Am I in the wrong?

jimcoolding

Recently I've got into a bit of money trouble (gambling).

However I also recently was witness to a male person that I know cheating on his wife, whom he had just recently married.

Anyway he begged me not to say anything and said he'd give me anything to keep my word. So I have said to him that I want money, enough to get me out of my debts.

Now bear in mind that I don't know this fella very well and he certainly isn't a friend, am I wrong for taking his money?

I mean if I told his wife, I would hurt her.
If I didn't say a word, I'd hurt no one but the fact that he offered me anything to which I said money and to which he obliged, does that make me a bad person?

I've convinced myself that what I am doing is not wrong but there is some lingering doubts in the back of my mind that make me worried and anxious that I'm being a horrible person.

He and his wife benefit from my silence and I also benefit. Surely it's a win win win situation?

Will

Sounds like blackmail to me :-/

Latchy

It's wrong and as Will just said 'Blackmail '

ct89

(YODA Voice)


Hmmm.....screwed you are

Poor Craythur

OP, yes. You're blackmailing him.

jimcoolding

Blackmail is such a harsh word.


He was the one that offered, I was prepared to say nothing!

Ugh, I guess I know it's wrong but I didn't initiate "the deal" and I need the money.

beano345

so basically your blackmailing him.your not close to this guy or his wife so why should his cheating affect you even if it is wrong.id say sort out your own debts after all your the person who created them

Poor Craythur

jimcoolding wrote: »

He was the one that offered, I was prepared to say nothing!

That doesn't mean you should have taken it. If you don't know them well, it wouldn't have been your place to inform his wife anyway.

Chnandler Bong

jimcoolding wrote: »

Recently I've got into a bit of money trouble (gambling).

However I also recently was witness to a male person that I know cheating on his wife, whom he had just recently married.

Anyway he begged me not to say anything and said he'd give me anything to keep my word. So I have said to him that I want money, enough to get me out of my debts.

Now bear in mind that I don't know this fella very well and he certainly isn't a friend, am I wrong for taking his money?

I mean if I told his wife, I would hurt her.
If I didn't say a word, I'd hurt no one but the fact that he offered me anything to which I said money and to which he obliged, does that make me a bad person?

I've convinced myself that what I am doing is not wrong but there is some lingering doubts in the back of my mind that make me worried and anxious that I'm being a horrible person.

He and his wife benefit from my silence and I also benefit. Surely it's a win win win situation?

Scumbag thats what you are!!

jimcoolding

I was in trouble and I took an opportunity that presented itself. I know it's not the greatest way but I need it.

Surprised you're all unaminously against me. Put yourself in my position. What would you do?

jimcoolding

Chnandler Bong wrote: »

Scumbag thats what you are!!

Define Scumbag?

I have never been in trouble with the law. I have never assaulted someone, never been a nuisance to the public, have never cost the taxpayer a penny yet I'm a scumbag?

Harsh

Poor Craythur

OP, don't dress up your grubby, opportunistic means of settling your debt as concern for the wife of someone you barely know.

MrStuffins

Chnandler Bong wrote: »

Scumbag thats what you are!!

Here that's a bit strong, less of that!

Yes OP you are in the wrong. You're blackmailing him. You should give the money back

Will

You could have taken out a loan from the bank or credit union to pay off your gambling debts. I also believe you are incorrect in saying above that no one gets hurt. Your silence will in the long run hurt the wife of the man.

Let's say for arguments sake you are in the same unfortunate position in the future that you have gambling debts (i sincerely hope you don't). Knowing what you know about the man, are you going to request more money off him to buy your silence? Desperate times call for desperate measures as they say.

I don't envy your position.

Poor Craythur

Will wrote: »

You could have taken out a loan from the bank or credit union to pay off your gambling debts. I also believe you are incorrect in saying above that no one gets hurt. Your silence will in the long run hurt the wife of the man.

Don't agree with the OP taking the money, but also don't think it would be his place to tell the wife - he doesn't know them that well.

martinmcdonnell

I think that guys marriage is none of your business.You got yourself into debt,now man up and get on with your own life and don't be sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.You are playing a very dangerous game!

jimcoolding

Will wrote: »

Let's say for arguments sake you are in the same unfortunate position in the future that you have gambling debts (i sincerely hope you don't). Knowing what you know about the man, are you going to request more money off him to buy your silence? Desperate times call for desperate measures as they say.

I don't envy your position.

But I didn't go to him demanding that he offer me something to keep my silence, he came to me. I wouldn't do it, at least I don't think I would. And I'm never gambling again after I clear these debts, hopefully.

AlanBr

First of all do your best to stop gambling and dont take the money..
Secondly its not really a win win if for his wife if shes being cheated on now is it? tell him to stop cheating "or else"...
Think about it...is it better to take his money , let him cheat on his wife , and further tempt your gambling problems or to do the RIGHT thing.

jimcoolding

martinmcdonnell wrote: »

I think that guys marriage is none of your business.You got yourself into debt,now man up and get on with your own life and don't be sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.You are playing a very dangerous game!

I'm not sticking my nose into his marriage. I was more than prepared to look the other way, he was the one that came to me. HE CAME TO ME.

Zamboni

You're intermingling two separate issues.
This is how I'd recommend you deal with them.

One, man up and sort your gambling debts out.

Two, you don't know them that well.
Give him the money back and have nothing to do with their personal life.

Best of luck.

Poor Craythur

jimcoolding wrote: »

I'm not sticking my nose into his marriage. I was more than prepared to look the other way, he was the one that came to me. HE CAME TO ME.

So turn down the money and don't stick your nose in, perhaps?

Jimmy Bottlehead

Also, judging by your answers OP, uou came on here with the sole purpose of getting justification and a slap on the back. You've gotten neither, as what you're doing is purely nasty.

Now man up and give the cash back and leave the cheating chap alone. Your problem should remain your problem.

Poor Craythur

OP, I suspect you know what you've done is wrong and maybe you needed confirmation. Your conscience could be troubling you, methinks! [/armchair psychology]

jimcoolding

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

as what you're doing is purely nasty.

How is what I'm doing being nasty?

Surely cheating on his newly wed wife is nasty?
Surely offering someone money to keep his silence is nasty?

CarrickMcJoe

jimcoolding wrote: »

But I didn't go to him demanding that he offer me something to keep my silence, he came to me. I wouldn't do it, at least I don't think I would. And I'm never gambling again after I clear these debts, hopefully.

BET YOU WILL !!!!!

Youre wqy out of line, give the money back and sort your own problems out.

MrStuffins

jimcoolding wrote: »

How is what I'm doing being nasty?

Surely cheating on his newly wed wife is nasty?
Surely offering someone money to keep his silence is nasty?

Yes but 2 wrongs don't make a right (3 in this case)

I presume you were told this piece of psychological wonder at the age of 2 when the rest of us were, so it shouldn't supprise you!

Zamboni

jimcoolding wrote: »

How is what I'm doing being nasty?

Surely cheating on his newly wed wife is nasty?
Surely offering someone money to keep his silence is nasty?

Cheating and offering bribery is nasty, yes.
Does it justify your acceptance of the bribe? No.

Jimmy Bottlehead

jimcoolding wrote: »

How is what I'm doing being nasty?

Surely cheating on his newly wed wife is nasty?
Surely offering someone money to keep his silence is nasty?

Stupid iPhone I didn't mean to thank that post!

Yes cheating on his wife is nasty, but it's also none of your business. What you're doing is different but just as bad - you're taking advantage of a situation for your own gratification. You're essentially a thief, selling this mans secret to him. I couldn't be bothered trying to persuade you - you're failing at comprehending this situation just as you did your gambling problem. At some point, you need to wake up and take control of your life and actions. But don't look for sympathy or a "well done" for pulling **** like this.

jimcoolding

Poor Craythur wrote: »

OP, I suspect you know what you've done is wrong and maybe you needed confirmation. Your conscience could be troubling you, methinks! [/armchair psychology]

Probably.

I have this golden opportunity to get out of my troubles, I don't think anyone appreciates how hard is to let this slip by. I could be on the streets if I don't get myself out of trouble soon.

seanybiker

Taking money off someone isn't as bad as doing the dirt so enjoy being debt free until the debts build up again

tayto lover

You are doing something which is terribly wrong and you know it too. You have no right getting involved in any couple's marriage whatsoever. For all you know that man could be paying you with both their savings so you could be punishing his wife on the double. Give it back discreetly !

Nonoperational

Jesus that's bad form. Very bad form.

martinmcdonnell

So by sorting your life out your wrecking his and his wife's,come on mate,karma will come around and it's a bitch

jimcoolding

martinmcdonnell wrote: »

So by sorting your life out your wrecking his and his wife's,come on mate,karma will come around and it's a bitch

How in Gods name am I wrecking their lives? If anything I'm saving them. They are recently married. This news would probably destroy her, so really I am protecting her...kind of.

Zamboni

jimcoolding wrote: »

Probably.

I don't think anyone appreciates how hard is to let this slip by.

I do and I can understand the temptation.
But situations like this can define a man for life.
Do the right thing and restore your integrity.
Repay the money and walk away.

Larianne

jimcoolding wrote: »

But I didn't go to him demanding that he offer me something to keep my silence, he came to me. I wouldn't do it, at least I don't think I would. And I'm never gambling again after I clear these debts, hopefully.

Maybe contact mabs.ie and they could give you advice on how to manage your debt.

Also, you should seek treatment for your gambling problem. It is a problem if you are willing to blackmail someone.

Can you honestly say that you'll never go back to this man looking for more money if you accumulate more debt from gambling?

I don't know where is the best place to get treatment for gambling addiction but the Rutland centre is only place I could think of.

caspa307

you know what im not even gonna judge but an internet forum isnt the place to get your answers...

martinmcdonnell

Your becoming the third wheel.it's none of your business.and the answer to your question is yes you are in the wrong not one person on here agrees with you.if it smells like poo and it looks like poo,it usually is poo

Logical Fallacy

Ask yourself a simple question, if you didn't have these gambling debts would you consider asking him for money? I reckon the answer is no. The danger of addiction isn't so much the act itself...that's not normally what destroys people. It's the things you end up doing today that you might have trouble living with tomorrow that can affect you in the long run.

The guy turned around and offered you money for two reasons. First off, he felt guilty about what he had done and is finding himself in a tight spot, he doesn't want his wife to find out and wants to, in his mind, take steps to ensure that doesn't happen.

Secondly, he wants to get you in a position of moral ambiguity as well, because people who are feeling guilty about stuff tend to do that , the old misery loves company theory.

In my opinion you would be a fool to take the money, because you would be making yourself, morally, that dudes bitch. You'd still be privy to his secret but you'd have been bought off...something which you might end up having issue with in the long run and which could come back to haunt you.

I understand you want to pay off your debts but you can still manage to come out of this scenario with your dignity intact if you try hard enough. Taking the money just makes you that dudes bitch to be honest...if it were me it might solve the issue of the debt but i seriously doubt i could look myself in the eye when brushing my teeth in the morning.

The other chap is a tool in a moral predicament because he cheated on someone he married....at the moment you are just a guy who lost more than he planned on losing.

jimcoolding

Larianne wrote: »

Maybe contact mabs.ie and they could give you advice on how to manage your debt.

Also, you should seek treatment for your gambling problem. It is a problem if you are willing to blackmail someone.

Can you honestly say that you'll never go back to this man looking for more money if you accumulate more debt from gambling?

I don't know where is the best place to get treatment for gambling addiction but the Rutland centre is only place I could think of.

I don't have an addiction, just one loss rolled onto another and dead certs turned out to be dead losers.

siscri

As mentioned earlier you have made your decision and are looking for justification, which you're not going to receive.

If you need that to log off and carry on there here it is: you made completely the right decision to blackmail this guy and I don't foresee any problems with where this is going.

Logical Fallacy

jimcoolding wrote: »

I don't have an addiction, just one loss rolled onto another and dead certs turned out to be dead losers.

lol, no such thing as a dead cert mate. The gambling industry is a multi billion euro machine specifically designed to take your money.

You are not special, you're just another gambler trying to explain away his loses. The truth is that you lost because you played, because that is the way the system is designed.

You might not be addicted to gambling but you are the perfect product of the system...sitting there at your computer scratching your head and wondering what you are going to do to pay your debts...and you WILL pay your debts...the big question is how.

Lets not get romantic about **** here.

racso1975

Out of interest how much we talkin about here? Ball park ya dont need to be specific

The_Morrigan

jimcoolding wrote: »

I have this golden opportunity to get out of my troubles, I don't think anyone appreciates how hard is to let this slip by. I could be on the streets if I don't get myself out of trouble soon.

OP this is hardly a "golden opportunity" as you call it, cos in Ireland blackmail is illegal, so I'd be giving that money back pronto if I were you.

Chnandler Bong

The_Morrigan wrote: »

OP this is hardly a "golden opportunity" as you call it, cos in Ireland blackmail is illegal, so I'd be giving that money back pronto if I were you.

Blackmail is not illegal, but extortion is and thats excactly what you are doing OP.

JBnaglfar

Whether you like it or not, you are now involved in their situation. I don't know how much money is involved (and it is irrelevant), but how much is your dignity worth?

Do you care that you accepted money from this man that you barely know and are helping to keep his wife in ignorance of his cheating ways? How much is her dignity worth to you? You must have been desperate, otherwise your actions are not understandable to me. Either way they are unethical imo.

The_Morrigan

Chnandler Bong wrote: »

Blackmail is not illegal, but extortion is and thats excactly what you are doing OP.

It is, blackmail, extortion and demanding money with menaces - section 17 of the Criminal Justice (Public Order) Act '94.

http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/1994/en/act/pub/0002/sec0017.html#sec17

Either way OP, you're are not in a good situation and it is morally wrong what you are doing.

jimcoolding

Right, alot to think about. Will update ye what I do.

cremeegg

horrible horrible act..
sort out your gambling a man. its owning you.

Cosimo Salvatore

This is The Gentlemen's Club Jim. Gentlemen don't partake in such acts. We are Gentlemen.

JBnaglfar

Cosimo Salvatore wrote: »

This is The Gentlemen's Club Jim. Gentlemen don't partake in such acts. We are Gentlemen.

Gentlemen don't partake in which act - gambling or blackmail?

A little gambling is surely fine