My wife roped me into cooking for her and her friends... "ladies night" on Sunday.

Jimmy Garlic

I am just wondering if I could get away with reheated ready meals... steam in the bag fish etc, or will it be noticed?. I was thinking of keeping it simple but making it look like I put in a lot of effort. What can I reheat in the oven or in a saucepan?.. The bing bing bing of the microwave is a dead giveaway so I can't use that.

I got some tinned soup off the canteen woman at work.. (Huge tin) so the starter is covered.. A sprig of parsley and a dollop of cream and hi presto.

Jesus Wept

Make a holy show of it, that way it will be the last time you are asked to it.

Burn soup
?????
Serve
Profit

Also, it's 'Hey presto'.

Wolfe Tone

Ah you're fcuked. Any chance of roping your sister or mother in maybe?


They will notice boil in the bag and reheated stuff.

Danbo!

Tell her to fupp off and, hello presto, no need to cook dinner or ever see her again.

Make burritos.

mikemac

If you a star at this you're going to be always doing this.
If you fook it up they'll never ask you again

You know what to do here OP

Jesus Wept

btw...

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/54624/detail/

theboss80

Easy, just take the fuse out of the main circuit board and tell her the electricity has gone off, you rang the esb and it wont be back on till after ten so then can either ring for take away or go out instead.

Done

bryaner

Bruschetta with fetta, garlic, tomato and basil for starter, beef wellington for main and sticky toffee pudding for desert.

= serious sex for weeks.:D

jimmycrackcorm

Just serve garlic.

admiralofthefleet

wear only this:
a chefs hat
fish nets
clothes pegs on your nipples
pop tarts behind your ears
cod piece

cook mad stuff then jump around like a hillbilly while serving it


you wont be asked again

Pauleta

Hope you have a big bowl for all those keys

Jesus Wept

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

wear only this:
a chefs hat
fish nets
clothes pegs on your nipples
pop tarts behind your ears
cod piece

cook mad stuff then jump around like a hillbilly while serving it


you wont be asked again

Is this you 9-5?

eternal

Your canteen serves tinned soup?
Thats a disgrace and youre worse to serve it.what you bitching about anywy
Try make effort.pretty obvious she does everything for you.

mikemac

Are her friends hot?

Any of them up for an affair?

Savage Tyrant

Ladies night???.... So there are going to be multiple females on the premises. Yet YOU... a man... will be doing the cooking??
Sorry. I don't understand.

Jimmy Garlic

feelingstressed wrote: »

If you a star at this you're going to be always doing this.
If you fook it up they'll never ask you again

You know what to do here OP

This is the problem.There will be no love you long time for weeks if I get it wrong. I am afraid if i make stuff from scratch I will fup it up, that's why I need an easy option that will look like I made it from scratch and make me look like a god in the kitchen.

biko

Why don't you ask in Ladies Lounge?

Jimmy Garlic

eternal wrote: »

Your canteen serves tinned soup?

I think it is nice... it is a chicken soup with sweetcorn in it. Is tinned soup a no no

The King of Moo

Get a load of big macs.

Then wrap rashers around them and throw a slop of philadelphia on top.

Tell them it's a Royale if they're suspicious.

Jimmy Garlic

biko wrote: »

Why don't you ask in Ladies Lounge?

I need constructive advice. Not a slagging.

annetted

you could order her favourite takeaway and get it delivered. then go to shop buy some Ben and Jerry ice cream, a nice bottle of wine and some nice flowers - that would be perfect. the girls would be well impressed.

but if you have to cook - tagatelli carbonara and garlic bread is fairly easy to cook and nearly everyone likes pasta! its the wrong time of year too for the soup, maybe do a salad instead. then ice cream and thats you sorted!

the fact that you are going to this effort is the most important thing - more power to you!

SeaFields

My wife roped me into cooking for her and her friends... "ladies night" on Sunday

Man Fail

The King of Moo

Plenty of Fish.

Capt'n Midnight

It doesn't get easier than Dishwasher Salmon

westendgirlie

steak, chips and salad and summat chocolatey for dessert

and pitchers of cocktails

and have it delivered to me for 8pm

Capt'n Midnight

It's wimminz so get them what they really want

a hummungus box of chocolates

The King of Moo

annetted wrote: »

you could order her favourite takeaway and get it delivered. then go to shop buy some Ben and Jerry ice cream, a nice bottle of wine and some nice flowers - that would be perfect. the girls would be well impressed.

but if you have to cook - tagatelli carbonara and garlic bread is fairly easy to cook and nearly everyone likes pasta! its the wrong time of year too for the soup, maybe do a salad instead. then ice cream and thats you sorted!

the fact that you are going to this effort is the most important thing - more power to you!

+1

Pasta is very easy to cook and hard to mess up. All'ammatriciana is nice too, fry a little bacon, fry some red onion in passata, mix together with some pepper and chilli if you want some spiciness. When the pasta's ready mix it in with the sauce. Barely takes twenty minutes.

Jesus Wept

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

It doesn't get easier than Dishwasher Salmon

Will have to give this a go.

Gillington

The-Rigger wrote: »

Make a holy show of it, that way it will be the last time you are asked to it.

Burn soup
?????
Serve
Profit

Also, it's 'Hey presto'.

I thought that read Bum Soup,thought it was the new spit-burger or something that I wasnt aware of!

mikemac

Just hand in your man card OP

You need to surrender it, whipped!

Poutbutton

This thread is so funny but hey, my advice is go to Marks & Spencers food hall and buy something fabulous that you can bake by numbers in your oven. They do a myriad of meal styles, Chinese, Indian, mediteranean and good old English fayre. They have a gourmet selection which would also go down well. Ensure you cater for any vegetarians or vegans and be careful with seafood or fish as not all may like it. Then dress up the presentation with nice serviettes and a few delicately placed flower heads on the table cloth. Ensure you have candles ready to light as they sit down. Wine/Champers chilling (you can get some nice ones on the meal deal in Marks & Spencers while you buy the food. Ban the girls from the kitchen. Remove all packaging but keep instructions. Make sure you have ice. I wouldn't worry about the tinned soup, if it tastes great just heat it up, add your dollop of cream and some fresh brown bread or rustic rolls heated in the oven. Marks also do great ready made salads for anyone that might not like soup or finds soup too filling as a starter. Heat the plates (very important) Have deserts at the ready chilling in the fridge, I recommend something choclatey with a few strawberries/blackberries on the side and a sprig of mint if you have it.
I've made a lovely desert for friends before if you want something a little different, you need plates to have been in the freezer for about 20 mins, scoop ice cream onto each plate, then make a cube out of after eights, these can be black or white or a mix of the two, it takes a bit of gentle manipulation to form the box and then use one more after eight as the lid slightly open, drizzle some creme de menth or raspberry sauce around the cube, it looks nice and it's easy if your really dedicated to the night!
When they are all having desert..make you escape either straight to the local or to the nearest armchair with your tipple of choice and promptly fall asleep, do not flinch if you hope to get away with the washing up although I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. Brave man, let us know how it goes & Good luck!

El Weirdo

bryaner wrote: »

Bruschetta with fetta, garlic, tomato and basil for starter, beef wellington for main and sticky toffee pudding for desert.

= serious sex for weeks.:D

THat's fine, but what is he going to cook for the wife and her friends?

Poutbutton wrote: »

This thread is so funny but hey, my advice is go to Marks & Spencers food hall and buy something fabulous that you can bake by numbers in your oven. They do a myriad of meal styles, Chinese, Indian, mediteranean and good old English fayre. They have a gourmet selection which would also go down well. Ensure you cater for any vegetarians or vegans and be careful with seafood or fish as not all may like it. Then dress up the presentation with nice serviettes and a few delicately placed flower heads on the table cloth. Ensure you have candles ready to light as they sit down. Wine/Champers chilling (you can get some nice ones on the meal deal in Marks & Spencers while you buy the food. Ban the girls from the kitchen. Remove all packaging but keep instructions. Make sure you have ice. I wouldn't worry about the tinned soup, if it tastes great just heat it up, add your dollop of cream and some fresh brown bread or rustic rolls heated in the oven. Marks also do great ready made salads for anyone that might not like soup or finds soup too filling as a starter. Heat the plates (very important) Have deserts at the ready chilling in the fridge, I recommend something choclatey with a few strawberries/blackberries on the side and a sprig of mint if you have it.
I've made a lovely desert for friends before if you want something a little different, you need plates to have been in the freezer for about 20 mins, scoop ice cream onto each plate, then make a cube out of after eights, these can be black or white or a mix of the two, it takes a bit of gentle manipulation to form the box and then use one more after eight as the lid slightly open, drizzle some creme de menth or raspberry sauce around the cube, it looks nice and it's easy if your really dedicated to the night!
When they are all having desert..make you escape either straight to the local or to the nearest armchair with your tipple of choice and promptly fall asleep, do not flinch if you hope to get away with the washing up although I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. Brave man, let us know how it goes & Good luck!

Holy fuck!

ArtyM

Poutbutton wrote: »

This thread is so funny but hey, my advice is go to Marks & Spencers food hall and buy something fabulous that you can bake by numbers in your oven. They do a myriad of meal styles, Chinese, Indian, mediteranean and good old English fayre. They have a gourmet selection which would also go down well. Ensure you cater for any vegetarians or vegans and be careful with seafood or fish as not all may like it. Then dress up the presentation with nice serviettes and a few delicately placed flower heads on the table cloth. Ensure you have candles ready to light as they sit down. Wine/Champers chilling (you can get some nice ones on the meal deal in Marks & Spencers while you buy the food. Ban the girls from the kitchen. Remove all packaging but keep instructions. Make sure you have ice. I wouldn't worry about the tinned soup, if it tastes great just heat it up, add your dollop of cream and some fresh brown bread or rustic rolls heated in the oven. Marks also do great ready made salads for anyone that might not like soup or finds soup too filling as a starter. Heat the plates (very important) Have deserts at the ready chilling in the fridge, I recommend something choclatey with a few strawberries/blackberries on the side and a sprig of mint if you have it.
I've made a lovely desert for friends before if you want something a little different, you need plates to have been in the freezer for about 20 mins, scoop ice cream onto each plate, then make a cube out of after eights, these can be black or white or a mix of the two, it takes a bit of gentle manipulation to form the box and then use one more after eight as the lid slightly open, drizzle some creme de menth or raspberry sauce around the cube, it looks nice and it's easy if your really dedicated to the night!
When they are all having desert..make you escape either straight to the local or to the nearest armchair with your tipple of choice and promptly fall asleep, do not flinch if you hope to get away with the washing up although I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. Brave man, let us know how it goes & Good luck!

Keyboard problems?

Kintarō Hattori

Easiest thing to cook OP:


Get x amount of chicken breasts (however many you need). Cut a slit in them and fill it with cream cheese. Wrap the chicken breasts in prosicutto ham (3 slices) then bung them in the oven @ 200 degrees for 30 minutes.

While they are cooking get some rice, wash it and throw it into a saucepan. Instead of cooking it with water, cook it with a can of coconut milk. It'll take about 15-20 mins for the rice to cook.

This dish is incredibly easy to make and tastes fantastic.

westendgirlie

ArtyM wrote: »

Keyboard problems?

OCD

chillywilly

Penis Link removed.

flahavaj

A bloke cooking for a crowd of women having a "ladies night" where copious amounts of wine will almost certainly be consumed? Your f*cked. By the time they get onto the 5th bottle of Pino grigio and the 4th Disc in the Sex and the City Box set, they'll have forgotten your kind act of cooking for them and will want to cut your mickey off in a drunken display of modern female liberation.

DO NOT DO IT.

bonzodog2

Only possibly ?


My tip for if you plan to include rice: do it in microwave; 0.5 cup per person, add plenty of boiled water, give it a stir and nuke for 9 mins, strain,rinse(also boiled water), strain serve. Sorted.

Neonjack

This is a win/win situation for you man.
Get it right, and her friends will say how great you are, how useless their own guys are in comparison, etc, and you get sweet loving brownie points for weeks.
Get it wrong, and they'll say 'ah, isn't he great for trying?', how useless their guys are in comparison, etc, and you get sweet loving brownie points for weeks.
A sheepish humility, whatever the outcome, is the attitude you need to carry off. Best of luck.

Karona

For starters you could have prawn cocktail its mega easy.

just mix red sauce and mayonaise mix in the prawns. put lettuce in some wine glasses and put the mixture on top and voila thats your starter.

for mains get some chicken breasts, cut them in half length ways, whisk an egg white and dip the chicken breasts into them, then get some breadcrumbs and parmasen cheese and mix them two, put the chicken breasts into this and make sure they are covered with the breadcrumbs, then fry on a pan for a couple of minutes till its golden brown and the chicken is cooked through.

for dessert

cookies, cream and orange juice is all you need.

soak the cookies in orange juice and arrange them on a plate then whip the cream and put a layer of cream over the cookies, another layer of cookies and another layer of cream and then break some cookies over the top and you have the perfect girly dessert and its also really really delicious.

WoollyRedHat

Jimmy Garlic wrote: »

I need constructive advice. Not a slagging.

Funny, usually it's the other way around.

Just cook ****loads of pasta for all of them and then get a real nice sauce, maybe you can make that with some help?

Poutbutton wrote: »

This thread is so funny but hey, my advice is go to Marks & Spencers food hall and buy something fabulous that you can bake by numbers in your oven. They do a myriad of meal styles, Chinese, Indian, mediteranean and good old English fayre. They have a gourmet selection which would also go down well. Ensure you cater for any vegetarians or vegans and be careful with seafood or fish as not all may like it. Then dress up the presentation with nice serviettes and a few delicately placed flower heads on the table cloth. Ensure you have candles ready to light as they sit down. Wine/Champers chilling (you can get some nice ones on the meal deal in Marks & Spencers while you buy the food. Ban the girls from the kitchen. Remove all packaging but keep instructions. Make sure you have ice. I wouldn't worry about the tinned soup, if it tastes great just heat it up, add your dollop of cream and some fresh brown bread or rustic rolls heated in the oven. Marks also do great ready made salads for anyone that might not like soup or finds soup too filling as a starter. Heat the plates (very important) Have deserts at the ready chilling in the fridge, I recommend something choclatey with a few strawberries/blackberries on the side and a sprig of mint if you have it.
I've made a lovely desert for friends before if you want something a little different, you need plates to have been in the freezer for about 20 mins, scoop ice cream onto each plate, then make a cube out of after eights, these can be black or white or a mix of the two, it takes a bit of gentle manipulation to form the box and then use one more after eight as the lid slightly open, drizzle some creme de menth or raspberry sauce around the cube, it looks nice and it's easy if your really dedicated to the night!
When they are all having desert..make you escape either straight to the local or to the nearest armchair with your tipple of choice and promptly fall asleep, do not flinch if you hope to get away with the washing up although I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. Brave man, let us know how it goes & Good luck!

Jesus, write a cookbook already!

MardiB

Karona wrote: »

For starters you could have prawn cocktail its mega easy.

just mix red sauce and mayonaise mix in the prawns. put lettuce in some wine glasses and put the mixture on top and voila thats your starter.

for mains get some chicken breasts, cut them in half length ways, whisk an egg white and dip the chicken breasts into them, then get some breadcrumbs and parmasen cheese and mix them two, put the chicken breasts into this and make sure they are covered with the breadcrumbs, then fry on a pan for a couple of minutes till its golden brown and the chicken is cooked through. :eek:

Then wait a hour or so and watch your guests start dashing to the bathroom, clutching thier stomachs

Et Voila

FTGFOP

Just keep it local, seasonal, and simply cooked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1NfWIaYed8

Karona

Eh MardiB.... did you not read my thread properly?? it said till its golden brown and the chicken is cooked through... so why would they be clutching their stomachs and dashing to the toilet if the chicken is thoroughly cooked?? :rolleyes:

louise5754

How about spaghetti bolognaise very simple or chicken curry just buy a couple of cooked chickens fry up an onion,mushrooms and peppers and get some sort of curry sauce to pour over it and cut up the chicken. Serve with rice and chips yum yum. Buy the dessert there are loads of fab ready made ones out there now.
I presume you have some sort of cooking knowledge otherwise you would not have been asked to do this?? I would'nt dream of asking my OH to cook dinner for my friends and I he would be in a corner rocking back and forth by the end of the night!!

johngalway

Chicken Rollatini with Spinach alla Parmigiana

Pandora2

My OH is a great cook and has often cooked when we have had people round, he even volunteered!!! However, I totally agree....feck this up and you may air the spare room:rolleyes: Can I suggest M&S, if you can get the meal for two deal X2 (increase for numbers), it's reasonably priced, includes a bottle of wine between two, takes in yummy desserts, sides and mains and only requires heating up and presentation!! Also, lovely flowers at reasonable prices.....I recently got a 2 huge trays of fabulous ravioli, Parmientere Potatoes, Chocolate Profiteroles, A Green Salad and A Garlic Bread as well as two bottles of a pleasant Rose for E30!! More than enough to feed four...lay a nice table, get out the nice cutlery/dishes/glasses/linen/napkins (polish 'til sparkling)......welcome the ladies with a glass of something sparkling on arrival (your treat = several hundred brownie points;) M&S do lovely refreshing Cava's fairly reasonable) Real Coffee at the end and a box of chocolates from the afore-mentioned emporium...You will be her hero!!

Korvanica

order dominos... then have sex with them all...

standard saturday....

suicide_circus

Steamed hams

djdrobins

You have to try and cook something - i agree with the M&S option. Or the microwave option. With those types of dinners (Fast & Easy) serving it properly can get you all the credit needed.
Don't just put the plastic bowl onto the plate and serve it up. Cook them exacly as it says on the box, and then take them out of the bags and try and make them look like they do in the restaurant.
Try not to embarrass your wife, these are her friends and she must be trying to show you off by asking you to cook for her - otherwise she would do it herself but tell you to get the hell out of the house for the night.
Wine is always good too,try all 3, Rose, White and Red. Don't do beers etc.

Just try - she'll appreciate it, and the brownie points you will get from all the ladies will keep you fed and "looked after" for a few weeks.

Oh, and when they do sit and eat and you have served them their food etc - get the hell outta there. Be no-where within ear shot and keep the TV down - do not disturb them.

Trust me - i am 10 years married (although I am a better cook then my wife) the rules are the same. Her friends over - get lost.