boyfriend wet the bed-i am NOT cleaning it

LegacyUser

Going unreg because I am too embarrassed to use my actual name on this post.

I was out at my aunt's birthday tonight. They're all very non-drink people so it was quite tiring having to constantly be the young talkative one.

My boyfriend went out with work he was on a half day so he was in the pub til about 8 and he went back at 9 (he rang to tell me). I just came home to find him on the couch and was a bit surprised his clothes were wet. I went into the bedroom to discover he had wet the bed and moved to the couch because it was obviously too uncomfortable for him! He's done this now on three separate occasions in 2 years and I am very VERY annoyed. I've to put a load of cushions on the floor and sleep there.

I think I Want to leave him. I had to clean it up the other times. I'm not doing it now. The duvet and everything is soaking. This is disgraceful I am SO disgusted.

Did anyone ever deal with this here? I am absolutely boiling up with anger.

Seraphina

Wetting the bed because he's drunk is pretty bad, but then to just move to the couch without cleaning anything up because he was uncomfortable on the bed?!? So he's been sitting on the couch in his pissy clothes too?

I would have been dragging him off the couch to clean that up or giving him his marching orders. That is pretty disgusting and just SO disrespectful. He obviously assumed you would sort it out when you came in.

LegacyUser

Is it possible he moved just because he was too drunk to clean it up at that stage and just wanted to pass out. Wait till he's awake and see what he says. If he doesn't immediately clean it up then i would think he probably is hoping you'll do it, but give him a chance too.

Tbh i think if this has happened before then he should really look at his drinking. Being so drunk that you wet your own bed repeatedly is awful but especially a bed that he shares with someone else. I'm fairly shocked he hasn't sorted it out already.

When you've cleaned up after him before has he said anything at all? Or just ignored it completely?

CDfm

Get him a sponge cloth and dettol spray and a bucket and suggest he does a major clean up

Here is a UL factsheet for students who binge

http://www.mic.ul.ie/counselling/Factsheets/alcohol.pdf

Really if he cant drink responsibly and is wetting the bed he should see his GP and discuss his options

http://www.drinkaware.ie/index.php?static=links

and check out local support for you and read up on it

http://www.drugs.ie/alcohol_info

Oryx

As long as the guy is now sober, release your boiling anger on him. Tell him what youve said here, and make sure he knows exactly how you feel about this. It depends on you whether you should leave him, it also depends on his attitude towards you over this. The incident itself would not be dealbreaker to me, but doing it repeatedly and not caring (or cleaning up) would be.

CDfm

I would not start with anger.

I would start with cleaning and I would keep my mouth shut for a meaningful discussion.

fghijkl

Its not the wetting the bed that would bother me, people do stupid things when they're drunk and i wouldn't count 3 times in 2 years as indicating he has an alcohol problem but this

I had to clean it up the other times

is taking the p**s (excuse the pun)
Eh why did you clean it up the other times
Why would anyone make someone else clean up their own p**s? what the hell is wrong with him?! Does he have any respect for you at all! Doesn't sound like it!

To be honest he sounds more like a 2 year old son than a boyfriend.
If it were me he would've been gone the first time he expected to me to clean it up! I would've laughed in his face and dumped him on the spot. You're not his mother ffs! Ugh how vile.

fghijkl

replied to another poster but completely misread their post, appologies

LegacyUser

This has happened to me a few times although not in the bed, it results
from not being able to find the door to the toilet as far as I can see.

I was absolutely mortified to discover that it had happened but I can
guarantee that when this happens the person is in no state to clean it
up, be respectful (or even know what that is) etc.... I think in this state
the person has reverted to some sort of animal, they are no longer the
person you know and will do/say things that they would not normally do.
Its frightening to be told this the next morning.

I cleaned it up the next day and was just so embarrassed about it that
it was simply unspoken about. I was completely freaked out that this had happened
and I had no recollection whatsoever that it had happened either!

The common denominator on the times it happened was I either drank on an
empty stomach (5 or 6 pints of Guinness) or mixed something such as normal
larger + Erdinger. I have taken steps to prevent this sort of thing happening:

- given up Guinness altogether, I just cant handle it in large quantities
- I no longer drink pints, just bottles to limit my intake
- always eat absorbent food before drinking and sometimes during if I can
- never mix drastically different drinks, i.e. Heineken to Budweiser is ok but not Beer to Wine!

If you (or anyone reading this) thinks that their partner/friend might be drunk enough to
do this:
- Leave all the lights on leading to the toilet
- Leave all the doors open from bedroom to toilet also
- Essentially you are guiding a disoriented animal from A to B

When I use the word animal I don't mean it in a violent or offensive sense. I'm merely
using it to demonstrate that normal manners, acceptable social/public practices, culture
etc no longer apply. Different things will happen depending on the person.

Firetrap

That's pretty low, wetting the bed and just leaving it there without bothering his backside to do anything about it at all. What came through, apart from your understandable fury, is that you seem to be the one doing the clean-up. Has your boyfriend ever cleaned up after himself when he's had these accidents? Is he ever sorry about what happened?

Ickle Magoo

imnotcleaningthat wrote: »

I had to clean it up the other times.

Why? Why on earth did you clean it up, not just once but on TWO other occasions? Why are you facilitating him? Why should he change when he knows not only will you stay put but you are also good enough to mop up as well?

You need to spell out that this has moved from major annoyance to deal breaker and perhaps add a caveat that if he's going to drink to the point he wets himself then he has to find alternative sleeping arrangements and see if he's as keen to explain to his mates that he's so comatose he can't even perform basic functions like making it to a toilet.

All the best

amdublin

Three times in two years is pretty bad IMO.

These is going to continue and happen at least once a year unless he stops or majorly reduces his drinking.

Even if he cleaned up himself each time are you prepared to put up with this??

I know I wouldn't.

IrishEyes19

CDfm wrote: »

I would not start with anger.

I would start with cleaning and I would keep my mouth shut for a meaningful discussion.

With all due respect,CDfm, he should start with the cleaning. I would expect this of a toddler who hasnt grasped it yet. But an adult, no. And if he has a problem in this area, he should at least clean it himself when sober.

OP, have you discussed this with him?

fghijkl

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

With all due respect,CDfm, he should start with the cleaning. I would expect this of a toddler who hasnt grasped it yet. But an adult, no. And if he has a problem in this area, he should at least clean it himself when sober.

OP, have you discussed this with him?

I misread that aswell but i don't think that's what CDfm meant, if you read their post before that. I think they meant the OP should get him to clean it up first and then discuss it after, rather going in all guns blasing. At least that's what i hope was meant.:cool:

Esoteric_

Op, that's actually pretty disgusting. WHY did you clean it up the two previous times, though? If you let him away with it before, he'll do it again.

As to the posters saying he was obviously in no fit state to walk to the bathroom - if he was able to piss, get up, walk into the sitting room and lie down on the couch, he was able to get up and take a leak.

OP, don't put up with that. It's completely not on and shows that he's clearly drinking a hell of a lot more than he can handle. I've gone way overboard plenty of times with alcohol, but never once have I reached the point of wetting myself.

If it were me, I'd have let him away with it once, dumped him the second time. You should be dating a man, not a child.

ABajaninCork

EWWWWWW!! You have my full sympathy OP. This happened to me once with an old flame.

Yes, I DID clean it up, as the smell was unbelievable. But I made DAMNED sure his mates knew about it - Big style!

He was kicked to the kerb fairly shortly after...:D

Sonics2k

That is probably the most disgusting thing I've heard of.

I mean, I've dealt with people who've thrown up after nights out, I've done it a few times in my teens. But cleaning up your partners piss soaked sheets is just to much.

Getting so blindingly drunk you can't go to the toilet is just wrong, expecting you to clean it up is just beyond all measure of disgusting.

Imo, either he knocks it off completely (and I'm including the getting blindingly drunk), or leave him.

CDfm

fghijkl wrote: »

I misread that aswell but i don't think that's what CDfm meant, if you read their post before that. I think they meant the OP should get him to clean it up first and then discuss it after, rather going in all guns blasing. At least that's what i hope was meant.

Exactly, he should do the clean up.

While it does seem unlikely here, I knew a guy who used to pass out because of a medical condition unrelated to boozing.

Whichever it is ,it needs to be addressed .

CDfm wrote: »

Get him a sponge cloth and dettol spray and a bucket and suggest he does a major clean up

Here is a UL factsheet for students who binge

http://www.mic.ul.ie/counselling/Factsheets/alcohol.pdf

Really if he cant drink responsibly and is wetting the bed he should see his GP and discuss his options

http://www.drinkaware.ie/index.php?static=links

and check out local support for you and read up on it

http://www.drugs.ie/alcohol_info

Distorted

Honestly so shocked at this I'm hardly able to type anything meaningful. You're going to have to get the sofa cleaned too as it will stink now as well. Even my animals don't do this, and if they did, through being old, I'm pretty sure they would avoid lieing in it. I would suggest he goes to see his GP and gets explained to him the consequences of getting drunk so much that this happens. Though you would think that because it has happened more than once, it would be a wake up call for him.

LegacyUser

I cleaned it up the other two times because he complained he was too hung over and all I could think of was "oh good god the smell will go into the house"... I suppose I shouldn't have cleaned it. The second time actually I had to scrub the matress and have the heating on for 2 days with it up against the radiator to dry it out before we moved. I Was so embarrassed.

He still hasn't cleaned it up. I was out with friends for lunch and dinner today and came home to find he still hasn't it done. He said he forgot. I rang him up and said i'm not cleaning it. Which I'm not. Not this time. I'm waiting on him to get back from his friend's house.

This is really unfair and i am beginning to think he is actually lacking in respect for me at this stage. I seriously feel so annoyed that I don't even want to see him right now.

You're right , he is acting like a 2 year old. I'm just really annoyed right now still. I had gone out and forgotten about it and figured he'd have cleaned up. But no. This is just wrong. I didn't ask for this. Grr. There is a matress protector on but it's only on top of the matress. Like I don't know if anything went past it. It's all spread out across the matress and then goes down the side sheet. So I don't know if anything got on the matress or the base.

All i know is, it'll need replacing fully before we move out of here.

bridal

Seraphina wrote: »

Wetting the bed because he's drunk is pretty bad, but then to just move to the couch without cleaning anything up because he was uncomfortable on the bed?!? So he's been sitting on the couch in his pissy clothes too?

I would have been dragging him off the couch to clean that up or giving him his marching orders. That is pretty disgusting and just SO disrespectful. He obviously assumed you would sort it out when you came in.

+1 so disgusting and disrespectful, think i would be giving him a serious talking to, its so unhygenic

fghijkl

He still hasn't cleaned it up. I was out with friends for lunch and dinner today and came home to find he still hasn't it done. He said he forgot. I rang him up and said i'm not cleaning it. Which I'm not. Not this time. I'm waiting on him to get back from his friend's house.

He forgot??! Bullsh*t!! He forgot that he had drenched a mattress in his own urine? He has left your bed covered in his pi** for an entire day? He's no better than a dog.

That is absolutely disgusting behaviour. I'm sorry OP but your boyfriend is a disgusting, selfish, filthy pig tbh

I cleaned it up the other two times because he complained he was too hung over and all I could think of was "oh good god the smell will go into the house"... I suppose I shouldn't have cleaned it.

He was too hungover? That is the worst excuse i've ever heard.
You suppose you shouldn't have cleaned it?! wtf?! It's bad enough he did it in the first place, but to actually let you clean it up?! What an obnoxious piece of work he is.

This is really unfair and i am beginning to think he is actually lacking in respect for me at this stage.

You're only beginning to think this now? I'm sorry for being so blunt OP, but your boyfriend hasn't an ounce of respect for you. At all. He is walking all over you and making a complete fool of you. I honestly have no idea why you are still with this guy? Or why you'd even want to be someone who treats you like dirt?

LegacyUser

This is really unfair and i am beginning to think he is actually lacking in respect for me at this stage.

Dear God girl, seriously? Are you for real......he has ZERO respect for you. And what's more he has a drink problem. Cleaning up before was enabling him. Wake up!

You need to leave him. These are big red flags. If he was sincerely mortified (as any decent person should be) then he would have sorted it no matter HOW hungover he was.

You need to wake up and smell the coffee. Get your stuff and get the HELL away from this loser. He is disgusting. This is your future. This will become normal and then something else horrible and then something else again.

Don't think you will be different, and he will change etc. He won't. Go. If you have any self respect OP, you deserve better than cleaning up the piss of a drunkard. A drunkard who hasn't even the basic decency to be ashamed of his disguting actions. Don't give him any more chances, you're wasting your time. It's bad enough he has done this for the third time never mind the adding insult to injury of 'forgetting' to clean it up.

Do you want to be that pathetic woman enabling an alcoholic through stubborn pride and denial that everyone pities? Well do you? Because that's what lies ahead here. Never mind flat deposits and what your friends and family will think, if you think it's embarrassing admitting 'defeat' now, just wait till later.

LEAVE.

Firetrap

Now that is taking the p!ss if you pardon the pun. Nobody just "forgets" to clean up after themselves after an incident like that :mad::mad: Anyone who has any shred of decency at all would be absolutely mortified and would be trying to clear up the evidence as soon as they could. Hangover or no hangover.

It's probably a bit late in the evening to be giving you advice on this but whatever you do, do NOT clear up the mess. Sleep on the couch if you have to but this is your boyfriend's responsibility. He's the one who got so paralytically drunk that he peed in the bed. He's the one who, instead of trying to do something about at the time, just went to kip on the couch. He's the person who "forgot" to clean up after himself today, assuming that you'd step into the breach yet again and do the needful.

Chinafoot

His behaviour when it comes to the clean up is appalling but I have one question....

Has your boyfriend been tested for diabetes?

A friend of mine wet the bed a few times after alcohol and rows with his missus meant he went to the doctor because he knew himself something was up. He told his doctor about wetting the bed and the doctor instantly pegged diabetes. Turns out he had it.

Maybe your fella is so mortified about wetting the bed he's burying his head in the sand. Its not an excuse for his behaviour though and I most certainly wouldn't be cleaning up after him.

cescbomb

This guy sounds like a legend, pisses the bed and gets someone else to clean it up? I'd love to have a pint with him. So long as he didn't get too excited and piss on me.

dudara

cescbomb As you are a new poster, you may want to familiarise yourself with posting in Personal Issues. Please take the time to read the Forum Charter. Off-topic and unhelpful posts are not appreciated.

dudara

muracan

If I were you I would order a new bed and matress.Dump the old.

Buy a new duvet,sheets etc.Stick your boyfriend with the bill.

If he refuses to pay give him his walking papers.....you will be well rid....he lacks respect.....you could do alot better!

LegacyUser

a friend of mine does this, but instead of peeing in the bed, he sleep pees... he will wake up and will find out he peed in the hotpress, beside the toilet, and one time his girlfriend found him outside in the back garden in his boxers peeing... his brother does the same. he gets morto, but it only happens if he drinks too much so he is watchin the amount he drinks and hasnt happened in a while now.

sit down and talk to him

nkay1985

Wow. Seriously, wow.

Firstly, the fact that this is the third time is unacceptable. He should have taken steps to make sure it never happened again after the first time.

I once got sick on the end of our bed while my fiancée was asleep. I didn't even know I'd done it. I obviously woke up and vomited immediatley, then collapsed back to sleep because I was horribly drunk. When my fiancée realised this at 5am she said it to me but I was still hammered and didn't even know what was going on. She headed off to her sister's. When I woke up properly, I immediately stripped the whole bed, put what could be washed in the wash, went to the dry cleaners with the duvet, put on a different duvet with fresh bedclothes, scrubbed anywhere else the vomit had done damage and picked up the newly cleaned duvet once it was ready. That was the absolute very least I could do. I still felt disgusting. I still felt ashamed. I took the lambasting I got from her on the chin. I sat through the agony of her telling my parents and friends what I'd done. It was entirely my fault and was inexcuseable.

But your boyfriend? The first time it happened, he wouldn't clean up his own filth because he was too hungover? Seriously? You should have caught the piss-soaked sheet and fcuked it down on top of him while he was panned out on the couch and then gotten the hell out of there. You then cleaned it up the next time it happened. Obviously a bad move but none of this means you shuld have to put up with this behaviour. He's gone an entire day without cleaning up the mess he made. Nothing excuses this behaviour. Your OH is a childish, disgusting, selfish prick. I expected to read down a bit in this thread and see that he'd cleaned it all up by 9:00am and brought you out for Sunday lunch by way of apology or something!!!!

I'm not one of these people for whom the answer is always get rid of him but I don't see any other option for you here OP. He has no respect for you and obviously thinks you're his slave or something. Get rid.

Zen65

imnotcleaningthat wrote: »

I'm just really annoyed right now still. I had gone out and forgotten about it and figured he'd have cleaned up. But no. This is just wrong. I didn't ask for this.

I'm afraid he thinks you did when you decided to clean up the first two times.

Now you need to establish new rules, and if he cannot live with them and show you the kind of respect he'd probably show to a stranger then it's time to get rid of him. In your position I would be disgusted to the point that the relationship could not go on.


Be at peace,

Z