Good Girl Gone Bad???

LegacyUser

Am well aware that what I am about to write may offend but please have an open mind.

I did something with a married man last night. I knowingly knew he was married (with children). He told me, but I didnt care. Ok - we only kissed - didnt go any further but it very easily could have. Was a one night type of thing. Will never meet again and am fine with that.

The thing is, if I read this post even yesterday, I would be saying all sorts of mean and judgemental things to the poster. Am very straight laced (or thought I was). Am single. I dont feel bad for what I did. I thought I would. Maybe today he has to face up to what he did. He feels guilt. I feel nothing. I keep trying to think of it in a "how would I feel if I was his wife", but I cant. I think I shocked myself. The thing is that I have had quite a few advances from married men and I always resisted. Am afraid I am after opening a flood gate. You have your fun with them and then thats it - no strings because they go back to wifey. Am not looking for a relationship, so it would work for me. Have any girls experienced anything like this?

tenchi-fan

Imagine you were married and had kids, only to find out your husband cheated on you with a younger woman?

And of course when you gradually end up falling in love with one of these older men (and you will - on account of your immaturity and need for approval) you will probably come on here posting about how he took advantage of you and how he used you.

There are plenty of single men who will have no problem sleeping with girls who sleep around. Just have a bit more respect for yourself as well as the man's wife and kids.

John400

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

The thing is that I have had quite a few advances from married men and I always resisted. Am afraid I am after opening a flood gate. You have your fun with them and then thats it - no strings because they go back to wifey. Am not looking for a relationship, so it would work for me. Have any girls experienced anything like this?

Personally from reading your post i'd be wondering why you've had a few advances from married men for starters.

Also when you refer to having fun with them and 'they go back to wifey' and that you're 'not looking for a relationship' suggests that your quite selfish.

Do you not realise that you're not dangerous ground?

WhatWillBee

Wow only 2 replies in and you're already being called selfish and disrespectful (to people you've never even met no less!)

While certainly not the classiest of behaviour, you've done nothing wrong, the only person thats selfish and disrespectful here is the man who made vows to a woman and broke them. You've nothing to feel guilty about, you don't owe anything to anyone in this situation.

That being said, I wouldn't encourage this behaviour, mostly because it will only lead to needless drama in your life. You will either end up getting hurt if you fall for a married guy or you might end up having to deal with a pissed off wife who will blame you instead of the eejit she married. Either way its a minefield thats probably best avoided in the long run.

If you're not looking for a relationship I know why the man with the girlf/wife can be appealing as it simplifies things for you, but there are plenty of single guys not looking for a relationship so go for them instead and be clear about what you want (or don't want) up front and you will find you can have your fun without the drama!

LegacyUser

I dont know what the first poster is referring to "older" men. Its nothing to do with the men being older. Some of them are older than me, some are younger. Some have kids, some dont.

I am a very down to earth person, but I would be seen as attractive. So, men being men, married or not, will see a single female to have a crack at. And now Im at the stage where I think why not? I am overwhelmed at the amount of attention, esp from married guys. It is unreal. I am sorry if that upsets some (married) people out there. But it is true. I do not pursure them.

I am single 2 years. For 2 years I have resisted any interest - Ive only met one (single) guy who I would have been interested in, but it didnt work out. The other night I let my guard down and I enjoyed myself.

I dont think I have done anything wrong. I thought if I ever did, I would feel awful, but I dont. I swear if I have read the same post only a few days ago, I would have said "you bitch for doing that with a married guy". What really scares me is that if my conscience isnt kicking in even now, what will I do next time?

LegacyUser

Hey there OP...you did do wrong by kissing a married man..I have been the innocent party in a triangle..a wife not a "wifey".
You have a very condescending attitude to the wife , maybe it helps you feel less guilty?
This man has kids relying on him.......he is a bad husband and father and you are attracted to him?
You are better than a sleazy affair which hurts others....give that slimey man and the other fake married men a wide berth because all they want is sex they don't have to pay for.

You have shown courage by posting and know you deserve better

metrovelvet

What will you do next time? Only you know that.

But I dont think you want to be a homewrecker.

It was wrong. The fact that you don't feel guilty doesn't mean it wasn't wrong. It just means that you don't feel guilty.

It seems like your sudden realisation that it's a situation that would work in your favour, has made it an equally sudden moral grey area. Slippery slope, OP.

P.S. I'm not a wife and even I find "wifey" insulting. Just sayin'.

tenchi-fan

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I dont know what the first poster is referring to "older" men. Its nothing to do with the men being older. Some of them are older than me, some are younger. Some have kids, some dont.

You referred to yourself as a girl. That's why I assumed the men were older.

Just, grow up, op. If you can't see that you're doing wrong you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

I am a friend

Well one thing that stood out is that most of your attention is from married men and now you think 'why not?'. In one regard I agree with you - you are the single one and it's up to them to obey their marriage vows it you. It is a worry though cos sounds like you will now take attention from any angle you can get it.

I also wonder if you think it's a coup bagging a married man. From my many years knocking around, I firmly believe (apart rom the firmly monogamous ones) that they are easier than single guys cos they are more desperate for an end of the night shag.

Over the years I have totally dodged married men for a few reasons (a) as I said they typically come over as desperate (b) it's messy (c) I don't enjoy one night stands and mist importantly I would not give these asses the ego boost of thinking they could have two women ( and brag about it to their mates in the pub)...

Married is not worth the head melt and you need to step back and take a look at why you need to score a married man to meet your need for make attention.

parker kent

Since you are attractive, you must presumably not be short of single men approaching you as well? Why bother with married men? It's not like there will be a shortage of men for an attractive girl.

Aside from wanting to avoid being a homewrecker and all that other stuff, think of it in your own terms. Why bother with the potential hassle?

Fluorescence

There are websites where you can hook up with people for no-strings casual sex - since this seems to be what you want right now why not try this avenue instead of getting involved in someone else's mess? I don't think you did anything wrong, but I do wonder why anyone would bother with a desperate married man instead of a single one.

pow wow

Doing it accidentally or inadvertently or in the spur of the moment is one thing - I know I've done it before. Once that I know for sure about (as in he was married and I knew it) and a one more where I suspected he was married, despite his protests that he wasn't. I very briefly considered a relationship with the guy I knew was married, but quickly put myself in check. Usually I would be the first to point the finger about how 'wrong' it is but when you are in that situation you can think of a hundred reasons why you should. I'm not saying that's a good thing at all, but it changes your perspective on finger pointing in the future.

However actively going after guys you know are married (and that's the main selling point for you!) goes above and beyond. If you genuinely want no strings sleepovers there are hundreds if not thousands of single guys who would oblige, believe me. It sounds like you enjoy the naughtiness of the forbidden fruit and perhaps even the idea that he can't take things further because he's married, rather than he won't take things further because he's not into you. Whatever it is, one mistake doesn't need to define your future relationships/one-nighters unless you choose for it to. The choice is yours and yours alone.

LegacyUser

I am not pursuing them. They are pursuing me.
Some interesting theories that I go for married men because I am scared of rejection in other ways? 'Fraid not. I find these guys attractive too, wedding band or not.
I am single 2 years and 2 years I have not touched forbidden fruit because I saw it as wrong. Now my mind is changed/ing. I have interest from single guys, but Ive met none that interest me (only and that didnt work out). Am I supposed to wait years to meet that one single guy Im interested in and not have any fun?

Before Christmas I was very very close to getting together with a guy that was married, but I told myself cop on. What ever has changed in my head, I no longer see it as wrong. I havent made a committment. I am certainly not out to ruin marriages. Its the man who has the committment. Is that my fault?

Sorry if wifey offended. Wasnt meant to.

LegacyUser

OP, I feel compelled to reply here as you need advice and I've been there and done that, married man with kids, except I went further and it happened a few times. I'm not proud of it, it was wrong, very wrong, and I have never told a soul about it. It was out of character for me and wasn't something I would ever imagine myself doing, he pretty much actively pursued me and after a while I let myself give in, at the time I sort of figured well he's the married one, he's the one doing wrong, he's the one looking for some extra fun, and I'm just the horny chick who fancied him anyways but never even thought of going there before as I knew full well of his status. The advances gradually wore me and my judgement down and I decided why not? This will be easy and no one wil get hurt so long as know one finds out. WRONG.

Like you I didn't feel guilty about it. I thought about him going back to his wife and kids after we had done it. I thought about him lying about where he was and what he was doing, him cuddling up in bed with her the next night, probably telling her he loves her while hes at it, and that just did not bother me at all. I still don't know why that is, I know it should and I should be racked with guilt about it, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I do feel bad about it and I know it was incredibly wrong, some people just don't feel guilt like others and you can't change that (I tried, tried to make myself feel guilty but I just couldn't) What's more important is that you obviously recognise that it's not right, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here in the first place.

My advice OP, don't do it, stop now and do not go any further. It may seem fun, naughty, exciting etc at the time, but it is not worth it trust me. This may have been a once off, one night thing, but if you do get involved with any of these men and hook up with them a few times, there is a massive potential that you will develop feelings and start to get too attached despite you thinking this is easy, this is just sex, I don't feel for this man and won't...you will, it comes from no where and that's when it can get messy and you will get hurt. I started to develop feelings for the married man I got involved with, and I knew strainght away that it had to stop immediately, and it can be incredibily hard to stop, but I knew if it continued I would get hurt.

This may sound very selfish, but you need to think of yourself here OP. It is definately not worth the hassle.

Best wishes op x

ando

Just keep your self respect and keep your guard up against married men. Jesus C this world is so selfish. I cant get over the amount of cheating going on and ppl trying it on with others when they are knee deep fully in a relationship with someone else. I just don’t understand it???? Is anyone faithful anymore to their other half?

OP I wouldn’t recommend you let your guard down, you’ll be throwing yourself head first into a disaster. Im sure you find it exciting, but it will hurt someone in the end no doubt

James400

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I am not pursuing them. They are pursuing me.

Two points.

1. The fact that they're pursuing you does not give you a licence to get involved with them.

2. You don't feel you're doing anything wrong? Well, i'm afraid you are, it's called messing around with married men.

Very, very dangerous situation for you to get involved in for a whole host of reasons. People aren't stupid.

Firetrap

For whatever reason, you're doing something which is attracting all these married men. Whether it's your behaviour when you're out, how you dress or the vibes you're giving off. Perhaps you might want to take a look at that?

Other than that, you'll just have to set yourself a rule that says if the man is married, to walk away straight away. You know yourself that messing around with married men is bad news so you just have to go against your instincts and shout stop.

I am a friend

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I am not pursuing them.

I havent made a committment. I am certainly not out to ruin marriages. Its the man who has the committment. Is that my fault?
.

Hon, it's your call and you can rationalise this anyway you want to... Your inner compass will tell you what to do but you seem to know that you want and do be it... Just don't expect to feel more special after it because as I said to you, he is only in it for the shag, the ego boost and to brag to his mates that he still has 'it'.

themadchef

I shouldint bother here because i'll probably end up with my fist ban but ...meh

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I am not pursuing them. They are pursuing me.

If youre "all that" then why are the single not fawning over you equally? Or, is it that you give off the impression of "im a one night stand girl" so the married guy who is only looking for that heads to it like a moth to a flame and the single guy looking for a relationship runs in the other direction? I mean if your so hot that almost every married guy you meet throws themselves at you, and 2 years single...there's clearly something amiss.

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I find these guys attractive too, wedding band or not.

So posters on here, married or not are supposed to say "go girl" ? I think not. Have a bit of love for yourself. Yes, i know he is the one with commitment etc etc but you too have a responsibility to yourself to be more than just a drunken / dirty one night stand. What's next? Charge for it? Well where does anyone draw the line here? Exactly whats the difference here between paying a prostitute a couple of hundred euro or paying you a few compliments?

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I am single 2 years and 2 years I have not touched forbidden fruit because I saw it as wrong. Now my mind is changed/ing. I have interest from single guys, but Ive met none that interest me (only and that didnt work out). Am I supposed to wait years to meet that one single guy Im interested in and not have any fun?

There are thousands of single men, online, in real life, they are out there screaming to meet single, gorgeous girls, just like you. They want fun too.

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I am certainly not out to ruin marriages.

No, of course you're not. If he's screwing around the marriage is already over, she just doesnt know it.

I think, that you know yourself you will be used for sex. Maybe it's a self esteem issue, hell, maybe it's a Daddy issue. The fact that you seem more attracted to married men that single, means you got something going on. No one can tell you "bad girl" etc, as you only answer to your own conscience.

greengiant09

whatever way you dress it up, what your doing is wrong....certainly by mine and many others moral values. whether you disagree is up to you but i can't imagine it's something you'd be proud to do.

as others have said, there's plenty of single men available....so what if you haven't met someone else. that excuse is an extremely selfish way of looking at things. i think you're better than that.....i think deep down you know you're better than that.....otherwise you wouldn't be posting on here looking for advice.

tenchi-fan

themadchef wrote: »

No, of course you're not. If he's screwing around the marriage is already over, she just doesnt know it.

+1

These guys don't see the op as a beautiful and attractive goddess.

They perv at every woman who walks past. Most women try to ignore it, some will dart at look back to shame the leering cheater.. except the op, who thinks the desperate guy with the rocky marriage genuinely has an attraction for her. So she gives the sluttiest look back which catches the guy off guard for a second.. til he realises she's easy, up for it, and not actually the worst looking girl in the pub.

You go, girl

Emme

I am a friend wrote: »

I also wonder if you think it's a coup bagging a married man. From my many years knocking around, I firmly believe (apart rom the firmly monogamous ones) that they are easier than single guys cos they are more desperate for an end of the night shag.

That's true, married men are easier :rolleyes: than single ones, meaning that they try harder for a result.

I am a friend wrote: »

Over the years I have totally dodged married men for a few reasons (a) as I said they typically come over as desperate (b) it's messy (c) I don't enjoy one night stands and mist importantly I would not give these asses the ego boost of thinking they could have two women ( and brag about it to their mates in the pub)....

They're hard to dodge though, and I don't know if it's me but they seem to be harder to dodge of late. They're everywhere, like vermin. It's a pity Rentokil don't do an "exterminating predatory married men" service. Or failing that, produce a "predatory married men repellent"!:D

I am a friend wrote: »

Married is not worth the head melt and you need to step back and take a look at why you need to score a married man to meet your need for make attention.

I agree with everything "I am a friend" says. I'd imagine that scoring a married man feels like eating somebody else's vomit.

Predatory married men make me so mad - on nights out women waste time trying to weed these guys out while single guys who might be less blase and shyer about chatting up a woman go unnoticed. Married men don't give a stuff so they have no bother chatting up a woman. The worst thing any woman can do is give in to them.

Predatory married men do single women AND single men a huge injustice. Why don't they just stay home and do something like woodcarving, failing that, some DIY, and I don't mean putting up shelves !!!!!

OP, no matter how bad things look, don't waste time on these losers.

temply

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

Am well aware that what I am about to write may offend but please have an open mind.

I did something with a married man last night. I knowingly knew he was married (with children). He told me, but I didnt care. Ok - we only kissed - didnt go any further but it very easily could have. Was a one night type of thing. Will never meet again and am fine with that.

The thing is, if I read this post even yesterday, I would be saying all sorts of mean and judgemental things to the poster. Am very straight laced (or thought I was). Am single. I dont feel bad for what I did. I thought I would. Maybe today he has to face up to what he did. He feels guilt. I feel nothing. I keep trying to think of it in a "how would I feel if I was his wife", but I cant. I think I shocked myself. The thing is that I have had quite a few advances from married men and I always resisted. Am afraid I am after opening a flood gate. You have your fun with them and then thats it - no strings because they go back to wifey. Am not looking for a relationship, so it would work for me. Have any girls experienced anything like this?

it was only a kiss, i wouldn't worry about it!

LegacyUser

What are you on about sunflower? Ive read some of your posts, and thought youd have more of an input than that.

"I really don't get the whole 'I'm so available he'd even cheat on his wife for me'. You could be any single woman on a night out."

This is not what it is about. Are you for real? I have sexual urges like any human, and this is a no strings way of getting what I need. They are married. And I feel it is not my problem. I thought I would. But now in this situation, I dont. Im not the bad one. Or the pathetic one you are making me out to be. Alot of judgement passed here like "she must be desperate", lest I add that I also scored with a single guy that night. I have no problems picking up guys, single, married what ever. Its finding someone that you are actually attracted to.

tenchi-fan

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I have sexual urges like any human, and this is a no strings way of getting what I need. They are married. And I feel it is not my problem.

All animals have sexual urges. Being human is being able to exercise self control.

It probably isn't your problem. The only problem you have is promiscuity and selfishness.

But just try to empathise with women who think they have nice lives with their husband and children, while the husband cheats & many of their mutual friends know about it & the women are the last to know. I reckon this would be very humiliating.

I get your point, if it wasn't you he was cheating with it would be another heartless slut. But if you're not willing to consider the advice on this thread I'm not sure why you keep posting.

Maple

tenchi-fan infracted for implying OP is a heartless slut.

Keep it civil.

Maple

WhatWillBee

sunflower27 wrote: »

Are you for real?

You only kissed the guy, you didn't have sex with him so I don't know how you know you are completely OK with getting your leg over with a married guy.

I don't get why any single woman would to shag someone else's sloppy seconds.

Eh unless you are sleeping with virgins, EVERYONE is someone elses sloppy seconds.


OP I agree that I dont know why you keep posting, everyone here is being ridiculously judgemental and borderline mean when you clearly haven't done anything wrong.

YOU are not married to anyone so YOU can be with anyone you like.

While I'd never advise you to carry on with a married man, (for the drama alone!) unless you are only specifically searching for married men, which you clearly aren't, then relax and enjoy yourself with whomever you choose.

Some eejits lies to the poor woman that was unlucky enough to marry him is none of your business.

Best of luck and stay safe and don't worry that you didn't feel guilty, you had nothing to feel guilty about.

rediguana25

Ok a lot of negative stuff has been said to you OP. Tbh I would tend to agree with a lot of the points being made but I'm just wondering what you expect the boardsies to say to you?
Are you looking for people to say -1) ahh it's not that bad..you only kissed him and if you could keep it to that the next time then why not? ..sure you're not the one who made the commitment eh?...or 2) You don't feel guilty? but sure why should you? there is nothing to feel guilty for - you're the single one..next time even if you slept with him and you don't feel guilty well..what's the point..sure isn't guilt a futile feeling anyway.....
You have to accept that these are not the responses you're going to get from most people..

I feel that you know you're on the slippery slope and next time it will be easier for you let a married man show you a bit of affection and to bring him back home and you are concerned about this. This shows you do really have a conscience about this but what sticks out to me the most is your low standards you have set for yourself.
You are single and have been for a while so you want to meet someone..but are you willing to settle for the affections of a married man or are you going to start working on attracting someone who could actually end up being yours?
At the moment whether you accept it or not you are sending out the wrong signals and everyone that is coming into your life you are drawing them in yourself. You need to raise your expectations and once you believe that you actually deserve to get the love that you want it will happen for you. Get on with living your life in the meantime with an awareness of how your actions could affect others. Just because he's checking you out and showing an interest doesn't mean you should take him up on it instead you should ask him what makes him think he can come onto you in particular....it might give you an insight into what signals you're giving off.(I did this once OP and it got me thinking about the signals I was giving off...Now it seems thankfully only single guys come near me...food for thought eh). Also even if you are really good looking a married man won't hit on you if he thinks you would be offended by it or would say no.....
Best of Luck with your choices

greengiant09

WhatWillBee wrote: »

Eh unless you are sleeping with virgins, EVERYONE is someone elses sloppy seconds.


OP I agree that I dont know why you keep posting, everyone here is being ridiculously judgemental and borderline mean when you clearly haven't done anything wrong.

YOU are not married to anyone so YOU can be with anyone you like.

While I'd never advise you to carry on with a married man, (for the drama alone!) unless you are only specifically searching for married men, which you clearly aren't, then relax and enjoy yourself with whomever you choose.

Some eejits lies to the poor woman that was unlucky enough to marry him is none of your business.

Best of luck and stay safe and don't worry that you didn't feel guilty, you had nothing to feel guilty about.

completely disagree with this logic.....i really don't get how anyone could carry on with a married person and not realise that it is wrong. it doesn't matter if you feel guilt or not. that should not be the acid test. hitler killed how many jews and prob felt no guilt at all....didn't make it any better.

i don't buy into you can't help who you are attracted to bullsh*t either....i fancy loads of girls....some of them are going out with mates, etc but i know the boundaries and i'd stay the fock away. not hard to have a bit of self-discipline.

and lastly, if i found out someone was shagging my girlfriend and they knew she was going out with me, i'd be paying the focker a visit and he'd be then paying a visit to the hospital. if you don't want some mad woman screaming and attacking you, then i'd have a bit of cop on and stay away from married men.

also you'll be judged by people like me who will label you a slut and a home-wrecker. there's a girl in my work who has a rep for this and people have fock all respect for her. maybe you don't care....but i'd say your family and friends would....and i'm sure you care what they think.

christ, is it that big of an ask?....a little bit of self-control?? try not to be so selfish......try to be a better person.

WhatWillBee

greengiant09 wrote: »

completely disagree with this logic.....i really don't get how anyone could carry on with a married person and not realise that it is wrong. it doesn't matter if you feel guilt or not. that should not be the acid test. hitler killed how many jews and prob felt no guilt at all....didn't make it any better...a little bit of self-control?? try not to be so selfish......try to be a better person.

I didnt say that it wasn't wrong because she didn't feel guilty (as some acid test for being wrong), I said that she shouldn't feel guilty coz she didn't do anything wrong. Theres a big difference.

greengiant09 wrote: »

i don't buy into you can't help who you are attracted to bullsh*t either.

I'm not sure this bit was directed at my particular post or the OP but I'm going to assume it for the OP since I said no such thing in my reply. Shes not saying she cant help herself shes saying she doesn't care.


how is what she doing anymore selfish than if she hooked up with a single guy? This isn't some affair, this is a one night thing, which the OP has said all she wants is to go out and have some fun and look after herself. Thats selfish behaviour whether hes single or not, doesn't mean its wrong though.

greengiant09 wrote: »

if i found out someone was shagging my girlfriend and they knew she was going out with me, i'd be paying the focker a visit and he'd be then paying a visit to the hospital.

Not sure why you think this would be relevant to the OP.

greengiant09 wrote: »

if you don't want some mad woman screaming and attacking you, then i'd have a bit of cop on and stay away from married men.

This I agree with, being with a married man, even for a night is a minefield thats best avoided for an easier life.

greengiant09 wrote: »

also you'll be judged by people like me who will label you a slut and a home-wrecker. there's a girl in my work who has a rep for this and people have fock all respect for her.

While very true this is more wrong than anything the OP did and it just makes you and anyone else look like (for a lack of a better word that wont be censored) eejits, so I suggest you take your own advice...

greengiant09 wrote: »

.try to be a better person

greengiant09

how is what she doing anymore selfish than if she hooked up with a single guy? This isn't some affair, this is a one night thing, which the OP has said all she wants is to go out and have some fun and look after herself. Thats selfish behaviour whether hes single or not, doesn't mean its wrong though.

ok, i do admit it's not nearly as bad if it's a one nite thing rather than an actual affair. it is selfish though because she is 'enjoying' this experience at the expense of someone else's...his wife. how can you not see this??? it's crystal clear.


While very true this is more wrong than anything the OP did and it just makes you and anyone else look like (for a lack of a better word that wont be censored) eejits, so I suggest you take your own advice...

really, welcome to the real world.....people judge other people every day, every interaction, every behaviour....its human nature. you prob think you don't but i guarantee you do. i bet you already judged me a certain way by my posts. and you're fully entitled to.....and so am i to judge a person who has affairs with married people.....everyone has different values and judge people according to them. guess we're all eejits so!!!

G-Money

If you know he is married, it's wrong. It doesn't matter if you find it "exciting" or if your opinion changes about it. There's no point trying to sit there and convince yourself that you are doing nothing wrong because he's the one who's married. IMHO if you know the person is married and you still let something happen, you are just as bad as they are.

I hate to be blunt but I'd say wake up. You know this is wrong but you're trying to come up with some way for you to proceed with it guilt free.

It always bugs me when people knowingly do stuff wrong and then come back and complain about it, then have the whole "I know it was wrong but I was young/stupid/some other unjustifiable reason" to conveniently absolve themselves from any guilt over it. It's like they've convinced themselves it's some sort of right of passage they are meant to go through and everyone will understand it afterwards.

You know this is wrong, don't proceed. But if you do, I don't think you will get much if any sympathy on here if it blows up in your face.

thecookingapple

If you dont think it is wrong or dont have a problem with it, then why are you posting here for advice, be the mistress and be a good one and be quiet and unseen.

LegacyUser

I was/am still looking for people who have found themselves in a similar situation (thanks for those few replies) not to be called names and judged by people who have never been in a situation like this. Your angry opinions dont make 1 iota of sense.

All well and good being critical and rude to me when you have never been in this situation. Even this time last week I would have been as ignorant as some of the replies on here! Amazing how things can change in a few hours. Never say never posters!

Ickle Magoo

Your title pre-empts that even you think you've "gone bad". You have a question-mark begging the question to be answered as to whether you have gone bad or done something wrong and then you give out at anyone who does just that.

I'm not sure what you are looking for here - advice from people who knowingly become involved with someone else's parter extolling the virtues of doing such a thing are going to be thin on the ground. If it's all so great, you can't see an issue and your conscience isn't bothering you then I'm not even sure why you felt the need to post, never mind why you chose the title that you did.

You are talking about deliberately messing around with one half of a married couple and expecting people not to judge or think ill of you for doing that - never gonna happen. If it doesn't bother you then say nothing, ask nobody's opinion, hide away with a guy you can never rely on or tell people about lest it all be discovered and get on with it.

My gut feeling is there has to be a healthier way for you to have a less full on relationship - being someone's dirty little secret and just there to pander to the physical or ego stroking needs of a married man who wants a bit on the side on their terms rather than someone who wants you for you and on your terms sounds like a good way to feel bad and ultimately worse about yourself in the long run.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Am I entitled to post here, as other posters do, seeking advice from other people who are or have been in similar situations? Is this correct or incorrect? Or am I treated badly, even by the mod, because they disagree with somethings that have just come to light in my life?

Psychoanalysing my anon username also doesnt work, and think is way OTT.

You point out that it is thin on the ground that people will come on here and tell their experiences. Is this for you to decide? Why cant you just leave the thread alone? Your interfering should be moderating the thread. I cant understand how mods are allowed to post in their own forums, and then hand out bans/lock threads when upset anon posters try to stick up for themselves.

Ickle Magoo

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

Am I entitled to post here, as other posters do, seeking advice from other people who are or have been in similar situations? Is this correct or incorrect? Or am I treated badly, even by the mod, because they disagree with somethings that have just come to light in my life?

Psychoanalysing my anon username also doesnt work, and think is way OTT.

You point out that it is thin on the ground that people will come on here and tell their experiences. Is this for you to decide? Why cant you just leave the thread alone? Your interfering should be moderating the thread. I cant understand how mods are allowed to post in their own forums, and then hand out bans/lock threads when upset anon posters try to stick up for themselves.

Unless I'm posting in bold, I'm posting as any another poster in PI and yes, moderators are certainly "allowed" to post in forums they moderate. Moderator decisions are based on the charter stickied at the top of the forum, not on personal opinion.

I referred to the title you chose for the thread, you know, the one people read before clicking on and going to the time and effort of replying to your thread that was a question and asks "Good Girl Gone Bad???"...

Nobody is deciding who will come here and do anything, nor am I "interfering" - I'm giving advice based on both my life experience and from years posting in this forum as I am perfectly within my rights to do. This is a public forum, by definition anyone is entitled to post as long as it doesn't contravene the rules in the charter stickied at the top of the front page or Boards posting rules - up to and including those who have posted looking for advice and their replies. :cool:

WhatWillBee

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

You are talking about deliberately messing around with one half of a married couple and expecting people not to judge or think ill of you for doing that - never gonna happen. If it doesn't bother you then say nothing, ask nobody's opinion, hide away with a guy you can never rely on or tell people about lest it all be discovered and get on with it.

My gut feeling is there has to be a healthier way for you to have a less full on relationship - being someone's dirty little secret and just there to pander to the physical or ego stroking needs of a married man who wants a bit on the side on their terms rather than someone who wants you for you and on your terms sounds like a good way to feel bad and ultimately worse about yourself in the long run.

All the best.

Im quoting the above post as an example for you OP as to why posting here might not be as helpful as you might've hoped. It's clear that Ickle didnt accurately read your original post as you clearly stated that you weren't looking for a relationship or to carry on some kind of affair and this was about a one off kiss with someone you won't be seeing again.

People seem to read the first couple lines of your OP, see girl likes married man and then go off on one on you and and basically just vent at you without listening to your particular situation.

This is kind of understandable too. OP I think your biggest mistake was expecting relatively unbiased replies from most people on such a clearly hot-button issue.

The best advice I can offer is don't listen to anyone else, use your own judgement and do whatever feels most comfortable for you.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not sure I'm the only one not reading accurately.

Am not looking for relationship with said men =/= one night stand either, the OP has stressed that they are single for two years and struggling to find anyone unattached that they are interested in...it sounds more like a last resort for someone who would much prefer a relationship with a single guy but is going to take relations with a married man/attached men in lieu of anything else. A situation that has been an absolute recipe for disaster with anyone I know to have gone there.

If the OP's first preference is for attached men & ONS, then I stand corrected.

WhatWillBee

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

I knowingly knew he was married (with children). He told me, but I didnt care. Ok - we only kissed - didnt go any further but it very easily could have. Was a one night type of thing. Will never meet again and am fine with that.

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

this is a no strings way of getting what I need.

I think the OPs first preference is for ONS, with whoever she fancies, I dont think she has a preference for married men at all.

(I think the point is that she didn't care that he was married, not that she has a preference for married men.)

Ickle Magoo

WhatWillBee,

No strings can also mean Fbuddies - the OP certainly wouldn't be the first women gagging for a bit of male attention/action unwittingly falling into being a charming married man's bit on the side. I'm not moralising, I think in your desperation to see everyone who would warn the OP off married men for her own good as the bad guy, for whatever reason, you are being overly defensive.

Normallygoodgirl wrote:

I am single 2 years and 2 years I have not touched forbidden fruit because I saw it as wrong. Now my mind is changed/ing. I have interest from single guys, but Ive met none that interest me (only and that didnt work out). Am I supposed to wait years to meet that one single guy Im interested in and not have any fun?

doesn't scream, "I just want a heap of one night stands" to me...neither does posting for advice after just a kiss with a married man - it screams I want a relationship and can't find one and out of sheer desperation I am now prepared to lower my previous standards and I'm worried about that.

I don't care if the OP wants married men, married women or anything in-between but I'm not getting a sense of the OP being completely comfortable with where she's going here. I think there are more negatives than positives for her: in terms of the dangers to her should partners/friends/etc find out or if things go further than a kiss and she falls for one of these guys.

WhatWillBee

Ickle,

when the OP said that she wasn't seeing him again and that was fine with her, I felt that kind of means fbuddies is off the table?

How am I defensive, nevermind overly so? and how am I and desperate to see people who are warning off the OP as bad guys? lol I also warned the OP off married men? so relax. ;D and I'll try not to come across that way again.

I completely agree with you that there are more negatives than positives for her in this situation and if she continues with similar ones, and Ive already said as much.

I think you are reading her uncomfortableness wrong (as I may also be of course ) I think she is more uncomfortable with the fact that she is fine about the situation and she thought she was more above that if you get my drift and is now questioning herself because she expected it to bother her.

If I'm wrong fair enough, but the way I see it, the OP hasn't met a guy she wants to be in a relationship with in a long time, and in the meantime wanted to attend to 'other needs' with people who aren't suitable for a relationship (since she hasn't found any), i.e. one night stands or even less.
Her problem as I read it was that she held the moral high ground on being with married men previously but had recently given in and didn't feel as guilty as she thought she would and that was what her issue was, the lack of guilt.

My own issue with a lot of the replies that you may have read as 'defensive' was that I felt people jumped all over her without accurately addressing her issue as it stands and told the OP so. I don't think she was asking if it was a good idea to be with married men (which is what i feel people addressed), I think she was asking why she didnt care that she had. I know these are somewhat interwined by nature but I felt a hint of venting at the OP going on.

Understandably this is a sensitive issue for most people whether you have been cheated on, cheated or neither so it's hard to address at the best of times.

That all being said, and without the 'is it moral' issue, I think we both agree that scoring married men for however long, is not a good idea for the OP and will only be inviting trouble for her.

thecookingapple

I suppose no one knows what exact advice or insight the op is looking for as she has not been that clear, even people with experience of this i doubt will heavenly endorse it.

The other factor i suppose to look at is the effects this can have, all it would take is a friend , neighbour, workmate ect to see a married man/woman snog another person and 9 times out of ten the marriage is banjazxed, this could effect probaly three generations, the wife/husband, the child if any and even the grandchildren, there is a whole chain reaction of events that can cause misery throught the actions of a cheating spouse and that is something to factor in, i dont think anyone insulted the op really, its a hot topic full of emotions and will always bring scorn, sometimes the dirty little secret is fun but mostly its painful for all involved.

Boskowski

Actually she's been pretty clear as WhatWillBee pointed out. Just read the words.

thecookingapple

I have read it several times, she was looking for people with experience in this, but for what reason is up for debate and that is what we are doing, debating it.

maybe you should read it.

Kanoe

urf, the internets. Op, you come across as a reasonably balanced female to me, sounds like you are conscious of your fears and actions and have been open about them with yourself. Had anything else happened during the exchange (like his mrs finding out or him being exposed) you would have come away with a very different lesson from the experience. Just because it hasn't happened this time doesn't mean it wouldn't the next. best of luck

Boskowski

thecookingapple wrote: »

I have read it several times, she was looking for people with experience in this, but for what reason is up for debate and that is what we are doing, debating it.

maybe you should read it.

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

...if I read this post even yesterday, I would be saying all sorts of mean and judgemental things to the poster.

...I dont feel bad for what I did. I thought I would.

...I think I shocked myself.

...Am afraid I am after opening a flood gate.

...Have any girls experienced anything like this?

What's ambigious/confusing about this?

Maple

Going forward please direct all responses to the OP,

Maple

fallen01angel

Hi Op,you said it yourself :
"The thing is, if I read this post even yesterday, I would be saying all sorts of mean and judgemental things to the poster. Am very straight laced (or thought I was)."
Now you seem to be getting all defensive because of the reaction you're receiving from the posters here,I find it hard to believe it is coming as a surprise.Alot of people,myself included believe any form of involvement with married men/women(let's not be sexist here!!) is a big no no.I would like to ask you a couple of things-1)how did ye leave it,as in did anyone ask for the others phone number? and 2) why didn't it go further than kissing?
Now your concern is that because you're not feeling any guilt from your side that this might become habit forming.Well it could be,you alone are responsible for your actions,if you can deal with the stigma(have you shared this with any one beside posting here?) that could be attached for this kind of thing then nothing's going to prevent this from happening again.

ppink

Normallygoodgirl wrote: »

Am well aware that what I am about to write may offend but please have an open mind.

I did something with a married man last night. I knowingly knew he was married (with children). He told me, but I didnt care. Ok - we only kissed - didnt go any further but it very easily could have. Was a one night type of thing. Will never meet again and am fine with that.

The thing is, if I read this post even yesterday, I would be saying all sorts of mean and judgemental things to the poster. Am very straight laced (or thought I was). Am single. I dont feel bad for what I did. I thought I would. Maybe today he has to face up to what he did. He feels guilt. I feel nothing. I keep trying to think of it in a "how would I feel if I was his wife", but I cant. I think I shocked myself. The thing is that I have had quite a few advances from married men and I always resisted. Am afraid I am after opening a flood gate. You have your fun with them and then thats it - no strings because they go back to wifey. Am not looking for a relationship, so it would work for me. Have any girls experienced anything like this?

ok so you could conceivable do this...ie have your fun no strings attached. I would think though that after a while it will cause a bit of a strain. you will never be in public together, not able to speak about or mention him to most people.......and most of all you will be taking a time slot in his life.
After a while as you were originally "straight laced" your conscience will start to grate on you. If this happens will you end up feeling like a cheap tart??
Easier imo to meet a single guy and come to an arrangement with him.

Some married men are like flies to horse****. we all know them....i could mention loads I or you or anyone else here could have if they wanted. It is not because you are special, this is the way things go.

your choice OP but honestly you are kidding yourself if you think eventually you will nto be suffering from it.