Friends with a girl, whats the point??

steddyeddy

This isnt me having a rant the title is a quote from a friend who had in the past been friends with girls and had the following things happen;

A. the girl falls for him and he doesnt feel the same
B. he falls for the girl and his feelings arent returned or
C. one or other gets the impression that his/her friend has the hots for him and starts avoiding him

Since this he wont make efforts to be friends with girls again. I havent had the amount of hassle he has had with being friends with the oppisite sex but I have had one or two friendships go sour because of the above reasons! I also know some girls who wont be friends with men for the same reasons or simply that they dont see the point! How many of you dont see the point of being friends with the oppisite sex or had negative experiences with the oppisite sex to put you off friendship with them?

What I suppose im asking is wheter anyone here has become friends with a girl just with the intention of getting into them and wheter any girls here have kept a male friend around because they knew he fancied them? :P

icywind1980

If your "friend" can't be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex without thinking of ways to bone them, perhaps "he" should grow up a bit.

Phoenix Park

important for setting jealousy traps

easyeason3

I don't see the point in being friends with d!ckheads.

Sex, religion, background, sexual orientation etc doesn't come into it. But I do rely heavily on first impressions so if I don't particularly like someone from the first time I meet them then it's unlikley i'll forge a friendship with that person.

steddyeddy

icywind1980 wrote: »

If your "friend" can't be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex without thinking of ways to bone them, perhaps "he" should grow up a bit.

You see thats the point whats growing up got to do with attraction? Can you help who your attracted to? No well neither could he or the girls who fell for him its not about maturity. He didnt fancy her before he became friends.

bronte

My best friend is a bloke, I'm female.
Have two other very close male friends too who are like brothers to me.
They're terribly important friendships in my life and it would be a shame if I hadn't let them develop just because of something like gender.

OPENROAD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGbnua2kSa8

steddyeddy

bronte wrote: »

My best friend is a bloke, I'm female.
Have two other very close male friends too who are like brothers to me.
They're terribly important friendships in my life and it would be a shame if I hadn't let them develop just because of something like gender.

Well I agree totally I had a friend that was like a sister to me but she got it in her head I liked her and thats when the arguments started I wouldnt have wanted anything like that to happen but it did and I had no power over it.

icywind1980

steddyeddy wrote: »

You see thats the point whats growing up got to do with attraction? Can you help who your attracted to? No well neither could he or the girls who fell for him its not about maturity. He didnt fancy her before he became friends.

Protip: don't sh!t where you sleep.

steddyeddy

icywind1980 wrote: »

Protip: don't sh!t where you sleep.

Yes good advice Ill write that down!

bluemooner

who needs girls FULL STOP!! Nothing beats asphyxiation ****

pragmatic1

bronte wrote: »

My best friend is a bloke, I'm female.
Have two other very close male friends too who are like brothers to me.
They're terribly important friendships in my life and it would be a shame if I hadn't let them develop just because of something like gender.

They just want to bone you.

Checking out their boobs on the sly.

icywind1980

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yes good advice Ill write that down!

And pass it onto your "friend".

icywind1980

bluemooner wrote: »

who needs girls FULL STOP!! Nothing beats asphyxiation ****

that sounds unnecessarily messy.

Dwellingdweller

bronte wrote: »

My best friend is a bloke, I'm female.
Have two other very close male friends too who are like brothers to me.
They're terribly important friendships in my life and it would be a shame if I hadn't let them develop just because of something like gender.

Same as this. My best friend is a girl, but I suppose the likelihood of such platonic relationships blossoming for everyone is dependent on the personalities involved.

steddyeddy

icywind1980 wrote: »

And pass it onto your "friend".

or "yore ma"

Aishae

it only really effects things if youre always - even subconciously - on the lookout for someone.
its hard to keep friendships going if one or the other starts harbouring a jones or starts thinking the other is hot for them. confusing.

ive male and female friends. as a teen there were problems like this and other friends said they had the same: someone falling for every friend of the opposite sex etc. some of us grew out of it with the hormones, some didnt seem to be cut out for friendships with eg. girls without the possibility of sex ruining them.

i think its important to stop viewing everyone as a potential mate and work from there

bronte

steddyeddy wrote: »

Well I agree totally I had a friend that was like a sister to me but she got it in her head I liked her and thats when the arguments started I wouldnt have wanted anything like that to happen but it did and I had no power over it.

That's sad....did you make it clear to her that you had no such intentions?
It may have had more to do with her than you though...was there any chance she fancied you? Try not to let it put you off female friendships totally.
I would like to think that what happened to you is in the minority.

icywind1980

steddyeddy wrote: »

or "yore ma"

Me ma?

steddyeddy

Dwellingdweller wrote: »

Same as this. My best friend is a girl, but I suppose the likelihood of such platonic relationships blossoming for everyone is dependent on the personalities involved.

Yea bigtime I wouldnt be able to be friends with a real girly girl if that makes sense I dont feel the same connection I would with male friends. I do like girls who share a hobby with me like hillwalking ect but thats it.

bronte

pragmatic1 wrote: »

They just want to bone you.

Hahaha! One of them did, and succeeded but that's ancient history now.
The others would think it was incestuous...seriously! :pac:

steddyeddy

bronte wrote: »

That's sad....did you make it clear to her that you had no such intentions?
It may have had more to do with her than you though...was there any chance she fancied you? Try not to let it put you off female friendships totally.
I would like to think that what happened to you is in the minority.

Ah it was sad but I didnt know her that long so it could have been worse Ill still be friends with girls it hasnt but me off them like some of my mates but ill be careful. I didnt make my intentions clear no but the strange thing is I know she didnt fancy me as shes not single.

easyeason3

steddyeddy wrote: »

Ah it was sad but I didnt know her that long so it could have been worse Ill still be friends with girls it hasnt but me off them like some of my mates but ill be careful. I didnt make my intentions clear no but the strange thing is I know she didnt fancy me as shes not single.

Being single has nothing to do with fancying someone.

steddyeddy

easyeason3 wrote: »

[/B]

Being single has nothing to do with fancying someone.

Ah well she made it clear nothing was going to happen several times even though I didnt fancy her to be honest I think she wanted attention and wanted me to fancy her!

bronte

steddyeddy wrote: »

Ah it was sad but I didnt know her that long so it could have been worse Ill still be friends with girls it hasnt but me off them like some of my mates but ill be careful. I didnt make my intentions clear no but the strange thing is I know she didnt fancy me as shes not single.

She could still have fancied you though...she might have been "testing the water" to see how you'd react. We're an odd bunch us humans!

steddyeddy

bronte wrote: »

She could still have fancied you though...she might have been "testing the water" to see how you'd react. We're an odd bunch us humans!

I know lol thats why I dont try and figure you out well I didnt react well anyway!

Kevin Duffy

icywind1980 wrote: »

Protip: don't sh!t where you sleep.

Some people don't seem to mind a little shít where they sleep, it would seem http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056247865

steddyeddy

Aishae wrote: »

it only really effects things if youre always - even subconciously - on the lookout for someone.
its hard to keep friendships going if one or the other starts harbouring a jones or starts thinking the other is hot for them. confusing.

ive male and female friends. as a teen there were problems like this and other friends said they had the same: someone falling for every friend of the opposite sex etc. some of us grew out of it with the hormones, some didnt seem to be cut out for friendships with eg. girls without the possibility of sex ruining them.

i think its important to stop viewing everyone as a potential mate and work from there

I think your right that if a guy or girl is on the lookout then thats when the problems start it was true in my case. For some people its not worth being friends though!

Dwellingdweller

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yea bigtime I wouldnt be able to be friends with a real girly girl if that makes sense I dont feel the same connection I would with male friends. I do like girls who share a hobby with me like hillwalking ect but thats it.

Yeah! :pac: Funny ye should mention that. my mate is well up for hillwalking etc so she's deff not a girly-girl type. at the same time tho, im not much of a manly-man (though I love the great outdoors) and I like to be in touch with my emotions, so we kinda meet each other halfway over the gender divide :P

It's totally possible for a guy and a girl to be friends, just friends, and have a really good relationship as friends.

But it's sooooo annoying when someone's best friends with someone else because they fancy them/enjoy being fancied by them and won't admit it. Especially when I say "come on though, you clearly like him because he's a guy" and they say "oh no he's like a brother, that would be so wrong!", as they clearly giggle and blush a bit. Ugh. That said I probably would if I could.

icywind1980

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Some people don't seem to mind a little shít where they sleep, it would seem http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056247865

I was gonna throw in a poop joke but that's just nasty.

Strongbow10

lads dont necessarily wanna be mates with girls, or vice versa

If a girl is hot a lad will fancy her, if they are on friendly terms he will tend to fancy her even more.

Im always wary of girls who claim to "get on better with lads". Usually they will always claim to be mortified that one of their male "friends" secretly fancies them. When in reality they actually get a little kick out of having blokes around who they know they can have if they wanted.

Strongbow10

true-or-false wrote: »

It's totally possible for a guy and a girl to be friends, just friends, and have a really good relationship as friends.

But it's sooooo annoying when someone's best friends with someone else because they fancy them/enjoy being fancied by them and won't admit it. Especially when I say "come on though, you clearly like him because he's a guy" and they say "oh no he's like a brother, that would be so wrong!", as they clearly giggle and blush a bit. Ugh. That said I probably would if I could.

Hit the nail on the head here

Women who have loads of bloke mates who fancy them, but refuse to nip it in the bud (and act oblivious to it) are servicing their self esteem.

St.Spodo

Hypothetically, if I fancied my closest female friend, I'd risk the friendship to try and bone her. Absolutely no doubt about it.

easyeason3

steddyeddy wrote: »

Ah well she made it clear nothing was going to happen several times even though I didnt fancy her to be honest I think she wanted attention and wanted me to fancy her!

Some girls are like that. They are usually very immature & really into themselves.
As you said she probably wanted the attention.

landsleaving

It's kind of depressing that in the 21st century, some people still think gender should dictate their friendships.

If that is the case, who can a bisexual be friends with?

Scuid Mhór

I have only one girl in my life who is different to every other girl in my life in the sense that my friendship with her is more important than a potential relationship. And the feeling's mutual.

steddyeddy

Strongbow10 wrote: »

lads dont necessarily wanna be mates with girls, or vice versa

If a girl is hot a lad will fancy her, if they are on friendly terms he will tend to fancy her even more.

Im always wary of girls who claim to "get on better with lads". Usually they will always claim to be mortified that one of their male "friends" secretly fancies them. When in reality they actually get a little kick out of having blokes around who they know they can have if they wanted.

Yea thats my point I know its perfectly normal to be friends with girls but the fact is some lads will be friends with a girl in order to get into her. As for girls who claim they got on better with lads well thats what happened with me and my mate and I know countless girls who calim to be shocked that a friend fancies them but insist on keeping him around like a lapdog so she can get a kick out of it!

Kevin Duffy

landsleaving wrote: »

If that is the case, who can a bisexual be friends with?

Good question. Should they just go fúck themselves?

icywind1980

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Good question. Should they just go fúck themselves?

Reply 1) Or fúck me instead!

Reply 2) She said bisexual, not hermaphrodite! Jeeze man, you're one horny bastard!

Pick your favorite. My vodka buzz is wearing off and I need more rhubarb pie.

steddyeddy

easyeason3 wrote: »

Some girls are like that. They are usually very immature & really into themselves.
As you said she probably wanted the attention.

I agree some girls and men like to have friends around who fancy them they love the attention!! Its true to that some lads become friends with a girl they like and that always ends in tears!

landsleaving

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Good question. Should they just go fúck themselves?

Can't they just be friends with themselves?

icywind1980

steddyeddy wrote: »

I agree some girls and men like to have friends around who fancy them they love the attention!! Its true to that some lads become friends with a girl they like and that always ends in tears!

Do women and boys also like to have people around who pay them attention?

steddyeddy

icywind1980 wrote: »

Do women and boys also like to have people around who pay them attention?

Well I dont hang around with boys but some women do I suppose!

alexa5x5

I agree with your points OP, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try in every instance to be friends with a guy. I’ve only ever had one truly platonic male friend, we had such a laugh together, I loved hanging out with him but unfortunately his girlfriend didn’t believe that there was nothing going on with us. Eventually he chose his gf over me, I never blamed him but it was heartbreaking because it was so unnecessary. I’d love to have that kind of friendship again, so for that reason I’ll take my chances.

Tayla

Strongbow10 wrote: »

Im always wary of girls who claim to "get on better with lads". Usually they will always claim to be mortified that one of their male "friends" secretly fancies them. When in reality they actually get a little kick out of having blokes around who they know they can have if they wanted.

That's not always true, I tend to always "get on better with lads".
I hated when I found out they fancied me, made things very awkward and it was quite upsetting losing friends over it.
I think girls find it easy to be friends with guys without fancying them but guys can rarely be friends with a girl without developing feelings for them.

Richard Dower

bronte wrote: »

My best friend is a bloke, I'm female.
Have two other very close male friends too who are like brothers to me.
They're terribly important friendships in my life and it would be a shame if I hadn't let them develop just because of something like gender.

And they secretly want to shag you....trust me, if it was a dead cert they'd be on you in a flash!

Can guys be friends with girls?...sure, if they're ugly...but hell, even then given the right conditions a guy would bang them!

God, i just love sweeping generalisations!

alexa5x5

Richard Dower wrote: »

And they secretly want to shag you....trust me, if it was a dead cert they'd be on you in a flash!

Can guys be friends with girls?...sure, if they're ugly...but hell, even then given the right conditions a guy would bang them!

God, i just love sweeping generalisations!

If thats true, thats really sad

Tayla

Gibson Savory Drummer wrote: »

fyp

True but unfortunately a lot of Irish males seem to confuse these boners for love

CongoPowers

I'm sure it works for some lads. But I think they're called homosexuals.