Harrassed at a railway station

LegacyUser

A regular contributor going anonymous here:

Last week, I was waiting for a train home. Some teenagers were on the platform, shouting and jeering at people. At one point they started shouting comments, calling someone "baldy" - I was the only person I could see that could fit the description - I have male-pattern baldness.

I tried to ignore them, I was a bit down the platform from them, with my bags on a bench and facing an advertising poster so as to not be too obtrusive nor to show any reaction.

A minute or two later two teens walked by and one of them slapped me lightly on the back of the head, roughly where my hairline is. They laughed - it was a boy and a girl and I think the latter was closer to me at the time of the slap.

A minute or so later the same happened when two different teens, both boys, walked past. A few seconds later, one of them called back in a jokey voice something along the lines of "It wasn't me, it was him!"

Now I'm not entirely sure if these four were with the group jeering, but they had come from that direction.

I boarded the train, only to find that I was in the same carriage as some of them. They were chanting "Catch 'em by surprise/CATCH 'EM BY SURPRISE" which I gather are song lyrics, but which was a bit intimidating given what happened before. There were some comments about "baldy" or "sweaty baldy", but nothing else after that.

I felt humiliated that I'd been slapped on the head - on top of that I felt that I could do nothing. If I gave a visible reaction of any sort, I thought I'd be giving them exactly what they wanted.

Could I have handled the situation differently? I'm timid by nature and not really a people person, so there may be some approach that I'd overlooked in trying to avoid this humiliation.

amdublin

I think you handled as best you could.

Some people are just idiots :mad:

KiLLeR CoUCh

You did everything you could. I don't know what train line you were on but it's a shame there was no security around at the time.

I regularly get a train that goes through some areas that aren't all that great. All you can do is keep your head down and ignore it which is exactly what you did. Don't let it get to you, they're just morons.

ongarboy

HI OP, as the others said, you did exactly the right thing by completely ignoring them. Part of the appeal or game for them is getting a reaction. By not giving them one, you "won" in a way. Retaliating orthreatening them either physically or through words could have created a more unfortunate situation for you if things got uglier.

Unfortunately, there will be a*sh*les everywhere. The key is not to stoop to their level. I know it's hard when you did nothing wrong yet were made to feel humiliated but try to rise above it. Feel proud and good about yourself that you did the right thing!

Firetrap

Sorry to hear about what you went through Anyway, I'm just agreeing with what the others said. You did the right thing by ignoring them. They were being deliberately provocative and wanted to get a reaction out of you. I hope you never meet them again. Brats.

UrbanSea

Sorry to hear about what happened,but I wouldn't let this affect you.
You clearly came across a group of stupid knacker teenagers who had nothing better to do than make fun of passing people or those around them. Sadly,this is a regular occurrence and they're just looking to rise you. Well done on not showing any annoyance or upset,if you did,they only would have stepped up the abuse,finding it funny that you were reacting in a negative way.

Vicxas

harassedcommuter wrote: »

A regular contributor going anonymous here:

Last week, I was waiting for a train home. Some teenagers were on the platform, shouting and jeering at people. At one point they started shouting comments, calling someone "baldy" - I was the only person I could see that could fit the description - I have male-pattern baldness.

I tried to ignore them, I was a bit down the platform from them, with my bags on a bench and facing an advertising poster so as to not be too obtrusive nor to show any reaction.

A minute or two later two teens walked by and one of them slapped me lightly on the back of the head, roughly where my hairline is. They laughed - it was a boy and a girl and I think the latter was closer to me at the time of the slap.

A minute or so later the same happened when two different teens, both boys, walked past. A few seconds later, one of them called back in a jokey voice something along the lines of "It wasn't me, it was him!"

Now I'm not entirely sure if these four were with the group jeering, but they had come from that direction.

I boarded the train, only to find that I was in the same carriage as some of them. They were chanting "Catch 'em by surprise/CATCH 'EM BY SURPRISE" which I gather are song lyrics, but which was a bit intimidating given what happened before. There were some comments about "baldy" or "sweaty baldy", but nothing else after that.

I felt humiliated that I'd been slapped on the head - on top of that I felt that I could do nothing. If I gave a visible reaction of any sort, I thought I'd be giving them exactly what they wanted.

Could I have handled the situation differently? I'm timid by nature and not really a people person, so there may be some approach that I'd overlooked in trying to avoid this humiliation.

Dont worry about it OP, reacting to these guys would only of fueled it worse. you did the right thing.

Bloody Nipples

Kids like this are just wrapped up in their own ignorance. They can't see their own limitations (the archetypal fool who accepts no authority but their own) and will find themselves incapable of getting anywhere in life. They just feel empowered by their own bravado but it's false because they get no recognition apart from the idiots they tend to cluster with.
Really this is the only way they'll make any type of impact so it's not worth anything more of a roll of the eyes. It's pathetic.

HugoDrax

If you are in a situation like that just leave the first chance you get.
Don't feel bad about it either as humiliating as it was for you.

LegacyUser

Yeah OP, you handled it in the best way possible so I wouldn't worry too much about it, even though I know how distressing it can be. All you can do is ignore idiots like these. They are just looking for a reaction. This kind of thing has happened to me twice while getting the Dart. Unfortunately in the first case, after I ignored them they moved on to harassing an old Woman. I felt compelled to act after that but trust me, it only made the situation worse and half the people on the carriage had to get off as they started throwing things.

The second time this happened to me was even worse, there was a bunch of teenagers acting the muppet but then they started throwing glass bottles on the train!! There was glass flying everywhere and someone was about to get seriously injured...what happened next was brilliant though...two young guys sitting down the other end of the carriage walked over, pulled out badges and arrested them... everyone on the train cheered!

But as other posters have said, the best thing is nearly always to walk away or ignore them...I usually just feel sorry for people like those...Don't worry about it OP..

LegacyUser

harassedcommuter wrote: »

A regular contributor going anonymous here:

Last week, I was waiting for a train home. Some teenagers were on the platform, shouting and jeering at people. At one point they started shouting comments, calling someone "baldy" - I was the only person I could see that could fit the description - I have male-pattern baldness.

I tried to ignore them, I was a bit down the platform from them, with my bags on a bench and facing an advertising poster so as to not be too obtrusive nor to show any reaction.

A minute or two later two teens walked by and one of them slapped me lightly on the back of the head, roughly where my hairline is. They laughed - it was a boy and a girl and I think the latter was closer to me at the time of the slap.

A minute or so later the same happened when two different teens, both boys, walked past. A few seconds later, one of them called back in a jokey voice something along the lines of "It wasn't me, it was him!"

Now I'm not entirely sure if these four were with the group jeering, but they had come from that direction.

I boarded the train, only to find that I was in the same carriage as some of them. They were chanting "Catch 'em by surprise/CATCH 'EM BY SURPRISE" which I gather are song lyrics, but which was a bit intimidating given what happened before. There were some comments about "baldy" or "sweaty baldy", but nothing else after that.

I felt humiliated that I'd been slapped on the head - on top of that I felt that I could do nothing. If I gave a visible reaction of any sort, I thought I'd be giving them exactly what they wanted.

Could I have handled the situation differently? I'm timid by nature and not really a people person, so there may be some approach that I'd overlooked in trying to avoid this humiliation.

Seems to me like you handed it perfectly. If you had lost your temper then that would have been exactly what they wanted and you can't exactly slap some manners into a bunch of kids or else you'd be charged with assault. Not much else you could have done.

silverharp

they are not in any way your peers, so ignoring them is the best way. Getting annoyed at them would like getting annoyed by what a 5 year old says.

Milky Moo

I am very sorry you had to go through that, they probably had a can of cider between them and were acting out, idiots.

I remember once getting the luas into town from the train station I was buying a ticket and a beggar asked me for money. I was a poor student at the time and said no politely, he then launched into a berage of insults. Anyone who knows me thinks I am abit of a firecracker, but I was so shocked I just stood there taking it. You really don't expect people to be mean like that.

The best thing you can do is try and forget about them, you have a bald patch so what? Those kids are horrid and ignorant with about as much manners to fit into a timble! I think you made out better then them. People can only make you feel as small as you let them!

kevin99

You did the right thing by ignoring them.
What baffles me about the DART and LUAS lines is that there is never security about when its required.
If these muppets were on a DART platform, why did the ticketmaster allow them access if they were kicking up or appeared to be up to no good?
I am sure the whole episode involving yourself was captured by CCTV.
If more passengers complained to Irish Rail about this type of behaviour by a minority then something has to be done.
I remember a few years back I was on a DART heading to Bray. A group of young lads aged between 16 and 18 boarded the train at Pearse station.
They were shouting and swearing and singing loudly. Passengers were uncomfortable but nobody did anything.
By the time the train arrived at Lansdowne Road 4 gardai boarded the carriage and escorted them off the train.
I don't know what happened to the guys. But they were behaving in a threatening manner. I don't know who contacted the gardai. However, I was told the drivers can see what's happening in each carriage on CCTV monitors in their cabin.
I also know that last summer a gang of gougers were refused entry to the DART at Kilbarrack station as they had been causing hassle to passengers on the platform.
Chin up.

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for your support, it's much appreciated.

Regarding DART security, I've usually seen it late at night, when there are people drinking on the DART. How they deal with that varies, sometimes they confiscate drink.

Ironically I noticed two security men at that very station a day or two before during daylight hours.

I was on a DART going through town when someone was forcibly taken off, perhaps by Gardaí. (That was a while ago, though the troublemaker in question was yelling threats, including threatening to kill one of the security people involved.)

I did cope better with being harrassed on the LUAS a few years back: someone accused me of stealing change he'd left in the Luas ticket dispenser. (No, it didn't make sense to me either, though I think he was drunk.)

He followed me onto the Luas, stood near me during my journey and said in a loud voice "Thief!". I went over to him and repeatedly asked "Are you calling me a thief?" to his suprise. He was clearly taken aback and shut up. I walked away, he started the accuation again, I repeated the questions. My stop came up and the last I saw of him was phoning the Gardaí. (I could hear the other side of the call, though I suspect they didn't take it too seriously, given he had a slurred voice.) He didn't try following me off the Luas.

Realistically, the only thing I could have done differently after being harassed by those yahoos is to have taken the next train.

common sense brigade

they are little scumbags. you did the right thing if you are timid by nature. but the only thing scumbags like this understand is violence and a punch in the face would have been well deserved. Buy pepper spray online and if you are ever met with scum like this again spray it into there faces.

tbh

common sense brigade wrote: »

they are little scumbags. you did the right thing if you are timid by nature. but the only thing scumbags like this understand is violence and a punch in the face would have been well deserved. Buy pepper spray online and if you are ever met with scum like this again spray it into there faces.

...and get done for assault. Solid advice.

OP, it's horrible to feel like you're being singled out, but try not to take it personally. The best thing you could have done is ignored them, the next best thing you could do is forget about this entirely.

Silverfish

common sense brigade wrote: »

they are little scumbags. you did the right thing if you are timid by nature. but the only thing scumbags like this understand is violence and a punch in the face would have been well deserved. Buy pepper spray online and if you are ever met with scum like this again spray it into there faces.

Banned.

S

panda100

Op, I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I don't think these kids realise how hurtful and upsetting this type of behaviour can be.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I don't think the best thing to do was just ignore them. Perhaps If you had intervened earlier they wouldn't have seen you as such an easy target, and I say this as someone who gets comments from kids like that a lot. I am very tall for a women, and often get 'lanky','giant' and other such charming adjectives shouted at me by bored teenagers. If its just once I'l ignore it, but If they keep on shouting stuff about me then I will ask them If they have a problem with my height. I find that they are so used to people ignoring them , that talking back to them shocks them into shutting up.

The fact that these kids physically touched you is way out of bounds, and they should have been reprimanded for it.What will stop them from harrasing someone else,knowing full well they can get away with it?

Maggie The Cat

are little scumbags. you did the right thing if you are timid by nature. but the only thing scumbags like this understand is violence and a punch in the face would have been well deserved. Buy pepper spray online and if you are ever met with scum like this again spray it into there faces.

sorry but i kind of agree with the poster here. why should little gangs of knackers be allowed to walk around harrassing people? as they got away with it they are only going to do it again. the liberals on here who say rise above it and be quiet are wrong. stand up to bullys dont be sheep. im not sure about pepper spray but if someone slapped my head u better believe i would hit back. no one is going to make me feel intimated walking out in society. this kinda behaviour should not be tolerated ever.

wealthyman

Wow OP what a pussy you are.

The poster who got banned was right, they need a good punch. THAT POSTER SHOULD NOT HAVE BEING BANNED.

Silverfish

wealthyman wrote: »

Wow OP what a pussy you are.

The poster who got banned was right, they need a good punch. THAT POSTER SHOULD NOT HAVE BEING BANNED.

Banned.


Please note, advocating violence is not permitted in this forum.

prinz

harassedcommuter wrote: »

Could I have handled the situation differently?

Yes and no. Essentially you did the right thing, but I'd also be passing on the details of what happened to the station authorities. You have covered yourself and unfortunately the way our society has gone that is the best you can do. If you reacted chances are things would have escalated and you'd come out the worst for it. What we need is a massive change in our society whereby anti-social behaviour like this is not tolerated in any way, shape or form. Yes a lot of people will tell you to ignore it but that is only half the battle. As mentioned above letting these bullies continue (and they are bullies) is just passing the buck onto their next victim.

Ignoring it will only encourage that kind of behaviour from them in future, report it to the station authorities, to the company (rail provider or whatever) and tell them you'll find another means of commuting in future. If it happens again, take a stand and approach station staff on the spot.

harassedcommuter wrote: »

I'm timid by nature and not really a people person, so there may be some approach that I'd overlooked in trying to avoid this humiliation.

It's really got nothing to do with it. There's not a whole lot you can do unfortunately. Like I said report the incident, even by email, grit your teeth and the next time ask them if they have something to say come say it to your face. A lot of the time that's enough to shut them up/get them to move. Ireland is a cesspit for that kind of rubbish though, sadly.

johnboysligo

common sense brigade wrote: »

Buy pepper spray online

far as I'm aware personal defense weapons of any kind are highly illegal.


op if they made physical contact with you its assault if I was in your position I doubt I would have reacted the same or stayed nearly as calm.

best thing you could have done was ignore them or made the stations security aware of the situation.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the support. I've come across this number for reporting antisocial behaviour on the trains: 1800-344-544. Hopefully it'll be of use to someone.

Needless to say I was not looking for violent solutions - there are many ethical and practical reasons to avoid those.

Monife

harassedcommuter wrote: »

Thanks again for the support. I've come across this number for reporting antisocial behaviour on the trains: 1800-344-544. Hopefully it'll be of use to someone.

Needless to say I was not looking for violent solutions - there are many ethical and practical reasons to avoid those.

You are better off. I know sometimes these eejits can be so annoying that all you want to do is give them a good hiding, but they would love that even more, so they could scream assault and you would have their parents or even worse, and more probably, the guards on your back then, especially seeing as they are younger than you.

You definitely did right. I would have done the same. Best thing is to avoid eye contact and ignore as much as possible, if all else fails, move a good distance away from them/wait for next train/find some security in the building.

mikemac

They only understand one thing but if you do it, you'll be the one in court most likely

So let STT deal with it and a shame they weren't on the train or platform

LegacyUser

You really did handle that the best way you could. Giving them attention is all they wanted. Sorry you had to put up with that

chiefbrody1974

johnboysligo wrote: »

far as I'm aware personal defense weapons of any kind are highly illegal.


op if they made physical contact with you its assault if I was in your position I doubt I would have reacted the same or stayed nearly as calm.

best thing you could have done was ignore them or made the stations security aware of the situation.

my personal defence weapons are my hands!! :cool: they should be illegal, I pity da fool!!

Silverfish

chiefbrody1974 wrote: »

my personal defence weapons are my hands!! :cool: they should be illegal, I pity da fool!!

Banned.

S

Fluorescence

Wow OP, I can only imagine how violated and humiliated I would have felt in your position. I don't think staying silent and enduring their taunts (and physical attacks!!) was the way to go though - the myth that bullies get bored of people who don't react to them is false. In my experience they keep pushing and pushing and pushing, trying to make you snap, testing your limits. Only if something else distracts them do they stop. The problem is that people believe ignoring these scum is the proper solution and taking the high ground, when in reality it proves to them that they can get away with insane amounts of harrassment.

While reporting them was a good idea, I think saying something to their faces might have served you well too. Most teens would have been so shocked that you would approach and say something along the lines of, "Got a problem you want to say to my face?" that they'd shut up and walk away shamefacedly. Only the scummiest would continue harassment, and then you'd have grounds to report to Gardaí (which would really scare the living **** out of them).

Sorry, I'm ranting a bit. Hope you don't have to endure rubbish like this again!

Zen65

common sense brigade wrote: »

you did the right thing if you are timid by nature.

Op did the right thing, regardless of his nature.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

A group a drunk smelly young fellas started insulted my boyfriend on the Luas. Never mind humiliating, I find it frightening. The security men got on at the next stop and whipped them off.
I think it is important to remember that when a group of teenagers harass you there is no need to be embarrassed or humiliated - everyone else knows what they're like and are simply equally trying to ignore them and hope they go away.
If you react they'll get worse and could get violent (it happens) so how you acted was the best you could do. Fair play