want to meet a guy but his girlfriend is pregnant

LegacyUser

End of last year I got talking to a guy online, it wasn't a dating site but we got talking and found we had a lot in common and we just clicked so well. For months now we've been talking/chatting every day sometimes for several hours.

At the beginning we were both seeing people. My relationship wasn't serious and soon ended. He told me that he saw no future with his girlfriend and he would be ending it soon. There was no pressure from me to end it or anything as all we were doing at that point was chatting online and it was impossible for us to meet then so we decided to wait till the first week of June.

Well a few days ago he tells me the news that his girlfriend is pregnant and that it was unplanned etc and how upset he is that maybe now we won't be able to meet. I replied back, can't remember what exactly I said now but I was trying to be as balanced as possible and I think he was expecting me to be upset and say how I felt about him etc which obviously I didn't think was appropriate considering what he'd just told me although the truth is I am crazy about him!

Anyway things cooled for a few days and last night we had a long chat and he's talking about the potential of our relationship and the past, the future etc. I think he still wants us to meet because although he's going to support his girlfriend and be a father to the child he doesn't want a future with her.

My feelings for him haven't changed at all and I would love to meet him but I just feel sick at the idea of meeting now that his girlfriend is pregnant. It's one thing to cheat on someone and then the relationship will end soon after but I just wouldn't feel right about being part of anything when his girlfriend is pregnant or even when the child is very young.

I'm just so confused now and it's all a mess. I feel that we will have to meet sooner or later but when will the right time be - probably have to wait a year? I'm not sure we can wait that long. I'd really appreciate some advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation as I don't know what to do. I want to reassure him how much he means to me and how I would love to meet but that it doesn't seem right, but I don't want us to fall out over this or lose contact. I also do want to meet him but how can I?

Lorri_L

Don't meet this man. Its not right and its definitely not fair on his girlfriend.
How do you know that hes telling you the truth? He could be lying through his teeth in hopes that you'll meet him and allow him to cheat and then run back to his girlfriend.
I say this because I've been the pregnant gf in this situation and ended up speaking to the other girl. What my fiance of 3 years had told her is we'd been together a few months on and off and i'd trapped him. Hes single now.

Look at it this way...how slim are the chances of you coming out of this smiling? Slim to none. When scans and buying baby stuff starts he'll get caught up in that. When the baby arrives he will probably be bursting with pride and want to be a happy little family. My advice is get out now. Its gonna be hard and you will be upset, but its only going to become more difficult the longer you're in contact.

ibarelycare

Eh...sorry but this just sounds very dodgy to me.

How do you know he's going to leave his girlfriend for you? I might be highly cynical but my opinion is that he might be a bit bored in his relationship, and might be looking for a bit of excitement but actually has no intention of leaving his girlfriend. The dynamic of his relationship has probably completely changed since they found out that they're going to become parents.

You obviously feel quite strongly about this person but you haven't even met him and are talking about waiting a year for him to be ready He's going to be a father at that stage. I think you're being completely delusional and a bit naive. You need to take a step back and just cut this guy out. He's not a nice person for what he's doing to his girlfriend but hopefully he'll see the error of his ways and turn things around for his unborn child.

MissFlitworth

unreg3333 wrote: »

Well a few days ago he tells me the news that his girlfriend is pregnant and that it was unplanned etc and how upset he is that maybe now we won't be able to meet.

How do you even know this guy is genuine OP? You've been talking for 5 months, never met him & as soon as it gets close to the point that you're going to meet up his 'girlfriend is pregnant' so he can't? Really? I'd be thinking that he was inventing both the girlfriend and the kid in order to enjoy a nice online relationship without ever having to meet you.

If he is genuine then he's a faily sucky person to be stringing a serious girlfriend along for 5+ months when he saw no future with her and wanted to end things. He's a really, really sucky person for keeping in touch with you after she got pregnant.

LegacyUser

@Lorri L, He didn't have to tell me and we would have probably gone ahead and met if he didn't. He's also said when I asked him that even if a relationship doesn't happen between us he'd want us to continue as friends because the friendship between us is really great.

@ibarelycare, I don't know that he'll leave his girlfriend. I'm not even sure I'd even want to get into a proper relationship. I have no expectations as you have to meet first to find out if it will work, it's not something anyone can know in advance.

@MissFlitworth, he IS genuine. And it's actually been longer than that, as we began speaking a lot earlier but only started spending a lot of time together end of the year.
Why would he suddenly stop talking because of this happening? We are friends and friends talk about things. But there would probably be something more if/when we meet because we feel attracted.

Kimia

Op you sound very naive. Also I'm disappointed that you appear to be considering a relationship with this man even though you know he is having conversations online with other women while his pregnant girlfriend is presumably none the wiser.

Please, friends? If you were just 'friends' I'm sure you would have
a) met each other by now and
b) his girlfriend would know about you

The secrecy is very off putting. I would have to ask what kind of respect do you have for yourself if you're willing to continue this inappropriate relationship online.

Miss Fluff

I'll be honest, I am slightly astounded by your obvious naivety here. You are now totally in the driving seat. The driving seat of a fast-moving train heading towards a large brick wall at high speed, i.e. this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

You actually have the choice to step away from all this mess before even meeting this bloke and actually getting involved and yet you're wondering what to do? I'm trying to understand what your modus operandi is here because frankly it would be pretty cut and dried to anyone with a shred of self esteem and/or decency to block the twat, cut contact and thank your lucky stars what a lucky escape you had.

Why you'd not be running away at high speed from this is beyond me....

Distorted

unreg3333 wrote: »

@MissFlitworth, he IS genuine. And it's actually been longer than that, as we began speaking a lot earlier but only started spending a lot of time together end of the year.

Um, hate to point out the obvious. But you haven't been "spending time together". You've never actually met.

unreg3333 wrote: »

Why would he suddenly stop talking because of this happening? We are friends and friends talk about things. But there would probably be something more if/when we meet because we feel attracted.

Again, you've never met. He has no more status than what would have been a penpal in the past. You are not really friends. You can't say for sure that you would be mutully attracted because, again, pointing out the obvious, you've never met.

You sound a bit like a previous poster who often used to post about getting excited about people online that she'd never met. Suffice to say, no-one with good self esteem would get this worked up about a man they have never met, never mind the fact that he has a pregnant girlfriend and is probably stringing you a line for his own ego. The whole thing is a bit ridiculous. He could actually be a 60 year old woman using an online persona! Don't believe everything everyone tells you online OP - and this is usually something parents say to their children, so if you have not learnt it as adult, perhaps its time to wise up.

ps I would just forget about him.

Maple

Cut your losses OP, before you become anymore embroiled in this situation.

The facts are that you guys have been chatting for some time now, your relationship ended and he was allegedly going to end his, 5/6 months pass and he's still not done this but still keeps talking the big talk about how unhappy he is and how he's soon going to end the relationship yet all of a sudden his girlfriend ends up pregnant.

How does that happen? Because they're having sex. That's not a relationship that's on the way out.

I know you might like this guy, but you don't know him, you know his online persona, it's obvious his real life persona is a whole lot different. How shady is his behavior?? He's online chatting to other women while his girlfriend is none the wiser.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, I know you're emotionally invested into this guy but you don't know how he's feeling, he's all talk, actions speak so much louder than words.

Don't sell yourself short. Get out before it gets way too dramatic and complicated.

AnonoBoy

Millions of men over the centuries have used the 'I don't see a future with my girlfriend/fiance/wife' line to convince new women to sleep with them.

I'd strongly suspect that he is amongst their numbers.

Also, being crazy about someone you've never met isn't real. You're crazy for the idea of them that you've built up not for the real them. It's very easy for someone to be someone or something else online and to project a different personality.

IrishEyes19

unreg3333 wrote: »

@Lorri L, He didn't have to tell me and we would have probably gone ahead and met if he didn't. He's also said when I asked him that even if a relationship doesn't happen between us he'd want us to continue as friends because the friendship between us is really great.

@ibarelycare, I don't know that he'll leave his girlfriend. I'm not even sure I'd even want to get into a proper relationship. I have no expectations as you have to meet first to find out if it will work, it's not something anyone can know in advance.

@MissFlitworth, he IS genuine. And it's actually been longer than that, as we began speaking a lot earlier but only started spending a lot of time together end of the year.
Why would he suddenly stop talking because of this happening? We are friends and friends talk about things. But there would probably be something more if/when we meet because we feel attracted.

Why OP? Because some people screw other people around, its just fact and like it or not, he's closer to this woman than he is too you both emotionally and physically. She's having his child, that changes everything and obviously if he's decent he wouldnt want to hurt you either.

may I just ask how do you know he is geniune, Im sorry you cant unless you have met up with him in person. People can be anybody they want to be over the internet, for instance people have tricked with partners they have been with for years in person, never mind online. I really would take care here. I think you want to read here what you want to read, that you should go for it and that he likes you and not her. But you know the saying, theres no smoke without fire. And this is really weird in my opinion.

C-J

Oh op... Stand back and have a look at this situation. From gut instinct this guy is not what he seems to be. I don't know why you're not running a mile. In my opinion there is no baby, this guy is prob just a total weirdo who thought he'd never meet you, and now you want to meet him he's panicked.

Faith

Maple wrote: »

The facts are that you guys have been chatting for some time now, your relationship ended and he was allegedly going to end his, 5/6 months pass and he's still not done this but still keeps talking the big talk about how unhappy he is and how he's soon going to end the relationship yet all of a sudden his girlfriend ends up pregnant.

This. If nothing else, nobody stays in a bad relationship for 6 months when they have someone else lined up. If he was serious, things would have ended with his girlfriend by now, not gotten more serious.

There is no way that this is going to work out well for you, I'm afraid. Just walk away now.

greengiant09

this is complete car crash terrority! there's so many things that can go wrong i doubt there is a hope in hell of there being a happy ending for you.

first of all, you NEVER even met him!!!...that's insane. i don't care about how many deep and meaningful conversations you had online and for how long you talked. that means fock all....i met some online before who i thought was a dream match for me......i met them and they weren't!!!...i was 16 though at the time and pretty naive.

this guy could be a complete sham....he could be telling you a bunch of lies...who knows...and you want to get involved with him??? you'd have to be nuts...

Firetrap

This is just a more modern twist on the tired old story of woman meets man who happens to be married. He says he really wants to be with her but he can't leave his wife just now because of reason x, y or z. Man never leaves wife. And on and on.

Neyite

There are so many red flags in this story, OP you should cut your losses.

First he dragged his heels in breaking up with her, now he says he cant because she is pregnant, the next excuse will be that she is going through a stressful time at work or one of her parents is sick... etc etc. if he cant leave while she is pregnant, he wont when there is a child/ children. Are you gonna wait until they are reared and in college?

She will always be in the background, and he will always have an excuse as to why he cant commit to a relationship with you, and if, by a long shot, you do finally become his girlfriend, he will be lining up another one on the side.

Milky Moo

I know you are probably thinking right now that the posters don't know him but you do and he is telling the truth.

But in honestly you don't know him, not one bit, you have never met him.

You don't know how he carries himself, his annoying habits and what he is like when he is in a bad mood as you have never met. Do you know who knows all those things? His girlfriend, who is carrying his baby!

He is unhappy in the relationship, then why is he stll having sex with her? Why didn't he leave her orginally?

He is just another guy that wants to have his cake and eat it too.

At the end of the day you will ultimately do what you want, but people who have no vested interest in you and are completely impartial can see that you are making a mistake, why do you think the opnions are pretty much universally against it?

metrovelvet

You would be judged very badly for starting a relationship with a man who is about to have a baby or has a newborn. VERY BADLY.

You dont want to be THAT woman do you?

There is a child on the way, that means everyone has to grow up, including you.

This guy sounds like the sleaze of the earth.

LegacyUser

How I described it may sound naive to some but I have feelings for him so from where I'm coming from it's not naive to want to act on those feelings. But having said that I appreciate all the advice. I've been a bit all over the place mentally and emotionally since he broke this news. I even wrote to him early yesterday apologising for saying our time together meant nothing which I'd said when I felt hurt and I'm not sure now that I should have done that as he hasn't really apologised to me for anything.

He already has three kids from a previous relationship so I guess he manages quite well to organise his life. And to those who are questioning if he's genuine, he is and that's all I'm going to say, I could go into detail but I won't so just take my word for it. Also as I've said, it wasn't a dating site.

Anyway I've thought things through and I'm definitely not going to meet him now or in the future unless it's at least a year from now but this might as well be never because by then who knows where we'll be in our lives.

I knew he wanted a son as it came up in conversation about a year ago, and I basically told him I wasn't interested in having children. So in a way I don't fault him as this was something he really wanted.

My dilemma now is whether to keep in contact by email occasionally just as friends as we do have a lot of shared interests and plenty to talk about and I'd really miss that. Now that I know there's no relationship potential I will start to make more of an effort to meet someone in real life but I don't see any reason why we can't remain in basic contact like email once a month or something. Thoughts?

LittleBook

unreg3333 wrote: »

He already has three kids from a previous relationship ... I knew he wanted a son as it came up in conversation about a year ago, and I basically told him I wasn't interested in having children. So in a way I don't fault him as this was something he really wanted.

Hmm, regular little baby-maker, isn't he? Do you think he'll keep on going until he gets the son he always wanted?

unreg3333 wrote: »

I don't see any reason why we can't remain in basic contact

You should not do this because ...

unreg3333 wrote: »

I have feelings for him ... I know there's no relationship potential

This may hurt now but by keeping in touch with him you'll just be prolonging the misery. Walk away from this now, while you still can.

Milky Moo

You may not believe it, why would you, but you are being incredibly niave!

You may talk to this man alot and have "deep" conversation but you can NOT truely know somebody until you have spent time in their company.

You only know the person he wants you to know, the edited good side!

Why would he be having a child solely because he wants a boy, not because he is in a stable relationship, or it is the right time? And why do you think this is ok?

The fact you talked about kids troubles me, you haven't even met yet you discussed wanting kids.?

Just break ties, no good can come of this.

ibarelycare

unreg3333 wrote: »

I knew he wanted a son as it came up in conversation about a year ago, and I basically told him I wasn't interested in having children. So in a way I don't fault him as this was something he really wanted.

Dear lord. A child isn't like a piece of clothing that you can decide you want and then just buy it. You're actually deluding yourself that the reason he got his girlfriend pregnant is just because he wanted a son? Give me a break.

Novella

unreg3333 wrote: »

How I described it may sound naive to some but I have feelings for him so from where I'm coming from it's not naive to want to act on those feelings. But having said that I appreciate all the advice. I've been a bit all over the place mentally and emotionally since he broke this news. I even wrote to him early yesterday apologising for saying our time together meant nothing which I'd said when I felt hurt and I'm not sure now that I should have done that as he hasn't really apologised to me for anything.

When you felt hurt? When? Do you suddenly not feel hurt anymore? Is it all okay now, that someone you are interested in, who knows your feelings, is having a child with someone else, and not even just someone, but his girlfriend?

You say you've been all over the place mentally and emotionally and that is only going to continue if you don't leave this where it is now.

I knew he wanted a son as it came up in conversation about a year ago, and I basically told him I wasn't interested in having children. So in a way I don't fault him as this was something he really wanted.

You don't fault him?! Are you serious? Do you think he's just using his girlfriend as an incubator for a son he's really wanted or something? He's been having sex with her. He doesn't know that the baby is going to be a boy. It's not just about him wanting a son.

You don't feature here. Can you not see that at all? You have been strung along while he's been in a relationship and now that relationship just got a whole lot more serious. You don't deserve to be his second best. There are millions more out there and you could be someone's priority. Wouldn't that be nice?

My dilemma now is whether to keep in contact by email occasionally just as friends as we do have a lot of shared interests and plenty to talk about and I'd really miss that. Now that I know there's no relationship potential I will start to make more of an effort to meet someone in real life but I don't see any reason why we can't remain in basic contact like email once a month or something. Thoughts?

I think no way. I think this is one of those situations where you tell yourself, "Oh, we're just talking as friends", convince yourself that's all it is, but deep down, given half a chance, you'd jump for more.

Does he even deserve your friendship? Personally, I think you'd be far better off moving on completely.

Maple

OP, by staying in contact with this guy you are only leaving yourself open for more hurt and head fcukage.

You want something more than this guy is in a position to give. Why should you sacrifice those wants for someone who does not make you a priority in his life?

I'm sure you are upset, I'm sure the connection you felt was very real for you, I'm sure you thought that this relationship could be something special and you allowed yourself to hope. It's ok for you to be upset and angry. Emotions aside tho, the hard cold facts are that he has gotten his girlfriend pregnant and the reasoning of him wanting a son is just bonkers. It really is.

I really just urge you to do nothing at the minute, don't contact him, just allow yourself to process all these feelings and give yourself some time for them to sink in. Nothing is going to be resolved immediately so don't try and focus on once a month emails that might happen in the future. Just focus on the here and now and give yourself some time to think everything through. You never know, given a few days or a week you might feel completely different about the situation.

Btw, great post Novella.

Miss Fluff

unreg3333 wrote: »

My dilemma now is whether to keep in contact by email occasionally just as friends as we do have a lot of shared interests and plenty to talk about and I'd really miss that. Now that I know there's no relationship potential I will start to make more of an effort to meet someone in real life but I don't see any reason why we can't remain in basic contact like email once a month or something. Thoughts?

Are you trying to fool everyone who posts here or are you trying to fool yourself? You sound like a nice girl so I am sure you have plenty of actual real-life friends if it is merely friendship you are looking for. But that's not really the point is it?

You're so emotionally involved at this stage that you are having difficulty thinking clearly. You'll convince yourself that all you want with this guy is a nice casual friendship when in actual fact, deep down, all you are really doing is hoping that he will eventually see the light, declare undying love and say he wants to be with you and you only.

His track record thusfar would suggest he'll do anything but. What he is doing is actually pretty cruel as he's done nothing but give you false hope, lied to you and let you down.

Don't kid yourself that you can be just "friends", it will totally and utterly f8ck with your head. Right now you're wondering how you can manage not being in contact with him but that is merely because of a. hopes that you have built up in your own head and b. being in such regular contact is a habit. It's a nasty habit. And it takes 28 days to break a habit. Take those 28 days to have NO CONTACT whatsoever and then reassess how you feel. You may surprise yourself and hopefully be thankful at how lucky you have been to not get even more embroiled in a nasty, corrosive and seedy situation. You need to step away from this totally for now to allow yourself some clarity of thought x

thecookingapple

1. He had unprotected sex with his gf that he has no interest in.

2. If he was that ''Genuine'' he could have broke up with his current gf when he started to develop feelings for you as any decent person would

3. he will be busy for the next 18 yrs

4. He is still with his current gf the same one he has no interest in, the same one whom he probaly sleeps with every night

5. wake up you are probaly one of many women he develops ''feelings'' for online.

6. you will be entering into a train wreck of a relationship, exes with 3 kids, ex currently pregnant, on the night she has the child and he is beside her in the hospital and your sat at home (proably babysitting his other 3 kids) how will you feel.

Wake up, he is not free he currently has a gf, he has not broke up with her and you will be nothing more than a mistress, if this is good enough for you well good luck.

LegacyUser

So he has 3 kids from a previous relationship and one on the way in his current relationship? Bad track record. If you want to know what the future is like. Look to the past. He's churned two families so far. Nice.

Why do you want to keep in touch with him? He's got a partner. You've fallen for the classic cliche, he's going to leave her to be with you. Yeh, right. Has he also told you they don't sleep together any more and all the rest of the bull cheaters say.

It's not appropriate for you two to be 'friends' when you admit you have feelings for him. Tough. He's taken. Stop being so sneaky. He's in a relationship. Even if he doesn't respect that you should.

metrovelvet

You are being used and set up. He wants an out, a sympathetic ear to listen to his crap about why he isnt there for his family, and he will draw you in so he can get validation for it and for a safe pair of arms to fall into when it all goes to hell.

People have warned you and if you dont take heed you can only blame yourself for seeing what you want to see, because its all there as clear as day.

fee fi fo fum

Hello.

'Remember how you met him because that's how you'll lose him.'

Shake it up girl.

lynsalot

Hi OP,

To be fair here... I imagine the responses come from people who've had life experience and see similar atributes in this story as warnings/

OP no one can tell you what to do here. The truth is, if you have feelings for this guy and you are upset then you're not going to want to cut all ties. Perhaps if somethings similar happened to you before you'd say to yourself "hang on"

Personally no I don't think the relationship with this guy is healthy and if it were me, i'd cut all ties for my own sanity.But... I've had bad relationships and things in the past and from my own experiences thats how I'd respond.

I can tell from your posts this entire situation upsets you. It's not fair. You've been chatting to this guy and probably in dept and have a wonderful bond, but... its very easy to allow ourselves to be close to someone when we don't have to see their reactions, face them, overcome our own nerves etc. Face to face contact is much harder and sometimes false securities are formed online and they don't materialise in the flesh. So what if this isn't the case with your guy? Then there's only one way to find out. But... be warned. He's prepared to chat to someone else and form a bond behind his girlfriends back. Speak personally about his relationship and unhappiness behind her back.

If you become the next girlfriend, will you feel comfortable when the honeymoon period is over... when he's online for a few hours in the bedroom and you don't know his PC password. When things get a bit stale and he stays out longer than he should. Think about yourself in this situation... what qualities do you expect from a man in a relationship? What do you want from your other half? Can this man fulfill them?

At the end of the day you'll know in your heart what to do. It's very hard to listen to your head when it comes to relationships and we learn from every one of them. If you decide to give this a shot, and it works, great. If it doesn't work, you'll learn things about yourself, and move on as a wiser more experienced person who won't make the same mistake.

I wish you the best

Elle Collins

unreg3333 wrote: »

My dilemma now is whether to keep in contact by email occasionally just as friends as we do have a lot of shared interests and plenty to talk about and I'd really miss that. Now that I know there's no relationship potential I will start to make more of an effort to meet someone in real life but I don't see any reason why we can't remain in basic contact like email once a month or something. Thoughts?

Where's the dilemma in knowing whether or not to continue on making a show of yourself when you've been doing such a good job of it up to now? I've heard of women getting hung-up on attached men and settling for the scraps, but you're not even getting the scraps, you've never even met the man - you're getting feck-all!!!

As for my thoughts, I'll keep the bulk of those to myself as airing them would earn me a ban, but here's one idea I'll leave you with - why not contact his pregnant partner if you're looking for advice on whether you should continue this 'relationship' :rolleyes:

As for 'all the time we spent together meant nothing' - if you're sending the likes of that to someone you never laid eyes on then the kindest advice I can give you is to seek the help of a good therapist.

Ickle Magoo

Elle Collins given a weeks holiday for ignoring numerous warnings and infractions to stop the aggressive and unhelpful posts and to refrain from throwing around petty insults.

All,

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks

LegacyUser

We stopped talking for a few days, or I stopped at what seemed like the right place to stop after a short message from him(he said it was okay what I said and that if he was in my shoes he wouldn't have reacted positively either). I didn't write back. Then 3 days later he writes again(unusual for him to write without first receiving a reply). Saying 'I hope you're ok', then going on to talk about some neutral topic that we're both interested in. I waited two days, then replied, he then waited a day and replied back. I let the weekend - two days - go by then replied. He replied the same day. Then I replied yesterday and before I know it it's like nothing has ever changed as in replying the same day and conversation getting interesting. We talk about neutral stuff and nothing has been said since about relationships etc. We could carry on like this...never mentioning relationships. I've thought about it all since starting this thread and no not going to meet him while he has a child on the way but afterwards... it's hard to explain but we will simply have to meet just once in our lives. I feel it's fated somehow.

thecookingapple

This is no mills and boon novel, this is another womans partner who is currently expecting a child, this will not end with you with a rose on a table in a coffee shop and end wandering of into the sunset. dress it up whatever way your imagination will, but life will soon teach you that some situations are better left in the past.

You have recieved very good advice in this thread from various well thought people and still you are blind. go figure.

Miss Fluff

unreg3333 wrote: »

Then I replied yesterday and before I know it it's like nothing has ever changed as in replying the same day and conversation getting interesting.

No, you're bang on the money there, nothing has changed at all. His partner is still pregnant with a baby and you are still seriously deluding yourself.

You've actually been given very helpful, sensible, sympathetic and constructive advice on this thread yet you seem intent on destroying lives here, most of all your own. I pity you if you are that desperate to scavange for any crumbs that this creep is willing to throw your way tbh.

Distorted

unreg3333 wrote: »

We stopped talking for a few days, or I stopped at what seemed like the right place to stop after a short message from him(he said it was okay what I said and that if he was in my shoes he wouldn't have reacted positively either). I didn't write back. Then 3 days later he writes again(unusual for him to write without first receiving a reply). Saying 'I hope you're ok', then going on to talk about some neutral topic that we're both interested in. I waited two days, then replied, he then waited a day and replied back. I let the weekend - two days - go by then replied. He replied the same day. Then I replied yesterday and before I know it it's like nothing has ever changed as in replying the same day and conversation getting interesting. We talk about neutral stuff and nothing has been said since about relationships etc. We could carry on like this...never mentioning relationships. I've thought about it all since starting this thread and no not going to meet him while he has a child on the way but afterwards... it's hard to explain but we will simply have to meet just once in our lives. I feel it's fated somehow.

OP, do you realise how odd all of this sounds? Do you have any idea that its pretty strange to get so obsessed about someone you have never met? You seem to think you are actually in a relationship with this person! Theres a difference between a proper physical relationship with someone and sending emails to someone. I worry for you that you seem to equate the two. Its not fate. Its a creepy guy with a pregnant girlfriend (or some wierd on the internet, or a combination of both) preying on vulnerable naive women such as yourself. He has you totally under his control and he has never met you.

You really do need counselling of some kind to help you get some kind of perspective on life. You need to examine within yourself why you attach such importance to someone you have never actually met and why you are not moving on with your own life, and why you care so little about other people that you are prepared to disregard the pregnant girlfriend and unborn child.

Do you think everyone on here telling you the same thing is wrong and that a creepy guy off the internet with a pregnant girlfriend is akin to some kind of romantic novella? Seriously?

metrovelvet

You are having an emotional epistolary affair with a cyber dad. You going to be cyber step mom?

Good luck with that.

If you ever meet him ask for ID.

IrishEyes19

Hi, OP. I really urge you to listen to everyone here. Don't be the other woman if you meet up with this man. Have some consideration for the other woman who is pregnant and is probably going through tough times already. Im amazed at how you think not meeting up with him while she is pregnant justifies meeting up with him afterwards, when the baby comes is the hard part, not the pregnancy. Anyone can get pregnant, not everyone can raise a child.

No-one wishes to be unkind here, but you are setting yourself up for severe disappointment. Does it not bother you, that this man is going behind his partner's back talking to another woman. Surely the baby trail he has left behind him is enough evidence.

Furthermore, not replying for a day or a few hours is no good, if you just repeat the same pattern and text him back. Most of all I feel sorry for his partner. If you have no regard for yourself, have some for that woman. Best of luck.

Milky Moo

First of all you said that you could just chat generally without anything else happening.

Then 2 or 3 innocuous conversations later and you are talking about meeting again.

I am going to go a different way now, meet him. Let "fate" play out, because you have obviously built this up in your head as some grand love story. It isn't it is just you talking to some guy on the internet that you have never met!

And when you are sitting there in awkward silence when it is nothing like you expected, think about his pregnant girlfriend alone at home clueless to this guys antics.

You are being painfully naive and utterly selfish at the same time!
Why is it ok for you to meet up with some elses boyfriend, while she is pregnant no less?