Would you text back?

rebel10

So, went out last weekend, met a guy that I have liked from a distance for quite some time. Had never spoken to him before, but plucked up the courage to go and chat with him. All was going well and eventually he told me that he thought I was gorgeous and really wanted to kiss me. So we did.
He ended up coming back to mine. Gave him a lift home the next morning and he asked for my number. During the week I texted him, he texted back straight away and was saying how he had a brilliant night. we texted back and forth for about an hour, until he said he was just about to go into work and that we would talk soon
So decided to text him Friday. Just asked if he would like to meet up again. No reply since. Should I take it as a "no, not interested"? Would expect that even if someone wasn't interested, they would be polite enough to just text back. I'm just feeling a little used and quite stupid for making the effort to do the chasing.

Would you text back a response if you were him?

mikemac

Enough of this texting nonsense

Pick up the phone and call the guy

Guill

His wife probably founnd his phone.

Leelaa22

Guill wrote: »

His wife probably founnd his phone.

I hate when that happens

tfitzgerald

I would have text you back but to me he sounds like a p rick who got his way and now has no interest at this stage if he does text you back it will only be to use you forget about him and move on
Ps I am a bloke

Joe10000

If you ever want more then just a night of fun never sleep with a guy on the first date. Rule número uno

Son Of A Vidic

Right so you've liked this guy from a distance, but are you certain he was single?

Because if he's single and he thinks your're gorgeous, you'd be straddling him right now.

Sometimes going straight to the desert menu on the first night can put a guy off the main course.

If I was single and I met a gorgeous babe, fcuk I'd have the second date organised before I left her.

martic

rebel10 wrote: »

He ended up coming back to mine. Gave him a lift home the next morning

In my best Joey voice "hey how u doin"

tfitzgerald

You should have some fun with this bloke text him and tell him you are pregnant and you can't understand how because you did not think you could get pregnant with the strain of herpes you have:D

Uriel.

tfitzgerald wrote: »

You should have some fun with this bloke text him and tell him you are pregnant and you can't understand how because you did not think you could get pregnant with the strain of herpes you have:D

Baby herpes is not a humorous subject :-p

rebel10

Joe10000 wrote: »

If you ever want more then just a night of fun never sleep with a guy on the first date. Rule número uno

First of all, I didn't have sex with him. We didn't have protection with us so it didn't happen. But also, if a girl chooses to sleep wit a guy on a night out, so what?? In any other country I have lived in it is generally accepted that if a girl/guy enjoys sex, who cares when they chose to "do it" as long as they are safe. I hate this attitude in Ireland. Rules, rules rules....

rebel10

feelingstressed wrote: »

Enough of this texting nonsense

Pick up the phone and call the guy

If I called him after all these texts he would definitely think I was a nutter!

smugchik

I think that you have texted enough now. It seems that you are the one who always texts first. You are going to be labelled a bunny boiler/stalker. Wait for him to contact you. If he doesn't - put it down to experience. One night stands are usually just that. If you want to actually see someone again, don't sleep with them the first time you meet them.

I hope all works out ok for you.

rebel10

smugchik wrote: »

I think that you have texted enough now. It seems that you are the one who always texts first. You are going to be labelled a bunny boiler/stalker. Wait for him to contact you. If he doesn't - put it down to experience. One night stands are usually just that. If you want to actually see someone again, don't sleep with them the first time you meet them.

I hope all works out ok for you.

Again, I didn't have sex with him, but thanks for the rest of he advice.

7sr2z3fely84g5

Could be out of credit

Letting you down softly

Something major came up that got distracted.

you texted,sit and wait,hope for best,if nothing comes out of it move along and forget him.

Jay Walker

smugchik wrote: »

I think that you have texted enough now. It seems that you are the one who always texts first. You are going to be labelled a bunny boiler/stalker. Wait for him to contact you. If he doesn't - put it down to experience. One night stands are usually just that. If you want to actually see someone again, don't sleep with them the first time you meet them.

I hope all works out ok for you.

She has already stated that she did not sleep with the fella....

professore

rebel10 wrote: »

In any other country I have lived in it is generally accepted that if a girl/guy enjoys sex, who cares when they chose to "do it" as long as they are safe.

That's what the guys told you there in any event LOL. You do realise that in most European countries Irish girls have a reputation for being "easy"

RachaelVO

Don't text him back! He's made his position as clear as day without saying a word! If he does text ya, it's pretty much going to be a booty call, that's fine if you're ok with that, but that's all it going to be, I think.

Just delete his number from your phone and forget it.

Lyra Fangs

feelingstressed wrote: »

Enough of this texting nonsense

Pick up the phone and call the guy

I second this.

First, a phone call will let you know exactly where you stand with this guy much faster than waiting for him to text back which may never happen.

Second, there's nothing wrong with a woman contacting the man. It's time to dispel the myth that it makes us seem needy and desperate.

rebel10

professore wrote: »

That's what the guys told you there in any event LOL. You do realise that in most European countries Irish girls have a reputation for being "easy"

Well in the European cities I have lived in Irish girls don't have any reputation. In fact, most of them don't judge people like the Irish do.

dxhound2005

Jay Walker wrote: »

She has already stated that she did not sleep with the fella....

I think the bit where she said she gave him a lift home the next morning gave people the wrong idea.

rebel10

Lyra Fangs wrote: »

I second this.

First, a phone call will let you know exactly where you stand with this guy much faster than waiting for him to text back which may never happen.

Second, there's nothing wrong with a woman contacting the man. It's time to dispel the myth that it makes us seem needy and desperate.

Believe me, I would love to call him, get an answer and move on. I just fear that I have already contacted him enough and if I do again, I may, as someone else pointed out, appear like a bunny boiler.
I know I will end up bumping into him again at some point. I know lots of people that know him well. There has been no mention of a girlfriend from them and genuinely they think he is an alright guy.
I wish he would just text me back a big "NO" at this stage so I could stop pondering about him anymore.

rebel10

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I think the bit where she said she gave him a lift home the next morning gave people the wrong idea.

Sorry, yes I should have stated exactly what we did, well not exactly:o
Basically, I would have had we had the protection, no doubt about it. I like him, I don't have any major hang ups about sex, generally I believe if you enjoy it why would you deprive yourself it? I gave him a lift because I don't live anywhere near a town, so couldn't have him walking country roads lost.

Lyra Fangs

rebel10 wrote: »

Believe me, I would love to call him, get an answer and move on. I just fear that I have already contacted him enough and if I do again, I may, as someone else pointed out, appear like a bunny boiler.
I know I will end up bumping into him again at some point. I know lots of people that know him well. There has been no mention of a girlfriend from them and genuinely they think he is an alright guy.
I wish he would just text me back a big "NO" at this stage so I could stop pondering about him anymore.

I completely understand that you wouldn't want to be labelled a 'bunny boiler' I've been there myself many times. . .one more text/call wouldn't hurt .

But I think if you called him and found out once and for all if he was interested or not it would put your mind at ease at least. Even if you do come across a bit forward I'd personally choose that option rather than sit there and drive myself crazy waiting for an answer and wondering does he like me or does he not.

holystungun9

rebel10 wrote: »

Well in the European cities I have lived in Irish girls don't have any reputation. In fact, most of them don't judge people like the Irish do.

You must have realised by now that AH is a very mixed bag of advice / guidance / abuse / p1sstaking / misunderstanding etc. from a very mixed bag of people with a range of views and feelings on the threads that come up. The replies are going to be hit and miss and a bunch are going to just irritate you and won't help you to deal with your situation at all.
Anyway, I hope you resolve your situation with that guy, the reply that screamed out to me was the 'telephone him' idea. May not always be suitable but neither is the hypothesizing on what another human being is thinking, feeling, going to act, etc. Personal Issues forum may offer better advice.

spectre

Kyng Gigantic Viper wrote: »

Could be out of credit

Extremely unlikely. If he really liked you, nothing would stop him from topping up.

Kyng Gigantic Viper wrote: »

Letting you down softly

95% chance. He probably doesn't want to have to send the awkward text(s). Radio silence, though viewed as being spineless is the easy option. It takes longer for you to get the message but you eventually do.

Kyng Gigantic Viper wrote: »

Something major came up that got distracted.

It is possible but very unlikely.

Kyng Gigantic Viper wrote: »

you texted,sit and wait,hope for best,if nothing comes out of it move along and forget him.

.

rebel10

Lyra Fangs wrote: »

I completely understand that you wouldn't want to be labelled a 'bunny boiler' I've been there myself many times. . .one more text/call wouldn't hurt .

But I think if you called him and found out once and for all if he was interested or not it would put your mind at ease at least. Even if you do come across a bit forward I'd personally choose that option rather than sit there and drive myself crazy waiting for an answer and wondering does he like me or does he not.

Thanks Lyra, you see I would text/ring him again if I had nothing to lose, but I know I will end up bumping into him at some stage over the next few weeks. I don't want to have to run a mile with the shame! My friends keep telling me he may be playing it cool or that something may have come up.
What confuses me though is the fact that he was so friendly and chatty in his texts earlier in the week and more or less said text me in a few more days. I suppose I will just have to wait a few more days and if nothing happens I will put it down to the fact that he wasn't that interested to begin with.

RachaelVO

rebel10 wrote: »

I wish he would just text me back a big "NO" at this stage so I could stop pondering about him anymore.

I think in one way or another you have your answer. It's total cowardice on his part (as another poster pointed out). It might not be the answer you were hoping for, but his lack of response speaks volumes. He might be an alright kinda guy, but if he was that interested he'd let ya know, one way or another. As the saying goes (from Sex and the City I think) "he's just not that into you"

Mary28

To be honest I don't think he sounds very interested. If he was reasonably interested in you he would have a - contacted you first after your first encounter, b - texted you back when you suggested meeting up.
He might think you are ok, nice etc but he definitely doesn't seem enthuastic about you to be honest and I'd say his "oh I had a great time with you" may be him just keeping his lines open with you, oppertunistically (apologies for spelling!).

If you are really interested then just ring him. Chat, make a date and get on with it. Txting is too non-confrontational and it's easy to be strung along with it.
However if it were me I would assume he's not very interested and just leave it. Not to sound like a cow but at this stage I would need him to really show that he's genuine with his interest in me and he'd need to put a bit of work in as you've already made it clear that you are interested, you've already put the work in.

WoollyRedHat

I don't see why you should feel shame or anything if you ring him and it doesn't work out. There's nothing wrong with the girl ringing the guy, and like you say even just to know where you stand. There might be a reason why he hasn't gotten back yet and if it is out of being a coward, then it should him that should feel embarrassed and an idiot, not you.

Lyra Fangs

rebel10 wrote: »

Thanks Lyra, you see I would text/ring him again if I had nothing to lose, but I know I will end up bumping into him at some stage over the next few weeks. I don't want to have to run a mile with the shame! My friends keep telling me he may be playing it cool or that something may have come up.
What confuses me though is the fact that he was so friendly and chatty in his texts earlier in the week and more or less said text me in a few more days. I suppose I will just have to wait a few more days and if nothing happens I will put it down to the fact that he wasn't that interested to begin with.

Well if you're sure you'll bump into him then put it to the back of your mind. Get on with everything else in your life and if you finally do bump into him and he says he's not interested in one way or another then you can start looking for someone new. But you'd never know he might be interested and may not have replied for a multitude of reasons so it could work out quite well.

You'll have to let us know what happens

rebel10

Thanks for all the replies lads. I needed them! My friends, as good as they are, will always tell me to hold on and wait for a reply before jumping to any conclusions, instead of just saying what you and all on here think.
Bit depressed and mortified, but sure I'm sure I will have gotten over the experience quite quickly. It's just I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years 18months ago and haven't been with anyone since, just had no interest until meeting this guy. Anyway, suppose it's just something I have to put up with when I dabble in the Irish dating scene.
Deflated.....but thanks for all the responses!:)

Daisy!

He's just not that in to you.

Inbox

Maybe he didn't get the txt. I'd txt him one more time.

greengiant09

don't text him back...from a guys perspective, i'd be pretty certain he got your message but has no interest in meeting up again. he should have texted back out of politeness but some people are weird like that. it's happened plenty of times with me with women.

oh and just cos a guy says your georgeous, etc...blah, blah doesn't mean he actually means it. not intending to hurt you but people say loads of things on nights out which they don't necessarily mean. he could have been drunk, he could have only said it because he thought it would help him get it your pants...the list goes on.

oh and remember not all guys in ireland believe that if you have sex with a girl on a first nite, then she's not dating material as some of the previous posters insinuated....although their entitled to their opinions.

overall, forget about him and move on.....

Chris P. Bacon

rebel10 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies lads. I needed them! My friends, as good as they are, will always tell me to hold on and wait for a reply before jumping to any conclusions, instead of just saying what you and all on here think.
Bit depressed and mortified, but sure I'm sure I will have gotten over the experience quite quickly. It's just I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years 18months ago and haven't been with anyone since, just had no interest until meeting this guy. Anyway, suppose it's just something I have to put up with when I dabble in the Irish dating scene.
Deflated.....but thanks for all the responses!:)

No need to be depressed over it,forget about it and move,there is more important things in life to be worrying about

stupidusername

My general rule for guidanceon things like this is: if he was interested you'd know it.

My gut on this would be to say when he went back with you he thought he was getting some,he didn't,and he's not interested enough to persue you. Of course there's a chance he is interested but seems unlikely as he'd have made the effort to contact you by now.

You're perfectly right to expect that dating could come of this (if you'd had sex with him) but unfortunately that's still what a lot of people think.and I don't just mean posters here,i mean there's lots of guys that will think if you've had sex the first time you met you're not the relationship kind,so don't be so quick to blame the 'myth'.

You're saying you just want an answer,my opinion is that you've got it.as you say you want to save face for when you meet him next,if you leave things as they are,you'll do that,and he'll be the one embarrassed for not having replied.that is if he has an ounce of decency. Plenty more fish in the sea,don't waste any more time on this one.if he does contact you then it's up to you what you do with that.for me it'd have to be a pretty good reason for no contact to consider anything further with him.

Lyra Fangs

Mary28 wrote: »

To be honest I don't think he sounds very interested. If he was reasonably interested in you he would have a - contacted you first after your first encounter, b - texted you back when you suggested meeting up.
He might think you are ok, nice etc but he definitely doesn't seem enthuastic about you to be honest and I'd say his "oh I had a great time with you" may be him just keeping his lines open with you, oppertunistically (apologies for spelling!).

If you are really interested then just ring him. Chat, make a date and get on with it. Txting is too non-confrontational and it's easy to be strung along with it.
However if it were me I would assume he's not very interested and just leave it. Not to sound like a cow but at this stage I would need him to really show that he's genuine with his interest in me and he'd need to put a bit of work in as you've already made it clear that you are interested, you've already put the work in.

It's very possible that this is his way of saying he's not interested. But if you take it from his point of view (which I think women often neglect to do) the OP has only tried to contact him once, from what I can tell, so you could look at that as her not being that interested because she tried it once and didn't make much effort after that.

I completely understand why the OP might find it difficult to contact him again because women are generally labelled faster as pushy or desperate than men but I still think the OP should call him or as she said bump into once to at least put the whole situation to rest.

rebel10

Inbox wrote: »

Maybe he didn't get the txt. I'd txt him one more time.

Ah no, he must have got the text. I have to be rational about this. But anyway, if he was interested he would have texted me by now anyway.

sweet-rasmus

rebel10 wrote: »

Thanks Lyra, you see I would text/ring him again if I had nothing to lose, but I know I will end up bumping into him at some stage over the next few weeks. I don't want to have to run a mile with the shame!

Ah, but at this point I'm sure you'd still probably want to run a mile. If you are hopeful and want an answer, you should ring. The situation won't get any more awkward!

Still, I think not texting back is message enough. Some people aren't brave enough to explicitly say that they don't want to see a person again.

Claasman

rebel10 wrote: »

Gave him a lift home the next morning

What sort of car do you drive?

This could be the root cause of the issue.

Chris P. Bacon

Claasman wrote: »

What sort of car do you drive?

This could be the root cause of the issue.

I doubt that very much.

RachaelVO

rebel10 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies lads. I needed them! My friends, as good as they are, will always tell me to hold on and wait for a reply before jumping to any conclusions, instead of just saying what you and all on here think.
Bit depressed and mortified, but sure I'm sure I will have gotten over the experience quite quickly. It's just I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years 18months ago and haven't been with anyone since, just had no interest until meeting this guy. Anyway, suppose it's just something I have to put up with when I dabble in the Irish dating scene.
Deflated.....but thanks for all the responses!:)

Sure a little mortification never hurt any of us

As you've been out of the dating scene, it's harder for your to read signals. Your just outta practise

antodeco

OP, leave him be. If he is really into you, he wouldn't have left you feeling like this. As a Guy, if I'm interested in someone, it would've been me who texted back first, not you. Leave him be. If by the start of next week you still hear nothing, move on. It sucks sometimes, but so be it!

TheZohanS

rebel10 wrote: »

Ah no, he must have got the text. I have to be rational about this. But anyway, if he was interested he would have texted me by now anyway.

Exactly, the ball is in his court. I dated a girl once that kept text and texting and texting non-stop without reply. I'd be in a meeting and she'd text, then 10min later she'd text and ask why I wasn't responding to her texts. She'd end up having conversations with herself and arguments with herself over these text messages. I politely told her that it wasn't going to work out but she kept texting. Two months later, and we hadn't been in contact she texts at 1.30am and tried to continue the conversation we had via text and asked what I meant by a text I had sent her 3 months ago....absolute nutter!

He'll text you if he wants to and when he gets a chance, he might have left his phone in work.

7sr2z3fely84g5

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no.

wolf moon

rebel10 wrote: »

So, went out last weekend, met a guy that I have liked from a distance for quite some time. Had never spoken to him before, but plucked up the courage to go and chat with him. All was going well and eventually he told me that he thought I was gorgeous and really wanted to kiss me. So we did.
He ended up coming back to mine. Gave him a lift home the next morning and he asked for my number. During the week I texted him, he texted back straight away and was saying how he had a brilliant night. we texted back and forth for about an hour, until he said he was just about to go into work and that we would talk soon
So decided to text him Friday. Just asked if he would like to meet up again. No reply since. Should I take it as a "no, not interested"? Would expect that even if someone wasn't interested, they would be polite enough to just text back. I'm just feeling a little used and quite stupid for making the effort to do the chasing.

Would you text back a response if you were him?

if i had no interest - no, i wouldn't text you back. no point.

ps. why so many girls say "i feel used" - you had your own bit of fun, so had the fella. bing-bang-end of story.

problemchimp

He hasn't contacted you, so that says he is not interested. Deep down you know this. Close thread and move on, his loss.

rebel10

wolf moon wrote: »

if i had no interest - no, i wouldn't text you back. no point.

ps. why so many girls say "i feel used" - you had your own bit of fun, so had the fella. bing-bang-end of story.

There is a point in texting back. The point is just to show some consideration for the person and to just tie up loose ends if anything. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you at least expect a reply? Even if it was to say, sorry, not interested.

St.Spodo

Keep texting him, he's playing hard to get. You'll eventually wear him down.

7sr2z3fely84g5

rebel10 wrote: »

There is a point in texting back. The point is just to show some consideration for the person and to just tie up loose ends if anything. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you at least expect a reply? Even if it was to say, sorry, not interested.

look at this way,if you met someone better at same time he decided to get back in contact,would you care?,you snooze you lose.