He showed our private pics...

LegacyUser

Hey everyone...

I'm really angry and feeling a total idiot as I type this.

I just found out my boyfriend of almost a year showed his mates the private sexy pics I'd sent to his phone. He was totally drunk, but I see this as no excuse.

I'm so angry and wish I never sent them. You read in magazines all the time never send naughty pics unless you totally trust the guy. The thing is, I did totally trust him and cannot believe he would do this. I feel so betrayed and embarressed. It makes me sick to know that his mates have seen me naked and in erotic poses.

I haven't had the courage to confront him yet. I just don't know what to do. I think he has to go. I don't think I can ever trust him again.

Just looking for some feedback I guess... has anyone been through this? How did you deal with it/get over it??

Thanks guys

gargleblaster

I wouldn't trust him again but that's me. Some women might give him a second chance.

As for the rules about risque pictures, it's not to only send them to someone you trust, it's don't send them *at all* unless you don't mind them being on the net. Because most of the time, that is what will happen. It may not always be the case, but in the interest of caution it is best to assume that it will.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

greengiant09

SillyGirl22 wrote: »

Hey everyone...

I'm really angry and feeling a total idiot as I type this.

I just found out my boyfriend of almost a year showed his mates the private sexy pics I'd sent to his phone. He was totally drunk, but I see this as no excuse.

I'm so angry and wish I never sent them. You read in magazines all the time never send naughty pics unless you totally trust the guy. The thing is, I did totally trust him and cannot believe he would do this. I feel so betrayed and embarressed. It makes me sick to know that his mates have seen me naked and in erotic poses.

I haven't had the courage to confront him yet. I just don't know what to do. I think he has to go. I don't think I can ever trust him again.

Just looking for some feedback I guess... has anyone been through this? How did you deal with it/get over it??

Thanks guys

tbh, wtf were you thinking of the first place. i'm going to guess by your username that you're 22....and considering you've only been going out with him less than a year, i think it was a very naive and foolish move to send him naked pictures of yourself.

things might be all rosey now but what happens if you fall out badly in a year or 2.....or just grow apart and never see each other again. all he has to do is send them on to his mates and they will spread like wild fire. most likely they'll end up on the net somewhere.

sorry to worry you but these are realistic scenarios.....get them deleted and don't ever be so stupid to do something like that again.

LegacyUser

greengiant09 wrote: »

tbh, wtf were you thinking of the first place. i'm going to guess by your username that you're 22....and considering you've only been going out with him less than a year, i think it was a very naive and foolish move to send him naked pictures of yourself.

things might be all rosey now but what happens if you fall out badly in a year or 2.....or just grow apart and never see each other again. all he has to do is send them on to his mates and they will spread like wild fire. most likely they'll end up on the net somewhere.

sorry to worry you but these are realistic scenarios.....get them deleted and don't ever be so stupid to do something like that again.

I know, I know... believe me I am feeling more stupid and dumb now than what anyone will ever tell me!
I guess I thought that because I also have tons of pics of him naked that I had my hand should this dirty trick ever be played. Now that he has played it, I just feel so sick that I couldn't give a toss about his pics.

To be honest I don't bloody well care about them appearing online... hell that would be mostly complete strangers seeing them. What kills me is that these guys know me. How can I face these guys ever again? I'm just feeling so sick right now.

King of Kings

greengiant09 wrote: »

tbh, wtf were you thinking of the first place. i'm going to guess by your username that you're 22....and considering you've only been going out with him less than a year, i think it was a very naive and foolish move to send him naked pictures of yourself.

things might be all rosey now but what happens if you fall out badly in a year or 2.....or just grow apart and never see each other again. all he has to do is send them on to his mates and they will spread like wild fire. most likely they'll end up on the net somewhere.

sorry to worry you but these are realistic scenarios.....get them deleted and don't ever be so stupid to do something like that again.

cop on and leave her alone. Your attitude stinks.
She can't help what has happened and your lecturing doens't help. In fact it is counter productive.

OP - what's done is done. He sounds like an immature ass even if he is young.

I guess he'll explain and apologise but only you will know if it's for real or not.
But personally I don't know if he is worth it, could you ever really trust him?

As for yourself - I wouldn't worry too much - you're not the first to send pics to your bf and not the first to have them exposed. I know it's embarrassing but after a while you laugh about what a dick your bf was.

I found photos of my mates gf in naked poses years ago (whilest clearing out their house I must add) and tbh I can't rem even what they looked like now.

LegacyUser

King of Kings wrote: »

cop on and leave her alone. Your attitude stinks.
She can't help what has happened and your lecturing doens't help. In fact it is counter productive.

OP - what's done is done. He sounds like an immature ass even if he is young.

I guess he'll explain and apologise but only you will know if it's for real or not.
But personally I don't know if he is worth it, could you ever really trust him?

As for yourself - I wouldn't worry too much - you're not the first to send pics to your bf and not the first to have them exposed. I know it's embarrassing but after a while you laugh about what a dick your bf was.

I found photos of my mates gf in naked poses years ago (whilest clearing out their house I must add) and tbh I can't rem even what they looked like now.

Thank you king of kings Your post has made me feel less of a klutz!!! I guess I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last.

I'm so angry right now and so embaressed, but hopefully in a day or two it won't feel like the worst thing in the world.

I don't think I can ever trust him after this. He's 26, so not a silly teenager. And I don't fall for the excuse of " I was drunk ".

Thanks guys for your input, all of you

Count Duckula

It might help to not be so embarrassed about it. Be a little more confident. So there are pictures of you naked. Big deal - everyone's naked and everyone's seen other people naked.

The worst that might have happened here is that other people have seen you in some erotic poses and thought that your boyfriend is doing well for himself. More fool him then for showing them the pictures, since it probably spells the end of the relationship, but being confident enough in your own sexuality and attractiveness to allow pictures to be taken is nothing to be ashamed of.

Bottle_of_Smoke

absolute f*cker. unforgivable breach of trust

LegacyUser

I've been in this situation with my 28 year old boyfriend.

I trust him, but sometimes men seem to be a bit naive when it comes to stuff like this. He genuinely saw nothing wrong with what he had done; he told me he was just trying to make his friends jealous to show them what a great woman he had. And no, I didn't get flattered into forgiveness, but we did work past it, and I learned a lesson from it too.

I should have known better having worked with men for years in a factory where co-workers would very regularly pass their phones around showing naked pictures their girlfriends/wives had texted to them. It seems to be not a big deal for men, probably because they're so used to topless calendars and Page 3 and dirty forwarded e-mails.

You can be sure that most other girls who have sent their boyfriend's pics have also been violated in the manner you were, but they just don't find out about it.

Otis Driftwood

Count Duckula wrote: »

It might help to not be so embarrassed about it. Be a little more confident. So there are pictures of you naked. Big deal - everyone's naked and everyone's seen other people naked.

The worst that might have happened here is that other people have seen you in some erotic poses and thought that your boyfriend is doing well for himself. More fool him then for showing them the pictures, since it probably spells the end of the relationship, but being confident enough in your own sexuality and attractiveness to allow pictures to be taken is nothing to be ashamed of.

Thats a terribly simplistic view of things in fairness.

Its a massive betrayal of trust for one thing,that coupled with the fact people she knows have seen her in intimate poses.

It might not be as bad as him cheating on her for example however its up there as a horrible thing to do to someone you are supposed to trust.

OP,its ultimately up to you whether you can move past this or not.As I said above,its a betrayal of trust involving the most intimate act that one person can share with another.

If I was in your shoes,I honestly dont know what I would do.

LegacyUser

Count Duckula wrote: »

It might help to not be so embarrassed about it. Be a little more confident. So there are pictures of you naked. Big deal - everyone's naked and everyone's seen other people naked.

The worst that might have happened here is that other people have seen you in some erotic poses and thought that your boyfriend is doing well for himself. More fool him then for showing them the pictures, since it probably spells the end of the relationship, but being confident enough in your own sexuality and attractiveness to allow pictures to be taken is nothing to be ashamed of.

Count Duckula, this is amazing advice! I will definately try to look at it from this angle.

I am confident and happy with my body and my looks and this is why I had no problem taking and sending the pics in the first place. I knew how much he loved getting them and it added spice to our relationship. After the initial emberressment dies down I'll try and pull the confidence out when I finally have to face these silly little kids.

MissFlitworth

No matter what you decide to do I'd want the memory card out of his phone (deleting the pictures wouldn't be enough) & to check his pc or anywhere he might have sent them to himself (via bluetooth, mms, email etc.) to make bloody sure he doesn't have access to them anymore as he's clearly shown he can't be trusted with them. (and if you do break up you don't want them getting shown around out of vengeance)

You really don't want them going online because as much as it might seem like strangers who'd see them and as such not a big deal you also run the risk of family, friends, future employers etc. coming across them & once they're up there they are up forever

Eve_Dublin

Count Duckula wrote: »

It might help to not be so embarrassed about it. Be a little more confident. So there are pictures of you naked. Big deal - everyone's naked and everyone's seen other people naked.

The worst that might have happened here is that other people have seen you in some erotic poses and thought that your boyfriend is doing well for himself. More fool him then for showing them the pictures, since it probably spells the end of the relationship, but being confident enough in your own sexuality and attractiveness to allow pictures to be taken is nothing to be ashamed of.

Everyone's naked and everyone's seen other people naked? What does that even mean? I'm not naked, I'm fully clothed right now and to be honest, not many people have seen me naked and very very few people have seen me in erotic poses. And this is not just nakedness, this is a girl who posed in erotic poses that she only wanted her boyfriend to see. These were for private viewing between the two of them. It's nothing to do with her lack of confidence in whether her boyfriend's mates will think she's attractive or sexy or not. You're missing the point completely. It's a breach of trust and this is the main issue. Her boyfriend promised her they would remain private and he showed his mates. That's beyond prickish behaviour and like the OP, I would be mortified.

This is actually horrendous, OP. I would be absolutely raging. I hope you're dumping this plank. I suppose you live and learn. Walk with your head held high...you're not in the wrong here...a lot of women and men send each other erotic photos of themselves but very few show their mates. THIS guy is in the wrong here. Move on and learn a lesson from it. You know for the next time.

Jonybgud

I'm new to this forum and only here for some inight myself, but I do have the benefit of having done some stupit things in my time too,

It sounds like he has more growing up to do, it was a very stupid thing he did, It was also silly of you to give him the opportunity.

Chin up, we all make mistakes and it will blow over when the next person does something silly. Don't let it get you down and learn from it, not to do anything as silly again.

It's up to your BF to make things right with his moronic friends and don't let him off the hook until he does, what you do with him then should depend on how he acts now.

johnr1

OP, sorry to hear what happened to you,
It's horrible to think of, but yeah, these may end up on the net if you don't act fairly fast. Get them deleted from his phone, - take it off him and do it yourself. Ask if he has sent them to his own email, or anyone elses.
Lie if you have to that you're going to forgive him, find out if he showed them or sent them to the "lads", and if the phone left his hand, who had it, that may have sent them on to themselves.
Confront anyone else who has them and threaten legal action on your bf and them, if they don't delete immediately, in front of you.

Do all you can and then forget them.

In my opinion, this is far far worse than cheating, as when someone cheats, there is some personal gain (however fleeting and warped) for the cheater, but he had nothing to gain from this bar playing the Casanova to his mates. Saddo. Cheaters often think that their partner wont get hurt, that they will never find out, but this ****er knew well what he was doing.
Nobody comes up and asks "do you have any naked pics of your gf on your phone, - show us" He clearly brought it up himself.
He has shown what he thinks of you, Sorry, I know that's not nice to hear, but it's true.
He is an absolute and total scumbag of the highest order, and you can never trust him in any shape in your life again.
Get rid.

As for his mates, fuck em, any guy who get's mileage out of this has bigger problems in his own life. Btw they don't think too much of him either at this stage.

Bottle_of_Smoke

fasdfdafdasf wrote: »

I've been in this situation with my 28 year old boyfriend.

I trust him, but sometimes men seem to be a bit naive when it comes to stuff like this. He genuinely saw nothing wrong with what he had done; he told me he was just trying to make his friends jealous to show them what a great woman he had. And no, I didn't get flattered into forgiveness, but we did work past it, and I learned a lesson from it too.

I should have known better having worked with men for years in a factory where co-workers would very regularly pass their phones around showing naked pictures their girlfriends/wives had texted to them. It seems to be not a big deal for men, probably because they're so used to topless calendars and Page 3 and dirty forwarded e-mails.

You can be sure that most other girls who have sent their boyfriend's pics have also been violated in the manner you were, but they just don't find out about it.

Sorry but you're completely deluding yourself. Guys easily distinguish between page 3 girls who get paid to go topless and the girl they love posing for them in the context of a relationship.

I'm near the same age as your boyfriend and worked with plenty of guys. Have never once had one of them show me a picture of his wife/girlfriend.

Its like you think men are horny simpletons with no respect for women. First off most guys would not betray their girlfriend like that. Secondly most guys do not like the idea of other guys seeing their girlfriend naked out of jealousy reasons

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Sorry but you're completely deluding yourself. Guys easily distinguish between page 3 girls who get paid to go topless and the girl they love posing for them in the context of a relationship.

I'm near the same age as your boyfriend and worked with plenty of guys. Have never once had one of them show me a picture of his wife/girlfriend.

Its like you think men are horny simpletons with no respect for women. First off most guys would not betray their girlfriend like that. Secondly most guys do not like the idea of other guys seeing their girlfriend naked out of jealousy reasons

As a guy, personally I have no interest in showing pictures of my girlfriend to other guys, but I have seen it done by men in groups on nights out, and some rougher type guys at work, etc, so let's not create an illusion here, it happens. Perhaps you haven't directly encountered it, but most men I know would be able to name one guy who has done this behind their girlfriend's backs, to give them some kind of ego boost, to make the other guys jealous of the woman they have and give this impression that women left right and centre are sending them naked photos of themselves. It's some kind of macho thing.

There are different types of men in Ireland, and perhaps you are not the type of man that hangs around with the guys who show off pics, but sounds like the OP's boyfriend is this type of man.

All I'm saying is, it happens, quite often.

I definitely wouldn't say it's worse than cheating. It's only as big a deal as you make it.

OP, talk to him about it, let him believe you're ending it and see how much he respects you then.

Count Duckula

I think it may be you who is missing my point!

I'm not denying it's a massive break of trust. I never said it wasn't. I even qualified that the relationship is probably over, as she is likely to never be able to trust him again. I, too, would be mortified.

I'm not suggesting she simply get over it because this is no big deal, what I was trying to do was offer her a way of viewing things that might allow her to hold her head high and not take a huge dent to her self-confidence in the aftermath of all this.

The guy is a tool. He should go. But just because she's dumped him doesn't mean she'll suddenly feel better about the whole thing - that she'll no longer feel horribly embarrassed about what's happened. I was merely trying to give her a more positive and alternative view, so that when she has to see these people in the street / deal with them, she can hold herself tall and not be so uncomfortable!

Eve_Dublin

Count Duckula wrote: »

I think it may be you who is missing my point!

I'm not denying it's a massive break of trust. I never said it wasn't. I even qualified that the relationship is probably over, as she is likely to never be able to trust him again. I, too, would be mortified.

I'm not suggesting she simply get over it because this is no big deal, what I was trying to do was offer her a way of viewing things that might allow her to hold her head high and not take a huge dent to her self-confidence in the aftermath of all this.

The guy is a tool. He should go. But just because she's dumped him doesn't mean she'll suddenly feel better about the whole thing - that she'll no longer feel horribly embarrassed about what's happened. I was merely trying to give her a more positive and alternative view, so that when she has to see these people in the street / deal with them, she can hold herself tall and not be so uncomfortable!

Fair enough.

squonk

OP that's an awful thing to happen. I really feel sorry for you.

The guy is a complete dick. I am a guy and have never been out with any of my friends where a case came up that they'd have to show me pics of their OH naked on their phone. Even if such a case had come up I'd have gracefully bowed out at that point mainly because I would know the OH and respect them as a person. Ogling them from photos like that isn't exactly respectful.

It comes down to respect. Showing off naked photos of your OH to your mates displays a shocking lack of respect for your OH I think. From what I see it shows you don't give a toss about their dignity.

The sexual component, along side the emotional component of a relationship is something that is shared by the two people in that relationship. You have to be able to open up and feel unafraid to allow that relationship to progress and flourish. Your hopes, fears, or other emotional issues are private and not for a wider audience, Likewise, your sexual preferences are also.

OP you are right not to trust this guy. He has shown you a shocking lack of respect and I'm not sure in this case the work to rebuild that trust will be worth the outcome. Unless you have other reasons to stick with this guy, I'd say call it a day. for a 26 year old he should know way better.

Just a final note, if one of my mates started passing around his phone in the pub showing naked pics of his girlfriend, he wouldn't stay my friend because I wouldn't trust him with anything after that. I don''t know how you could continue to trust his as a partner.

Distorted

OP - how did you find out that he had shown the pictures around? Did someone who had seen them tell you, or did he tell you himself?

If it were the former, I'd be quite concerned. Before dumping his sorry disrespectful ass, I would do my utmost to make sure they were deleted from his phone and memory card. As rightly pointed out, there is a small risk they could be broadcast to a wider audience at some later stage and perhaps affect your employment prospects in some way. Its not a risk I would want to take.

I agree with the comments above that there are some slightly rougher men that would act in this way. I have to say that virtually all the men I know wouldn't do this because they respect their girlfriend's privacy, but likewise most of the girls I know wouldn't send such photos. That said, I do know a few who have and I'd say the girls were more easily persuaded and still basically decent, which is not what I'd think of someone who shared such photos with their mates down the pub.

LegacyUser

imagine the phone was lost, someone could just send them to everyone in the phonebook or even blackmail you! My mate has shown the lads pics of ex gf before, not only her posing in lengerie and naked etc, but also during s*x! (while drunk obviously but still) so Id be careful!

lace

Hi OP! What an awful situation to be in!

There's been some great advice on this thread!

I'd really strongly recommend you get the memory card and get a look at the phone as well as the pc to be sure he's not got the pictures anymore. I'd also say confront him about it soon because if someone has told you about this it's likely a mutual friend and your OH may have found out, giving him time to delete or hide the evidence. You never know where they could end up (future employers, family and friends could see them) or when they could be used against you so it's best to be sure they're completely gone.

As for the question of whether or not you can trust him again - only you can answer that. You'll only be able to tell once you've had it out with him and had some time to think. There's no point in continuing in a relationship with someone you can't trust.

In the meantime you can (kind of) take solace in the fact that it was only a few of his mates who saw them and they were all probably plastered at the time (I'm not saying this makes anything better - just could have been worse). They'll probably all forget all about it and it will probably all blow over soon.

Kingpin187

I have some naughty pics of the gf on my phone, and would NEVER even think of showing anyone ever, and she knows this as its not the type of person I am

My phone is never with anyone else either, and if it was I think the lock, along with the password protected mem. card would prevent anyone seeing them.

A few guys in my work have passed around pics of their gfs in not-so-innocent poses, but I have no interest in looking at them, and I appreciate the female form as much as the next man. Its just not right. Would make me sick the thought of anyone else seeing pics of my gf (and most probably future wife/mother of kids etc)

tenchi-fan

You shouldn't have sent him your pics. Alcohol is a curse, he was probably bragging about the pics and after a few pints decided to show his mates.
Very bold.. still, It's not really about trust. More about temptation. you were as bad for sending them in the first place.

LegacyUser

I thought this was fairly normal lad behaviour in a not-too-serious relationship.

You don't do it with the woman you're about to spend the rest of your life with, but if you have a woman that's a little bit wild and slutty, one you've already been talking with your mates about, it's very common to show your mates the pics as proof.

I've done it with a woman I didn't see a future with. You're not going to do that to your future wife but if it's just a fling... I've had mates show us pics regularly.

The way I see it, you send the picture, you need to be willing to accept the risk.

The phone could as easily get lost and others will end up seeing them anyway.

What's not normal about this situation is the woman finding out. I doubt one of the lads told you, more one of the lads' jealous girlfriends perhaps?

LittleBook

rsdfsdfsdfsdf wrote: »

You don't do it with the woman you're about to spend the rest of your life with, but if you have a woman that's a little bit wild and slutty, one you've already been talking with your mates about, it's very common to show your mates the pics as proof.

Grand, I'll remember this next time women are accused of sharing too much about their relationship with their friends. It seems some guys do exactly the same and have the pictures to prove it. :rolleyes:

rsdfsdfsdfsdf wrote: »

What's not normal about this situation is the woman finding out. I doubt one of the lads told you, more one of the lads' jealous girlfriends perhaps?

A jealous girlfriend? Jealous of what?? The fact that the guys are enjoying pictures of a naked woman that aren't her?! Get real. Any woman I know would tell their friend if they knew something like this had happened, and it wouldn't be out of jealousy.

SillyGirl22 wrote: »

I just found out my boyfriend of almost a year showed his mates the private sexy pics I'd sent to his phone.

fasdfdafdasf wrote: »

I've been in this situation with my 28 year old boyfriend ... I should have known better having worked with men for years in a factory where co-workers would very regularly pass their phones around showing naked pictures their girlfriends/wives had texted to them.

34532412 wrote: »

I have seen it done by men in groups on nights out, and some rougher type guys at work, etc, so let's not create an illusion here, it happens.

Distorted wrote: »

I agree with the comments above that there are some slightly rougher men that would act in this way.

unreg1 wrote: »

My mate has shown the lads pics of ex gf before, not only her posing in lengerie and naked etc, but also during s*x! (while drunk obviously but still) so Id be careful!

Kingpin187 wrote: »

A few guys in my work have passed around pics of their gfs in not-so-innocent poses

rsdfsdfsdfsdf wrote: »

I thought this was fairly normal lad behaviour in a not-too-serious relationship ... I've done it with a woman I didn't see a future with.

At the very least, I hope anyone who's considering sending pics by phone will read these posts and decide against it.

Sorry guys, I know the greater part of you wouldn't do this but unfortunately there are still some knuckle draggers who would and appears there are enough of them to make it a risky situation.

seenitall

tenchi-fan wrote: »

It's not really about trust. More about temptation. you were as bad for sending them in the first place.

...surely, you could say the same about cheating: "It's not really about trust, more about temptation, you were as bad for allowing him to go out by himself where you knew there would be girls around."- i.e. for trusting that the person wouldn't cheat/betray privacy. It's a breach of trust, 100%.

prinz

seenitall wrote: »

...surely, you could say the same about cheating: "It's not really about trust, more about temptation, you were as bad for allowing him to go out by himself where you knew there would be girls around."- i.e. for trusting that the person wouldn't cheat/betray privacy. It's a breach of trust, 100%.

In fairness it's not only about the breach of trust (which this case was) but there is always the possibility of the phone being lost, messed around with by friends, stolen, or computer being lost, virus, etc. Once you have those kind of pictures stored somewere like on an electronic device for example, whether through a deliberate breach of trust, or any other reason there is always the possibility of them 'getting around' into wider circulation.

..and the amount of idiots starring in 'private sex tapes' etc that are all over the net goes to show not enough people process that information properly. If anything else comes from the OP it's the hope that in future other people will think twice.

Neyite

A guy who respects his girlfriend and her privacy will keep pictures like that private and not show them to neanderthals in the pub.

He has shown you how little he respects you.

seenitall

prinz wrote: »

In fairness it's not only about the breach of trust (which this case was) but there is always the possibility of the phone being lost, messed around with by friends, stolen, or computer being lost, virus, etc. Once you have those kind of pictures stored somewere like on an electronic device for example, whether through a deliberate breach of trust, or any other reason there is always the possibility of them 'getting around' into wider circulation.

..and the amount of idiots starring in 'private sex tapes' etc that are all over the net goes to show not enough people process that information properly. If anything else comes from the OP it's the hope that in future other people will think twice.

I agree with that, but I was responding to the poster who said it was very bold (!?) of the b/f to show off his g/f's naked pics, but not about trust, moreso temptation?! He broke trust, first and foremost; second point - he did it through succumbing to "temptation" to be a pirck and break the trust which is implicit between lovers. Appaling behaviour.

Dumpable behaviour, in fact (I say this for the OP's benefit).