I fancy my doc - how embarassing

LegacyUser

Am a single attractive lady in my 30s.

In one simple sentence, I fancy my doctor.

I know 99% nothing will ever happen (Im sure there are laws), but there is still that 1% that makes me think. I have to go back again next Thursday, and the thoughts of it makes me happy, yet sad. I know people might say "Go out and find another man", but it is hard to find someone you like/are attracted to. Have any othe women ever found themselves in this position?

Hersheys

Yeah I've a stupid girly crush on my doctor. No big deal, never gonna act on it, tbh I think its more to do with the fact that he's showing me interest when people in real life don't. If that makes sense?

seenitall

No, I can't say I could see myself with the same problem as you, OP. Isn't it the least bit off-putting that this guy knows all the ins and outs of your medical history??

Dunno, I don't think I could fancy someone who I knew would view me in such a professional and "technical" capacity first and foremost... but what do I know?

irishh_bob

fancydoc wrote: »

Am a single attractive lady in my 30s.

In one simple sentence, I fancy my doctor.

I know 99% nothing will ever happen (Im sure there are laws), but there is still that 1% that makes me think. I have to go back again next Thursday, and the thoughts of it makes me happy, yet sad. I know people might say "Go out and find another man", but it is hard to find someone you like/are attracted to. Have any othe women ever found themselves in this position?

rescession proof suiters are always going to be attractive

whiteonion

If you're single and attractive then you are healthy as well?
Why would you go to a doctor?

fghijkl

I know people might say "Go out and find another man", but it is hard to find someone you like/are attracted to. Have any othe women ever found themselves in this position?

Wow, slow down there OP, find another man? Is that not a bit OTT? Am i missing something here? Do you know this man outside of his profession or something? If not i think you may be putting too much stock on a 5/10 minute consultation every few months no?

Yes i would say it's normal to fancy a doctor. I've had male doctors i've been attracted to but it's just some (admittedly stupid) status/power/clever thing.
Do you know any doctors in real life though OP? It does kind of shatter the illusion, they're just normal people, it's just a job.But as someone else has pointed out, he has access to all my medical records, and after some of the things i've been to the doctor for, i seriously doubt in reality i'd ever be able to fancy someone who knew all that about me!

I just think you're basing this attraction on nothing OP, you can't really get to know someone in 10/15 minutes every few months, also added to that he's in his professional environment, everyone acts differently in their place of work. He has to be nice/kind to you as part of his job. You really don't know this man well enough to fancy him at all, you don't know anything about him! You no doubt fancy the idea of him rather than him.

Forest Master

whiteonion wrote: »

If you're single and attractive then you are healthy as well?
Why would you go to a doctor?

What a stupid, irrelevant and moot reply.

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.
Ickle

whiteonion

If you fancy this doctor, perhaps it's for the best if you get another doctor that you don't fancy. This way you don't have to think about him.

xzanti

How long has he been your practioner?
How long have you had these feelings?
How friendly are you with him?
Is he married / significant other?

If you think there could be a chance that the feeling is mutual then would you consider putting your cards on the table? Ask him out for dinner or something.. The worst he can say is 'no'..

But you will have to be prepared to find a new GP cause if he says yes then, I'm pretty sure there are laws against him dating a patient and if he says no.. well, you'll hardly want to keep going back there

purity

It's common just like how a load of women fancy guards just because they are guards, Men in higher profession will appeal more to women because of power and intellect.
I do not fancy my doctor a balding 60 something year old but I know many women fancy the pants off him.

HugoDrax

If you want him then tell him.
If you don't want to do anything about it then try meeting someone else.

Delancey

Medical ethics would preclude a Doctor from having a relationship with a patient , it's my understanding that this sort of ' fraternisation ' is very much frowned upon and could potentially land a Dr. in difficulties with his professional body and peers.
For what its worth OP I fancy the arse off my Chiropractor - makes my back pain that bit more bearable

Aishae

its not unusual - most women i know fancy a doctor of theirs (gp, consultant, a male doc they see at the hosp etc) - it seems to be for a few reasons, for some its the power, for others its because they seem almost like gods, for me its because my doc has taken care of me in the past (surgery-wise) and thats it. i wouldnt act on it
this is more so for surgeons, consultants etc but even GP's have to to do it to an extent: they have to keep a certain distance.

mood

Maybe you should change doctor.

unreggd

purity wrote: »

It's common just like how a load of women fancy guards just because they are guards, Men in higher profession will appeal more to women because of power and intellect

Sorry but that made me LOL!

OP, try suss it out a bit more, then say something. But indeed, maybe get a new GP if its not requited


You'll regret what you never said more than what you did!

Zen65

unreggd wrote: »

OP, try suss it out a bit more, then say something. But indeed, maybe get a new GP if its not requited

You'll regret what you never said more than what you did!

Just a word of caution:

If a patient expresses romantic feelings for their doctor he is not free to respond to those feelings. It is not permitted for a doctor to have a relationship with a patient, and indeed he can be struck off the Medical Practitioners' Register for such a thing.

He may just tell you straight up that he can no longer be your doctor, because once that feeling is known to him his professional duty is to protect you and himself. He may refuse to take any further appointments with you.

Be at peace,

Z

parker kent

You just have a crush on him, that's harmless. It's no different to enjoying seeing the same person on a morning commute, enjoy the view but nothing will happen since he is your doctor. I fancied a female doctor I had, I just enjoyed visiting her and it made the trip there a little less stressful. I think that's how you should view it.

Aishae

another thing to consider though
good doctors are like gold dust. i dont mean docs arent good in general. im referring to docs you have a good rapport with, who might also have a good bedside manner, explains everything to you in way that satisfies you and one who is open minded and not quick to dismiss etc etc... when you find a doctor that suits YOU <-- thats what is gold dust. so id caution any action that would end the doctor relationship if he suits you

i know that may seem a bit silly - but ive seen many doctors for various reasons - they were all good - but some are absolutely different!

bridal

Is he married, are u?

It is harmless to fancy your doc, yes there are rules to this sort of thing but so what, you can easily change doctors if needs be

if you are single, go ahead and enjoy yourself if he is too

Fentdog84

Why is it embarassing? If he's attractive and due to the personal/physical nature of his job, he is probably used to women ogling at him and making advances etc and he knows how to handle them. Wouldnt get your hopes up Im afraid..

CathyMoran

It is morally and ethically wrong for anything to happen - if you have feelings for them then change doctor.

Rocket19

Awwk I feel your pain.
The reason you fancy him is probably the same reason I fancy practically every one of my lecturers in UCD. Its definitely something to do with power and the fact they 'know what they're talking about'. Probably a confidence thing too.

You (probably) just like him because he's a doctor, and he's nice to you. You must remember though, that the only thing this means is that he's a good doctor! He should make you feel comfortable and at ease.

If you really, really feel strongly towards him, then you should switch to a different doctor. NOTHING can happen in this situation. My grandfather was a doctor and I remember him telling us that he couldn't (by law) have a relationship with a patient.

Anyway, if this is just a crush, then fine, but don't be using it as a reason to turn up in his office every few days! No wonder they're so loaded!

up for anything

Sounds harmless enough but if you plan on setting up a lot of gynae appointments with him, not so harmless. Then it would be time to change doctors and tell him why you are changing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

LegacyUser

Heemmmm Now its been said/put like that maybe it is a power thing - that he is nice to me.
I dont actually know anything about him - I dont even know if he is married. I only know him in that little room. I think he is too nice for me to say or suggest anything, athough I would love to, I think I like him enough to not put that kind of embarassment on him. As was said, its not like he can do anything anyways. What would you say? "I think you are hot!!!???".

He sees a load of people during the day, so am sure I wouldnt be standing out in his mind. Thanks for listening and putting a bit of perspective on this (and NOT treating me like loony).

Firetrap

Sounds like a crush. You're single, perhaps feeling a bit lonely because you don't have a nice man in your life paying you attention and you've got this nice doctor who's attractive and listening to what you've got to say. I'm not saying that in a patronising fashion, by the way. Realistically, he probably has a wife or girlfriend already.

unreggd

CathyMoran wrote: »

It is morally and ethically wrong for anything to happen - if you have feelings for them then change doctor.

How is it morally and ethically wrong? They're just 2 people

I'd suggest a new GP anyways, because if the OP doesnt speak what they feel, it will be an ongoing annoyance anyway

But potentially something could come from speaking abt it

CathyMoran

unreggd wrote: »

How is it morally and ethically wrong? They're just 2 people

I'd suggest a new GP anyways, because if the OP doesnt speak what they feel, it will be an ongoing annoyance anyway

But potentially something could come from speaking abt it

One person is in a position of power, hardly right.

SheRa

Seeing as how people just seemed to ignore Zen65's post....

Under section 16 of the Irish Medical Council guidelines that governs GPs etc

"Your professional position must never be used to form a relationship
of an emotional, sexual or exploitative nature with a patient or their spouse or with a close relative of a patient."

http://www.medicalcouncil.ie/Professional-Standards/Professional-Conduct-Ethics/

A doc could easily be fired for having a relationship with a patient and Id imagine would be on very dodgy ground with a former patient too.

tawnyowl

unreggd wrote: »

How is it morally and ethically wrong? They're just 2 people

The doctor is in a position of power - doctors have been prohibited from having relationships with patients for a long time, going back 25 centuries to the original Hippocratic Oath.

Kimia

Why don't you just say to him that you're changing doctors because you have developed feelings for him and that you don't want to put him in an awkward position. And then ask him what he would think if you were to get in touch down the line to ask him for a drink. See what he says to that?

mood

SheRa wrote: »

Seeing as how people just seemed to ignore Zen65's post....

Under section 16 of the Irish Medical Council guidelines that governs GPs etc

"Your professional position must never be used to form a relationship
of an emotional, sexual or exploitative nature with a patient or their spouse or with a close relative of a patient."

http://www.medicalcouncil.ie/Professional-Standards/Professional-Conduct-Ethics/

A doc could easily be fired for having a relationship with a patient and Id imagine would be on very dodgy ground with a former patient too.

I assumed it was ignored as this is common knowledge. It would take a very foolish doctor to risk his career to go out with a patient.

OP you need to get real and realise it will never happen.

seenitall

Kimia wrote: »

Why don't you just say to him that you're changing doctors because you have developed feelings for him and that you don't want to put him in an awkward position. And then ask him what he would think if you were to get in touch down the line to ask him for a drink. See what he says to that?

*cringe*

IMO, that plan reeks of desperation and humiliation-invite. No way would I do that or advise it to anyone, especially if it's not even known if the guy is single or not. It just shows it up for what it is, a crush on an authority figure one doesn't know the first thing about outside the med appointments/office hours/lecture hall/what have you.

Kimia

But sure all it is is just asking him out! Where's the desperation in that?

And she's just acknowledging that she's not going to put him in an awkward position. He's not god or anything, just another dude with a job.

AndrewJD

Kimia wrote: »

But sure all it is is just asking him out! Where's the desperation in that?

And she's just acknowledging that she's not going to put him in an awkward position. He's not god or anything, just another dude with a job.

Because he cannot accept. The primary reason is that patients are in a position of vulnerability. The code of ethics protects you more than anything. It's so you cannot be taken advantage of. It isn't worth trying. Even if you change GP, he would still be unwise to accept your advances. I doubt any practitioner would.

mood

Kimia wrote: »

But sure all it is is just asking him out! Where's the desperation in that?

And she's just acknowledging that she's not going to put him in an awkward position. He's not god or anything, just another dude with a job.

A dude doing a job which legally prevents him from pursuing personal relationships with patients. Why are people continually ignoring this?

Kimia wrote: »

Originally Posted by SheRa
Seeing as how people just seemed to ignore Zen65's post....

Under section 16 of the Irish Medical Council guidelines that governs GPs etc

"Your professional position must never be used to form a relationship
of an emotional, sexual or exploitative nature with a patient or their spouse or with a close relative of a patient."

http://www.medicalcouncil.ie/Profess...onduct-Ethics/

A doc could easily be fired for having a relationship with a patient and Id imagine would be on very dodgy ground with a former patient too.

Kimia

But my point is that she wouldn't be his patient anymore! Why are people ignoring this?

She'd just be a random woman, asking a guy out. What's the big deal!

Aishae

because even former patients is dodgy ground

mood

Aishae wrote: »

because even former patients is dodgy ground

I agree. What if he did accept and they they went out for a while and had a bad break up. For all this man knows the OP could be bitter or hurt and make a complaint to the Medical Council and god know what could happen him and his career. No sane doctor would risk it.

panda100

Kimia wrote: »

Why don't you just say to him that you're changing doctors because you have developed feelings for him and that you don't want to put him in an awkward position. And then ask him what he would think if you were to get in touch down the line to ask him for a drink. See what he says to that?

But that is putting him in an awkward position.

Op, Im sorry to shatter your illusions but the doctor does not have any feelings towards, and never will.It is a professional relationship and will be nothing more. You are a patient and he is at work doing his job. If you make advances towards him in the workplace then it could be considered sexual harrasment. It really pissed me off when patients used to hit on me in med school, it is not on!


Keep him as a fantasy, and nothing more.

mood

panda100 wrote: »

It really pissed me off when patients used to hit on me in med school, it is not on!

I know a nurse who feels the same!

LegacyUser

I will not be doing anything, but I have seen him looking at me and not in a patient/doc way. Ive been around the block a few times and know as a woman. Think thats what got this started on my part. Maybe a but flattered.

Maybe the feeling is mutual, but the same rules stop him. So yes it is a no go and I would not ever put someone in such an awkward position. But I think it is very presumptious to say that as a doc, he could never fancy a patient. He is a man at the end of the day. Am not going to go to the appointment thursday (have to cancel anyways).

Arpa

purity wrote: »

It's common just like how a load of women fancy guards just because they are guards, Men in higher profession will appeal more to women because of power and intellect.
I do not fancy my doctor a balding 60 something year old but I know many women fancy the pants off him.

Guards with power and intellect? Ha. A powerful Ford Mondeo perhaps. A Guard is not a higher profession. The only reason I can see for women fancying them is the uniform, and that's not much either. Take a look at the next Guard at a check point in his hi-vis jacket and big shovel hands on him and ask yourself, would I be bothered waking up to that?

Don't see what the fuss is about. If you fancy him, do the woman thing, flirt and see what reaction you get...if he is bemused then you know he has never thought of you in that way. So what? Move on. Get a new doctor. Sure there may well be regulations about doctor/patient relationships, but who cares? If the feelings are mutual, that goes out the window. Do people seriously think that if you ended up going out with him that there would be an inquiry, "Madame, how did you meet Dr. Bloggs, was it in a professional environment, or was it in a social setting?".

Life's too short. If you want to snag a doctor, then go for it. If you don't try, you'll never know. As for him knowing your medical records, who gives a damn? A few cases of thrush, a toenail infection. We're only human. Unless you have some severe psychiatric disorder the symptom of which is a obsessive doctor/patient fantasy, then I can't imagine it would be a problem to him. Doctors don't really care, they've seen it all.

up for anything

Arpa wrote: »

Do people seriously think that if you ended up going out with him that there would be an inquiry, "Madame, how did you meet Dr. Bloggs, was it in a professional environment, or was it in a social setting?".

Yes, there could well be.

Sibylla

AndrewJD wrote: »

Because he cannot accept. The primary reason is that patients are in a position of vulnerability. The code of ethics protects you more than anything. It's so you cannot be taken advantage of. It isn't worth trying. Even if you change GP, he would still be unwise to accept your advances. I doubt any practitioner would.

+1 I expect this is the best advice for you OP. I would not share your feelings with your Doctor as he cannot reciprocate for professional reasons. If you are uncomfortable you could switch doctors.

sam34

Arpa wrote: »

Sure there may well be regulations about doctor/patient relationships, but who cares? If the feelings are mutual, that goes out the window. Do people seriously think that if you ended up going out with him that there would be an inquiry, "Madame, how did you meet Dr. Bloggs, was it in a professional environment, or was it in a social setting?"all.

who cares? ?

the medical council care. the doctor who could be suspended from practicing cares.

imagine if they did enter a relationship and then it ended. the op may be hurt and bitter and might decide to report him.

or his colleagues might report him , bring aware of the guidelines. I've seen it happen.

it would be extremely foolish of him to get involved with a patient.

sam34

fancydoc wrote: »

I will not be doing anything, but I have seen him looking at me and not in a patient/doc way. Ive been around the block a few times and know as a woman.

But I think it is very presumptious to say that as a doc, he could never fancy a patient. He is a man at the end of the day. Am not going to go to the appointment thursday (have to cancel anyways).

I'm sorry op but your first sentence makes you sound like a teenager. it always bemuses me when I hear adults going on about a look or a glance and interpreting it as a sign of interest. it could be anything, he may just have been listening intently to what you were saying, or maybe was concentrating hard and piecing things together in his mind about whatever medical issue you had. or maybe he was distracted for a second.... it could have been anything.

it would be unprofessional, unwise and unlikely that he would be giving you a look that signified what you think it meant.

and your second sentence - sorry but it's not presumptuous to say that. I'm a doctor, and the appropriateness of the doc- patient relationship and appropriate behaviour is hammered home LOADS in training. the consequences are so huge that nobody with a shred of cop on is going to do anything that could be misconstrued. I'm a young -ish female and I can put my hand on my heart and say I've never fancied a patient, it's just not a consideration. I have however, on occasion, been on the receiving end of admiring comments and even a letter on one occasion, and it makes things very awkward and uncomfortable. in fact, with one guy, it was unavoidable that I had to see him again in a professional capacity but I never saw him alone again and I advised colleagues not to see him alone either, not because I thought he was going to attack me but because I wanted a witness so he couldn't later say I said or did anything to lead him on etc. I had no intention of jeopardising my career over a spurned man. the reason i advised colleagues not to see him alone was that because he was inappropriate enough to make comments to me he could easily do the same to other doctors. OP, that's the attitude doctors have towards patients who express romantic/sexual interest in them - that they are loose cannons who are a threat to their career and livelihood.

let this one go. find a man who is free to return your advances.

mood

sam34 hopefully people will listen to you. I am amazed that grown adults seem to think a doctor will risk their career to pursue some kind of relationship with a patient/ex-patient. It's just crazy!

Lux23

It happened to me a couple of times. Its called transference or something like that.

LegacyUser

Sam34, while I appreciate your post, I think you have gone way OTT.

He is a man. Not stone. I am a woman. I fancy him. But because of his profession, it will never happen. I accept this. And I dont appreciate being made look like ive mental problems or some lonely fool because of your one incident.

Boards is a fabulous way to vent ones thoughts - do you honestly think I can tell anyone, let alone the doc himself? It is a place that I can vent to make myself feel better about a situation I have no control over. I do believe it happens out there between docs and patients, and that it is not all black and white. But you dont have to be so gruff about explaining it is his livelihood. I know that and would not jeoradise that.

mood

fancydoc wrote: »

Sam34, while I appreciate your post, I think you have gone way OTT.

He is a man. Not stone. I am a woman. I fancy him. But because of his profession, it will never happen. I accept this. And I dont appreciate being made look like ive mental problems or some lonely fool because of your one incident.

Boards is a fabulous way to vent ones thoughts - do you honestly think I can tell anyone, let alone the doc himself? It is a place that I can vent to make myself feel better about a situation I have no control over. I do believe it happens out there between docs and patients, and that it is not all black and white. But you dont have to be so gruff about explaining it is his livelihood. I know that and would not jeoradise that.

I think Sam34 was only trying to explain how a doctor would see the situation. She/He didn't try to imply you have mental health problems.

And you do have control over it. You can change doctor and you will soon forget about him.