Appreciative glance vs. ogling

gargleblaster

Do you think that either of the above is much different than the other? Do you think that both are all well and good, or is one more acceptable and the other less so?

Ladies who dress to impress on a night out are certainly inviting the more intent appreciation and no doubt enjoy it most of the time. So obviously we aren't discussing situations in which women would be inviting and expecting the extra sexual attention. I'm talking about ladies (and teenage girls) just going about their business as normal, and being ogled as if they were all strippers on poles.

IMO the ogling is disrespectful. What do you think?

Is "ogling" just longer than an "appreciative glance"?

gargleblaster

bluewolf wrote: »

Is "ogling" just longer than an "appreciative glance"?

Yes it is longer, but there is also a qualitative difference.

For example, this morning I passed some construction workers. One of them had a very nice, muscular back. As I passed I gave him an appreciative glance. This is what I think would be a normal and respectful reaction when you notice someone who is attractive.

When I say ogling here, I mean the kind of lecherous stare, which is overtly sexual. Some might say even predatory.

krudler

I think they mean the "phwoaaar!" while rubbing your hands on your legs in old perv fasion, dont think anyone would complain about been given a few glances or flirty look and smile, someone gawping at you would just get creepy and weird

parker kent

Sometimes when you are the viewer, what you may think is an appreciative glance is actually ogling.

The ones I'd view as wrong would the over-the-top, tongue hanging out style looks. Or somebody continually staring (i.e. not just the occasional glance, but full on staring.

Frank Black

"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away"
J. Seinfeld.

Little Acorn

Appreciative glance perfectly fine imo.
Ogling, as in just constantly STARING at a body part without even a glance in the person's eyes, -a bit rude and actually kinda creepy.

im invisible

gargleblaster wrote: »

For example, this morning I passed some construction workers. One of them had a very nice, muscular back. As I passed I gave him an appreciative glance. This is what I think would be a normal and respectful reaction when you notice someone who is attractive.

so, the way you looked at him, was an appreciative glance,
and the way his mates looked at you was oogling:pac:

Kaneda_

'Oogling' is basically pervey behaviour is that it?

Ickle Magoo

Is the difference between an appreciative glance and oggling not just the people doing it?

IE the viewee considers it an appreciative glance and the viewed oggling...

Silverfish

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Is the difference between an appreciative glance and oggling not just the people doing it?

IE the viewee considers it an appreciative glance and the viewed oggling...

Well no, there's a marked difference in it, for example one guy who comes into my office talks to me and makes eye contact, another guy talks to my chest.

I find neither attractive, so it's not a case of 'Oh well he's not ogling me cos he's attractive, but the other guy is cos he's not'

I had an ex that would hold a conversation with a point somewhere past my ear, where he would stare at whatever girl was behind me, and would position himself in restaurants to get the best 'view'.
Was morto one day when a girl came up and asked him to stop staring at her, and asked me could I not do anything about it. (Like what?!)

Other guys will do the 'appreciative glance' - a quick glance up and down, and then the odd side-eye glance from then on.

Once you make the recipient aware you're staring at them, you're not speaking to them, they're just aware of you gawping at them - then it's gone from appreciative glance to ogling.

Can be quite uncomfortable for the recipient if they're not smiling and staring back imo.

Lia_lia

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!

Oh sorry, was just giving your chest an appreciative glance.


Heh!

Eve_Dublin

I'm going to be honest here. I don't mind it and in fact, I like it and will probably miss it when it ceases. I don't believe I'm insecure and need the approval of men...I'm 31 and I feel better about myself overall than I ever have...but it's still a nice feeling to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps that's bringing feminism back a 100 years in some people's eyes but there you go. That's how I feel.

The kind of "ogling" I don't like is those who stare too long and stare at your breasts but again, I'll be honest: I'd have more problem with middle-aged men who I didn't find attractive than younger guys my own age who I did find attractive doing it. It seems it's the middle-aged men here in Madrid than tend to be less subtle about it and make these horrible kind of grunting, gurgling sounds as you walk by while mumbling, "Guaaappppaaa" (gorgeous) in a sleazy manner. It's as if they think, "I don't have a chance anyway...I may as well be completely tactless and treat this woman like she's a piece of meat". I don't like the commments generally and find them demeaning but the looks, I don't mind at all.

Ickle Magoo

Silverfish wrote: »

I had an ex that would hold a conversation with a point somewhere past my ear, where he would stare at whatever girl was behind me, and would position himself in restaurants to get the best 'view'.

:eek:

I wouldn't consider the guy staring at your chest while talking to you to be glancing or ogling to be fair - that's staring - and just creepy and bad manners.

I was thinking more it depends on the context as to whether a furtive glance I notice is chalked down to appreciative glance or ogling, ie, attractive guy eyes my chest, I catch his eye and wink at his "appreciative glance", old creepy does the same and I am insulted at his creepy old "ogling"... :pac:

Little Acorn

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Is the difference between an appreciative glance and oggling not just the people doing it?

IE the viewee considers it an appreciative glance and the viewed oggling...

Well I suppose it does depend on the person, some people might just see it as exactly the same thing and like it or dislike it as much either way, but I myself do see a difference.
I think it would be the length of time that someone was staring that would be the difference and where exactly they were staring.
For example I have quite a large bust and if I am wearing a fitted top, or a top that shows some cleavage then I would not get offended and think "how dare you!" if I caught someone giving a quick glance down then looking quickly back at my face. It is just noticeable even if the top is not revealing, and I am a hetero female but even I can't help but notice if someone has a large bust.
However if someone just stared at my breasts to the point where they didn't even look at my face, or reply to me in conversation I would find that rude and it would also make me feel very uncomfortable.
It would also be ogling if say I was in a waiting room and there happened to be a male sitting opposite me, and I decided to just stare at his crotch for the duration of waiting, that would be creepy and disrespectful imo.

gargleblaster

Kaneda_ wrote: »

'Oogling' is basically pervey behaviour is that it?

Well yeah I guess so. But not all pervey behavior is bad, IMO. Depends on what you'd call pervey I suppose.


And to the person who asked no, I was in my car and so there was no chance of me being ogled.

Silverfish

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

:eek:

I wouldn't consider the guy staring at your chest while talking to you to be glancing to be fair - that's staring - and just creepy and bad manners.

I was thinking more it depends on the context as to whether a furtive glance I notice is chalked down to appreciative glance or ogling, ie, attractive guy eyes my chest, I catch his eye and wink at his "appreciative glance", old creepy does the same and I am insulted at his creepy old "ogling"... :pac:

Either situation wouldn't phase me to be honest, either can ogle my chest if they want, doesn't affect me in any way, I might start to feel uncomfortable but I have the option of folding my arms, or removing myself from view if that happens.
In a business situation, I'd be uncomfortable by either doing it, but I'm going to be 100% honest here - who can avoid looking at people's boobs.

Yes, the first thing I was taught about behaviour in public was it's rude to stare, and to never ever stare at anyone.

Still, sometimes- giant boobs :eek::eek:

gargleblaster

Little Acorn wrote: »

Well I suppose it does depend on the person, some people might just see it as exactly the same thing and like it or dislike it as much either way, but I myself do see a difference.
I think it would be the length of time that someone was staring that would be the difference and where exactly they were staring.
For example I have quite a large bust and if I am wearing a fitted top, or a top that shows some cleavage then I would not get offended and think "how dare you!" if I caught someone giving a quick glance down then looking quickly back at my face. It is just noticeable even if the top is not revealing, and I am a hetero female but even I can't help but notice if someone has a large bust.
However if someone just stared at my breasts to the point where they didn't even look at my face, or reply to me in conversation I would find that rude and it would also make me feel very uncomfortable.
It would also be ogling if say I was in a waiting room and there happened to be a male sitting opposite me, and I decided to just stare at his crotch for the duration of waiting, that would be creepy and disrespectful imo.

That's it exactly. I have a large bust too and despite it being 'like the sun', looking there seems to be more of a reaction than a conscious decision. So it's only the long stares that are creepy.

Or actually no, even the glances can get creepy when paired with googly eyes or a weirdo smile. And before anyone asks, I don't care how good looking a guy is, googly eyes and a creepy smile are not working for me no matter who you are. Just no.


On the other side of the coin (now that you've mentioned crotches), has anyone ever found their eyes drawn down to that area somewhat automatically? In that you don't really mean to be looking at their crotches but it just kind of happens and you feel really uncomfortable and wonder if they noticed? I really hate that, and I hope it's not just me. And I also wonder if that's how guys feel when they get caught doing that involuntary glance down to the bewbs.


edit: Gah, now I've given myself a Sugar Lumps earworm.

gargleblaster

Silverfish wrote: »

Yes, the first thing I was taught about behaviour in public was it's rude to stare, and to never ever stare at anyone.

I feel so stupid for asking about this now. :P

Eve_Dublin

gargleblaster wrote: »

Or actually no, even the glances can get creepy when paired with googly eyes or a weirdo smile. And before anyone asks, I don't care how good looking a guy is, googly eyes and a creepy smile are not working for me no matter who you are. Just no..

Ah yes....the auld googly eyes! Haha! I know what you're talking about and I suppose I'm back tracking here. I like the nice, normal healthy looking from males. It's a vibe...some men give off a terrible vibe and I wonder do they realise it themselves? I suppose we don't know what our own faces look like every second of the day...I get the "cheer up!" comment slung at me sometimes (more in Dublin than anywhere else) and it was usually when I felt great. I obviously wasn't showing it on my face though.

Ickle Magoo

gargleblaster wrote: »

On the other side of the coin (now that you've mentioned crotches), has anyone ever found their eyes drawn down to that area somewhat automatically? In that you don't really mean to be looking at their crotches but it just kind of happens and you feel really uncomfortable and wonder if they noticed? I really hate that, and I hope it's not just me. And I also wonder if that's how guys feel when they get caught doing that involuntary glance down to the bewbs.

I used to work with a guy who obviously didn't shake properly after going to the little boy's room and so his trousers would have a little patch of wee right at the crotch for sometime of the day followed by a little patch of wee stain for the remainder...and he'd come up to my desk and stand in front of me, fly at eye level and I'd literally have to fight the compulsion to stare at the patch or tell him to buy thicker pants...eurrggh...that's probably not the kind of thing you mean though.

Silverfish

gargleblaster wrote: »

I feel so stupid for asking about this now. :P

Lol, I mean, it's okay to look, I'm just always mindful of how the recipient would feel about it.
When I was younger I was quite ill, and people would stare, and I mean STARE, at me whenever I was out in public.
It's a horrible feeling. So I would never want anyone to feel I was staring at them, and I suppose that stuck with me.

My mam assured me that if people were staring at me, they just had no manners, and I should feel sorry for them.

So I didn't want to stare at people then in case they thought I had no manners

Little Acorn

gargleblaster wrote: »

That's it exactly. I have a large bust too and despite it being 'like the sun', looking there seems to be more of a reaction than a conscious decision. So it's only the long stares that are creepy.

Or actually no, even the glances can get creepy when paired with googly eyes or a weirdo smile. And before anyone asks, I don't care how good looking a guy is, googly eyes and a creepy smile are not working for me no matter who you are. Just no.


On the other side of the coin (now that you've mentioned crotches), has anyone ever found their eyes drawn down to that area somewhat automatically? In that you don't really mean to be looking at their crotches but it just kind of happens and you feel really uncomfortable and wonder if they noticed? I really hate that, and I hope it's not just me. And I also wonder if that's how guys feel when they get caught doing that involuntary glance down to the bewbs.


edit: Gah, now I've given myself a Sugar Lumps earworm.

Not that I can specifically remember, but I'm sure there's a chance I probably did it at some stage!
It reminds of that film "what women want" where Mel Gibson can hear women's thoughts.
There's a bit where Helen Hunt and him are alone in and she finds herself glancing at his crotch. She says [in her head] "Oh my god, I was staring at his crotch, I hope he didn't notice!"
He can hear her thoughts finds it funny, and does a little pelvic thrust in her direction causing her to close her eyes, and start stammering and knocking things getting so embarrassed. It's a pretty funny bit.:D

gargleblaster

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I used to work with a guy who obviously didn't shake properly after going to the little boy's room and so his trousers would have a little patch of wee right at the crotch for sometime of the day followed by a little patch of wee stain for the remainder...and he'd come up to my desk and stand in front of me, fly at eye level and I'd literally have to fight the compulsion to stare at the patch or tell him to buy thicker pants...eurrggh...that's probably not the kind of thing you mean though.

:pac:

No not the same thing at all! More like the scene from What Women Want, but with random men and not men you are necessarily attracted to. I don't know what it is but it's embarrassing.

gargleblaster

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I'm going to be honest here. I don't mind it and in fact, I like it and will probably miss it when it ceases. I don't believe I'm insecure and need the approval of men...I'm 31 and I feel better about myself overall than I ever have...but it's still a nice feeling to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps that's bringing feminism back a 100 years in some people's eyes but there you go. That's how I feel.

Just had to add here that I don't think it's bringing feminism back at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be found attractive. It's part of women's sexuality I think. If we didn't want to be admired for our looks we wouldn't spend so much time and effort on them. But that's another subject and I'm sure there are plenty who disagree with my opinion about it, I just wanted to thank you for your honesty and say that as for me I don't think it's settting feminism back.

LenaClaire

I think where I feel like it crosses the line is that an appreciative glance is a shorter look. An ogle is usually longer and where it gets creepy is the staring at a specific body part or elbowing a friend to get them to stare as well.

Anyone staring at me is creepy but staring at chest or whatever gets really annoying.

I am short and have a large bust - in the summers I used to have problems on public transit of guys standing next to me and just staring down my shirt.

MsAmerica

If he is someone unattractive that has no class and is forward about it, then I get sick. It doesn't matter how pure his intentions or thoughts may be, I will always feel like they are negative or intrusive

If, however, he is someone I consider to be attractive also, then he can look at me however he likes. He can ogle, drool, sweat and pant and I am just fine with it. Any glance will "feel" positive because of how I interpret it.

So, for me, I guess it's a matter of my perception rather than the 2 men doing anything differently.

sollar

gargleblaster wrote: »

That's it exactly. I have a large bust too and despite it being 'like the sun', looking there seems to be more of a reaction than a conscious decision. So it's only the long stares that are creepy.



On the other side of the coin (now that you've mentioned crotches), has anyone ever found their eyes drawn down to that area somewhat automatically? In that you don't really mean to be looking at their crotches but it just kind of happens and you feel really uncomfortable and wonder if they noticed? I really hate that, and I hope it's not just me. And I also wonder if that's how guys feel when they get caught doing that involuntary glance down to the bewbs.

I do believe that the eyes are naturally drawn to breasts alright. It can be very embarrassing to have been "caught" when there was no conscious decision to check them out. Then you end up thinking, she thinks i ogled her breasts and i didn't .

Also if someone is really horrible person/ugly etc you may be quicker to label the stare as ogling rather than an appreciative glance.

BarackPyjama

MsAmerica wrote: »

If he is some ugly, old man that has no class, then I get sick and it makes me want to puke. No matter how pure his intentions or thoughts may be, I will always feel like they are negative or intrusive.

If he is someone I consider to be sexy too, then he can look at me however he likes. He can ogle, drool, sweat and pant and I am just fine with it. Any glance will "feel" like it is positive.

Older men that you don't find attractive make you want to puke if you catch them looking at you. Younger men that you do find attractive can look at you. Check.

The bottom line ladies is that some men will stare, some will ogle and some will be just downright inappropriate. The same goes for women in fact. It's perfectly natural to be attracted to and curious about the opposite sex. Some men have tact, some don't. That will never change.