Protecting our future

fmck21

Hi everyone. There has been something bothering for quite some time and I wonder is it bothering anyone else? It seems to be becomming more and more prevalant, particularly in recent weeks, that increased numbers women are dying in violent circumstances. I have been looking into the different agencies and NGO and organisations for women in Ireland and while the majority deal with protection of women and refuges and aftercare and so on I've yet to find one that deals specifically with prevention?
This is my first time using this website. I need some advice and if anyone has any opinions I'd love to hear them as I am considering trying to start an organisation that targets younger girls,through the education system in order to educate in ways of preventing situations from arising and realising potental danger in a situation. I have read alot of research on these topics and will obviously need some professionals in the field but isn't the key to all of these things prevention?? Why is there not more of a focus on prevention? Any comments are helpful if people agree or are interested let me know?

KittyeeTrix

It's not something I've honestly spent time thinking about but I would agree that there is the need to educate young girls about this sort of thing and to recognise the patterns (if they exist) in these type of relationships.

I was watching "16 and pregnant" the other night with my 11 year old daughter and there was a young lad on it who was being very negative and controlling with his young girlfriend. I like to watch this programme with my daughter as I believe it gives her the real insight into what it is like to fall pregnant at a young age from the point of view of these young girls who always say that they wished they had waited, and how hard it is etc.........

Anyhow, I paused the programme and it sparked off a conversation with my daughter about this lad and how he was sooooo controlling this young girl. It was good and we eventually ended up talking about domestic abuse and the like:)

Good luck with your endeavour and research OP......like I said I don't know much about the area but do realise that there is very little done to raise awareness in young girls...

I've also told my daughter that I had a controlling boyfriend at 16 and how I very nearly found myself falling into that trap of "domestic abuse".........just general stuff like he would try to control how I dressed and who I spoke to!!! Simple things but if left to go on could've developed into a worse situation:(

Thankfully I realised what was happening and dumped him about 2 years later when I was 18. I dread to think what could've happened if we had gotten involved with kids, or marriage or that sort of thing!!

panda100

fmck21 wrote: »

Hi everyone. There has been something bothering for quite some time and I wonder is it bothering anyone else? It seems to be becomming more and more prevalant, particularly in recent weeks, that increased numbers women are dying in violent circumstances. I have been looking into the different agencies and NGO and organisations for women in Ireland and while the majority deal with protection of women and refuges and aftercare and so on I've yet to find one that deals specifically with prevention?
This is my first time using this website. I need some advice and if anyone has any opinions I'd love to hear them as I am considering trying to start an organisation that targets younger girls,through the education system in order to educate in ways of preventing situations from arising and realising potental danger in a situation. I have read alot of research on these topics and will obviously need some professionals in the field but isn't the key to all of these things prevention?? Why is there not more of a focus on prevention? Any comments are helpful if people agree or are interested let me know?

Has there really been an increase in women dying in violent circumstances?

Well I guess the question is how do you prevent women from entering into violent relationships, and how do you teach that to young people? A very tough thing to do imo.

Personally, I think looking at how women are portrayed in media and modern culture really holds the key. If children are growing up watching Akon videos where women are 'b*ches'' and 'skanky ho's' then you will get a culture that views women as nothing more than objects there for men's sexual gratification. My opinion anyways.

diddlybit

Can't really give you any advice on Irish organisations, but strangely enough I was thinking about the same question over the weekend. Newsweek dedicated an issue to women and women's rights, including a section called 150 Women that Shake the World. It was both inspiring and depressing at the same time, these women had done so much to help sex workers, trafficed women, fought against social attitudes that believed rape is acceptable though it was horrifying how prevelent these issues are.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/interactive/women-in-the-world/150-women-who-shake-the-world/

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsmaker/women-in-the-world/

In regards to the issues of violence in Ireland, I think that panda100 has an excellent point. It's very easy for women to become complicit in these patterns of destructive behavior and culture influences on the lives of young girls is so strong, that it is almost impossible for them to deviate from the role models that they see on TV or in magazines.

Check out Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism by Natasha Walters. It's about the choices young women make in a post-feminist culture, you'll probably find it interesting. Also Reclaiming the F-Word is good, it's about modern grassroots activism in a culture that believes there is no longer a need for feminism.

Bottle_of_Smoke

This one is kind of a before you get in too deep approach. Though its a campaign rather than an organisation. Though beware the wrath of hypersensitive men

http://www.2in2u.ie/

fmck21

Thanks so much for your helpful comments. While I agree that its obviously not as easy as preventing women from entering a violent relationship i think its important to educate them of early tell tale signs but its not necesarily just violent relationships its violence of all different types. E.g educating younger girls in methods of protecting themselves be it self defence or carrying pepper spray etc. And also informing these young girls they do not need to tolerate it and to walk away at the first instance.
Yes I had seen that campaign bottle of smoke however womens aid or cosc do not provide speakers to school!! There are a few American orgnaisations who work to stamp out violence as preventative methods and they seem to be working well. Oh and men can be sensitive all they want the facts are there!!! I'm no feminist but lets be realistic physically men will always dominate women!!
I suppose the reason all of this struck me was that i was trying to think back to when I was in school, no one educated me on this topic and unless your mother is willing to talk to you (which alot will not simply because they dont know how to approach it!) then no body does! So fair play to you for talking to your daughter about it all fluffyo1 and sorry you had to go through it from personal experience.
Its all very very complex and i realise the complex and sensitive nature of the whole thing but the more i think of it the more im convinced it could only help!!

fmck21

oh and thanks for the links diddlybit, makes for very interesting reading!!

KittyeeTrix

fmck21 wrote: »

to educate them of early tell tale signs but its not necesarily just violent relationships its , no one educated me on this topic and unless your mother is willing to talk to you (which alot will not simply because they dont know how to approach it!) then no body does! So fair play to you for talking to your daughter about it all fluffyo1 and sorry you had to go through it from personal experience.

No problem at all. Like I said it was small things which at the time upset me and as time went along with this guy he was becoming more and more increasingly possessive and controlling (all in small little ways but combined definitely were heading into that "abuse" area)...

The final straw for me was when me and my sister went to a local lake during the summer near his house. I was wearing shorts and my younger sister aged 17 at the time was wearing a little white miniskirt (don't ask!!!, it was the late 80's:D). She unexpectedly got her period and so we swapped my shorts for her skirt.

He arrived to pick us up and I could sense he was well pi$$ed off but didn't know why. He cornered me in his back garden when my sister went inside and demanded to know "what the fcuk I was doing wearing her miniskirt"?????

I told him and he started raving on that I looked like a tramp:eek: and I was making him look like a laughing stock. He said all his mates would've been at the lake gawping at me thinking I was an easy lay!!!! I laugh now when I think of the ridiculousness of it but then it wasn't funny..........:(

Anyhow, I'm not a fiesty Aries woman for nothing and that day I finally lost the plot and snapped. Called him every name under the sun and when he grabbed me by the arm and went to swing me I punched him into the testicles as hard as I could and walked away.......

We were finished after that!!

I met my future (husband now of 19 years) boy a few months later and my faith in men has been restored:)

I tell my daughter cos it is important for her to know that there are some blokes out there who like to control women because of their own insecurities and that as strong and as independant she may feel growing up and meeting boys that it is very easy to get sucked in and trapped by men like that

boomkatalog

I've been in a relationship like that. Tbh it's so difficult to get out. Lucky for me he broke up with me, and looking back, it's shocking the things I let him get away with. Suppose when it's your first love and you're young and naive, things like that are more acceptable to you.

I have a friend now in a similiar situation and although I don't think it's my place to intervene, I think she knows we don't approve at all. She has admitted to one persn that she's unhappy, but seeme embarrassed to tell the rest of us. Like it's not obvious. I really hope, heartbroken and all as she will be, that they break up soon. he's wearing her down.

I was only thinking the other day now many women seem to be being killed in ireland and it is frightening. Whats even more firghtening to me is how little people seem to notice

Little Acorn

fmck21 wrote: »

Thanks so much for your helpful comments. While I agree that its obviously not as easy as preventing women from entering a violent relationship i think its important to educate them of early tell tale signs but its not necesarily just violent relationships its violence of all different types. E.g educating younger girls in methods of protecting themselves be it self defence or carrying pepper spray etc. And also informing these young girls they do not need to tolerate it and to walk away at the first instance.
Yes I had seen that campaign bottle of smoke however womens aid or cosc do not provide speakers to school!! There are a few American orgnaisations who work to stamp out violence as preventative methods and they seem to be working well. Oh and men can be sensitive all they want the facts are there!!! I'm no feminist but lets be realistic physically men will always dominate women!!
I suppose the reason all of this struck me was that i was trying to think back to when I was in school, no one educated me on this topic and unless your mother is willing to talk to you (which alot will not simply because they dont know how to approach it!) then no body does! So fair play to you for talking to your daughter about it all fluffyo1 and sorry you had to go through it from personal experience.
Its all very very complex and i realise the complex and sensitive nature of the whole thing but the more i think of it the more im convinced it could only help!!

We're not allowed to use pepper spray in Ireland.
I definitely agree though that some basic self defense classes build into PE classes maybe, would be a great initiative.
I also agree that speakers coming to schools would be a great idea.
People who had actually experienced abuse and come out the other side.
I think both male and female survivors of domestic abuse should speak in schools, so that everybody can know the little warning signs to look out for, and so that young men learn that it can happen to them too, as sadly a lot of people seem to find it harder to understand it happening to a male.
I had never really thought too much about the prevention aspect of this before I read your post, but it makes perfect sense.
I wish you well in any organisation you work to establish for this issue, and hope it is a success.

fmck21

Wow I had no idea we were not allowed to use pepper spray in Ireland!! Everyday's a school day!Yes I agree it is certainly an issue with men too and there is little awareness about it. I actually wrote a college paper on domestic abuse effecting men and the things I found out were amazing however I believe the organsiation AMEN are doing some great work in that area.
Anyway I think i'll endevour with my research and see what is the best way to approach the whole thing. Thank you all for your opinions and sharing your experiences they've been a big help!

CiaranC

fmck21 wrote: »

It seems to be becomming more and more prevalant, particularly in recent weeks, that increased numbers women are dying in violent circumstances.

Whats your source on this? How can you measure something like this over a period of weeks?

fmck21

Ciarain I apologise for the use of the word "increased". I should have just said "riduculously high numbers die in violent circumstances each year". I meant, recently it has been highlighted due to the quite a few violent deaths in women in Ireland in recent times. Im not carrying out any kind of scientific research so im not looking at sources and measurements. However if you're concerned with the exact statistics yourself just google it. Again I apologise for the misuse of the word increased and I'll be sure not to make another mistake as such on my posts!!