinking. So I personlly wouldn't deem it to be expensive.

I agree, €90 is not expensive for all that. It's a very good deal. But for a hen night paying that is just too much for some people. €12 for a club and money for drink is maybe all a lot of people can afford, and also many people's circumstance can change within 3 months of you proposing this plan.

I suppose I feel for both the person having the hen party and the people who are compelled to back out.

ElleEm

€90 for that is a good deal, but it's still a lot of cash, especially when you factor in drinks with dinner and afterwards. It could easily add up to another €100. Then possible new outfit/ wedding coming up, etc.
Some of the women may also need to pay for babysitters too.
It may also be the case that some people don't want to spend two days and one night away from their loved ones at the weekend.

It's bad form that they cancelled so late but I have had to do similar in the past because of money so don't make them feel bad about it.

krankykitty

gaeilgebeo wrote: »

Yeah but what's to say the "close" friends can always afford it. If one of my close friends decided to have a weekend away a few weeks before a wedding, there's nothing to say that I could afford it, close friend or not. I would however feel immense pressure to find the money from somewhere!

You can't invite people to a hen based on their earnings. For example, my OHs sister is unemployed at the minute. We are very close friends. Should she not be expected to come on the basis that she can feel free to decline because it's a weekend away and sure she can't afford it?!. I would want her there.

Why not have an affordable night where everyone has an opportunity to attend?

Well if the close friends are suggesting a weekend, I think that would imply they can afford it Plus, they can also say no if they don't want to go or cant afford or whatever. Once nobody is giving the invitees grief about it, I don't see where the pressure is coming from. I've often not gone to hen weekends/nights, or indeed only gone down for the one night because that was all I could afford. But just because that was my situation, I wasn't complaining about what someone else had chosen to do (and had been kind enough to invite me to). I think people get their knickers in a knot about weddings and everything surrounding them, you hear people complaining that they have been invited to a wedding/hen because of the cost, you know, you do have the option to say no! Or to go and spend less money, give a smaller present, not drink, re-use an outfit etc.

Probably the best compromise is to have whatever weekend/night out/holiday or whatever it is you want, but then have a house party or similar where the costs will be minimal (or none!) and everyone can go to that. I don't see why you shouldn't have a weekend away just because some people won't want or be able to go to it.

aisog

hen parties have become a huge affair where it ends up costing a bomb, everybody wants to do out do the last and have something different to make it stand out!
I just think people are realizing that hens along with the wedding all adds up and people are being more careful with their money!
aldoe it is rude to cancel last minute!

whatdoicare

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

It is for one night not a weekend. €90 for one night hotel, dinner, breakfast and treatment in spa. €12 if they want to go night club.

90 euros is actually half my weeks wages - 102 plus whatever for transport, drinks etc to me would be a choice between going on yr hen or eating that week. Maybe a few of yr pals are in the same boat but too embarrassed to say?

krankykitty

I just don't think it's fair to label someone "selfish" because they have invited you to something which you are free to decline. In that case, should someone who can afford it not go out for a meal/drinks, because they have friends who can't afford to do that? It's your own responsibility to say no if you have reasons why you can't go, rather than bitching about the person who invited you to the event.

whatdoicare

krankykitty wrote: »

I just don't think it's fair to label someone "selfish" because they have invited you to something which you are free to decline. In that case, should someone who can afford it not go out for a meal/drinks, because they have friends who can't afford to do that? It's your own responsibility to say no if you have reasons why you can't go, rather than bitching about the person who invited you to the event.

This is a thread from a Bride being mad at people cancelling, no?

krankykitty

whatdoicare wrote: »

This is a thread from a Bride being mad at people cancelling, no?

Fair point, but people are only too happy to tell her that she was selfish for wanting it in the first place. I think the bride is more unhappy that they cancelled at the last minute, rather than the fact they are not going.

whatdoicare

krankykitty wrote: »

Fair point, but people are only too happy to tell her that she was selfish for wanting it in the first place. I think the bride is more unhappy that they cancelled at the last minute, rather than the fact they are not going.

Whilst I don't think she's being selfish, I do think she's being a tad unrealistic about peoples circumstances and relying on numbers to drum up an amount like 90 euros was even more so.

krankykitty

I know what you mean, but they did say they would go before, to the point of showing great excitement about it... And other reasons were cited such as "have other plans" which might not be anything to do with the money at all. So I can see why she would be upset at that.

whatdoicare

krankykitty wrote: »

I know what you mean, but they did say they would go before, to the point of showing great excitement about it... And other reasons were cited such as "have other plans" which might not be anything to do with the money at all. So I can see why she would be upset at that.

People do that the whole time, life happens. The trick is, if yr planning something like that - get the money first and then do the booking.

Monife

I am amazed at how some girls do their Hens these days. One girl in work went to Edinburgh for 2 nights and then down the country with the rest of her friends who didn't make it to Edinburgh... 2 Hen nights, like what is the need for that.

I told my maid of honour I only want a small, affordable affair (like my wedding). I was more than happy to go for a meal with the girls and female members of the my family and his and then back to my MOH's house for a cocktail night and games. Although instead, my MOH has organised a 3 bedroom apartment in Dublin (friends live in Wicklow, myself in Dublin) for the night (€109, she insisted on paying for it as part of the wedding gift, she is also making our bouquets (silk flowers) ) and has organised an early bird for 15 people (9 girls 6 female family members) in a restaurant which I think is a lovely idea. So if you factor in dart fare, early bird and off licence drink, the max cost would be €40pp. Affordable and going to be a great night. I don't see the need to be gadding off down the country for the weekend and going out dressed like a bag of dolly mixture.

I also don't see how girls find going out to clubs for the Hens to be good fun. Imho, I think the Hens is suppose to be a night of good craic with your close girlfriends, talking about past boyfriends and future married life and wedding talk. 2 day Hens and crazy weekends away are not only ridiculous in the current economic climate but even with no recession, who in their right mind wants to fork out over 200quid for the Hens and then have to do the same (or much more) for the actual Wedding...

amdublin

We need to get back to the house party with friends, female family members and neighbours.

Where the bride provides the refreshment (like a normal party)

amdublin

The two nights away are so boring - by the end of it you do be sick of each other, sick from the drink and sick of the bride acting like a princess.

Acoshla

My boyfriend is invited on a stag soon, the groom wants everyone (60 of them :eek:) to go away to Cork for two nights, €85 a night for the hotel, so €170 gone before travel costs, the inevitable drinking for 48 hours and any food. So basically it'd be about €400 if the groom had it his way, between the constant pints and nightclub entry and slap up meals etc. My boyfriend has said he'll go for one night, stay in a hostel that he'll book himself (groom said he doesn't want to stay in a sh*tty hostel) and that's it.

But of course the groom has also organised a "Junior Stag" next weekend, a practice run basically. So hopefully the ridiculous stags are becoming a thing of the past too!

krankykitty

amdublin wrote: »

The two nights away are so boring - by the end of it you do be sick of each other, sick from the drink and sick of the bride acting like a princess.

Sounds like you need to find some new friends

snickerpuss

amdublin wrote: »

We need to get back to the house party with friends, female family members and neighbours.

Where the bride provides the refreshment (like a normal party)

Of course this only works if you have a big house/don't have a tiny apartment. I know my parent's house could fit about 7 max in the sitting room. Maybe it's a country thing, I've never heard of it.

Toots

whatdoicare wrote: »

People do that the whole time, life happens. The trick is, if yr planning something like that - get the money first and then do the booking.

If there's a lesson to be learned from the whole experience, then it's this.

the_syco

Went to a mates stag there a few years back. It was in Jurys on some deal, so we got it cheaply. 2 per room, and there was between 10 and 15 of us. I think it was about €200 each, and this included two nights in a hotel, and paintball (which included the transport to/from the paintball) on Saturday. All paid up months before the event (another reason why we got it cheaply, I think).

IMO, if you're planning a weekend, pay for it all months in advance, so you know who's coming or not, and it allows people to then save up for the drinking. And by gawd, two of the boys drank like there was no tomorrow :P

Redonblonde

I dread the idea of a garish hen... I have a mix of friends, some who would be delighted to talk sex/ old boyfriends etc, and go for a boogie, and then some who would be horrified and embarrassed if we mentioned anything sex related, and then some who don't drink or go clubbing. So I think I will bake some cakes, make fancy sandwiches, and we can have a picnic or tea party and just relax.

Asked my mum who is 60 what was the hen in her day...you invited your friends over, and showed them your trosseau, ie, what you were wearing for the wedding night (oh yeah!) and your "going away" outfit. That and some drinks, was it!

amdublin

Redonblonde wrote: »

Asked my mum who is 60 what was the hen in her day...you invited your friends over, and showed them your trosseau, ie, what you were wearing for the wedding night (oh yeah!) and your "going away" outfit. That and some drinks, was it!

Awww that's cute

Nelbell

I think garish hens are a group of girls who would normally dress OTT on a night out anyway. You know what you’re like, you know what your friends are like, so your hen is never going to degenerate into a penis themed pink frenzy, unless that’s what you’re in to!
I’m always in two minds about the whole attending or not attending debate. Of course people genuinely can’t afford an expensive weekend away especially with the wedding so close, but did they or would they expect that of you? In most cases I would say they would or did. If you can’t afford it, fair enough. In my experience what you get in return is a great night(s) out, memories to last forever and a good relationship with girls who you perhaps didn’t know beforehand but now know on the wedding day. It makes the group who did attend all feel like friends at the wedding, so the day is far more inclusive. IMO girls who missed out, miss out Keep it simple so nobody has that left out feeling. It is bad form to say you’re going though and then back out at the last minute. That isn’t doing anybody any favours.
I recently attended a fancy dress hen and despite my reservations it was a roaring success! Nobody spent a fortune on expensive outfits, it was very much a make and do outfit and all the funnier for it! There was no dresses and high heels pressure, everyone just wore what was comfortable and had a laugh.

winterlight

I'm glad I just came across this thread. I'm getting married in December. I wasn't going to have a 'hen night out' or a 'hen weekend.' I hate the forced merriment, I really think it's asking for too much of peoples time and money...basically I find the whole hen thing really tacky. I do, however, really like the idea of hosting a party for the girls in my house some night. So this has really got me thinking...

gallagb1

Personally speaking I have no interest in weddings, I think marriage is grand if you wanna do it, but I think weddings are just over the top and hideously expensive! My friend since I was 5 asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes even though I don't really want to do it but I couldn't say no to her. What comes with it is the hen, I'm dreading it. I forked out the 150 euro to go cuz I don't want to upset her but I really think it's unfair she expects me to spend that much when I'm not even working atm and have tons of expenses atm and don't know a single other person coming. I just think people are foolish spend so much on one day when the marriage is the thing that's important! All the bridesmaids keep going on about how excited they are about the hen and I'm here just lying thought my teeth. Are they genuinely actually excited about it? I'm very confused!

love_love

I could be wrong but I don't think you're going to find much common ground in a forum on weddings...

splinter65

gallagb1 wrote: »

Personally speaking I have no interest in weddings, I think marriage is grand if you wanna do it, but I think weddings are just over the top and hideously expensive! My friend since I was 5 asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes even though I don't really want to do it but I couldn't say no to her. What comes with it is the hen, I'm dreading it. I forked out the 150 euro to go cuz I don't want to upset her but I really think it's unfair she expects me to spend that much when I'm not even working atm and have tons of expenses atm and don't know a single other person coming. I just think people are foolish spend so much on one day when the marriage is the thing that's important! All the bridesmaids keep going on about how excited they are about the hen and I'm here just lying thought my teeth. Are they genuinely actually excited about it? I'm very confused!

The wedding industry in Ireland found it very easy to convince most couples that they would not be properly married unless they spend multiple thousands of €s on what amounts to a party for family and friends.
How easily people were convinced that their party had to be the most lavish and most original so far....only achieved by shoveling cash by the bucket from the engagement announcement through the hens and the stag right up to and including a now 3 day weekend (the recently added rehearsal dinner was imported from the US with admirable aplomb).

TheRiverman

I was at a wedding recently.The hen party held a week before the wedding was a simple get together of female family members and friends about fifteen altogether,who went for a meal and some drinks.No ridiculous carry on or bull****.

Spanish Eyes

Some day soon, a restrained, small, and tasteful wedding will become the thing to do. Everything else has been done to death now.

Hens is naff. Never go, and I don't do weddings either unless it's close family. My choice, my moolah.

Bridezillas did me in over the years, never again.