I think I need help...

Savage Tyrant

I've never really been a happy chirpy person. I kind of always felt like I was "depressed" ..... But specifically now over the last 2/3 years I now realise that that was just unhappiness with different situations that I had to deal with at those times... I now know that something is really wrong and I just don't know what to do.
I have 3 BEAUTIFUL kids. A 5 year old daughter, a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. I have absolutely no question in my mind to say that if they weren't in my life I'd have killed myself in recent months.
I feel like I'm not really me anymore. It takes me at least 2 hours to fall asleep once I go to bed even when I'm dog tired because my mind wanders and races and nearly always about being dead.
I've dreamt ways of killing myself without it looking like suicide so the kids don't grow up thinking I just chickened out and left them.
I never really had a close relationship with my dad and just before Christmas found out he was sick. He almost died and I'm ashamed to say I felt nothing for him. Actually to my shame I kind of resented that he didn't because it only took a few weeks for him to show his own selfishness by not taking quite obvious steps to make life easier for my mother in the event he does go. I felt worse for my Mam but even that quickly faded when my mind wandered back to certain things she turned a blind eye to.
My relationship with the kids mother is essentially dead even though we live together but I'm afraid to end the relationship mainly because it would involve her taking the kids back to the north to live and so severly affecting both my ability to see them regularly and also the town/environment/family they would be going to live in is not what I want for them.
Money and bills have become a massive issue over the last year now too. I used to live quite comfortably (although not entirely legally) but now I struggle to meet my outgoings... But who am I to bítch about that when there are plenty in the country in the same boat and worse off.
I kind of feel like I've already fùcked up my life beyond repair because it's not just one problem but a whole range of them...... I truly am lost. and I KNOW I can't deal with this for too much longer.
Is a phychiatrist available on Medical Card? Is there anyone else somebody could advise me to talk to?

hondasam

http://www.samaritans.org/
http://www.suicideireland.com/

Please talk to someone who can help you. The biggest problem we all have is the stigma attached to depression and suicide. Talking with someone who feels the same as you will help. I can see from your post your children are the most important thing in your life and they will help and give you a reason to get help.

Make the decision to get help now and it will get you on the road to recovery.

Your first call should be to your GP who can refer you to a councillor.

Good luck

slavetothegrind

keep looking at those kids fella, there is a new sticky at the top of this forum with lots of links.

get on the phone to one of them and just talk, you WILL feel better.

all the best.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056241245

sorry the above is the list i meant.

Ickle Magoo

Hi there

I am afraid we are not qualified to offer you appropriate advice; if you are feeling suicidal you must tell a qualified professional.

If you need to talk to someone in the meantime then you may find some useful contacts [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=70677159&postcount=3"]here[/URL].

If you are worried about money issues then contact MABS or even make an appointment with your bank manager and discuss your options.

Lives are rarely f'd up beyond repair but you must tell the appropriate people what you have issues with and what you want to change and then start working towards getting where you'd rather be.

All the very best
Ickle

ennis81

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this and yes you do need some help.
A lovely girl I went to school withs partner commited suicide 3 months ago, her girls are in school with my little girl and they have only recently come back to school, those little girls look absolutely miserable without their daddy and their mother is heartbroken beyond repair, it breaks my heart to look at them, get help and get better for your kids they so need you.
Life is so worth living, my thoughts are with you x

bridal

Please please go and seek help, depression and feeling sucidial are not normal thoughts and indicate that you do need help dealing with the trials of life. Things are so much harder these days esp with financial challenges we are all facing. please contact your GP. The website WWW.AWARE.IE aslo has lots of information on dealing with depression and a forum devoted to it. Remember life is worth living and one day you will realise that

greenprincess

Sorry to hear your feeling so bad! But suicide is not the answer. A girl I know killed herself a few days ago and her family is in pieces they are all just so shocked. Its not something your kids will ever get over.
Try talking to someone about this