Porn Buddies

liah

A 'porn buddy' is someone who, when you die, comes to your house and cleans out all your porn/embarrassing stuff that you don't want anyone to know about before your relatives/friends/what not get there.

Think the idea's featured as a subplot/throwaway line in either Coupling or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or something, forget where I heard it, but that's what I've been watching lately. Maybe you've seen it.

Anyway, got me thinking - would you have a porn buddy to clean up your dirty secrets for when you kick the bucket?

Doesn't have to be for porn, either; do you have anything in your house that you don't want anyone else to see that might make people think very differently of your memory if they found it? And do/would you have a buddy who'd keep your memory clean and pure in the event of your untimely demise?

Logical Fallacy

liah wrote: »

A 'porn buddy' is someone who, when you die, comes to your house and cleans out all your porn/embarrassing stuff that you don't want anyone to know about before your relatives/friends/what not get there.

Think the idea's featured as a subplot/throwaway line in either Coupling or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or something, forget where I heard it, but that's what I've been watching lately. Maybe you've seen it.

Anyway, got me thinking - would you have a porn buddy to clean up your dirty secrets for when you kick the bucket?

Doesn't have to be for porn, either; do you have anything in your house that you don't want anyone else to see that might make people think very differently of your memory if they found it? And do you have a buddy who'd keep your memory clean and pure in the event of your untimely demise?

Yep, my girlfriend.

mikom

I have Max Clifford and a JCB front loader on speed dial

Biggins

liah wrote: »

...Anyway, got me thinking - would you have a porn buddy to clean up your dirty secrets for when you kick the bucket?

Doesn't have to be for porn, either; do you have anything in your house that you don't want anyone else to see that might make people think very differently of your memory if they found it? And do/would you have a buddy who'd keep your memory clean and pure in the event of your untimely demise?

Yes, have a mate that is authorised to look after matters concerning my life.
I trust him with my life - and so that trust extends to death too.

tan11ie

How much does one cost??

dvpower

You're worried about being embarrassed after you die?

liah

tan11ie wrote: »

How much does one cost??

You have to buy your friends?

W.Shakes-Beer

Porn cleaner for HIRE. Will dispose of for a small fee as well as keeping a few magazines for personal analysis.

liah

dvpower wrote: »

You're worried about being embarrassed after you die?

I'm not, just find the idea amusing.

Davey Devil

Who's cares what people think of you after you die. YOUR DEAD!!

holystungun9

s'pose it would be embarrassing for my family if the priest mentioned Animal Farm in the eulogy. 'He was a good man, kind to his family and friends, but god did he love animals'

tan11ie

liah wrote: »

You have to buy your friends?

Not just any friend ...a porn buddy friend ..they are quite hard to cum by:rolleyes:

Biggins

Well I wouldn't want my children to find the pics of Mary Harney on top of me going for it!
Better a good friend destroy them LOL

liah

OSI wrote: »

What use is getting rid of your porn, when you family find you died after choking on a gag while being suspended from the ceiling being spanked by someone in a Nazi uniform.

Poor Mr. Carradine.

Doublin

I should get one, I've been caught out before. I was giving my old laptop to a cousin, her boyfriend was into computers so he was cleaning up all the old files. She was watching while he was doing this, and of course, he came across some saved video's...

She was not impressed & started giving me a lecture the next time we met (degrading to women etc.). The boyfriend, while trying not to laugh, tried to give me a 'get out' clause by saying they could have automatically downloaded onto my laptop without me knowing about it. Don't think she bought it..

dvpower

But what if it came out that you had arranged for someone to dispose of your porn? That would be more embarrassing than the porn being found.
Youd need someone to tie off that loose end (and so on).

tan11ie

Ah sure it will give them all something to talk about when your gone:D

liah

dvpower wrote: »

But what if it came out that you had arranged for someone to dispose of your porn? That would be more embarrassing than the porn being found.
Youd need someone to tie off that loose end (and so on).

You tell the porn buddy not to tell anyone (and never tell anyone else yourself, obviously), and then have a specially selected kill buddy to kill the porn buddy directly after he does his duty. You don't tell the kill buddy what the porn buddy does, so it dies with the porn buddy.

Problem solved. Your memory is safely in tact.

jimthemental

Biggins wrote: »

Well I wouldn't want my children to find the pics of Mary Harney on top of me going for it!
Better a good friend destroy them LOL

With that kind of filth I'd recommend you set up some kind or dead man's trigger to your computer with a half pound of semtex taped to it for good measure. That way when you croke the job will take care of itself. The semtex will also sort out any squabbles which may arise as to who will inherit your house.

strokemyclover

Is there such a thing as a Fritzl Buddy?

liah

strokemyclover wrote: »

Is there such a thing as a Fritzl Buddy?

Maybe on the black market.

syklops

This is what encryption is for.

Biggins

jimthemental wrote: »

With that kind of filth I'd recommend you set up some kind or dead man's trigger to your computer with a half pound of semtex taped to it for good measure. That way when you croke the job will take care of itself. The semtex will also sort out any squabbles which may arise as to who will inherit your house.

There would be no squabbles.
Who would want a house that had Harney shagging goodo in it! LOL :pac:

dvpower

liah wrote: »

You tell the porn buddy not to tell anyone (and never tell anyone else yourself, obviously), and then have a specially selected kill buddy to kill the porn buddy directly after he does his duty. You don't tell the kill buddy what the porn buddy does, so it dies with the porn buddy.

Problem solved. Your memory is safely in tact.

You're just kicking the can down the road.
If the kill buddy gets caught killing the porn buddy, people will know about the porn. We need a more complicated solution.

dvpower

syklops wrote: »

This is what encryption is for.

Well, I suppose, if you can get off on encryption...

admiralofthefleet

it is said that when the porn buddy went around to clear out the vatican after pope john paul II 7 builder size skips were needed

AnonoBoy

Pro tip: Photographs can also be saved on your phone's memory not just on the SIM card.

jimthemental

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Pro tip: Photographs can also be saved on your phone's memory not just on the SIM card.

Note to self: BURN EVERYTHING

phill106

They can also delete all traces of nickleback and justin bieber from your itunes...

admiralofthefleet

liah wrote: »

Poor Mr. Carradine.

at least he died with a smile on his face

smash

I suppose someone's gotta get rid of the hookers and hitch hikers that are tied up in the basement.

Wibbs

Yea I've a couple of mates to sort that stuff out should I peg it. So as not to leave any legal or otherwise mess behind.

Davey Devil wrote: »

Who's cares what people think of you after you die. YOUR DEAD!!

Your dead what?

parker kent

I have one friend in particular who'd do the job, we know enough dirty secrets about each other as it is anyway! On occasion we have had to go to each others houses and "clear the evidence" of various unwanted secrets.

As for a porn buddy taking care of porn, I guess he pre-emptively helped me out there by telling me about Chrome incognito!

alexa5x5

I had to go into hospital a few years ago, I wasn’t up to packing so my aunt was giving me a hand. She was in the process of taking clothes out of my wardrobe when I realised I had hung some questionable items of clothing in there. Well, I’d never moved so quick in all my life, I nearly knocked her to the floor to get the door closed..... Since then I keep anything like that well hidden under my bed. I don’t really care about when I’m dead, I won’t be around to suffer the embarrassment.

Little Acorn

I stopped keeping diaries kinda for this reason. I always kept diaries as a teenager, I would write everything I was feeling in them, and everything I did for the day. My mum found my diary and read it and I got in trouble when she read I had been dossing a few classes and going into town with some of the girls. In another diary of mine that she read after that incident, she read about me underage drinking, and making plans to "sneak out" with the girls at sleepovers, what fellas I had crushes on etc. Got in huge trouble again.
Didn't matter how well I hid them, she randomly raided my room, and I would come home to find my diary lying open, and her yelling at me to "get down those stairs now!!"

It's mega mega embarrassing to have someone reading all your thoughts and feelings. I just stopped keeping them, because I felt that even if I found a really good hiding place, if I died someone was bound to find them at some stage and read them. I know you shouldn't care, cos you'll be gone, but I still don't like the idea of it.
I am the type of person who sometimes just needs to write things out to clear my head, so I do that, but I now I just read over what I've written and then burn it straight away.

henryporter

Apparently Warren Zevon's son had to do the honours in that department when poor old Warren kicked the bucket - a fine collection of daddy going down videos was the haul!

orourkeda

Shouldn't a porn buddy be someone who puts on the porn at your wake

parker kent

alexa5x5 wrote: »

Since then I keep anything like that well hidden under my bed. I don’t really care about when I’m dead, I won’t be around to suffer the embarrassment.

Under a bed is the first place I'd look for any embarrassing stuff!

Dolbert

OSI wrote: »

What use is getting rid of your porn, when you family find you died after choking on a gag while being suspended from the ceiling being spanked by someone in a Nazi uniform.

Could be worse (NSFW)

Bruthal

Davey Devil wrote: »

Who's cares what people think of you after you die. YOUR DEAD!!

So there is death after life?

Bruthal

Biggins wrote: »

Well I wouldn't want my children to find the pics of Mary Harney on top of me going for it!
Better a good friend destroy them LOL

A you cant destroy the kids. Its not quite that embarrassing.

Teyla Emmagan

My sister's disposing of mine. And vice versa.

I trust her more than my judgy friends.

Poor Craythur

liah wrote: »

Anyway, got me thinking - would you have a porn buddy to clean up your dirty secrets for when you kick the bucket?

Nope, I'll be dead and gone!

Jazzy

i actually have the opposite. someone that will come in and plant stuff there, from german scheizer porn to 14" dildos and as much crack and heroin he can get his hands on.
i also intend to get Jeff Mills Live at Ravecity 99 played at my funeral

mgmt

Haha I found out where my gf keeps her porn stuff.

Dravokivich

If I'm dead, what does it matter? Not like i'd have to answer for it....

chughes

Biggins wrote: »

Well I wouldn't want my children to find the pics of Mary Harney on top of me going for it!
Better a good friend destroy them LOL

Were these pictures stills taken from a snuff movie and you were the unfortunate victim ?

CrazyRabbit

Pfft...I'm not worried. All my porn is in a folder called "I love Apple products". Nobody would ever think of looking in there.