I am just so sad!

letsbehonest

I am almost 19. I'm almost finished school now because I am doing the leaving in June. I am just sick of my life I am so down about the whole thing and I feel totally lost and it's all to do with the fact I am gay. I didn't choose to be this way and I hate who I am over. I have being bullied and abused nearly all my life about past events in my life and it's mainly to do with my sexuality. I actually wished I could get fixed. I took a half day from school today because I was sick of people making nasty comments at me even the teacher mad a homophobic comment in class.
My life is such a wreck at the moment I can't sleep at all I just lay there in my bed and stare into space and just think about life. I also have a weird eating pattern! I am just lost and sick of it all!

Annasopra

letsbehonest wrote: »

I am almost 19. I'm almost finished school now because I am doing the leaving in June. I am just sick of my life I am so down about the whole thing and I feel totally lost and it's all to do with the fact I am gay. I didn't choose to be this way and I hate who I am over. I have being bullied and abused nearly all my life about past events in my life and it's mainly to do with my sexuality. I actually wished I could get fixed. I took a half day from school today because I was sick of people making nasty comments at me even the teacher mad a homophobic comment in class.
My life is such a wreck at the moment I can't sleep at all I just lay there in my bed and stare into space and just think about life. I also have a weird eating pattern! I am just lost and sick of it all!

I think you might need to seek help such as counselling.

Have a look at www.lgbt.ie or some of the organisation listed here

pragmatic1

Keep your head up mate. School can be horrible for many people, gay and straight. If its any use, college is generally one of the best times you'll ever have for craic. Most people dont give a toss about sexuality in the real world. Dont let idiots get you down.

Chuchoter

I think you've made it farther than most to stay in school and now is the time to think of the future, this isn't helping your leaving cert. Tell your tutor that you are tired of the bullying from all sides and you are leaving to study for the next three weeks. Staying isn't going to do anything but make you crack up between stress and misery.

letsbehonest

It's just so hard to focus. When I get home thing's aren't much better. My mam and dad are homophobic and aren't that accepting. I want to have kids and have a proper family and I can never see that happening. I would just love to be straight. It's sounds stupid. But it's how I feel. I know that will never happen tough. I'll just have to accept that.

gcgirl

Keep focused on something good ignore or just cut people out who make any negative comments. Belong 2 is an amazing group and you should look at their site, i wish i had something like that back in the day to have to help me accept who i am, it took me years of denial,a failed relationship with 3 kids for me to cop on something! but then again your sexuality is only one aspect of your life

apkbarry

letsbehonest wrote: »

I am almost 19. I'm almost finished school now because I am doing the leaving in June. I am just sick of my life I am so down about the whole thing and I feel totally lost and it's all to do with the fact I am gay. I didn't choose to be this way and I hate who I am over. I have being bullied and abused nearly all my life about past events in my life and it's mainly to do with my sexuality. I actually wished I could get fixed. I took a half day from school today because I was sick of people making nasty comments at me even the teacher mad a homophobic comment in class.
My life is such a wreck at the moment I can't sleep at all I just lay there in my bed and stare into space and just think about life. I also have a weird eating pattern! I am just lost and sick of it all!

Hey! I am 18 right now and doing my LC aldo. I am halfway on your boat, I am gay, but a few of my friends know :rolleyes: (Darned alcohol hehe)..
Anyway, don't let school get you down. Don't hate yourself. "God" made you like this (sorry im Atheist) so it's nothing you can change. Im considering there is a actual gene that chooses this aswel. I just hate relying on Religion.

To solve your homophobic teacher. Just inform your Form Tutor that she made an inconsiderate 'dig' to you. Teachers are people also, they don't get special treatment etc, but they think they do. At the end of the day, all teachers treat us 6th years like we treat them, mainly because they know what we are like now. Other than that we were just a normal year group! DONT let this go. You will regret it... In my opinion anyway. Just wait for it. Less than 4 weeks left, then you never have to go back. College is a nicer place. Trust me, LGBT societies etc. Will help...

For your eating pattern, try and get into fruit and veg, i've lost 2 1/2 stone from just doing that since october Your weight is much better for you than that extra bag of crisps, that chocolate bar or that takeaway.

If you need to talk, PM me

Links234

hey letsbehonest

I know how you feel, school was one of the darkest times of my life, I was brutalized by other kids through most of my school days, and to make matters worse, the only advice my parents gave me was keep my head down/stop doing things to get noticed and hammering it into me that I was doing something wrong to invite the bullying. so for as long I thought it was my own fault I was getting bullied, and this came to the point where I felt so trapped and so hopeless I started self harming and eventually made a suicide attempt.

but it does get better. so much better. keep your head high, and you can get through this..

and when you do, it'll feel like this:



just that bit further and you'll be free

beeftotheheels

As a straight person I can't comprehend what you are going through, it must be awful. Just remind yourself that bullies are bullies are bullies and you are better than them (which I know is hard at the moment).

I had no gay friends in school, I didn't know any gay people at school (although I'm sure based on the law of averages that there were some but rural Ireland being as it is...).

I had many gay and bi friends at uni and at work. I'm female and my best friend (from uni) is a bi female. I remember at one stage back in college my ex boyfriend expressing concern that when we went out drinking she slept in my (double) bed which caused me to roll around the floor laughing. She's like my sister, she's bi, I'm straight, and I love her to bits and would do anything for the woman. Her sexuality is just one piece of her.

It will get easier, not everyone you meet will judge you or pigeon hole you, and as other posters have pointed out, university is one of the easiest places to just be yourself.

Good luck with the exams, they are your ticket to a whole new world.

By the way, if you're not sleeping this is not going to help with your exams. Go see your GP and (assuming they are a decent sort) be honest with them (if they are judgmental then post on here asking for suggestions for a non-judgmental GP in your area). There are options outside taking sleeping pills, but it sounds a little like you could do with some help, medicinal or otherwise, so talking to a doctor might be a good first step. It sounds as though you may be close to/ suffering from depression and a doctor would be best placed to judge that and help you deal with it.

TylerIE

I posted the below last week, im just copying it as I think its appropriate.

Perhaps talking it through with a professional who is an expert in LGBT issues may help.

When you are that unhappy and have needed to get away from the pain it really may help to take a step back and explore the issue objectively.

The Gay Mens Health Service offer free counselling services through Outhouse. They also offer a Personal Development Programme for Gay Men and Workshops on "living a healthy gay life". The workshops are given by Professionals with particular experience of LGBT issues. The counselling would be one to one, but if you did the workshops would be group sessions so you could get to meet other people who may be in a similar position.

You can contact outhouse on 01 873 4999 and ask for the GMHS if you wish to seek the counselling service or for further information on the workshops. Even if it turns out your straight the service is there for those who are questioning also.

Finally as almost everybody on the forum will agree with - It gets better... Coming to terms with your sexuality or questioning it can be tough but so many people here on the LGBT forum and across Ireland have wondered how can it possibly work out to find themselves happier than they ever imagined....

There is also some helplines that you can call to talk to, and lots of information is on the resources thread.

HELPLINES
Gay Switchboard Dublin provides a listening, support and referral service for lesbians, gay men, bisexual & trans people, and anyone who needs to discuss issues relating to sexuality.
Telephone 01 872 1055 from 7 - 9pm Monday to Friday.

Cork Gay Information - Tuesday and Wednesday 7-9pm - 021 427 1087

Dundalk Outcomers - Thursdays 8 - 10pm - 042 935 3035

OutWest Helpline - Wednesday 8 - 10pm - 094 937 2479

In the event none of the above the Samaritans provide a listening service 24/7.

IF your in Dublin and want a gay friendly GP wb and Il dig up the names. They are on the forum but I cant recall off hand.

Finally for proof that it gets better - theres lots of videos on youtube. Or Look at the Emmerdale - Aaron storyline, fiction but he initially thinks being gay is disasterous, yet later finds that the world doesnt fall apart.

They are sad to watch the pain the people went through, but show that things get so much better and the way the people are so happy now.
Joel Burns - A Texas City Councillor.

Pixar - Even a Surprise at the end!

And theres loads more

Moon Indigo

I have been there and done that. The organisations that are mentioned are great and you should take the step and contact them. This is one stage of of your life and you have alot of pressure with school as well as this. Think big but do it small. Take each day step by step and remember some of those who are bullying you probably have their own secrets to hide.

Take a deep breath and know there is a whole world out there waiting for you. Its hard at the moment but your being gay dosent have to ruin anything. Contact Belong and start to look forward. One of my favorite things I had said 'Stick to the fight when your hardest hit, its when things seem worst that you must not quit, you never know how close you are although it seems so far, so its when things seem worst that you must not quit'.:)

cuffesis

Trust me when I say - life is easier outside of school. Your in such a tight community when your in school and they just aren't very accepting. But college is soooooo diverse! You'll love being out of school! Best of luck in the exams! I'm here if ya wanna chat!