How do you do the finances in a relationship

naughtysmurf

Hope this is the right forum to post this,

Would appreciate your comments & opinions on the following....

A couple, in a long term relationship / married, mortage, kids, car loan and all the usual stuff / expences that go with that....both work full time,

Person 1 earns a good bit more than person two lets say 70k + bonus
Person 2 earns lets say 30k...so 100k before tax household income

After all the bills are paid at the end of the month, how should the remainder be split?

My own opinion on this is 50 / 50 and it wouldn't matter to me if I was the higher earner as I would see a long term relationship / marriage as a team effort

Just wondering what others think, btw I'm male, would be interesting to see if there is a difference in opinions between male & female.

Thanks

curlzy

Hey OP,

If this isn't a issue for you personally then you're posting in the wrong place!

But sure here's my 2c; I'm female. I earn more than my boyfriend, we both work full time. We split EVERYTHING 50/50. I use my wage to pay all the rent and the rest goes into saving for mortgage etc, we live on my bf's wage for food, bills and socialising. Anything left over goes on whatever's wanted, maybe my bf wants a new graphic novel, I might want a new hula hoop, we take turns spending the money that we have left after all the essentials are paid.

On a side note, just wondering exactly what you mean when you say you expect female/males to have different views? I sense sexism lurking under that statement and I'm genuinely curious if I'm right or just seeing sexism where none exists?

naughtysmurf

Thanks for your reply Curlzy,

Yep it is an issue for me personally, partner has totally different view on how the remainder should be split, she is the higher earner (hasn't always been that way but has been for the last 8yrs or so)

As we are of different sex, was just wondering if there would be a difference generally speaking between male and female views on this subject, so no sexism at all.....more interested in what people think of the first part of my post to be honest

curlzy

naughtysmurf wrote: »

As we are of different sex, was just wondering if there would be a difference generally speaking between male and female views on this subject, so no sexism at all.....more interested in what people think of the first part of my post to be honest

Thanks for clearing that up . With regards your gf's attitude to the split, well tbh if she's looking for more than 50% I would consider that a bit selfish. You're in a partnership after all, that may just be me though, it'll be interesting to see what others think.

brokensoul

My husband earns substantially more than me.
When we met we both had houses, we now live in his house and my house is rented out.

He pays the mortgage on his house, I pay the mortgage on my house. Everything else (bills, food etc) we split 50/50. We have a sheet of paper on the cork board in our kitchen and anytime we buy groceries or pay a bill or whatever we add it to that. We tot it once a month and see who owes who money.

Once i have my wages and my rent, I am more that capable of paying 50% of our day to day expenses and still have money left for incidentals. Husband has alot more savings than me but to be honest, if i needed money for something big I know that I would have access to those savings.

We have a joint bank account but for most things we just use our own separate accounts.

Maybe this will change when we have kids, but for the moment it works for us.

John Mason

My boy gives me a set amount of money each month to pay the rent and the bills and after that its kind of 50/50.

One person earns more but less disposable income whereas the other earns less but has more dispoable income - so it balances out

One person pays the monthly groceries

we dont have a set rule about who spends what, the same when we go out whoever has the money spends it

very informal really, once the bills are paid

tbh

50/50 here too = whenever a bill comes in, one of us will just pay it. Neither of us keep score.

ztoical

When you say the remainder do you mean any money that's left after all bills and what not have been covered? I don't understand why this needs to be split at all. It's your money. I don't buy into the we're in a relationship therefore everything has to be shared view point. Anything that is a cost to be shared should be split in whatever ratio seems fair to a couple [50/50 for most but if one is on considerable less wage a couple might break it down differently] Maybe some joint savings for things like a holiday together or home improvements, unforseen expenses like house/car repairs but after that I would be of the view it's my money and it stays in my account.

Some people are better at managing money then others so some will find it easy to share wages/bank accounts while others won't. My parents started with one joint bank account but my dad wasn't great at managing money was forever spending money from the account on random things he wanted and they were always short of cash so they split to a joint account for all their bills and their own accounts for the rest and it made my dad much better at managing his money and he couldn't go spending my mums on impluse buys.

naughtysmurf

Well, here is how it works (or doesn't) for us

A couple of years back I was put on a three day week, didn't know how long it was going to last so gave her all my tax credits / allowances (seemed like a good idea at the time) luckily it didn't last too long, a few weeks, never took my credits / allowances back

Her take home per month is 4,500.00 (she only admits to it being 3,850)
My take home is 1,500.00 .....so 6,000.00 in total

On average our TOTAL MONTHLY OUTGOINGS are 3000.00

Leaving 3000.00 disposable income, this is split 2k for her 1k for me

I came across her bank statements while I was cleaning out her car so I know what she takes home...last week I was looking for something not related to this and found her P60 for last year, 105K!!! She gets good bonus's. I have not interest in her bonus's, they are hers, that's fine

I don't contribute to childrens clothes / school uniforms / school books etc, she gets €3600 p/a childrens allowance, I feel this should cover this.

Anyway, brought this up with her (P60) couple of weeks backs and no offence to the ladies but she has been all picture no sound since then, earlier this week I told her that from next year all the tax credits / allowances will be split 50 / 50, I don't even have picture now!!!

So it's all a bit stressed at the mo, btw she is away with work for part of nearly every week, usually 2 or 3 days so I'm chief cook & bottle washer then (no probs) I cook, keep the house tidy, help clean at the weekends (incl toilet), mop floors, have even been know to iron regulary...certainly not saying I'm gods gift by any stretch but can't help thinking that I'm been taken for a mug.

Oh, and I do love her but this dishonesty re her income is taking it's toll on our relationship, wouldn't mind if we were both broke.

ztoical

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Well, here is how it works (or doesn't) for us

A couple of years back I was put on a three day week, didn't know how long it was going to last so gave her all my tax credits / allowances (seemed like a good idea at the time) luckily it didn't last too long, a few weeks, never took my credits / allowances back

Her take home per month is 4,500.00 (she only admits to it being 3,850)
My take home is 1,500.00 .....so 6,000.00 in total

On average our TOTAL MONTHLY OUTGOINGS are 3000.00

Leaving 3000.00 disposable income, this is split 2k for her 1k for me

I came across her bank statements while I was cleaning out her car so I know what she takes home...last week I was looking for something not related to this and found her P60 for last year, 105K!!! She gets good bonus's. I have not interest in her bonus's, they are hers, that's fine

I don't contribute to childrens clothes / school uniforms / school books etc, she gets €3600 p/a childrens allowance, I feel this should cover this.

Anyway, brought this up with her (P60) couple of weeks backs and no offence to the ladies but she has been all picture no sound since then, earlier this week I told her that from next year all the tax credits / allowances will be split 50 / 50, I don't even have picture now!!!

So it's all a bit stressed at the mo, btw she is away with work for part of nearly every week, usually 2 or 3 days so I'm chief cook & bottle washer then (no probs) I cook, keep the house tidy, help clean at the weekends (incl toilet), mop floors, have even been know to iron regulary...certainly not saying I'm gods gift by any stretch but can't help thinking that I'm been taken for a mug.

Oh, and I do love her but this dishonesty re her income is taking it's toll on our relationship, wouldn't mind if we were both broke.

Other then sorting the tax credit issue out what is the issue? That she earns more then you? That she hasn't told you exactly how much she earns? Are all your joint bills paid? If they are then what is the issue? Is she buying stuff and rubbing your nose in it? If your total out goings are 3000 and your left with 1000 out of your 1500 then your only paying 500 and she's paying 2500 is that correct? Do you think the only reason she is getting more then you is down to the tax credits?

Maybe she didn't want to say how much she's earning if you've been struggling for a bit on a lower income and feared you might take as a slight to your menhood if she did say.

You clean the house and cook 2 or 3 days a week....so? It's your bloody house why wouldn't you do a share of the housework? Are the kids yours or hers from a different relationship? How many kids and what age are we talking about here? 3600 might sound like alot per year for school stuff and clothes but you'd be surprised how expensive it becomes.

John Mason

Honestly other then the Tax Credits - i really have no idea what the problem is?

Is that she has move disposable income? Is she going on flash holidays with out you?

are you struggling to find money for a new pair of shoes but she is buying 10 pairs a week and waving them at you

i really dont get what the problem is maybe i am missing something.

also i am pretty sure i would cost more then 3.5k to feed and clothe kids especially with creche fees or school books

I am a friend

I think the biggest issue here is that she is lying....

Angeles

Same with me and my partner
She earns more then me but its all accumulated into a total income for our home. She pays the bills with her money and what ever is left is transferred to my account, I then use my wage plus her remaining to top up any additional bills/loans and put the rest to our food and groceries.

helimachoptor

I earn more than the OH at present but we're together since we were students so this has changed a few times with each of us changing jobs.

Generally our wages go into a joint account, we pay the bills out of that, rent, food, esb, petrol etc.

We save and then we assign each other an amount to spend that month but we always keep some money for emergencies and if its not used we add it to savings. On the whole it works fine

omahaid

Our finances are pretty simple. At the start of the year we count up all planned expenses for the year, all of them! Down to the weekly takeaway and to the childrens schoolbooks to tyres for the car to car tax to heating to cinema. Absolutely everything is added to this list.

That gives us a figure, all our outgoings. We want to save, so add savings onto this (obviously we trim outgoings if the numbers don't add up). We also add in pocket money, we each get the same amount in euro. This money can be spent on absolutely anything we want, it's ours.

We add up our incomes (we are married so we have a high degree of trust).

We have a joint account, all income except pocket money goes into this account and all outgoings for the family come from this account. The savings also come from this account and are never touched, we should only need to go at this in dire circumstances as we should have accounted for all outgoings at the start of the year.

I think this is fair, me and the wife get equal pocket money to spend on what we want. Everything else (including socialising) comes from the joint account.

The phrase pocket money might be a little childish so perhaps this is a poor phrase but this ensures that we each have some money to ourselves. I earn more than her so we can't split the bills 50/50.

We also have personal accounts, I don't know what's in hers and she doesn't know whats in mine (although Im sure she would tell me if I ask and I would tell her).

anndub

If you were to split the disposable income for the month 50:50 you would come out with 1,500 meaning that essentially you were keeping your entire monthly salary and not contributing anything to the household financially?! Seems a bit crazy to me. As it is you're only contributing 500 euro a month.

I think she is being very fair as it sounds to me that she is using a good chunk of that 2k to support your children.

You don't really have a valid complaint here

omahaid

And I should add, I earn 25% more than my wife but I would consider it pretty mean spirited if I said to her I deserve 25% more spending money. And if the positions were reversed, and I was earning, say, 50% less than her I would feel pretty crappy if she said that she should have 50% more spending money than me.

deisemum

My husband and myself have joint accounts apart from business accounts and all income goes into a joint account and there's no "his money" "my money" it's ours and this has worked well for us for the last 23 years.

There have been times I've earned more than him while he's earned more than me at other times including when I was a stay at home mum for a couple of years.

beagle001

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Well, here is how it works (or doesn't) for us

A couple of years back I was put on a three day week, didn't know how long it was going to last so gave her all my tax credits / allowances (seemed like a good idea at the time) luckily it didn't last too long, a few weeks, never took my credits / allowances back

Her take home per month is 4,500.00 (she only admits to it being 3,850)
My take home is 1,500.00 .....so 6,000.00 in total

On average our TOTAL MONTHLY OUTGOINGS are 3000.00

Leaving 3000.00 disposable income, this is split 2k for her 1k for me

I came across her bank statements while I was cleaning out her car so I know what she takes home...last week I was looking for something not related to this and found her P60 for last year, 105K!!! She gets good bonus's. I have not interest in her bonus's, they are hers, that's fine

I don't contribute to childrens clothes / school uniforms / school books etc, she gets €3600 p/a childrens allowance, I feel this should cover this.

Anyway, brought this up with her (P60) couple of weeks backs and no offence to the ladies but she has been all picture no sound since then, earlier this week I told her that from next year all the tax credits / allowances will be split 50 / 50, I don't even have picture now!!!

So it's all a bit stressed at the mo, btw she is away with work for part of nearly every week, usually 2 or 3 days so I'm chief cook & bottle washer then (no probs) I cook, keep the house tidy, help clean at the weekends (incl toilet), mop floors, have even been know to iron regulary...certainly not saying I'm gods gift by any stretch but can't help thinking that I'm been taken for a mug.

Oh, and I do love her but this dishonesty re her income is taking it's toll on our relationship, wouldn't mind if we were both broke.

The biggest problem here is that someone earning that amount gets childrens allowance.
This country is bankrupt and these people who do not need childrens allowance are getting it.
We need to eliminate childrens allowance in Ireland for anyone earning higher than the average private sector wage.

beegirl

With my hubby we keep our finances pretty much separate, we each put the same amount into a joint account every month and all rent & bills just go out of that... we split everything else i.e. grocery shopping etc. 50/50. We earn quite similar amounts though, more or less anyway, so its just always made sense to do it that way!

I don't think I would like the idea of us ever combining our finances, which is weird I suppose, given that we're married!?

beegirl

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Leaving 3000.00 disposable income, this is split 2k for her 1k for me

Disposable income, what's that???

anndub wrote: »

If you were to split the disposable income for the month 50:50 you would come out with 1,500 meaning that essentially you were keeping your entire monthly salary and not contributing anything to the household financially?! Seems a bit crazy to me. As it is you're only contributing 500 euro a month.

I can see his point to be honest, his take home pay would be higher (and therefore he would be contributing more) if he hadn't given her all his tax credits. however i do agree with your point about childcare costs!!

omahaid wrote: »

And I should add, I earn 25% more than my wife but I would consider it pretty mean spirited if I said to her I deserve 25% more spending money. And if the positions were reversed, and I was earning, say, 50% less than her I would feel pretty crappy if she said that she should have 50% more spending money than me.

I do think it's a bit mean for one person to get twice the disposable income of the other! I know I said me and my husband keep finances separate, I think though if one of us did earn more than the other we would balance out whatever was left over between us...

Thankfully though (ha!) either of us hasn't had any disposable income in about 3 years, so it's certainly not an issue

Ickle Magoo

This is an advice forum. Could posts be directed at the OP in the way of constructive advice on their particular situation. If anyone wishes to discuss further the wider implications of bankruptcy or a universal children's allowance, please take it to the relevant forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks

naughtysmurf

Well, the groceries are included in the monthly outgoings, so she doesn't have to feed the kids,
Her take home pay is inflated to a certain extent because I gave her all my credits & allowances.

For me, the biggest issue is the honesty part...put it this way, if the roles were reversed, I was bringing home 4500p/m and she was bringing home 1500p/m, I would say,so we have 6k coming in, 3k going out, 3k left so thats 1500 each, happy days (and not just saying that)

Another way of looking at it would be if she was a stay at home mum with no income and I was taking home 5k per month, end of month pay the 3k bills and split the rest, 1k each.....I wouldn't dream of saying well you don't really earn anything in a real job, so tough! How would that ever work??

I appreciate that she works hard, so do I, she's a very good mum, hopefully I'm a good dad

Her personal disposable income is double mine (more if you include her substantial bonus's) but if we go on holidays, I pay half, anything we do as a couple / family after all the bills are paid, I pay half, I paid half the vets bill today, weekend away I pay half, if something pops up unexpected, I pay half,

Maybe it's just the way I look at it, I see us as a couple, not as two individuals, for better for worse etc

I only mentioned that I do plenty of stuff around the house just in case anybody thought I was one of the small number of guys that don't and it wouldn't really matter what way the tax stuff was split if both parties were honest

Childcare costs are included in the monthly outgoings also, everything is included, we have seperate bank a/c's, her wages go into hers, mine into mine, all the bills / direct debits go out of my a/c because they were set up years ago, she transfers money over every month

Smashhits

Would it make a big difference to your income if you were to reclaim your own tax credits?
I agree that everything is split 50/50. If it was me (and it was for a while) I would just contact revenue and change the tax credits back.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter whose money it is as long as all the bills are covered and neither is in debt as a result.

Daisy M

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Well, the groceries are included in the monthly outgoings, so she doesn't have to feed the kids,
Her take home pay is inflated to a certain extent because I gave her all my credits & allowances.

For me, the biggest issue is the honesty part...put it this way, if the roles were reversed, I was bringing home 4500p/m and she was bringing home 1500p/m, I would say,so we have 6k coming in, 3k going out, 3k left so thats 1500 each, happy days (and not just saying that)

Another way of looking at it would be if she was a stay at home mum with no income and I was taking home 5k per month, end of month pay the 3k bills and split the rest, 1k each.....I wouldn't dream of saying well you don't really earn anything in a real job, so tough! How would that ever work??

I appreciate that she works hard, so do I, she's a very good mum, hopefully I'm a good dad

Her personal disposable income is double mine (more if you include her substantial bonus's) but if we go on holidays, I pay half, anything we do as a couple / family after all the bills are paid, I pay half, I paid half the vets bill today, weekend away I pay half, if something pops up unexpected, I pay half,

Maybe it's just the way I look at it, I see us as a couple, not as two individuals, for better for worse etc

I only mentioned that I do plenty of stuff around the house just in case anybody thought I was one of the small number of guys that don't and it wouldn't really matter what way the tax stuff was split if both parties were honest

Childcare costs are included in the monthly outgoings also, everything is included, we have seperate bank a/c's, her wages go into hers, mine into mine, all the bills / direct debits go out of my a/c because they were set up years ago, she transfers money over every month

The thought that my husband or I could ever treat each other as mean spirited as your partner is you makes me feel sick.
But I must say you shouldnt be looking at the 3k left over each month as money that must be spent on having a good time, is it possible your partner is saving this money for the future, towards things for the family and house and feels that if she hands over 1500e per month you will blow it on a good time?

ztoical

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Well, the groceries are included in the monthly outgoings, so she doesn't have to feed the kids,
Her take home pay is inflated to a certain extent because I gave her all my credits & allowances.

For me, the biggest issue is the honesty part...put it this way, if the roles were reversed, I was bringing home 4500p/m and she was bringing home 1500p/m, I would say,so we have 6k coming in, 3k going out, 3k left so thats 1500 each, happy days (and not just saying that)

Another way of looking at it would be if she was a stay at home mum with no income and I was taking home 5k per month, end of month pay the 3k bills and split the rest, 1k each.....I wouldn't dream of saying well you don't really earn anything in a real job, so tough! How would that ever work??

I appreciate that she works hard, so do I, she's a very good mum, hopefully I'm a good dad

Her personal disposable income is double mine (more if you include her substantial bonus's) but if we go on holidays, I pay half, anything we do as a couple / family after all the bills are paid, I pay half, I paid half the vets bill today, weekend away I pay half, if something pops up unexpected, I pay half,

Maybe it's just the way I look at it, I see us as a couple, not as two individuals, for better for worse etc

I only mentioned that I do plenty of stuff around the house just in case anybody thought I was one of the small number of guys that don't and it wouldn't really matter what way the tax stuff was split if both parties were honest

Childcare costs are included in the monthly outgoings also, everything is included, we have seperate bank a/c's, her wages go into hers, mine into mine, all the bills / direct debits go out of my a/c because they were set up years ago, she transfers money over every month

So she's not declared 100% the amount of money she earns but pays her share of the bills and then some. Is she blowing her extra cash on fancy stuff and rubbing your face in it? Is she booking expensive trips without asking and expecting you to pay half? Are you struggling for cash OP? She's paying a much larger share of the monthly outgoings, if you want to break it down she's paying about 80% according to your figures. Other then just being annoyed she's not told you the exact amount she earns is she doing something with her money that's peeving you off? She pretty much right now has 1K more every month then you but are sure she's not spending that on the kids/house/family/savings? If she's blowing it on stuff for herself and showing off about that fine but I know from my parents my mum earned alot more then my dad but she also paid for a hell of alot more things for myself and my brother that my dad just wasn't aware of....school trips, after school activities, summer camps, books, clothes, etc etc There's some break downs on the parenting forum about the cost of kids and it can be shocking how much they cost. 3600 per year for clothes and school stuff sounds far too low and I'd say your wife is most likely spending any extra on that or saving it for big expenses like secondary school and college.

naughtysmurf

is mise astra wrote: »

The thought that my husband or I could ever treat each other as mean spirited as your partner is you makes me feel sick.
But I must say you shouldnt be looking at the 3k left over each month as money that must be spent on having a good time, is it possible your partner is saving this money for the future, towards things for the family and house and feels that if she hands over 1500e per month you will blow it on a good time?

Nope, she is not saving it and no she knows I wouldn't blow any excess, if anything, if she gave me money to save on her behalf, she knows every cent would be there for her whenever she wanted it.

I believe she has possibly racked up a bit of credit card debt also,

beegirl

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Nope, she is not saving it and no she knows I wouldn't blow any excess, if anything, if she gave me money to save on her behalf, she knows every cent would be there for her whenever she wanted it.

I believe she has possibly racked up a bit of credit card debt also,

Ye should really talk about that - once she's talking to you again I mean - because really if ye have that much disposable income ye should be able to save some, if not most of it! Back when I used to have disposable income I never saved one single penny of it (I know, me and the rest of the country, right!) but I definitely regret that now!!! Racking up credit card debt seems totally crazy too!

naughtysmurf

ztoical wrote: »

So she's not declared 100% the amount of money she earns but pays her share of the bills and then some. Is she blowing her extra cash on fancy stuff and rubbing your face in it? Is she booking expensive trips without asking and expecting you to pay half? Are you struggling for cash OP? She's paying a much larger share of the monthly outgoings, if you want to break it down she's paying about 80% according to your figures. Other then just being annoyed she's not told you the exact amount she earns is she doing something with her money that's peeving you off? She pretty much right now has 1K more every month then you but are sure she's not spending that on the kids/house/family/savings? If she's blowing it on stuff for herself and showing off about that fine but I know from my parents my mum earned alot more then my dad but she also paid for a hell of alot more things for myself and my brother that my dad just wasn't aware of....school trips, after school activities, summer camps, books, clothes, etc etc There's some break downs on the parenting forum about the cost of kids and it can be shocking how much they cost. 3600 per year for clothes and school stuff sounds far too low and I'd say your wife is most likely spending any extra on that or saving it for big expenses like secondary school and college.

I wouldn't say rubbing my face in it, €1300 a month more if you include the childrens allowance and not including her bonus's, she wouldn't spend a huge amount on the house and if anything major was needed say like a new washing machine urgently, like happened this week I pay half (it's on my credit card at the mo,she was broke?) Schools stuff gets put into the monthly stuff (not incl books & uniforms) Summer camps she would cover but they are not at camp all summer, 2 weeks max.
Deffo not saving

Can I just add also, this was an agreement we came to years ago, pay all the bills at the end of the month and split what was left 50 / 50, she got to keep her bonus's for herself, no questions asked and any overtime I did I kept

Sorry dribs & draps

ironingbored

Personally, I find separation of finances within a marriage very strange. But that's probably just me. I'm the only one working but it hasn't always been like that. Everything goes in the pot and everything is paid out of that. Child benefit goes into joint account. Credit cards are paid from the same account too.

Maybe it's just me but the trust is there that everything spent is either necessary or agreed upon.

nicechick!

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Hope this is the right forum to post this,

Would appreciate your comments & opinions on the following....

A couple, in a long term relationship / married, mortage, kids, car loan and all the usual stuff / expences that go with that....both work full time,

Person 1 earns a good bit more than person two lets say 70k + bonus
Person 2 earns lets say 30k...so 100k before tax household income

After all the bills are paid at the end of the month, how should the remainder be split?

My own opinion on this is 50 / 50 and it wouldn't matter to me if I was the higher earner as I would see a long term relationship / marriage as a team effort

Just wondering what others think, btw I'm male, would be interesting to see if there is a difference in opinions between male & female.

Thanks

I would split all outgoings and shared interests but would expect person 1 to keep the remainder of there income

crotalus667

I am planning on getting married in November , both of us will hopefully be working by then , given that we will both be in the same job we will be on the same (ish) wage so logically every thing will be 50/50 as it is we both spend the money we have with out keeping track of it because we see ourselves as a couple not two people, this works for us , I am planning moving on to a higher position (slightly different job but same industry in same environment) my wife to be has no intention of doing so as such I will be earning more but every thing will be shared, it helps that we are so alike that a lot of big things we want are the same and as for the little things we enjoy getting them for each other when we can because we love each other and like to see each other smile, I would not dream of hideing extra money from my other half nor would she do it to me

i shpuld add that i am the one that budgets so i will hold on to money that is needed for something while she spends hers (or i will say it to her if i need money from her to pay for some thing we are saving for) when we are married it will be a joint account, we trust each other enough not to go out and blow all our money

Gilda Fortune

I earned more than my husband for the first 3 years off our marriage. Now we earn the same.
We Split everything 50 / 50, and always have
I put all my wages into his account and all the bills/Mortgage etc get paid. Then whatever is left we save, and keep some for dates out.
I know alot of married couples who keep their own cash and are quite secretive about their money - up to them. whatever works for people

denhaagenite

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

I know alot of married couples who keep their own cash and are quite secretive about their money - up to them. whatever works for people

It's not about being secretive, it's actually alot easier to keep track of both individual and shared spending if each person has their own account.

Myself and hubby emigrated 4 years ago and began with one joint account, but soon realised that this turned into a money- hole. We had no idea of the sums of money going in and coming out and spent ages trying to track everything.

Now we have four accounts- one joint current, one joint savings and a current account each. We both get paid into our current accounts and deposit 50% of each of our incomes into the joint account manually each month. All bills come out of the joint current account from mortgage to grocery shopping and whatever is left at the end of the month goes into savings. Whatever we have in our own accounts goes towards holidays, clothes, nights out and he has a car so all car expenses are his responsibility. We plan on making a spending diary in the next few months to see if we can tighten our belts a bit to save more. If we're stuck we'll put a bit extra in the joint account or if either of us gets a bonus we'll do the same to try and top up the savings as much as we can, as the interest rate is quite good.

I don't like this view that if people are in a relationship all finances should be together or they're "failing" as a couple. I'm not secretive, and neither is my hubby. What if I want to get him a surprise or something? Christmas and birthday presents? Take him for dinner? It's only practical, and at the end of the day I know how much I can spend on myself without having to ask permission or feeling guilty for wasting money or spending more than he does.

Gilda Fortune

denhaagenite wrote: »

It's not about being secretive, it's actually alot easier to keep track of both individual and shared spending if each person has their own account.

Myself and hubby emigrated 4 years ago and began with one joint account, but soon realised that this turned into a money- hole. We had no idea of the sums of money going in and coming out and spent ages trying to track everything.

Now we have four accounts- one joint current, one joint savings and a current account each. We both get paid into our current accounts and deposit 50% of each of our incomes into the joint account manually each month. All bills come out of the joint current account from mortgage to grocery shopping and whatever is left at the end of the month goes into savings. Whatever we have in our own accounts goes towards holidays, clothes, nights out and he has a car so all car expenses are his responsibility. We plan on making a spending diary in the next few months to see if we can tighten our belts a bit to save more. If we're stuck we'll put a bit extra in the joint account or if either of us gets a bonus we'll do the same to try and top up the savings as much as we can, as the interest rate is quite good.

I don't like this view that if people are in a relationship all finances should be together or they're "failing" as a couple. I'm not secretive, and neither is my hubby. What if I want to get him a surprise or something? Christmas and birthday presents? Take him for dinner? It's only practical, and at the end of the day I know how much I can spend on myself without having to ask permission or feeling guilty for wasting money or spending more than he does.

woa! no need to be so defensive. i only said i knew some couples who are secretive. ie they do not tell the other what they earn or how much they save. that is secretive.. and also i never said even if people do that , they are failing as a couple. up to them how they manage their finances. i certainly wasant making an underhand snide comment

denhaagenite

Apologies for my tone, I didn't mean it to sound defensive. We both know exactly how much the other earns as obviously our outgoings, and the value of the house we can afford to own are based on them. Full disclosure of payslips and records of annual earnings is also unavoidable because of our tax returns.

Basically all I'm trying to say is that as long as you communicate properly then there should be no issue, but I am more comfortable knowing that if I want to buy myself some nice clothes or have a day at a spa, then my OH does not have to contribute and I can spend what I like.

Gilda Fortune

denhaagenite wrote: »

Apologies for my tone, I didn't mean it to sound defensive. We both know exactly how much the other earns as obviously our outgoings, and the value of the house we can afford to own are based on them. Full disclosure of payslips and records of annual earnings is also unavoidable because of our tax returns.

Basically all I'm trying to say is that as long as you communicate properly then there should be no issue, but I am more comfortable knowing that if I want to buy myself some nice clothes or have a day at a spa, then my OH does not have to contribute and I can spend what I like.

I agree with you. you got me thinking actually. we have joint account but if say I wanted to buy a himself a gift or spoil him a bit he would know exactly how much i took out. a bit of mystery is good.
i do know one couple in particular, and the wife struggles to pay the mortgage each mth from her wages. and she always getting overdrafts. her husband is wealthy and owns his own business and she hasant a clue if he has savings. he pays the household utility bills and food. she does be in debt some months and is afraid to go to him in case he gets annoyed.

denhaagenite

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

i do know one couple in particular, and the wife struggles to pay the mortgage each mth from her wages. and she always getting overdrafts. her husband is wealthy and owns his own business and she hasant a clue if he has savings. he pays the household utility bills and food. she does be in debt some months and is afraid to go to him in case he gets annoyed.

This is insane, and the reason we each put 50% of our wages into an account, as I earn less than him and plus I'm a freelancer/ contractor so am sometimes out of work for a few months. He has higher personal outgoings based on the car. Neither of us is paying more than we can afford. When we have children it will be a case of putting let's say 60% or 70% of our respective earnings into the joint account, as obviously the expenses will be higher, and our ability to spend on ourselves will be lower.

prinz

Separate bank accounts is the way to go. In the early days I was earning more so I covered rent and bills. My OH would cover food, and whatever cash left over was ours to do as we wished, including the odd dinner out together etc. Disposable income was never really allocated. We used what we wanted and we used it for each other whenever needed.

55

I presonally pay for everything - my partner (not married to her) has around 40k/year and she never contributed to anything but a 10 euro key cut 3 years ago :-)

on the other side, my story is different, as my income can cover, also it gives me more flixiblity in the matter of who takes control of major things and I freely plan my expendture without any tongue utter from her side, i feel more secure being conrolling everything (and not thinking about how to ask her to pay one day for a dinner) - no, Im not your control-freak man.. i just like it this way.

PLUS, she has no reason to know about my income or what i do - dare she ask to shut-her-up or just ask her to share 50/50 if she ever can afford!

beagle001

denhaagenite wrote: »

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

I know alot of married couples who keep their own cash and are quite secretive about their money - up to them. whatever works for people

It's not about being secretive, it's actually alot easier to keep track of both individual and shared spending if each person has their own account.

Myself and hubby emigrated 4 years ago and began with one joint account, but soon realised that this turned into a money- hole. We had no idea of the sums of money going in and coming out and spent ages trying to track everything.

Now we have four accounts- one joint current, one joint savings and a current account each. We both get paid into our current accounts and deposit 50% of each of our incomes into the joint account manually each month. All bills come out of the joint current account from mortgage to grocery shopping and whatever is left at the end of the month goes into savings. Whatever we have in our own accounts goes towards holidays, clothes, nights out and he has a car so all car expenses are his responsibility. We plan on making a spending diary in the next few months to see if we can tighten our belts a bit to save more. If we're stuck we'll put a bit extra in the joint account or if either of us gets a bonus we'll do the same to try and top up the savings as much as we can, as the interest rate is quite good.

I don't like this view that if people are in a relationship all finances should be together or they're "failing" as a couple. I'm not secretive, and neither is my hubby. What if I want to get him a surprise or something? Christmas and birthday presents? Take him for dinner? It's only practical, and at the end of the day I know how much I can spend on myself without having to ask permission or feeling guilty for wasting money or spending more than he does.

Seriously four accounts that is a crazy waste of money on fees and admin,never mind the poor interest you would get with that amount.
Ask any financial adviser they recommend no more than 2 accounts.
Cut those down

I am a friend

OP at the end of the day, it doenst matter what other people do with their money. You have been given some good ideas here so its important now that you sit down with your OH and discuss your finances.

beegirl

55 wrote: »

I presonally pay for everything - my partner (not married to her) has around 40k/year and she never contributed to anything but a 10 euro key cut 3 years ago :-)

on the other side, my story is different, as my income can cover, also it gives me more flixiblity in the matter of who takes control of major things and I freely plan my expendture without any tongue utter from her side, i feel more secure being conrolling everything (and not thinking about how to ask her to pay one day for a dinner) - no, Im not your control-freak man.. i just like it this way.

PLUS, she has no reason to know about my income or what i do - dare she ask to shut-her-up or just ask her to share 50/50 if she ever can afford!

This right here is why I always pay 50% of everything... not that my husband is anything like that (thankfully!).

You do sound like a control freak.

denhaagenite

beagle001 wrote: »

Seriously four accounts that is a crazy waste of money on fees and admin,never mind the poor interest you would get with that amount.
Ask any financial adviser they recommend no more than 2 accounts.
Cut those down

I had three when I lived at home, only paid fees on one as that was the only one I had a card for. Closed one when we were leaving as it was my savings and start up capital and the other two when we realised we weren't coming back.

I don't know how you reckon you know the fees we're paying or the interest rate we're receiving. I am very secure with the way we have set it up. The only debt either of us has is our mortgage, and if there's an emergency it's a pity (like for everyone) but we're never stuck. As I said, the day to day and discretionary spending is what I'd like to take a closer look at as I feel they can always be improved on.

We both always keep a close eye on our accounts, communicate with eachother and take our financial advice from our accountant, thank you, but good point. OP, maybe it might be a good idea to talk to a financial advisor/ accountant if it's becoming an issue.

55

beegirl wrote: »

This right here is why I always pay 50% of everything... not that my husband is anything like that (thankfully!).

You do sound like a control freak.

for you im a control freak, for my partner am the one!

I understand why you pay 50% of everything.. but what if your monthly commitments are over 20k? will you be able to pay 50%? so, if we assume i want to date a lady who cant cover the 50%, and i insist on her paying the 50% she will not accept because she cant afford.. in your case, 50% may not exceed 2k per month, so your proud paying 50% ;-)


thanks for your comment

I am a friend

55 wrote: »

it gives me more flixiblity in the matter of who takes control of major things and I freely plan my expendture without any tongue utter from her side,

55 wrote: »

i feel more secure being conrolling everything

55 wrote: »

no, Im not your control-freak man.. i just like it this way.

55 wrote: »

PLUS, she has no reason to know about my income or what i do - dare she ask to shut-her-up or just ask her to share 50/50 if she ever can afford!

So you are not a control freak? :rolleyes:

She may think you are 'the one' (who pays for everything for her)...

The above is spooky....

beegirl

55 wrote: »

beegirl wrote: »

This right here is why I always pay 50% of everything... not that my husband is anything like that (thankfully!).

You do sound like a control freak.

for you im a control freak, for my partner am the one!

I understand why you pay 50% of everything.. but what if your monthly commitments are over 20k? will you be able to pay 50%? so, if we assume i want to date a lady who cant cover the 50%, and i insist on her paying the 50% she will not accept because she cant afford.. in your case, 50% may not exceed 2k per month, so your proud paying 50% ;-)


thanks for your comment

No i wouldn't be able to pay 50% of 20k a month! And i don't think i would ever get involved with somebody who had such a different financial situation to me, especially if that person was going to use it as a way to get all the control in the relationship.

I am a friend

From discussions with numerous married men over the years, who have affairs, most of the time its when the wife is financially dependent on them. When asked, the wife is usually not working or working part-time and they seem to have less respect for them as they think these women can be bought and also that they are less likely to leave if they find out about the affirs.... I dont agree with their logic but it is the answer I get when I ask them....

55 you have a partner and yet in another thread you want to know why women reject men - are you of the same mindset? Do you pay so you own her and she is less worthy of your respect than someone who stands on her own two feet and pays her way?

55

Im a friend, beegirl - thanks for your opinions.

Im not looking to cheat (now or later) and I think I deserve to date a lady i like - money does not buy happiness but buys comfortness.


If beegirl was the one for me, and rejected me because Im finanically better or because she feels she cant cope with the cost of living, i would be very disappointed.

Call me freak-control or anything you like, the fact that Im not - its called freedom of choice and deceision not freak control. whats wrong if I like to decide what suits me, and what suits my life.. if you cant cope with such fact, you run away with "control freak" tag.

I remember an ancient egyption proverb: if you cant afford to buy grapes, either you call the seller names or say his grapes are sour.



Im a friend: The thread mentions the rejection factors is not whats going on with me.. i was clear in my question, just to see the responses in general - not scientific poll though. (Im a psychologist, and hope you dont think I gain my money by taking advantage of ...)


p.s i notice both of you on the same thank-you lobby ;-) - way to go bordies.

I am a friend

55 wrote: »

p.s i notice both of you on the same thank-you lobby ;-) - way to go bordies.

Not being smart but I didnt really understand what most of your post meant..... As for the 'thank-you', last time I looked, that was free

beegirl

55 wrote: »

If beegirl was the one for me, and rejected me because Im finanically better or because she feels she cant cope with the cost of living, i would be very disappointed.

This genuinely gave me a good laugh, thanks :-)