Why did you decide to have children?

santana75

First off I'd just like to say that Im not trying to be inflammatory or have a pop at anybody who has children. My question is born out of genuine curiosity, so Im not passing judgement in anyway.
The other day a friend of mine and his wife told a group of us(male and female)that they were expecting a baby. Everybody seemed to be genuinely thrilled and excited at their news(especially the women). I was very aware though of my own reaction, which was basically a flat line, I wasnt moved by their news in any way. It got me thinking about the reactions of the others and I wondered why they were so happy at the news of the impending birth of a child? I cant understand this, I feel like Im missing something that others know or can see. And then I started to wonder about the reasons people have kids and I couldnt come up with any. From what I see from people I know who have children already its very hard work and all consuming. I read an article in the mail yesterday written by a lady who regreted having children and this really got my thinking.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2010483/Am-I-monster-wishing-Id-children-The-confession-fills-mother-shame.html


I guess my questions are:

Why did people decide to have children? I mean if you're a parent, when you made the decision you said to yourself, I want to have a child because........

Why do people get excited at the prospect of having a child?

Thanks

CathyMoran

We have always wanted to have children. The idea of guiding someone to adulthood is very attractive. Then there is the whole thing of being swept with the emotions of having children, they really can make you happy in a way that few other things can. Yes, there are downsides - your life is adapted around these little people but my children have made me incredibly happy.

RedXIV

Like you OP, i'd never get hugely excited at the prospects of OTHERS having children but I've since had a daughter and am expecting a son in Oct. My dad told me before my daughter was born that there is no feeling in the world quite like holding your own child for the first time. And until you experience it, its quite impossible to describe the cocktail of feelings. Pride of your offspring, fear of dangers to them, hope for what they will achieve, anxiety as to whether you will be good enough as a parent and so many others that just can't be translated into words.

I always knew I wanted kids, But I've never 100% identified why. I've ideas, I think that because I had such a happy childhood, I wanted my kids to experience the same. Or sometimes I think it's because I'm selfish and don't want to end up in a world where I'm on my own. I look at my grandmother and she had 6 children and in turn 12 grandchildren and my daughter was the first of her great grandchildren. She has a good life now, she spends alot time with her family and surrounded by kids and I'd like that some day.

Don't feel bad for not wanting kids, one of my best mates in a 9year relationship has expressed the same with his partner. They are perfectly happy. And yes, they'll probably see more of the world and do more exotic things than I'll do but in my mind, they are missing out on so much more.

Read through the thread in the parenting forum about things your kids do to make you smile. If that doesn't make you broody, nothing will :P

santana75

CathyMoran wrote: »

We have always wanted to have children. The idea of guiding someone to adulthood is very attractive. Then there is the whole thing of being swept with the emotions of having children, they really can make you happy in a way that few other things can. Yes, there are downsides - your life is adapted around these little people but my children have made me incredibly happy.

I guess its one of those things that I wont understand until I have a child myself. Although if your children make you happy what happens when they grow up and leave home? It follows logically that your source of happiness is then taken away from you?

santana75

RedXIV wrote: »

Like you OP, i'd never get hugely excited at the prospects of OTHERS having children but I've since had a daughter and am expecting a son in Oct. My dad told me before my daughter was born that there is no feeling in the world quite like holding your own child for the first time. And until you experience it, its quite impossible to describe the cocktail of feelings. Pride of your offspring, fear of dangers to them, hope for what they will achieve, anxiety as to whether you will be good enough as a parent and so many others that just can't be translated into words.

I always knew I wanted kids, But I've never 100% identified why. I've ideas, I think that because I had such a happy childhood, I wanted my kids to experience the same. Or sometimes I think it's because I'm selfish and don't want to end up in a world where I'm on my own. I look at my grandmother and she had 6 children and in turn 12 grandchildren and my daughter was the first of her great grandchildren. She has a good life now, she spends alot time with her family and surrounded by kids and I'd like that some day.

Don't feel bad for not wanting kids, one of my best mates in a 9year relationship has expressed the same with his partner. They are perfectly happy. And yes, they'll probably see more of the world and do more exotic things than I'll do but in my mind, they are missing out on so much more.

Read through the thread in the parenting forum about things your kids do to make you smile. If that doesn't make you broody, nothing will :P

I like your answer, theres some good points in there. Its good to hear that it isnt unusual to not get excited about other peoples pregnancies. Like I said maybe having children is one of those things I wont understand until I do have them myself. Although for me the basic drive to do so doesnt seem to be there. Im a man, so maybe theres more of a drive, biologically, for women to reproduce??? When I was in my 20s if I had met the right girl I probably wouldve had kids, but now that Im in my 30s and the older I get, the less of a drive there is. I know a lot of parents and most of them seem so unhappy, frustrated and tired. I see this and it just doesnt seem to make sense, why would you put yourself through that hassle? Why not keep your life simple and do your own thing? I know if you dont wanna have children you'll probably end up alone, but I dont think fear of being alone is a good enough jsutification for bringing a life into the world.
Maybe the problem is that Im trying to make sense of the nonsensical?

CathyMoran

santana75 wrote: »

I guess its one of those things that I wont understand until I have a child myself. Although if your children make you happy what happens when they grow up and leave home? It follows logically that your source of happiness is then taken away from you?

I am still on to my daddy several times a day and I hope that our children will be the same with us, I will always be their parent and will support them any way that I can. I have a 5 week old daughter and a 15 month old son and it has been a pleasure watching them develop - my daughter just fell alseep in my arms and she moves her hands up in her sleep, I could watch both of them for hours - yes, I know that they will grow up but I hope that we will become friends as they grow up.

ger vallely

I kind of 'fell into' motherhood. It wasn't planned but it sure has made me a better, happier and more fullfilled person.I obviously cannot say what my life would be now without my children, had they not been born. But judging by the direction it was taking, well things would not have been so simple or rewarding. As for the joy and pleasure been taken away when they leave home. Well it is all about different stages in life. My children are 12 and 14 now. When they were babies I couldn't forsee what this stage would be like. I imagine when they leave home that in itself will bring other opportunities to us as a family. We've had joys and problems that we never imagined and we have all grown with them. It is amazing to have these people that you care so very much about and give your heart to totally. The tiredness goes after the first few very quick years!!

CerebralCortex

CathyMoran wrote: »

We have always wanted to have children. The idea of guiding someone to adulthood is very attractive. Then there is the whole thing of being swept with the emotions of having children, they really can make you happy in a way that few other things can. Yes, there are downsides - your life is adapted around these little people but my children have made me incredibly happy.

Are you in effect saying one has kids because of the happiness they bring?

CathyMoran

CerebralCortex wrote: »

Are you in effect saying one has kids because of the happiness they bring?

It would be one thing yes, I also think that we can be good parents and I deliberatly married someone who was a good potential parent and I wanted someone else to experience that. We do really love our children, yes, we worry about them and yes it is hard not being able to be spontaneous but they fill something that I did not know I was missing until I had them.

CerebralCortex

CathyMoran wrote: »

It would be one thing yes, I also think that we can be good parents and I deliberatly married someone who was a good potential parent and I wanted someone else to experience that. We do really love our children, yes, we worry about them and yes it is hard not being able to be spontaneous but they fill something that I did not know I was missing until I had them.

So you also find it important to raise kids well, that is to make society a better place? Is this also a goal. The reason I'm being curious is because I think having kids is an extremely serious thing to do, though not many people realise it.

RedXIV

CerebralCortex wrote: »

So you also find it important to raise kids well, that is to make society a better place? Is this also a goal. The reason I'm being curious is because I think having kids is an extremely serious thing to do, though not many people realise it.

I'd say very few people fail to realise how serious a child is. my partners family keep telling me about how much she changed after she found out she was pregnant. You learn to simply accept the sacrifices that have to be made. I'd love to be able to sit on my ass all day playing video games but I realise that there are things that have to be done, like getting up at half six in the morning even on days off from work. Would I do that if I had kids? not a chance, but I do so I will. I may not be too happy about it but it has to be done.

I think very few people disappoint when it comes to raising their kids. It'd take a seriously thick skull not to realise that a kid is a serious change to your life

CathyMoran

CerebralCortex wrote: »

So you also find it important to raise kids well, that is to make society a better place? Is this also a goal. The reason I'm being curious is because I think having kids is an extremely serious thing to do, though not many people realise it.

We know that it is an extremly important thing to do and we did not enter into it lightly, we are doing our best for our children.

CerebralCortex

RedXIV wrote: »

I'd say very few people fail to realise how serious a child is. my partners family keep telling me about how much she changed after she found out she was pregnant. You learn to simply accept the sacrifices that have to be made. I'd love to be able to sit on my ass all day playing video games but I realise that there are things that have to be done, like getting up at half six in the morning even on days off from work. Would I do that if I had kids? not a chance, but I do so I will. I may not be too happy about it but it has to be done.

I think very few people disappoint when it comes to raising their kids. It'd take a seriously thick skull not to realise that a kid is a serious change to your life

Yes agreed without a doubt. But it's not the angle I'm approaching, I'm thinking from the perspective of the child, the ethics of having one. Are there reasons above full-filling evolutionary desires? Isn't that enough? Is it not enough?
The responsibility of parents, was never in question. However there are some terrible parents out there.

I personally think having children is an ethical minefield and not as simple as a biological right. I'm open to correction however. Where am I going wrong?

squishykins

While I don't intend to have one for at least another 5-6 years, I honestly can't wait to start a family I've never really been good at anything, I'm about average in most things, but I've always felt that being a mother and wife is something I really would be good at Just thinking of being able to pass experience on to someone and help them make a life of their own, I dunno it just makes me feel really happy inside It's the one worthwhile thing I can do

santana75

squishykins wrote: »

While I don't intend to have one for at least another 5-6 years, I honestly can't wait to start a family I've never really been good at anything, I'm about average in most things, but I've always felt that being a mother and wife is something I really would be good at Just thinking of being able to pass experience on to someone and help them make a life of their own, I dunno it just makes me feel really happy inside It's the one worthwhile thing I can do

Not trying to have a go at you here but I think you sell yourself short by saying you're just not good at anything and that your only chance of achieving anything in life is by being a wife and mother. I dont believe that for a second. If that is your reason for having children then it seems like you would be trying to compensate for your own percieved shortcomings, which would not be such a great idea(in my opinion)

David Matthew

santana75 wrote: »

Not trying to have a go at you here but I think you sell yourself short by saying you're just not good at anything and that your only chance of achieving anything in life is by being a wife and mother. I dont believe that for a second. If that is your reason for having children then it seems like you would be trying to compensate for your own percieved shortcomings, which would not be such a great idea(in my opinion)

+1

@squishykins: What you're saying sounds very similar to something the lady who wrote the above article had once thought:

Most perturbing of all, these narrow horizons were exactly what I had once wanted. The only future I ever envisaged for myself was as a wife and mother.

I wasn’t especially good at anything at school, and I was never going to have a career nor did I have any ambitions to one.

David Matthew

OP, I thought that, being a guy, you might find this of interest, as it's written from the male perspective:

Two Is Enough

Another article that might be of interest:

Does Having Children Ruin Your Life?

I'm not trying to promote an anti-children perspective at all; I just think that fully informing oneself of the other-and-often-suppressed-side-of-the-fence can only be a good thing.

beegirl

squishykins wrote: »

While I don't intend to have one for at least another 5-6 years, I honestly can't wait to start a family I've never really been good at anything, I'm about average in most things, but I've always felt that being a mother and wife is something I really would be good at Just thinking of being able to pass experience on to someone and help them make a life of their own, I dunno it just makes me feel really happy inside It's the one worthwhile thing I can do

I really, really don't mean any offence by this, but... your post makes me a bit sad! It's like you think the only way your life can mean anything is via someone else's... By the way I think your view is one held by a LOT of women, I have heard many of my friends say this (or similar). I certainly don't think that having kids is "the one worthwhile thing" that anybody could do - also, you sound like you are probably quite young, how can you know at this stage that having kids would be the only worthwhile thing you could do?!?

While we're talking about worthwhile - is it really worthwhile to have kids?? I'm not saying it is or isn't, just wondering... Does the (already overpopulated) world need more kids? And if one was to have kids, who's to say whether they would do good things for the world (or turn out to be serial killers or future dictators or something - unlikely but possible!)

Anyway that is just going off on a bit of a tangent... On a serious note this is what I wonder about:

Everybody says (in reference to the hardships of having children) that it's all worth it "when they're your own", BUT - there's no way of knowing whether you will feel this way until you have your own! So how does anybody ever make the decision to have kids (taking on all that hard work) - is it just a leap of faith and a hope that it will actually be all worth it? Cos I hear there's no giving them back if you find out it's not!!!

beegirl

David Matthew wrote: »

Another article that might be of interest:

Does Having Children Ruin Your Life?

I could have written that myself, word for word!!!

Turtwig

Now I know if I ever have kids I will do the world for them to ensure they could have best quality lives I can provide but, well, I just think having children is a tad selfish. They don't ask to be born, we know the pains and suffering life can bring, we know the struggles they will face yet we choose to throw all that worry and stress on them anyways. Why? Because they make us happy, give us a sense of fulfillment? Sorry, I just see that as being extraordinarily selfish.

squishykins

Wow I didn't expect that reaction! Maybe I phrased it badly. I've always seen myself as a traditional person, so maybe that's it, but I don't want to have children for the sake of making myself feel worthwhile, but I just feel that I'd be really good at it. Maybe it is naive, but the goal has always been married and settled with I dunno, maybe 2 kids. I've never had a settled or a happy family life, so it's something I want more than anything

irishh_bob

santana75 wrote: »

Not trying to have a go at you here but I think you sell yourself short by saying you're just not good at anything and that your only chance of achieving anything in life is by being a wife and mother. I dont believe that for a second. If that is your reason for having children then it seems like you would be trying to compensate for your own percieved shortcomings, which would not be such a great idea(in my opinion)

you sound like mary robinson , scolding women who are happy just to be a mum instead of becoming a trinity college professor

irishh_bob

squishykins wrote: »

Wow I didn't expect that reaction! Maybe I phrased it badly. I've always seen myself as a traditional person, so maybe that's it, but I don't want to have children for the sake of making myself feel worthwhile, but I just feel that I'd be really good at it. Maybe it is naive, but the goal has always been married and settled with I dunno, maybe 2 kids. I've never had a settled or a happy family life, so it's something I want more than anything

i find your posts on the subject very sincere , warm and possitive , a breath of fresh air in every way

David Matthew

irishh bob wrote:

you sound like mary robinson , scolding women who are happy just to be a mum instead of becoming a trinity college professor

I don't think there's any scolding going on here. It's more a case of 'beware what you wish for', should that turn out to be not quite so fulfilling as you hoped it would be. I think that's what the OP meant when he said 'I think you sell yourself short...'.

David Matthew

squishykins wrote:

I've never had a settled or a happy family life, so it's something I want more than anything

Honestly, that is nice to hear. Sounds to me like you would make some kids-to-be very happy.

professore

I think it's different for men and women (in general - people are individuals so there are exceptions on both sides). Men can conceive kids without ever seeing them again whereas women can't, so it makes sense that men have a different attitude to kids. Women are hard wired to want to raise and care for kids whereas men are not - we are hard wired in other ways .

Having said that, I love my kids but before we had any I wasn't pushed either way. I married at 25 so was young by Irish standards, maybe would have gotten broody as I got older. One other comment, every man I know who said he'd love kids before he had any is separated or divorced ... maybe just coincidence or maybe they were all lying to get the girl... not sure !

Gilda Fortune

I had my daughter because i wanted her to experience living. no other reason. i am married, employed and able to support her. i wanted her to have a life. and i will have perhaps 2 more if im able and for the same reason so they can live. life is without being corny beautiful...
i was a happy person before i had my daughter. i had her when i was 29 - and im defo even more happy now. she makes my day and i make hers.and its an amazing experience.

CerebralCortex

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

I had my daughter because i wanted her to experience living. no other reason. i am married, employed and able to support her. i wanted her to have a life. and i will have perhaps 2 more if im able and for the same reason so they can live. life is without being corny beautiful...
i was a happy person before i had my daughter. i had her when i was 29 - and im defo even more happy now. she makes my day and i make hers.and its an amazing experience.

To get philosophical. It's impossible for something that doesn't exist to have something else to want for it. She has no a priori experience. That is, she didn't exist until her brain developed a personality(arbitrary) and then and only then could she experience life. Or conversely if you didn't procreate to have her then she wouldn't be not experiencing life because there would be no(or is no) she.

Gilda Fortune

CerebralCortex wrote: »

To get philosophical. It's impossible for something that doesn't exist to have something else to want for it. She has no a priori experience. That is, she didn't exist until her brain developed a personality(arbitrary) and then and only then could she experience life. Or conversely if you didn't procreate to have her then she wouldn't be not experiencing life because there would be no(or is no) she.

I agree with you - but i wanted to give something a life, to experience living. my own baby obviously. turned out she was born and im happier than ever .

santana75

squishykins wrote: »

I've never had a settled or a happy family life, so it's something I want more than anything

You do come across as a nice person but again I'd say tread carefully, it does sound like your reason for having kids would be to compensate for an unhappy childhood, which is not a great reason for starting a family.
Although as a poster mentioned already, I am a man and we're arent hardwired to concieve so maybe its something I just cant ever understand. Still though, think carefully about your reasons for wanting kids.

squishykins

santana75 wrote: »

You do come across as a nice person but again I'd say tread carefully, it does sound like your reason for having kids would be to compensate for an unhappy childhood, which is not a great reason for starting a family.
Although as a poster mentioned already, I am a man and we're arent hardwired to concieve so maybe its something I just cant ever understand. Still though, think carefully about your reasons for wanting kids.

I appreciate your concern and hear what you're saying, but I'm positive that this is what I want

Also to clarify, I had a very happy childhood, just not a happy family life. Still don't tbh, I thought it might have been my teenage hormones making me clash with my daddy but nope. But that's a whole other story

CerebralCortex

Malty_T wrote: »

Now I know if I ever have kids I will do the world for them to ensure they could have best quality lives I can provide but, well, I just think having children is a tad selfish. They don't ask to be born, we know the pains and suffering life can bring, we know the struggles they will face yet we choose to throw all that worry and stress on them anyways. Why? Because they make us happy, give us a sense of fulfillment? Sorry, I just see that as being extraordinarily selfish.

Nice you did what I was afraid to do for fear of destroying chances of a rational discussion on the subject. It feels good to say, that I also think having kids is an incredibly selfish thing to do. I wouldn't stop anyone from doing it but say its not selfish is a fallacy.

irishh_bob

santana75 wrote: »

You do come across as a nice person but again I'd say tread carefully, it does sound like your reason for having kids would be to compensate for an unhappy childhood, which is not a great reason for starting a family.
Although as a poster mentioned already, I am a man and we're arent hardwired to concieve so maybe its something I just cant ever understand. Still though, think carefully about your reasons for wanting kids.

what an incredibly arrogant , condescending and patronising post

squishykins

irishh_bob wrote: »

what an incredibly arrogant , condescending and patronising post

I don't see how it is? In fact he is absolutely right, I think. Having kids to make up for my own sorry life (if that was the case) would be completely selfish and unfair on the kids, it would end up being more detrimental to them. But while I do want my kids to not experience the pain my father put me through, I want them just to live the way they would anyway, and know that they'll always be loved.

dsmythy

If you want the cold uncaring relentless thoughts of nature, the desire to have children is born from the primordial instinct to pass on your genes and keep the species alive.

Morphie

santana75 wrote: »

I guess my questions are:

Why did people decide to have children? I mean if you're a parent, when you made the decision you said to yourself, I want to have a child because........

Why do people get excited at the prospect of having a child?

Thanks

I don't have children yet, I am married, my sibblings all have children. I'm 23. Just a little information before I answer questions.

A friend of mine is due to have a child, my reaction was "poor you" and utter surprise. It wasn't planned, which made more sense.

I want to have children eventually. Not yet due to the amount of effort they are going to be, I want to enjoy life without a supreme responsibility just yet. My answer as to why I want children is this:

I'm curious.

I'm curious to have help produce another human being which is going to be part me, curious to see how a like me it turns out to be, curious to see how much alike it resembles me, curious to see what it becomes.

No other reason but that, I am curious. To not have a child would mean to never satisfiy that curiousity, so one day I shall plunge myself into that.

---

I'm not sure why people get all excited at the idea of someone having a child. As I said I felt sorry for my friend, not excitment. I suppose when a sibbling of mine first had a child it was again curious to see how that human was similar to my sibbling, it was exciting, but soon wore off.

Never answered this question before. When I have a child, I guess my excitment will come from my curiosity. But I'm not convinced that is the reason for the excitment from others.

beegirl

professore wrote: »

I think it's different for men and women (in general - people are individuals so there are exceptions on both sides). Men can conceive kids without ever seeing them again whereas women can't, so it makes sense that men have a different attitude to kids. Women are hard wired to want to raise and care for kids whereas men are not - we are hard wired in other ways .

santana75 wrote: »

Although as a poster mentioned already, I am a man and we're arent hardwired to concieve so maybe its something I just cant ever understand.

I don't think being 'hardwired' to have kids is something exclusive to women - in fact if anything we are all hardwired to procreate - we'd have to be otherwise the human race would never have survived! Basically, this...

dsmythy wrote: »

If you want the cold uncaring relentless thoughts of nature, the desire to have children is born from the primordial instinct to pass on your genes and keep the species alive.

Nowadays though we can obviously choose differently because there are plenty of humans already, none of us actually need to have kids for the human race to survive (although if everybody thought like that we'd be in trouble soon enough!)

I suppose that's why it (having kids) is so high on the majority of people's priority lists, it's part of human nature...


On the other hand..

Still can't quite wrap my head around the logic behind why people choose to have kids, given that the main reason people say they have kids (cos they love them so much etc etc) doesn't happen until after the kid is born?!? Bit of a paradox...

I am by no means anti-children, in fact I always thought I would (try to) have kids - but now that I'm actually in my 30s I'm starting to genuinely wonder why I would give up the fantastic amount of freedom I have in my life!!!

So (going back to the OP's question) if anybody would like to enlighten me, with reasons to have kids, OTHER THAN "you'll understand when you have them" i.e. something I can relate to right now, that would be great!

big jack

We were only on our second or third date, I wanted oral sex but she would only do regular sex........nine months later, a sqealing ****e monster takes over !:eek:

RedXIV

beegirl wrote: »

So (going back to the OP's question) if anybody would like to enlighten me, with reasons to have kids, OTHER THAN "you'll understand when you have them" i.e. something I can relate to right now, that would be great!

As I said, it's probably selfish choice these days. I know I'm doing it because I don't want to end up alone when I'm older. That's one of the reasons I want, and have kids. In reading that, its very selfish why I want kids. And actually almost unfair. I look at my 1yr old and at the moment all I can see is fun but with this in mind I kinda feel ashamed that there is an ulterior motive to having kids.

I like the idea of helping a kid grow but I'm not gonna lie and say there were no selfish feelings involved in having kids

Gilda Fortune

Funnily enough for me one of the hardest things to imagine is for me to be old and ill and dying , and my daughter not having me there to hold her hand and help her through the death. does that make sense?
when she was born i cried thinking one day most probably she would have to deal with my death and her fathers. and i wouldnt be there to pick up the pieces for her. it freaks me out even now.
maybe there is a biological in built clock, I didnt think or want children till I hit the 28 mark. I really did think god i have had a good life, I love living and wouldnt it be nice to give someone a life too. I know life is hard and not everyone has a good life but Im pretty sure I have the means to give my daughter a fantastic start in life. the rest is up to her when she is older.My husband was different he wanted a baby cos he he thought it was the next step in life after marriage. he is a doting father and wouldnt be without her.
Its weird I spend my twenties partying and travelling but I would hate that kind of life now. I want different things now.
If you had told the 25 year old me i would hang up my high heels for high chairs and little free time and kids I would have laughed. I cant remember the exact day or minute i changed my opinion but i did

beegirl

RedXIV wrote: »

Or sometimes I think it's because I'm selfish and don't want to end up in a world where I'm on my own. I look at my grandmother and she had 6 children and in turn 12 grandchildren and my daughter was the first of her great grandchildren. She has a good life now, she spends alot time with her family and surrounded by kids and I'd like that some day.

RedXIV wrote: »

As I said, it's probably selfish choice these days. I know I'm doing it because I don't want to end up alone when I'm older. That's one of the reasons I want, and have kids. In reading that, its very selfish why I want kids. And actually almost unfair. I look at my 1yr old and at the moment all I can see is fun but with this in mind I kinda feel ashamed that there is an ulterior motive to having kids.

I like the idea of helping a kid grow but I'm not gonna lie and say there were no selfish feelings involved in having kids

Don't feel bad!!! Ok so when you put it in writing like that it could sound a bit selfish but in the context of what you said above, it doesn't, it sounds lovely actually...

And I can definitely relate to that, so thanks! In fact probably the only reason I would want to have kids is just that, that I would like to have a family someday - but I always see it as a far-off, in the distant future kind of thing! The thought that I would have to start doing something about it in the near future and then go through years of sleepless nights and nappy changes to get there seriously makes me think twice lol :-)

CerebralCortex

RedXIV wrote: »

Like you OP, i'd never get hugely excited at the prospects of OTHERS having children but I've since had a daughter and am expecting a son in Oct. My dad told me before my daughter was born that there is no feeling in the world quite like holding your own child for the first time. And until you experience it, its quite impossible to describe the cocktail of feelings. Pride of your offspring, fear of dangers to them, hope for what they will achieve, anxiety as to whether you will be good enough as a parent and so many others that just can't be translated into words.

I always knew I wanted kids, But I've never 100% identified why. I've ideas, I think that because I had such a happy childhood, I wanted my kids to experience the same. Or sometimes I think it's because I'm selfish and don't want to end up in a world where I'm on my own. I look at my grandmother and she had 6 children and in turn 12 grandchildren and my daughter was the first of her great grandchildren. She has a good life now, she spends alot time with her family and surrounded by kids and I'd like that some day.

Don't feel bad for not wanting kids, one of my best mates in a 9year relationship has expressed the same with his partner. They are perfectly happy. And yes, they'll probably see more of the world and do more exotic things than I'll do but in my mind, they are missing out on so much more.

Read through the thread in the parenting forum about things your kids do to make you smile. If that doesn't make you broody, nothing will :P

beegirl wrote: »

Don't feel bad!!! Ok so when you put it in writing like that it could sound a bit selfish but in the context of what you said above, it doesn't, it sounds lovely actually...

And I can definitely relate to that, so thanks! In fact probably the only reason I would want to have kids is just that, that I would like to have a family someday - but I always see it as a far-off, in the distant future kind of thing! The thought that I would have to start doing something about it in the near future and then go through years of sleepless nights and nappy changes to get there seriously makes me think twice lol :-)

http://www.fightaging.org/

RedXIV

beegirl wrote: »

Don't feel bad!!! Ok so when you put it in writing like that it could sound a bit selfish but in the context of what you said above, it doesn't, it sounds lovely actually...

And I can definitely relate to that, so thanks! In fact probably the only reason I would want to have kids is just that, that I would like to have a family someday - but I always see it as a far-off, in the distant future kind of thing! The thought that I would have to start doing something about it in the near future and then go through years of sleepless nights and nappy changes to get there seriously makes me think twice lol :-)

Can honestly tell you, fastest year of my life just went by with my 1yr old daughter. sleepless nights lasted for about 6 months. My problem now is I tend to miss how small she was and cute things she did as a baby

beegirl

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

maybe there is a biological in built clock, I didnt think or want children till I hit the 28 mark. I really did think god i have had a good life, I love living and wouldnt it be nice to give someone a life too.

Well I don't think I have one! I thought I would be mad to have kids when I hit late 20's, or 30, or when I got married, but nope! Not yet anyway...

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

Its weird I spend my twenties partying and travelling but I would hate that kind of life now. I want different things now.

I didn't do nearly enough partying/travelling in my 20's I reckon, spent way too much time with my head in the books (doing a PhD) and now that I'm nearly finished that I just want to make up for lost time!!!

RedXIV

CerebralCortex wrote: »

http://www.fightaging.org/

Whats the point of a longer life if its alone though? Thats what I'm trying to say. Me and my siblings are all in our 20s now but if my mam or dad said "come home now" we'd all be on the way home. Thats kinda an extreme example but I do think that things like Christmas and birthdays are made more fun when there are kids involved.

beegirl

CerebralCortex wrote: »

http://www.fightaging.org/

Problem solved! Partying/travelling it is so

beegirl

RedXIV wrote: »

Whats the point of a longer life if its alone though? Thats what I'm trying to say. Me and my siblings are all in our 20s now but if my mam or dad said "come home now" we'd all be on the way home. Thats kinda an extreme example but I do think that things like Christmas and birthdays are made more fun when there are kids involved.

Yeah I think the "having a family when you're older" thing is more about this than it is about having someone to look after you if you got ill (for me anyway!)

CerebralCortex

beegirl wrote: »

Problem solved! Partying/travelling it is so

Nowhere near but a noble cause nonetheless.

Gilda Fortune

beegirl wrote: »

Well I don't think I have one! I thought I would be mad to have kids when I hit late 20's, or 30, or when I got married, but nope! Not yet anyway...



I didn't do nearly enough partying/travelling in my 20's I reckon, spent way too much time with my head in the books (doing a PhD) and now that I'm nearly finished that I just want to make up for lost time!!!

No reason why you cant have a full and happy life without children either. Its all about whats right for you.

TommyTippee

Malty_T wrote: »

Now I know if I ever have kids I will do the world for them to ensure they could have best quality lives I can provide but, well, I just think having children is a tad selfish. They don't ask to be born, we know the pains and suffering life can bring, we know the struggles they will face yet we choose to throw all that worry and stress on them anyways. Why? Because they make us happy, give us a sense of fulfillment? Sorry, I just see that as being extraordinarily selfish.

You obviously are not a parent, because raising a child is far from selfish. Your time, focus, energy, worries and money are all devoted to the child.

Not having children is the selfish act. Your concerns are only for yourself.

CerebralCortex

RedXIV wrote: »

Whats the point of a longer life if its alone though? Thats what I'm trying to say. Me and my siblings are all in our 20s now but if my mam or dad said "come home now" we'd all be on the way home. Thats kinda an extreme example but I do think that things like Christmas and birthdays are made more fun when there are kids involved.

Could you please elaborate on the above relationship? It doesn't seem obvious to me that longer life equals being alone. Plenty of old frail people live alone regardless of the families they spawned. But if I was physiologically young I'd be out making loads of friends. Also it's not entirely clear to me why one would need kids to make celebrations more fun? I love kids don't get me wrong, but isn't ageist to say older people can't be as much fun?