Approaching random women you fancy on the street

LegacyUser

Ok im traditionally shy enough around women i like but i was thinking of trying another type of approach as i dont like the whole niteclub scenario as i am not too comfortable with it. Im male 27, but have started thinking about another way of trying to meet women recently.

I dont know too many single women so the only option i have really is to meet random women during the day and if i dont want to meet these women in a pub it will just be through doing everyday things like shopping etc.

I have been toying with the idea of just randomly walking up to women i like and who i think might be single and giving them my number.

I know this would feel a bit weird for me to do and i would not be in my comfort zone doing it but if i do it a few times i reckon ill get comfortable doing it. Its like anything else i suppose, practice will make me more confident.

I just wanted some feedback from a few women, would you be freaked out by this or would you take it as a compliment. Ask yourself if someone random off the street walked up to you and asked you for your number, then what your reaction would be.

I was actually thinking of just handing a number of a piece of paper or using my work business card to see what reaction i get. I

Do lads do this a lot sober during the day to random women and am i just over analysing everything too much. I was gonna aim at handing my phone number out ance a day for a week or two to see how it goes. My main question is what the initial reaction would be. Would i frighten the sh*te out of someone by doin this or like i said above would you look at it as a compliment and accept my number and think about texting me if you were attracted to me and single. I know its all hypothetical but i would love to hear a few opinions from women and also from lads who have tried this and how they got on.

I am a friend

It would freak me out and I imagine the 'strike rate' would be fairly low which could damage your confidence further.

Firetrap

I can only tell you how I felt when it happened to me years ago. I was in a bookshop and next thing some random bloke came up to me and asked me out. It freaked me out. I fibbed that I was killing time before I met up with my boyfriend (I was single at the time). So I can only say from a woman's point of view that it's a bad idea.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

It would freak me out and I imagine the 'strike rate' would be fairly low which could damage your confidence further.

ya its not that im not that confident. I thought it might freak women out alright as i have never done it i dont know.

I dont have a problem approaching women on a night out but i would actually prefer to be able to approach women sober but i do realise it could be seen as a bit odd asking someone for there number in tesco or something.

I dont like the way things work in niteclubs, just seems everyone is so defensive and fake at times. thanks for the feedback

Faith

Don't do that.

If anything, approach a woman but start chatting to her in a natural, relaxed way. That kind of approach is not common here and most women will be freaked out - but less so than if you just hand them a piece of paper with your number on it. Also, the onus is on you to take their number IMO. If they respond to your chatting, then after a couple of minutes say something like "I'd like to take you out something. Could I have your number?". Very, very few women would ring you, but they might be more amenable to giving you their number.

LegacyUser

Firetrap wrote: »

I can only tell you how I felt when it happened to me years ago. I was in a bookshop and next thing some random bloke came up to me and asked me out. It freaked me out. I fibbed that I was killing time before I met up with my boyfriend (I was single at the time). So I can only say from a woman's point of view that it's a bad idea.

I thought it might freak you out alright. Like i said in my post above to OP i dont like niteclubs but i dont have many female friends that i am physically attracted to so i dont really have many options but id rather not. It does get repetitive and women in my opinion act very defensively thinking that you only want one thing from them. You almost nearly need to impress them so much it feels like an interview before you are lucky enough to even get a kiss.

LegacyUser

Faith wrote: »

Don't do that.

If anything, approach a woman but start chatting to her in a natural, relaxed way. That kind of approach is not common here and most women will be freaked out - but less so than if you just hand them a piece of paper with your number on it. Also, the onus is on you to take their number IMO. If they respond to your chatting, then after a couple of minutes say something like "I'd like to take you out something. Could I have your number?". Very, very few women would ring you, but they might be more amenable to giving you their number.

ya i know what you are saying but i am just looking for an alternative because currently whilst i still go to pubs and clubs i actually have no interest in being there as the amount of pretentious women that i come across kind of annoys me.
i know there aint many alternatives as i have friends in the same boat as me and they find it very difficult also

Handing them a business card with no conversation like some kind of transaction - no, this is a bad approach. I think approaching them for some small talk or something would be better, and then asking out. But a lot of women might be taken offguard and turn you down in sheer surprise, so be warned.

thefeatheredcat

I have been "asked out" this way many times, by total randomers on the street as I'm going by my way in the day, from anything from standing at the bus stop to just walking along the street minding my own business..... and every time it's freaked me out for the simple reason: you're being asked out on how you "look" rather than common interest/conversation and more often than not, it's been some chancer looking to not have a date and get to know me, but hope I'll meet them for drinks and hop into bed, as that has been their underlying intention every time.

If you're going to take this approach, don't do what many guys have done and just walked up to me and asked me out/handed me their number after 10 seconds of meeting them - flattering as it may be, it's freaky because you've nothing to work with on their intentions or where to start conversation, or even what type of person they are unless you make it very obvious that it's for sex only - at least have the decency to start a conversation.

In saying that, one day I was just sitting enjoying the peace and quiet and started having a chat with a guy who sat down beside me, had a really interesting chat about politics, news, economy only to be annoyed at the fact he asked me out, when all I wanted really was to just enjoy having a chat without being hit on as that's exactly what I wasn't looking for at all.

There's no harm in striking up conversation and having a chat in a relaxed way where both people can see how it goes and then maybe if appropriate suggest going for coffee (rather than a drink) to chat further and leave out the giving numbers out until much later, otherwise you're just being too forward and obvious.

Neyite

I would not ring a number that was handed to me on the street. Even if it was a once off, and i was so gorgeous that it was completely out of character for you and you were compelled to do it, in a rom-com kind of way, which this plan certainly is not.

I dont stop on the street unless its someone I know. I dont take flyers, or stop for the people who are trying to sell me something, or slow down when concern chuggers try to accost me, or the odd begger. In short, my guard is up if a stranger stops me on the street because they want something from me. You would be no different. I would not take it as a compliment.

A random guy handing me his number on the street has never in my life happened, and if it did, I would bin the number. I dont understand how you would tell if a woman "looks single"either?

But I can tell you that the most times I met members of the opposite sex and dated was through friends of friends - a friends boyfriend flatmate, or a workmates mate, or a friend who worked with a guy who asked me out so if you widen your social circle a bit with friends it might help.

Wompa1

Wouldn't work with Irish girl I reckon. Goes against the social scene in this country. I know a guy who gets girls this way but they've either been American or Polish and for the most part these were girls who were working somewhere he went into and one was in the NCT center waiting for her car and he got talking to her..I'm not far off 27 and am single myself...feel the exact same as you. I'm burned out with the pub and club scene...I think in this country it might be the only viable way though

Ickle Magoo

starrtle wrote: »

...and women in my opinion act very defensively thinking that you only want one thing from them.

starrtle wrote: »

the amount of pretentious women that i come across kind of annoys me

This thread was approved in order that you could get feedback on your idea and some advice, as per the purpose of this forum - it is not a platform from which to have a rant about women or use lazy gender stereo-types and if that continues from any quarter, the thread will be locked.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

MistyCheese

OP I agree with I am a friend and the feathered cat. Personally I've never rang any guys who have approached me in similar ways to what you're considering. That's not to say that no women ever do or that you won't find someone who would but the percentage would, I think, be very low and this could affect your confidence.

If you do go ahead and give your number to a woman who doesn't call don't take it personally.

mariebeth

OP, I would agree with the consensus that I would be totally freaked out by a guy handing me his number or just randomly asking me out. It would just make me feel totally uncomfortable.

If I were you, I would try finding other ways to get out there and meet new women, try a social club or even internet dating, because honestly, they would be a lot more likely to be sucessful than just randomly asking girls out.

Fentdog84

Yes you can ask a woman you see on the street out, but not the way you want to do it. First, You need to make converstion (1-2 mins at least) first, to ensure there is a connection. You make this, take note of what she's doing e.g shopping for coffee and start a conversation about it, e.g whats your favorite brand? etc. Smile and use some gentle humour. If you feel she's enjoying chatting to you, you ask for HER number. Not the other way round because she probably wont call you. . Its usually a better idea to have her be aware of you(with eye contact) and then move in. Going in ''cold'' or without a signal, you would need an icebreaker. Something random that will get her attention but not freak her out. Something like ''excuse me, can I get your opinion, which brand is better?...''

solerina

Id imagine that most Irish girls would be freaked out because thats not what we are used to...however if you can engineer a situation where a few words are spoken to gauge the girls response to you first then maybe you have a chance of success......sometimes standing in a queue I have gotten chatting to strangers and within a few minutes you feel you could get on with the person....Try to get into these kinda situations maybe in starbucks (or similar) where people are often alone...I know a friend who met her OH in a cafe in this way...............Good Luck OP

Distorted

I think in this scenario, you would apply the same rules to women as you do to men. So say you are looking to make friends with more men. Would you approach a random man on the street and do the same to him, suggesting you meet later for drinks/whatever? Do you think that would be likely to work? Women are human beings too and the same rules of social interaction and what is acceptable apply to both sexes.

More acceptable would be striking up a dialogue with someone in a situation where they are open to social interaction. So yes, a pub or a club, or an interest that you have, such as a club or sport. Even a shared journey. I've been approached a few times buy guys on the street and my only thinking is to get away from them as quickly as possible because I'm focussed on getting somewhere, not on socialising. I once had a guy follow me down the high street, walking beside me for about 5 minutes, as if we were a couple, not speaking but glancing across at me smiling (I think he was thinking I would be pleased and would initiate contact with him). I went into a women's clothing shop to get away from him!

Theres also a safety aspect - most women I know wouldn't ring a number from a card a guy they didn't know handed them on the street. You know you're not a random nutter, but they don't!

Ever2010

I would have to agree with the other posters - don't! A few months ago I got approached by a bloke who asked me out (well told me he thought I was really attractive) just after I'd left the gym! (sweaty and in my boyfriend's huge t shirt!). He followed me 5 mins down the road near my house. It completely freaked me out - he was near my house, had he been watching me?

It might be different if it was a girl in a shop that you went into and had chatted to, or on the bus - but otherwise I wouldn't advise it.

How about courses or hobbies that you're interested in? At least your chance of meeting someone into similar things as yourself is higher.

Phat Cat

Wompa1 wrote: »

Wouldn't work with Irish girl I reckon. Goes against the social scene in this country. I know a guy who gets girls this way but they've either been American or Polish and for the most part these were girls who were working somewhere he went into and one was in the NCT center waiting for her car and he got talking to her..I'm not far off 27 and am single myself...feel the exact same as you. I'm burned out with the pub and club scene...I think in this country it might be the only viable way though

^^^ This pretty much sums it up perfectly.

LegacyUser

thanks everyone fore the replies, gave me a bit of food for thought. Im just looking for an alternative to the pub and club scene to meet new people. There has been a good few points raised and to be honest it seems like every girl would be freaked out with what i proposed so probably not a good idea . I do always try to meet new people but my work environment is a very male orientated job and i only get socialising at the weekends in pubs and clubs and im not the type of person who gos on the pull like a dog on heat.

During the week,two of my evenings are already taken up with football training so you can see how my only options seem to be the weekend to interact with the opposite sex. Like i said previously, i know a few friends in similar situations and who feel the same and would love an alternative to the usual friday/ saturday night cattle market night clubs and pubs in town.

Dublinstiofán

I have to say OP that while your original idea wasn't the right way to go about it you may be on to something there.

I'd say take it slow, have a good chat with her and see if the conversation flows and if you really like just her looks or is it her looks and personality. If its working maybe ask her if she would like to go for coffee and if that works and your find your still talking over coffee a half hour later then go about asking for her number. Under no circumstances hand her yours or have a piece of paper with it already written on it (as that means you had a motive) and she wont call you then anyway.

I was downstairs on a 15a about two years ago and it was coming up to the last stop so there were only three people
left on the bus. Myself, a guy at the back and a girl sitting two seats infront of me.

The guy got out of his seat basically went down and sat near to her. Started up a conversation, blah blah blah, they were still talking for about 10 minutes and he said he wanted to take her out and asked for her number, And she gave it to him. Guy was delighted and got off the bus. It was a great show. So i can say it does work in some cases!

The girl was Irish by the way too ;-)

[-0-]

It doesn't work in Ireland at all. Works in places like the states though.

Semele

I've been asked out a few times like this in the past and don't think it's an awful idea, but you certainly will need some people skills to pull it off! Points to note, in my experience:

1. Pick your target and your time well. Don't ask someone out when they're charging down the street looking stressed. They will sidestep you like a charity mugger. Do not then follow them plaintively calling "wait a minute, I just want to talk to you" (honestly!). Browsing in a bookshop, window-shopping, sitting in a cafe...all are times when someone is relaxed and not in a hurry to get anywhere.

2. Start with casual conversation. Doesn't have to go on for ever but something that gives her a minute to assess you and not automatically try to exit the scene is good. Someone who seems pleasant and funny to chat to is going to get my number a lot faster than someone whose opening line requests it. I'd automatically say no to anyone who asks my number straight off, and that's not an arrogance thing, it's a security one. Any girl is going to be wary of giving her number to a stranger she's never spoken a word to.

3. Do not go round handing out your number to people without speaking. Asking for hers is better. The former reeks of weirdo with no social skills (I'm not going to call someone I haven't so much as spoken to) or comes across as madly arrogant (like I'm honoured to have you bestow your contact details on me so that I can then chase you!) You're the one approaching them, the onus is on you to make the move.

Keep trying, it's an ok strategy and it's worked for me and some of my friends in the past. Your hit rate may not be high but don't let it get to you. I've sometimes turned someone down because I was seeing someone at the time, or just didn't find them attractive or whatever, but if approached well it's always been flattering and complimentary.

MadameCholet

I think a version of this could work. Can you transport this scheme to a book shop or a leisure centre. And then try to strike up a conversation over a book. Ask something that requires a yes/no answer and then if all you get is yes or no, leave it there! if you get a bit more than yes or no then try a second question.

If you ask somebody's opinion on a brand be careful. Some guy asked me which washing powder was the best once, and I didn't think it was a chat up line. I thought, for fuxache, does he think this is women's area of expertese????

Boskowski

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

....

Your post makes little sense to me.

First you're saying you don't want to be asked out 'just like that 'cos it would be entirely based on your looks
Then you tell us about how you got into a nice conversation with someone and when that someone found the conversation so nice that he asked you out, you didn't like that either cos all you wanted was a nice conversation.

In other words a stranger hasn't got a chance with you. You'd have to be approached by someone familiar like in social circle, sports club etc?

Anyway. I'm personally thinking that someone who can deliver a nice charming gentlemanly line without being a creep about it will stand a fair chance in a coffee shop, library kind of situation. Out on the street I don't know.

RWCNT

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Yes you can ask a woman you see on the street out, but not the way you want to do it. First, You need to make converstion (1-2 mins at least) first, to ensure there is a connection. You make this, take note of what she's doing e.g shopping for coffee and start a conversation about it, e.g whats your favorite brand? etc. Smile and use some gentle humour. If you feel she's enjoying chatting to you, you ask for HER number. Not the other way round because she probably wont call you. . Its usually a better idea to have her be aware of you(with eye contact) and then move in. Going in ''cold'' or without a signal, you would need an icebreaker. Something random that will get her attention but not freak her out. Something like ''excuse me, can I get your opinion, which brand is better?...''

Great advice.

[-0-] wrote: »

It doesn't work in Ireland at all. Works in places like the states though.

Forgive me if you've tried this sort of approach both in Ireland and the USA and noticed the difference in results for yourself, but failing this, how can anyone say this? What makes women from places like the states, whatever they may be, different than Irish women?

[-0-]

RWCNT wrote: »

Forgive me if you've tried this sort of approach both in Ireland and the USA and noticed the difference in results for yourself, but failing this, how can anyone say this? What makes women from places like the states, whatever they may be, different than Irish women?

Are you for real? A little thing called culture, that's what.


Let me give you an example - in Mexico it is common practice for guys to stare at, and follow, an attractive girl. It's actually a huge compliment there, and women find it adorable. Would the same thing fly here? Not at all. My girlfriend, who is American, says that it happens a lot in her home town (near the Mexican border) when new illegal immigrations come around and are not used to how things are there.

LegacyUser

I'm a girl (and Irish) and I would LOVE if a guy did this to me. I do get what a lot of people are saying about being freaked out and I do agree to a degree but the amount of times I've seen guys eyeing me up on the street or been chatted up on the bus and then just leave. It always annoys me, especially on the bus, I mean we're already chatting why not just chance your arm.

And some posters have said that they don't like it because it's superficial and based on looks but thats the exact same as a pub or niteclub. As they say "Nobody looks across a crowded bar and says 'look at the personality on her'".

I would def strike up a conversation for a minute first and would then ask for her number. If she seems uncomfortable at the prospect of giving her number to a complete stranger, then offer her yours instead.

Good luck!

RWCNT

[-0-] wrote: »

Are you for real? A little thing called culture, that's what.


Let me give you an example - in Mexico it is common practice for guys to stare at, and follow, an attractive girl. It's actually a huge compliment there, and women find it adorable. Would the same thing fly here? Not at all. My girlfriend, who is American, says that it happens a lot in her home town (near the Mexican border) when new illegal immigrations come around and are not used to how things are there.

I am for real. That's an interesting fact about Mexican culture, thanks for that, but it's not very relevant. You said you think this approach would work in "places like the states" and not in Ireland and still havn't explained why. I've spent time in the states and didn't find the culture (in terms of dating anyway) much different than over here.

Skuxx

I have to agree with all the other posters her OP, going out giving your number to randomers will get you nowhere. However I am all in favour of getting to know women and starting relationships outside of nightclubs where your completly pissed!
I met my current girlfriend in the local shop where she works. I used to chat with her for a few minutes everytime I was in, got to know her a bit and then asked her out. She replied saying she had been waiting for me to ask for the last 6 weeks!! Its great because there's no beer goggles involved, I genuienly thinks shes gorgeous and I know she wants to go out with me and didn't just agree because I bought her 10 drinks the night before. Of all my friends who are in relationships I'm the only one who didn't meet my girlfriend on a night out, and non of them are as happy as we are!

Distorted

Boskowski wrote: »

Your post makes little sense to me.

First you're saying you don't want to be asked out 'just like that 'cos it would be entirely based on your looks
Then you tell us about how you got into a nice conversation with someone and when that someone found the conversation so nice that he asked you out, you didn't like that either cos all you wanted was a nice conversation.

In other words a stranger hasn't got a chance with you. You'd have to be approached by someone familiar like in social circle, sports club etc?

In response to yours to FeatheredCat. I feel exactly the same. My preference is to go out with men I have things in common with so yes its my strong preference to go out with men I know a little. The couple of times I've been persuaded to go on dates with men I don't know but have bumped into a night out, I haven't got on with them, because we had nothing in common. I'm an adult and perfectly capable of knowing my dating preferences, thank you very much!

With regard to the OP, you can get to know strangers by chatting to them and getting to know them a little, so that they are not strangers. Judging by their reaction to you, you can decide whether to take it forwards or not. But asking them out before you know them is higher risk - be prepared for a lot of rejection.

RWCNT

Distorted wrote: »

In response to yours to FeatheredCat. I feel exactly the same. My preference is to go out with men I have things in common with so yes its my strong preference to go out with men I know a little. The couple of times I've been persuaded to go on dates with men I don't know but have bumped into a night out, I haven't got on with them, because we had nothing in common. I'm an adult and perfectly capable of knowing my dating preferences, thank you very much!

So in short, yes, the poster your responding to is correct, a stranger doesn't really have a chance with you and someone familiar to you has a much better chance. Nothing wrong with that and I don't think anyone's suggesting otherwise.

Distorted

RWCNT wrote: »

So in short, yes, the poster your responding to is correct, a stranger doesn't really have a chance with you and someone familiar to you has a much better chance. Nothing wrong with that and I don't think anyone's suggesting otherwise.

Yeah, I know. Its because he said it made "little sense" to him, as if it was something wrong to have personal preferences like this.

chicken fingers

Honest answer: If you are very goodlooking and not a complete creep you can do this successfully.
However if you are not very (very) attractive and not very easy to immediately like you will just freak girls out.

shadowcomplex

starrtle wrote: »

Ok im traditionally shy enough around women i like but i was thinking of trying another type of approach as i dont like the whole niteclub scenario as i am not too comfortable with it. Im male 27, but have started thinking about another way of trying to meet women recently.

I dont know too many single women so the only option i have really is to meet random women during the day and if i dont want to meet these women in a pub it will just be through doing everyday things like shopping etc.

I have been toying with the idea of just randomly walking up to women i like and who i think might be single and giving them my number.

I know this would feel a bit weird for me to do and i would not be in my comfort zone doing it but if i do it a few times i reckon ill get comfortable doing it. Its like anything else i suppose, practice will make me more confident.

I just wanted some feedback from a few women, would you be freaked out by this or would you take it as a compliment. Ask yourself if someone random off the street walked up to you and asked you for your number, then what your reaction would be.

I was actually thinking of just handing a number of a piece of paper or using my work business card to see what reaction i get. I

Do lads do this a lot sober during the day to random women and am i just over analysing everything too much. I was gonna aim at handing my phone number out ance a day for a week or two to see how it goes. My main question is what the initial reaction would be. Would i frighten the sh*te out of someone by doin this or like i said above would you look at it as a compliment and accept my number and think about texting me if you were attracted to me and single. I know its all hypothetical but i would love to hear a few opinions from women and also from lads who have tried this and how they got on.

It will work in thailand:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Cheers for all the replies lads, some really good advice especially on when is best to approach women. I have not got a chance to practice what i have proposed due to how busy my weekdays are with work but i should try it and get out of my comfort zone fairly soon. I would like to try it just to say i done it and maybe in the future it will come more natural to me. Like a few posters said, it isnt any differant to approaching a woman in a niteclub.

Like i said previously i dont have many female friends that i am physically attracted too and am just looking for an alternative to the pub scene.

Maple

shadowcomplex wrote: »

It will work in thailand:rolleyes:

Hardly helpful to the OP's issue.

Infracted

Maple

JimmyCrackCorn

starrtle wrote: »

Cheers for all the replies lads, some really good advice especially on when is best to approach women. I have not got a chance to practice what i have proposed due to how busy my weekdays are with work but i should try it and get out of my comfort zone fairly soon. I would like to try it just to say i done it and maybe in the future it will come more natural to me. Like a few posters said, it isnt any differant to approaching a woman in a niteclub.

Like i said previously i dont have many female friends that i am physically attracted too and am just looking for an alternative to the pub scene.

It works I have done it and gotten a date or two. Not easy though. You generally get more respect for having the balls to do it.

Just be careful and make sure you don't come across as seedy/crazy/intimidating. Definatly no dark ally ways:D


As an alternative go looking for women in the place your most likely to find the type of woman that interest you.

Outdoor type = outdoor activities
Educated reader type = Bookshop/debating society....
Fitness = Yoga classes

You get the idea.

Katy89

starrtle wrote: »

Like i said previously i dont have many female friends that i am physically attracted too and am just looking for an alternative to the pub scene.

why don't you simply join a sports club and meet nice women there in a relaxed athmosphere without showing one sole purpose... if you don't like sport, join something else, do charity work, so many choices to meet people instead of choosing the hard, possibly very humiliating way to talk to strangers on the street handing out your phone number.