Simmering Feud With Friends/Housemates

LegacyUser

Registered user going unreg'd for this.

I'm a 20 year old male, living in South Dublin.

About 3 months ago, I moved out of my parents house for the first time and moved into a house with 4 of my friends. 2 of these guys I would classify as my best friends. For the most part, this has been an absolute blast, great fun, and I'm loving the bit of independence and the little bit of extra responsibility that is coming with the territory.

But as much as it's been great, little things have built up and I've been feeling angry, resentful and bitter towards everyone (not just the 4 lads) lately. I've been angry, short-tempered and downright rude to some people, and I don't mean to be at all.

The first problem for me is that all the lads in the house owe me money. This in itself is no problem, but the fact of the matter is, none of them seem to be bothered by this fact and seem intent on flaunting the fact that they have spare cash to my face and not paying me back. One of them even told me that he is intending to buy an iguana and all the gear for said. Costs about €250. And he owes me over €500 at this stage.

I'm lucky in that I have a full time and a part time job, so I can take the financial hit a little bit better, but it's still starting to cripple me a bit. Everything for the house (ESB, bins, Sky TV, rent, broadband, etc.) is coming out of my account every month via direct debit. I'm going to dread the day when it goes overdrawn because I simply have not been given the money.

Also, before we moved into the place even, there was the worry that we may not be able to get the house as we had to pay a deposit and 1 month's rent in advance. This amounted to €2,500 in total. I, like an eejit I'm starting to think, volunteered to take out a short-term loan to cover this deposit and did so, with the blessing of my friends. This sped up the whole process and allowed us into the house ahead of schedule. I was promised that I would be reimbursed ASAP. This has been like pulling teeth. Partly, I'm sure, due to my soft-touch nature in that I have not, and do not want to, asked for any money back.

I also was the one who took all the bulls by their horns and sorted out pretty much everything for the house (Sky, internet, bins, etc.) and still do a helluva lot for the house (buy cleaning products, buy bin liners, etc.; and not once have I been reimbursed for any of these things).

I'm also the designated taxi for the house. I'm the only one with a car and every time anyone needs to go anywhere, I'm called upon. Probably my own fault, as I'm too spineless to say 'No' and I joke about installing a taxi-meter... but I'm starting to think it may not be such a bad idea now!!!

This alone would not be so bad, if I were not being subjected to little sniping remarks from one of the lads (one of the lads I would class as a best friend) about my use of electricity. Simply because I use the dryer maybe once a week. This is from a bloke who has an electric fan heater blasting away practically 24/7 in his own room (even when he's not there!!!). This same person also claims that he does 'everything' to keep the place clean, which is utter rubbish, as we all muck in and do our bit. In fact, myself and one of the other lads does far more than he does and he still takes all credit and has a neck to suggest he does more than anyone.

Another guy also brings his girlfriend over constantly. This is fine with me... if the rest of us did not find her insufferable, annoying and just a horrible person. She leaves the kitchen in a state (it was honestly like low-tide at the pier last night, both in appearance and aroma), messes with fixtures and electrics of the house, and so on. Also (not her fault, but still), she has an incredibly annoying accent, laugh and constantly asks daft questions. Example: I'm up to my elbows in the sink with suds, washing dishes. She asks me: "What are you doing?"..... I mean, c'mon!!! and then when I give a suitably restrained answer, she then asks "Why?" BECAUSE THE SODDING DISHES WERE DIRTY! WHY ELSE WOULD I BE WASHING THEM!?!?!?

One of the lads also brings back guys to the house on Friday and Saturday nights and they drink and play loud music all night. This I would not mind so much, except that I work Saturday mornings and have not had a decent night's sleep on a Friday since we moved in. Also, the lads he's bringing home are (I don't know any nice synonyms, so I'll go for it) 'scumbags' and I'm always worried that I'll find my room turned over some day and some of my stuff nicked. The guys he brings home also have no respect for the house and the bathroom (which we all share) is a disgrace after they have left. My bedroom is right above the sitting room (where they all congregate) and sound bleeds through the floor/ceiling like you would not believe, so I'm constantly listening to them having mad sessions while I'm lying awake, counting the hours until I'm dragging myself to work.

Also, I've noticed that cans of soft drinks, food and some of my bottles of beer are starting to disappear from both my kitchen cupboard and the fridge. Just this morning, a bowl of food I'd prepared last night was eaten on me. I'd been really looking forward to that for my lunch, and all that was left were the traces of sauce on the bowl...

I do not want to be a dick to anyone and go incredibly stroppy and demanding, but it is really getting to me now. To use an old Jewish mother's line "After all I've done for you..." That is how I'm starting to feel. I've done so much and been so sound about everything, and I feel that I'm just being taken for an absolute ride. I love all these guys to bits, but my nerves are simply shot at this stage. Financial worries, lack of sleep when I've work and just the general attitude of the guys now have me at my wit's end.

I know that if I move out, the whole thing would most likely fall to bits, due to the increase burden of rent on the 4 remaining, the fact that all utilities paid via my account would stop and that the little things (plastic bags, cling film, tin foil, kitchen roll, toilet roll, hand soap, clothes conditioner, etc.) would simply stop 'appearing' thanks to me.

I don't know what to do. I'm very non-confrontational and really don't want to fight with anyone or get demanding or to seem 'entitled' to anything. I just want this to work and to be a great experience but it has just become a chore at this stage really and I find myself more and more just eating alone, watching DVD's in my room and just generally feeling despair as I examine the situation and think 'What can be done?'...

Any and all advice or suggestions are most, most appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Neyite

Your "friends" are taking the piss. But you are letting them take you for a mug, if I may be blunt.

What can be done? Move out. Those parasites are bleeding you dry.

The only other alternative is to call a house meeting and tell them that you have no more money and are not their mammy. Tell each of them what they now owe you and work out what they should be paying you each week to pay you back. Since you pay all the bills, and pay all the rent, and paid the deposit, then you get to kick people out if they fail to pay up.

But if you are non confrontational you wont want to do this, probably, and not only that, its doubtful that they will take you seriously, so hand in your notice to the landlord, and announce to your "mates" that you are moving out and why, and let them fight over which of the has to take on the bills in his name.

HavingCrack

OP, you're a walkover, simple as. Moving in with friends is always risky and in this case it appears to be a disader. Tell them you want your money re paid or else you're moving out. Also, refuse to lend them money ever again an unless they're contributing towards car costs, no more lifts. It's time to say no and grow a spine and stand up for yourself. I know you say you hate confrontation but in this case it's either stand up for yourself or move out, there's no alternative.

ManOfMystery

I agree with the others OP. There's no point coming on here complaing about people taking you for a ride when you're unwilling to confront said people.

Doesn't it anger you that they're living off your money to a certain extent? That they use you as they see fit? This is money YOU earned for yourself - not for them to spend.

You really need to assert yourself here and stand up to them. I used to hate facing people over things like this (money owed, etc) and hated confrontation too, until I went through a VERY similar experience where I almost got fleeced. After one particularly bad weekend, I had a long think about it and confronted the people involved the following monday. And I told them in no uncertain terms that they were taking the piss, I wanted my money back and if I didn't get it I'd be moving out and they would end up even more out of pocket. Suffice to say they paid up.

Stand up for yourself OP. What's the worst that can happen, you feel bad or they think you're a scrooge for asking for YOUR money back? Big deal - they're leeches, so who cares what they think.

irishdude11

Mate I'm gonna give it to you straight. You are a young guy who has just moved out of your parents house and you have zero experience with this kind of situation and your naivety is glaring. And you are going to learn a lesson you won't forget.

You have made some absolutely terrible mistakes here. Firstly, you have taken out a sizeable loan to cover other people's deposits. I would not even do something like this for anybody bar my brother. If you wanted to do a test on who your real friends are when it comes to money, this would have been a good idea. But if the plan was to get paid back it was a very very bad idea. If you take one thing from this disaster it's that you should never lend money to anyone. Im talking real money here, not 10 or 20 quid on some rare occasion where a friend has no cash down the pub or something.

You have also put all the utility bills in your name. When this whole thing goes tits up, as it is fairly likely to, you will still be signed up to a year's ESB, broadband contract, etc... You are also driving these twats all over the place and petrol is not cheap these days. And I see they have now started to eat and drink your stuff.

In short, you are an easy mark and you are getting WALKED ALL OVER. These guys have you well figured, you coughed up their deposit for them, you are paying their utility bills, you are even supplying them with a taxi and catering service for god sake. You are getting used so bad it is almost painful to read.

I can empathise with your non-confrontation attitude, years ago I too would have had a problem asking for money owed and it cost me a significant amount of cash. I would have no problem asking for money owed now, I would not let anyone take me for a ride. You at first didn't like to ask for the money back because you didn't want to be feel like you were being scabby and you didn't like pestering your friends. What you have to understand is that other people dont have the same viewpoint when it comes to money as you. I imagine if the shoe was on the other foot these guys would not waste a second looking for their money back...It's always the same, the ones who are slow to repay are the one's quickest and most demanding when it comes to money owed to them. You have to realise that these guys don't see you as 'sound' when you don't look for your money back, on the contrary their respect for you goes way down.

Now, on to the solution to this mess, and Ill try and advise you best I can. This setup you've got here is a joke, it's a pure madhouse and you are the one footing the bill and you don't want to be there. You are only going to get more bitter and angry as time goes on and the debt is still outstanding and continues to rise. One option is just to move out and cut your losses as much as you can. See if you can get the bills transferred to someone else's name. What I would recommend though is to grow a ****ing pair of balls and go approach them one by one, or as a group, and say you want your money now. You are going to have to get over this soft-touch nature, non-confrontational thing. You say are angry and resentful....well in a way that's good because you can use it. Anytime I feel like I am getting done these days and am feeling bad about bringing it up, I just think back to the time I got screwed over by a friend and the bitterness and anger washes over me and I no longer have any problem asking for whats mine. You will feel much better once you do it too. You are carrying around a huge amount of negative and energy and stress over this, once you raise the subject with these guys, even if they still won't pay you, you will have done what you can and you will feel the better of it. Even have a pint or two pints if it helps you to lose your inhibitions and bring it up, don't go over two tho.

Then go in there and DEMAND your ****ing money. Tell them that this debt has been outstanding for 3 months and that it's a joke, don't listen to their BS excuses. Bring up all the times they have flaunted their cash in front of you, and dont feel bad about doing this. TELL them that everyone is getting one of the utility bills in their name so that it is not all on you. If they have their names on the lease tell them you are no longer paying the entire rent direct debit from your account, and that they can set up their own direct debits. You really dont want them to start dicking you about on the rent or you could end up taking on an extra 5K worth of debt. And put the guilt on them, tell them straight out that if they were actually were your friends they would be pay you your money. Dont let them pawn you off with crap about how you will get the money down the line, tell them their word means **** as they never paid you back for the initial deposit, set out a concrete time-frame on when the money will be paid back but if as you say, they have spare cash at the moment, get as much as you can straight away. They will actually grow a fair bit of respect for you if you do all this. But still you have 4 guys owing you alot of cash, I dont like the odds on recouping all your money.

This is an absolute mess you've got into here. Hopefully the two lads you describe as your best friends with will cop up and be guilted into paying and they can get the others to follow suit. It would be a good idea to approach one of these good friends first and get them onside and tell them how you are feeling about this whole thing and ask them to help you getting money off the others. You really are going to find out who your friends are now.

Best of luck with the whole thing and in future never forget 'dont lend money to anyone'.

Firetrap

As the age old saying goes "If you want to know me, come live with me". Really, I struggle to understand how you can call these people your friends after the way they've behaved. That's an issue for another day.

I think you know the answer to this. You are going to have to develop a backbone/grow a pair/whatever you're having yourself or this situation will continue. They're taking you for a ride, big time and you're letting them. There are two things you need to do. You need to get that money out of them. And secondly, move out. I'm not going to repeat what's in the post above mine, save to say I agree with it 100%. It's a life lesson for you and hopefully you will learn from it.

Ainekav

You're going to need to learn to stand up for yourself very fast or you're going to end up in serious debt. People rely on people like you who won't ask for their money back out of embarrassment or whatever, but you're working two jobs and they are reaping the benefits!

they are not your friends, by any stretch of the imagination.

move out and get your money.

From what other posters have said, and from what I think you know already, this is your own fault.

Never loan anyone an amount of money that you'll remember, or need back. When I buy someone a drink I forget about it afterwards, or if I loan someone a fiver I forget about it afterwards. 500 euro? Yeah, I think I'd be remembering that the next day.

They moved out, and the moment mammy wasn't taking care of them you swooped in and took over her role. You might as well be breastfeeding them. Next time they want a lift, say no. If they ask why say you can't afford the petrol. If they say the trip is short and takes basically no petrol, tell them how many of these "short trips" you've made. If there's food you don't want them to touch, tell them. If there's something bothering you, tell them. They're not your family. They're not going to care if you end up out of pocket, or if they eat your food, or if they inconvenience you. They don't take time out of their day to think about how you feel. You have to tell them, and let them know they can't take you for a ride.

NittyGritty

I can only echo what everyone else has said. Although in maybe gentler tones You know what you have to do. You have to dig deep and be firm. You are completely in the right. They owe you money, they continue to take advantage of your good nature and it sounds like you are becoming more and more isolated in a house that you are effectively bankrolling.

I understand you may not like confrontation, but it doesn't have to turn into a stand up row between you and your housemates. Call a house meeting. Hand each of them a breakdown of exactly how much they owe you and what for. Make them commit to a payment plan. Discuss transferring some of those monthly direct debits to their accounts. In the long run, they will respect you for it. If they don't, you'll realise they were never your friends to begin with.

Take faith that most of us have gone through similar situations in life. Your living arrangement now sounds like a student house set-up, with the exception of the quantities of money you've mentioned! Not to sound patronising, but I'm a lot older than you and this is just another step on the road to independent adulthood. And sometimes you have to lose a few 'best' friends along the way. It's never easy, but it's sometimes unavoidable. Best of luck with it.

WindSock

Living with mates is generally a bad idea. Especially when you are the responsible one. You are being taken advantage of and you need to learn in the future how to nip things in the bud before it takes too long. Personally I would have gone like a banshee if my friend owed my 500 quid and was planning on getting an iguana. Let alone the other stuff.

They are young guys and don't seem to understand the responsibility with living on their own, you have and they depend on that.

You have bitten more than you can chew with taking on all the bills and deposit, and you will be ridden for as long as you let it.

Try and settle up for as much as you can and get out of there, move somewhere quieter if you need sleep and see your friends on a social basis only.

ishvalian

I assume that you all moved out from home to the house. It sounds like these guys are too used to how it was when they were living at home and don't want to relinquish being mammied just yet.

CduS88, you need to put your foot down and outline exactly what you have a problem with to these guys. You need to be assertive about it but don't be aggressive, don't throw about accusations of who does and doesn't pull their weight as you will likely just end up in an arguement, get nowhere and lose your friends, money and end up having to move out anyway.

Regarding Housework, you all need to sit down and work out a fair system on how this should be done. The best way of doing this is to get another person in the house on your side and you both bring it up with the others in the house. This'll reduce the amount of direct confrontation. For purchasing stuff for the bathroom and kitchen, i would suggest that you keep a jar of change that each person contributes 1 or 2 euro to each week to cover the cost of the items.

Regarding Rent & Bills, as the money is coming from your account, then you need to make sure that it is in your account when it is due. The best i can suggest here is to get each person to undertake a different bill from their account. Tell them that you don't think it is fair that you should have to chase the for money each month. That way, you are all more or less on a level playing field when it comes to not paying the bills the burden of responsibility is shared.

Regarding your car. Thats a no-brainer to be honest, it is your car and you pay money for the fuel that goes in it and the upkeep of it. You are in no way obliged to take them anywhere in it if you do not want to. The next time they ask you for a lift, ask them nicely if they wouldn't mind paying a few quid for fuel as it is costing you a fortune these days i'd imagine. If they decline, then they can't have any complaints about you not bringing them anywhere.

Regarding the money you are owed, get each person who owes you money on their own and just ask them when they will be able to pay you back. If they can't aford to pay you back all at once, ask them to pay you back in small amounts like €20 or €25 a week. The longer you allow this to go unchecked then the more likely it will be conviently forgotten. Again, there is no need to be agressive, just be assertive. Try to avoid getting in an arguement about it as this will make it more difficult to re-coup your money and will go a long way to ruining a friendship.

Regarding the annoying girlfriend, not much you can do here except put up with it to be honest. Some people are just annoying so you will just have to live with it.

The alternative to all this is to move out but to be honest, you will feel a lot better about yourself and the situation if you just address the situation. If it turns pear-shaped and they refuse any of the above then you can still move out, but at least you can say you tried and it was not your fault the friendship fell apart.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Thanks so far to everyone for the advice... I had kinda guessed what I'd be told!

Everyone has always said that to me from the time I was a kid, to man up/grow a pair/toughen up... etc.

But I am just a complete soft touch and while I dont like it, I think it beats being an ass or a stingy fecker.

I did have a little convo with one of the lads (one of my besties) and he said that he was sorry and he's paying me a good bit back tomorrow, and he will have a quiet word with the others on my behalf.

Hopefully things will sort out soon.

And I know people may think I'm totally naive (probably am!!!) and so on, but these lads really are my friends. I just don't think they realised how much they were taking advantage. And that is probably my fault, as my response is usually something like, "Ah yeah, no bother!" or "No problem, man!" etc. I never say "NO!"...

I love these lads to bits (especially Damien and Henry [names changed to protect the innocent]) and I think that if they realise how I truly feel, and not the perpetually happy, easy-going facade I put on all the time, they will cop on.

I'll keep everyone posted anyway. But it is looking good! :-)

LittleBook

Glad you're on the way to sorting this out and hope you learn from it.

Just one thing on this:

CduS88 wrote: »

But I am just a complete soft touch and while I dont like it, I think it beats being an ass or a stingy fecker.

There's not a fine line between soft touch and stingy fecker ... there's a vast difference between the two so finding a happy medium is not that hard. You can be generous without being a fool and you can be careful with your money without being stingy.

And never lend what you can't afford to lose.

ManOfMystery

CduS88 wrote: »

But I am just a complete soft touch and while I dont like it, I think it beats being an ass or a stingy fecker.

Someone who won't buy a round in the pub, or won't pay back something they borrowed, or won't even chip in for a birthday card - THAT'S a stingy fecker.

Asking for your money to be returned is not being stingy - it's called being financially responsible.

I appreciate your latest post does state that these guys are close friends and didn't realise they were overdoing it, but regardless of this - debt doesn't differentiate between close friends, enemies or family. If you don't change your general attitude towards lending money and services to people like this (regardless of who they are), you could find yourself with serious financial problems down the line. Take it as good advice from people who have been there and done it. There is absolutely nothing wrongh with being assertive, it will stand you well not just in areas like this but in other areas of life - being assertive and looking after yourself does not equate to being 'an ass' if you have the right attitude.

Also, If I was you I'd be looking to get at least some of the services transferred to the other guys names, it's time they all started taking responsibility.

Hope this gets sorted out soon for you anyway.

gerryk

CduS88 wrote: »

Everyone has always said that to me from the time I was a kid, to man up/grow a pair/toughen up... etc.

But I am just a complete soft touch and while I dont like it, I think it beats being an ass or a stingy fecker.

Ok, of the whole thread, this is the bit that worries me the most. The pain of being taken advantage of is obviously easier to bear than saying no. If you continue down this road, you will grow to hate yourself. There is a massive range between 'complete soft touch' and 'stingy fecker'. Personally I occupy slightly toward the more generous end, but that's a position of choice, not the default result of not standing up for myself occasionally.

I really think that for your own good that you try, on occasion, refusing a favour every once in a while. Just a simple 'no', or 'sorry, I have other plans'. It doesn't have to be all confrontational, in fact, the more conversational your tone, the better. If you do this, you will find it easier, over time, to get what you want rather than whatever you are permitted.

Cheap Thrills!

CduS88 wrote: »

Everything for the house (ESB, bins, Sky TV, rent, broadband, etc.) is coming out of my account every month via direct debit. I'm going to dread

Whoah OP. Fatal, fatal, basic error. NEVER, I mean NEVER put your name on communal bills in a house-share. You end up being everyones Mammy and Daddy and thety will view you as such.

These people you are living with are taking you for a mug and you are helping them. The reason?

You know you are being used but are afraid of being unpopular?

These little snipey comments get to you. That's the whole purpose of them. While you are busy examining your conscience about the dryer being on once a week and thinking about your mans fan, he's made his escape while laughing up his sleeve.

The comments are a red herring OP.

You are going to have to toughenup CONSIDERABLY. Unfortunately most people don't volunteer to play fair, you have to make them. It is unpleasant yes, but they make it unpleasant to stop you doing calling them out on their crimes.

Get your name the HELL of those bills or you will be shafted even more than now. This lot sound like an entitled bunch of brats straigt from Mammy and Daddys.

If I were you I'd get out of this because you are all going to fall out.

Living with mates can be a recipe for disaster.

Firetrap

I'm still a bit concerned that you consider all of these people to be your friends. Perhaps they are but I've just read your first post again and it's ringing alarm bells. Be on your guard.

If your friend's word doesn't lead to the money materialising, don't make any apologies about approaching them. It's your money and they were very lucky they had you to loan it to them. Tell them you want your money back and set a date. Tell them you want it by the end of next week (for example). If they say they don't have the money on them, organise a payment schedule and stick to it.

When a bill comes in, stick it up on the notice board and get the guys to write their names on it as they pay you. If needs be, tell them the ESB (or whatever) came in and that their share is X euros. As for the other stuff you're buying, set up a kitty. In a lot of shared houses, people chip in to buy stuff like toilet roll, cleaning materials, milk and bin liners Actually, taking a look at this sticky from the Accommodation & Property forum could be useful

As for the now, you've learned a hard lesson. You are going to have to be assertive in life or people will walk all over you. In all walks of life, there are people who will try to pull a fast one and you owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself. There is nothing wrong with saying no or coming up with an excuse which amounts to the same thing. Or just keep your mouth shut and don't be the first one in with a solution to a problem.

LegacyUser

Sorry, kind of focused on the lizard part here but if he owes you €500 there is no way in hell you can let him off with buying an iguana. Either the guy thinks you are a pushover and is intentionally taking the piss, or is completely immature.

This is for you too OP - I'm only 25 so not exactly much older than you, but come on man, you need to grow a backbone!!! They might have more respect for you then. Its the real world now, you cant be such a pushover, you can't go spending money on superfluous things when you are in debt to someone else . I mean a nice dinner / few cans here or there I wouldn't mind so much, but 50% of the debt!??

Also, did you all even agree to him buying a pet? Who's going to look after it if he goes away? Iguanas grow quite large so need a big enclosure, where is that going to go? This sort of immature / selfish crap really riles me!!

I'd get my money back and move out . If you are having problems after only 3months I doubt ye will be friends this time next year.

PS.If he does get an iguana, please call it Godzeerra

LegacyUser

OP here...

Some positive moves made.

The lads have been coughing up monies to me, and I've stated that I'm going to show them bank statements (with account number, sort code, etc. blacked out) so they can see how much and so on that is owed. They have all agreed to pay me back now, ASAP.

But I know talk is cheap, and I was pretty harsh with them, and made no bones about how I felt, for once... It wasn't pleasant for me, and I actually was nearly crying at one stage, but it has gotten some results.

The lads seem to look at me with a good bit more respect than they did.

And as cynical as some posters may be, I do believe in my heart of hearts that we are friends. I love these guys and I honestly believe that they love me. We are good friends and I think that friendship kinda got in the way, so to speak. Now that we have 'business' back on track, it will be all good!

Susie_Q

CduS88 wrote: »

OP here...

Some positive moves made.

The lads have been coughing up monies to me, and I've stated that I'm going to show them bank statements (with account number, sort code, etc. blacked out) so they can see how much and so on that is owed. They have all agreed to pay me back now, ASAP.

But I know talk is cheap, and I was pretty harsh with them, and made no bones about how I felt, for once... It wasn't pleasant for me, and I actually was nearly crying at one stage, but it has gotten some results.

The lads seem to look at me with a good bit more respect than they did.

And as cynical as some posters may be, I do believe in my heart of hearts that we are friends. I love these guys and I honestly believe that they love me. We are good friends and I think that friendship kinda got in the way, so to speak. Now that we have 'business' back on track, it will be all good!

It sounds promising, and well done, but have you talked to them about making any fundamental changes, i.e. putting bills in their names so that financial responsibility is shared? If keep all the bills plus your rent in your name I fear you will end up in the same situation a few months down the line.

Best of luck to you, the advice on here has been spot on so far. Next time someone asks you for a lift in the car simply say "Sorry I'm too tired" or even just "no". It'll be good for you and will teach them how to use their legs/ the bus!

Firetrap

Good for you. It would be nice if we were wrong and that they are good friends. I still think you should exercise some caution to see if they have indeed changed their ways. Aside from the money, make sure they don't continue to take your stuff or fail to pull their weight around the house when it comes to cleaning etc.

nickobrien1985

I lived with a guy who really pissed me off.
So I've got his toothbrush and shoved it up my arse

Ickle Magoo

nickobrien1985, have a week off to read up on that charter, you've been linked to it often enough.

Mighty_Mouse

But I am just a complete soft touch and while I dont like it, I think it beats being an ass or a stingy fecker.

It's not about being a tough-guy superhero. It's about quietly managing your affairs. It's not necessary to scream the house down, break down in tears or any of that nonsense.
As you have found. You simply open your mouth & speak.

Finally, best mates are essential in life but...........you seem a bit OTT if how you describe your love for these guys.

tinkerbell

OP, you said that you are a soft touch but that it beats being a stingy fecker? Wake up and smell the coffee beans. You are being taken for a complete ride. At least if you were a "stingy fecker", you would not have hundreds / thousands racked up in outstanding loans from your housemates. I mean that's just insane. I don't understand why you ever thought it was a good idea for you to take out a loan to cover everyone's deposit.

You need to do as the others have suggested, and it does seem like you are taking some action, but jees, it's not enough. Have you got your €2,500 deposit back from them so that you can clear your loan? You do realise that if you don't get it back from them, and if the landlord doesn't give that back to you when you all move out, you are gonna be the one down €2,500, not your "friends". And I'd probably re-think how much you think your friends are really "friends". Because a friend would not completely screw over another friend - which is what they are doing. They do not respect you at all.

I think you need to lay down some house rules. Everyone contributes a certain amount each week towards general cleaning items, like binbags, toilet paper, etc. Everybody takes a utilities bill and puts it in their own name. Everyone pays the landlord individually. Nobody eats another person's food, etc. You really do need to grow a pair, you are being a complete pushover. And quite frankly, I don't know why you need your friend to talk to the rest of the housemates on your behalf. Man up and do it yourself.

And let this be a learning experience for you - never go about house-shares this way in future. Because you will get burned, and there is no way that you should be expected to play mammy to all these friends of yours.

Also, you need to tell them that while friends etc are welcome, it is not fair for them to completely take over the house for the full weekend and go wild on Fridays and Saturdays - take the house party elsewhere.

HugoDrax

Talk to your landlord that you want to move out, get your deposit back, get a new place and then move out without telling your 'friends,' and banish them from your life for ever without a word of explanation. Never look back and never talk to any of them ever again. Simple as that.

The only contact you should have with these people is a letter from your solicitor demanding your money back or you will take them to the court.

LegacyUser

OP here again. Plenty of good things to report.

In the intervening time, I've been paid back most of the money I'm owed to date.

Also, the 'wild' guy that we've all been living with (who partied non-stop and brought back highly undesirable characters) is moving out. Well, being thrown out is more accurate. As upsetting as it was for us, we had simply had enough. He also got very abusive with me and threatened violence when he was inebriated and I tried to get them to settle down. Our very, very patient and understanding landlord has said that once we've gotten rid of the troublemaker, we're all fine again and he's even reducing the rent for us, as we'd be crippled otherwise. Finally, peace of mind and far quieter weekends will be a reality. It's essential seeing as I have work over the weekends.

While the rest of the lads seem a bit upset over telling him to move out (as it was a bit upsetting but had to be done), I'm more relieved than anything, I have to say. My nerves were totally frayed and I was totally fatigued at the weekends in work.

I've become a bit more forceful and confident too, and it's all going well again.

Thanks for all the advice, but I'm rather glad that I didn't go the dramatic route some suggested and move out or go totally ballistic. More flies are caught with honey than with vinegar...