Depressed

LegacyUser

I am 20, female and was diagnosed with depression january just gone

due to the depression my school principal and tutor thought it would be best for me to finish school for the year and return in september to repeat the year, which i was fine with

since i have finished school i have had nothing to do. i have no friends, and my family don't know about my depression, so i can't talk to them about it

lately i have noticed, especially at night, thoughts come into my head about harming myself, i haven't done anything and i don't think i would so i don't know if i would overdose again, i don't think i would, but as i always said i'd never harm myself and i overdosed a few years ago, i can't be sure that i won't harm myself it sounds silly and selfish i know, but i can't help how i feel

i always said i would never harm myself but when i was younger (around the age of 13-15) and i was being bullied in school so i took a overdose luckily i hadn't done any harm to myself. i didn't plan to overdose it was just one day when i'd had enough of the bullying i thought if i overdosed and died it would stop the bullying

i left school not long after the overdose a few years ago due to the bullying (which is why i overdosed) but it is being back in the school environment that brought the depression to the surface

i am on anti-depressants and I am on a waiting list to see a psychologist, the waiting list is 12-18 months, and it is doubtful I will get to see anyone before then

if i went private i could see someone within the next few weeks but i just don't have the money to go private if i did have the money i would go private. the only way to be pushed up the list is if i am suicidal, but my doctor doesn't think i am, and i don't know if i would be classed as suicidal as i haven't harmed myself and as i said previously i don't know if i would harm myself

i spoke to my doctor about the thoughts of harming and he said i should distract myself (and i do try) but the thoughts don't away. he said we can't stop thoughts coming into our head and he's right, we can't, but i am scared if i keep having these thoughts that i will act on them in a moment of madness, like i did when i was younger

it's such a mess and i don't know how to get out of it and get better. i feel so alone and scared with no one to talk to

i don't know what advice i am looking for really, i guess i just needed to get this off my chest

seamus

There are people to speak to. Check out the list of organisations in the charter here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=70677159&postcount=3

You also don't mention why you can't speak to your family about it?

You don't sound like you're looking for advice, you sound like you're reaching out for some kind of contact because of your loneliness.
It must be very hard to have your illness hidden from your family as they are the ones we expect to be able to lean on in the hard times. I would urge you to speak to at least someone in your family; doesn't have to be a parent, it can be a sibling or an aunt or uncle. Someone that you know will support you and take you seriously.

hondasam

you really need to talk to a family member who will be sympathetic and understanding. I Don't know if you are living alone or how your relationship with your parents is but you need to talk to your family.

LegacyUser

seamus wrote: »

There are people to speak to. Check out the list of organisations in the charter here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=70677159&postcount=3

You also don't mention why you can't speak to your family about it?

You don't sound like you're looking for advice, you sound like you're reaching out for some kind of contact because of your loneliness.
It must be very hard to have your illness hidden from your family as they are the ones we expect to be able to lean on in the hard times. I would urge you to speak to at least someone in your family; doesn't have to be a parent, it can be a sibling or an aunt or uncle. Someone that you know will support you and take you seriously.

thank you for the link. i'll take a look at some of the organisations listed there

i didn't tell my family because if i do, they will tell everyone and anyone and i do not want that

it would spread like wildfire if they knew and as well as that they would treat me differently to everyone else as they believe people who are depressed or have any kind of mental illness are 'different'

i have only two half siblings who live in a different county, my dad lives in a different country (the same country as my half siblings) so i can't talk to them either

your right, it is hard, it is very hard to be honest

as you say we should be able to lean on family in the hard time, but unfortunately i am lucky enough to have an understanding family who i could talk to. i lean on myself all the time and i am sick of it. its like there is a big weight leaning on me and it won't go away, its there all day every day, all night every night.

sometimes i wake up and think "why did i wake up?"

i just want to get better, but i don't know how without the help of a psychologist

LegacyUser

hondasam wrote: »

you really need to talk to a family member who will be sympathetic and understanding. I Don't know if you are living alone or how your relationship with your parents is but you need to talk to your family.

i live at home

i really wish i had a family member i could talk to, but i really have no one

my dad wasn't a part of my life for a long time, it was only in the last years he became apart of my life, along with my half siblings.

my dad and half siblings live in a different country to me and as a result of that and not seeing each other regular (i've seen my dad twice in since he came into my life a year ago and my half siblings once) so we are not very close, we are still getting to know each other

LegacyUser

depressed person wrote: »

unfortunately i am lucky enough to have an understanding family who i could talk to

this should say "unfortunately i am not lucky enough"

sorry for the typing error

hondasam

depressed person wrote: »

i live at home

i really wish i had a family member i could talk to, but i really have no one

my dad wasn't a part of my life for a long time, it was only in the last years he became apart of my life, along with my half siblings.

my dad and half siblings live in a different country to me and as a result of that and not seeing each other regular (i've seen my dad twice in since he came into my life a year ago and my half siblings once) so we are not very close, we are still getting to know each other

The first thing you need to do is stop thinking that you are the only one with this problem, there are so many people with depression and talking to others with the same problem will be good for you.

No one will think any different about you, they will want to help. Ask yourself how you would react if someone told you they were depressed, I'm sure you would want them to get help.

The first step is to tell someone and see how it goes from there but the longer you leave it the harder it will be for you.

make the decision to tell a family member and it will be a start.

good luck with it

LegacyUser

hondasam wrote: »

The first thing you need to do is stop thinking that you are the only one with this problem, there are so many people with depression and talking to others with the same problem will be good for you.

No one will think any different about you, they will want to help. Ask yourself how you would react if someone told you they were depressed, I'm sure you would want them to get help.

i don't think i am the only one with depression i am sorry if that is how i came across

your right if someone told me they had depression i would want to help them, but wouldn't know how to help them to be honest

hondasam wrote: »

The first step is to tell someone and see how it goes from there but the longer you leave it the harder it will be for you.

make the decision to tell a family member and it will be a start.

good luck with it

i would love to to tell my family i really would but i know what would happen if i did

they would talk about me and tell everyone about my illness and they'd treat me differently, like i am something from another planet

how do i get better? without telling my family

hondasam

I meant Don't feel you are the only one with depression because their are lots of people with depression. Don't be thinking everyone will think bad of you or that you are different.

I'm sorry you misunderstood that comment

Go to your doctor and talk to him/her. They will refer you to the proper people who can help you.

Look at these links and phone someone.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056241245

Sacred_git

Keep the faith op, it will come good. The world is a wonderful place, maybe think about going travelling, you learn so much, independence is everything, meeting new people, experiencing new cultures, i encourage everybody to do it.
Try and smile and don't take life too seriously , it will come good for you:)

*Warning: Under no circumstances go to McGowans in Phibsboro, most depressing place on earth and that includes auschwitz

LegacyUser

hondasam wrote: »

I meant Don't feel you are the only one with depression because their are lots of people with depression. Don't be thinking everyone will think bad of you or that you are different.

I'm sorry you misunderstood that comment

Go to your doctor and talk to him/her. They will refer you to the proper people who can help you.

Look at these links and phone someone.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056241245

sorry my fault

i know not everyone will think badly of me, just my family and it is them i see 24/7 if they know i will have to put up with gossip/rumours/constant questions etc and right now i just can't cope with that. i am barely coping as it is, i don't need any added stress

i know you mean well and i do appreciate you taking the time to help, but telling my family really isn't an option unfortunately

i will phone someone tomorrow or tuesday. whenever i get credit for my phone

Sacred_git wrote: »

Keep the faith op, it will come good. The world is a wonderful place, maybe think about going travelling, you learn so much, independence is everything, meeting new people, experiencing new cultures, i encourage everybody to do it.
Try and smile and don't take life too seriously , it will come good for you:)

*Warning: Under no circumstances go to McGowans in Phibsboro, most depressing place on earth and that includes auschwitz

much as i'd love to go travelling for me it financially isn't an option right now

hondasam

depressed person wrote: »

sorry my fault

i know not everyone will think badly of me, just my family and it is them i see 24/7 if they know i will have to put up with gossip/rumours/constant questions etc and right now i just can't cope with that. i am barely coping as it is, i don't need any added stress

i know you mean well and i do appreciate you taking the time to help, but telling my family really isn't an option unfortunately

It's ok Don't worry about it.:)

You can Email one of the help lines and I'm sure they will call you. I Don't know what the weather is like where you are but if it is sunny go and have a nice walk and think about what your next step is.:)

Jay Pentatonic

depressed person wrote: »

it's such a mess and i don't know how to get out of it and get better. i feel so alone and scared with no one to talk to

Do you live in Dublin? If you do, then you could try the organisation "Aware", they do a support group for young people (age 18-30) for depression. It's free as well.
The facilitators there are really good and are very supportive, everyone who attends the meeting are very supportive also.

It's on every Thursday evening on Leeson street.

It might be a good option for you, since you might be waiting for the psycologist for a while (a pain I know!!!!)

I'm 21 and I've deferred my 2nd year in college, I find having nothing to do doesn't help depression at all, so have you ever thought about volunteering? It could be a great idea in order to get out of the house and meet new people.

Also, having walks helps me loads as well, it's really therapeutic and makes me feel physically better as well, give it a go during the evening when no one is around, if you're paranoid in crowded areas like me!:D

Someone posted loads of contacts here, I highly recommend "samaritanes" or "Aware" for your depression, and I hear "pieta house" are very good for self harm support.

Anyway, I hope my post helped! Please keep reaching out for help, so many people don't when it comes to depression.

Take care of yourself, stay strong and take everything day by day

LegacyUser

hondasam wrote: »

It's ok Don't worry about it.:)

You can Email one of the help lines and I'm sure they will call you. I Don't know what the weather is like where you are but if it is sunny go and have a nice walk and think about what your next step is.:)

thanks.

going to phone someone tomorrow hopefully. might even ring the psychologist i was referred to and explain my feels/situation and see if she can see me sooner than 12-18 months. doubtful but sure i can try anyway

Jay1989 wrote: »

Do you live in Dublin? If you do, then you could try the organisation "Aware", they do a support group for young people (age 18-30) for depression. It's free as well.
The facilitators there are really good and are very supportive, everyone who attends the meeting are very supportive also.

It's on every Thursday evening on Leeson street.

It might be a good option for you, since you might be waiting for the psycologist for a while (a pain I know!!!!)

I'm 21 and I've deferred my 2nd year in college, I find having nothing to do doesn't help depression at all, so have you ever thought about volunteering? It could be a great idea in order to get out of the house and meet new people.

Also, having walks helps me loads as well, it's really therapeutic and makes me feel physically better as well, give it a go during the evening when no one is around, if you're paranoid in crowded areas like me!:D

Someone posted loads of contacts here, I highly recommend "samaritanes" or "Aware" for your depression, and I hear "pieta house" are very good for self harm support.

Anyway, I hope my post helped! Please keep reaching out for help, so many people don't when it comes to depression.

Take care of yourself, stay strong and take everything day by day

no i don't live in dublin

yeah i've thought about volunteering but as i am on social welfare volunteering is a no go. the social will cut my money for the days i volunteer and right now i can't afford money to be cut.

i usually walk into town in the evenings to meet my mam to get myself out of the house. i use the excuse "i'm bored of being cooped up all day" so i do get out and walk and i love it.

i love walking down by the river, but it's too quiet and isolated in the mornings/evening time and too busy during the day so i tend to avoid it.

LegacyUser

well i rang the psychology clinic i was referred to and the phones just keep ringing out.

phoned them first around 2.30pm and continued phoning for until about 5 minutes ago and no one answered.

the clinic closes at 4pm so i'll have to try again tomorrow. hopefully someone will answer the phone then

LegacyUser

i got through to the psychology clinic i was referred to and they told me i will be seen this summer so hopefully i should hear from them soon

thanks for the help and suggestions in this topic i appreciate you taking the time to reply.

lynsalot

Hi OP,

Another avenue you could explore is cognative behavioural therapy. I've found it very useful.

It basically explains why you have the thought process you have and teaches you how to learn new ways of handling situations. It can be used instead of tablets or in conjunction with them.

Best of luck with everything