Stupid, funny and off putting phrases and ads in used car ads

johnos1984

I've been watching donedeal a lot at the minute and the amount of rubbish people put up about their cars is enlightening to say the least.

But everytime I see the following phrase I just get an image of the Delorean from Back to the Future III

It will fly through it the NCT

Has anyone else come any funny ads with ridiculous statements

I know there are threads for bangernomics ads and skangermobile ads but surely we need one for the funniest ad of the week

-Chris-

I know it's not that bad, but I hate "no timewasters".

I don't know a single timewaster who's actually considered themselves a timewaster.

It's like having a party and saying "no boring people" on the invite. Bores don't know they're bores. If they did they'd (hopefully) shut up and stop being boring!

johnos1984

The following two phrases in an ad together are always good

"Relisted due to TIMEWASTERS..........FIRST to see WILL BUY"

ERRRRRRRRR, I don't think they did

bazz26

First to see will buy.

Digidol

Light damage....when one half of the car is separated from the other!

andyseadog

first to see will buy... what if the first person to see it doesnt want it

quick sale needed... thats not going to make me rush to buy it any faster

must sell before *insert day here*... neither will this make me rush any faster

no timewasters... does anybody actually think when they see that 'oh crap, im a timewaster, better not ring this guy'

no test pilots... c'mon like does anybody actually do that?

'no tyre-kickers' - does anyone honestly do that either??

no texts or private numbers... so if i ring you on a private number or text you when i have 5 grand to spend on your clapped out civic, your saying you wont have it?

will do a good cash deal... what does that even mean? are they basically saying they will accept well below the posted asking price.

can be heard running... always wondered about this one, do you just ring him and ask to hear the engine running over the phone or what? sereiously?

Genuine reason for sale... there certainly isin't one here.

Any interest ring or text the number below... really? i was going to send a carrier pigeon

any test welcome... do that mean ya can do a crash test?????????

only 1.3 on the book

when people say :
'quickest standard TDi around' or similar quotes, if its a standard TDi, surely its no faster than the next mans standard TDi

WRITING EVERYTHING IN UPPER CASE!!!! AND LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!

leaving the country Wednesday, need this sold now, will px with integra or similar"

anybody who uses text speak in their add.

people who spend half a page reeling off all the useless extras, sun strip, tinted windows, fancy valve caps, furry dice, 'jdm as ****' sticker, cut springs, quotes like 'quick car' or 'real head turner' or 'reluctant sale'... but never ever mention, the 3 important things, tax, test and mileage

when they say stuff like a corolla i seen a while back, no exaggeration, 'lots of money spent on this car for n.c.t. car is perfect, just needs an engine'

Our man in Havana

1 Lady owner. :eek:

colatube

Diff never welded... :rolleyes:

shawnee

NCT out but will fly through it !!!

Henry Ford III

All electric - usually means windows and central locking, but not seats, mirrors, sunroof.

Good breaks - we don't want to know about the sellers holidays!

Absurdum

POA - just tell us the fcuking price, we'll decide if it's worth it or not
every conceivable extra - except leather, sunroof, and just about anything else
NO CASH NO TEST DRIVE (must be in caps) - yeah like I'll really hand you a deposit for a test drive
NO TEST PILOTS (also must be in caps to show yer serious) - we probably couldn't handle your 70bhp monster anyway
One careful lady owner - "Call Dave 08*****" show us yer tits dave :rolleyes:
Best example in the country - it's a 98 Almera, who gives a ****
Recent full service - except you forgot to get any sort of receipt as proof

Mr Benevolent

Never drifted.
Never raced.
Tow bar never used.

W.Shakes-Beer

Miser on diesel.

First to see will buy.

"Replaced loadza partz!!11! like new dustcaps, indicator bulb, new mats etc."

Never overheats - usually a sign it has overheated.

Anan1

'Immaculate', 'perfect', 'pristine', and 'as new'. Why would I call someone who's lied in their ad?

bazz26

Saw this on an advert once. Reason for selling: "Wife forgot to take the pill".

barryfitz

I remember seeing this once:

"First to sea, will bye"

kiddums

"Slight collision damage" - and most of the front is crumpled.
and then further down in the add
"running great before the accident' - Fan-fookin-tastic, what does it run like now? Can I list my car as "ran great when new"? The fook I can.

Wish I could remember the full add and post a link.

cjt156

What about the Donedeal specials; pics of it parked in a lake and described as "maclet".
Jesus wept.

Zubeneschamali

I'm trying to arrange a swap through donedeal, but I'm having real problems finding anyone who wants to swap their car for my piece of crap:

open to offers or swops,no crap,

No swaps for crap cars!!!

May p/x or swap....no crap please.

may consider px 4 toyota honda or bike prefer cash sale an pls don txt wi utter crap cheers

Looking for track car, rally/sprint cars or a nice road car. Don't be on to me about crap

px swap for subaru or evo and torneo must be very clean no crap

mi swap 4 ri car dont txt me crap

MAY SWAP OR PART EXCHANGE BUT NO CRAP

NO BUCKETS OF CRAP PLEASE

Road tax.

Absurdum

bazz26 wrote: »

Saw this on an advert once. Reason for selling: "Wife forgot to take the pill".

I remember that too, it was a Toyota Supra iirc, he had "gutted" at the end of the wife forgot to take pill bit

mb1725

"One lady owner in very good condition".

"VW Polo, mint condition!"

Veloce

Grand clean car

langdang

"Spare wheel never used" ah man, what a trump card, I'll take it immediately without even considering other cars!

Veloce wrote: »

Grand clean car

Usually accompanied by zero other useful info if it is a toyota

Veloce

langdang wrote: »

Usually accompanied by zero other useful info if it is a toyota

haha exactly!

I was just looking on donedeal there. Saw a souped up Alfa 156 for sale- it said: "no nct (but will defo pass)"

Ron Scott

Saw this on a donedeal ad today :

"Im booking it in for an NCT tomorrow but if car is not sold before NCT date the price will go up with the cars two year NCT."

Vicxas

Im Immigrating.... back into ireland from Ireland ay?

Blitzkrieger

It's a simple thing but I ****ing hate it when the price is unrealistically high. Both dealers and private sellers tend to be guilty of it. It only takes about 5 minutes to google the market and see what the average asking price is, and no matter how good the condidtion you think your car is in, or what ****ty extras you have on it, your's is not worth 30% extra. If you list a price that's too high I'm not going to even bother reading.

I once rang a guy about a private bike ad that was asking about double the market value for a bike. It was an American import Japanese superbike. He knew feck all about specs or availability of parts and refused to consider budging on the price. I was once forced to try and deal with a 4x4 dealer with a pickup for sale at 4K over the average asking price. Insisted "that's what they're going for" even though I had ads in my hand that showed it wasn't. It's now two years later and I still see it parked in the lot. Salesman of the ****ing year.

It's not just buyers that are time wasters.....

tweedledee

hahhahahahaha soooo true,just the other day on Donedeal,a guy was asking for 9 grand,for 02 Golf,it was a total skip, no NCT,"it will fly through it" I rang him just to be a total "timewaster"

deandean

Any referral to a car in the feminine,e.g.

She has been well looked after

She has had only 3 careful owners

etc

andyseadog

hi i am selling my...

here we have for sale my...

people who start off like they are opening an auction or writing an essay.







MINT

Stevie Dakota

Regarding 'first to see will buy'. I've used it twice and it has worked both times. In each case the cars were fairly priced and immaculately presented. But I would be well pissed if I went to view some heap that carried that description.

langdang

andyseadog wrote: »

here we have for sale my...
people who start off like they are opening an auction

This throws some wacky psychological switch in me as well. If I was present while someone wrote or spoke this words I have him throttled before he could tell me how many square feet the car had and what the local amenities were!

BARGIN!

andyseadog

Stevie Dakota wrote: »

Regarding 'first to see will buy'. I've used it twice and it has worked both times. In each case the cars were fairly priced and immaculately presented. But I would be well pissed if I went to view some heap that carried that description.

you can't really say it worked both times, you might have had a very good car that was priced to sell, but there's no way saying 'first to see will buy' actually means its true. the first person could be a timewaster after all :rolleyes:

spiggotpaddy

very reluctant sale.


if you dont want to sell then dont advertise

Reloc8

[x motors] is proud to present this (insert standard vehicle) to the market.

That's bad enough for six bedroom redbricks in D4 but for a nothing-more-than-respectable-saloon...get over it.

And if you're so proud to present it why is it stuck in the back corner of your yard jammed in by trunty other cars so that I can't go for a test drive in it without a weeks notice.

Robbo

"Never been abused" is always nice to see when there's a sticker in the window or on the plate saying something "When in doubt, diff it out" or "Keep her straight sideways". Or the rear window has a sticker for supercoolmidnite666japdrifthondarainmantuningadventureclubforums.geocities.com

Reloc8

'treated like a baby.'

What ? Whose baby ? Michael Jackson's baby ? Or Mother Teresa's baby wait hang on Ned Flanders's's baby.

and why are you getting up at 3 in the morning to fuel it alright i'll stop now

Mr.Boots

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<ADDS WITH THIS TYPE OF SH1TE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

darragh o meara

One careful owner! The other ten didnt give a sh i te

stevenmu

"unique one of a kind"

(usually seen on a car with a no fear sticker and chrome effect hub caps)

tossy

Mint
Lad
Lift
GT TDI
Sun Visor
First to see will buy

Zubeneschamali

I love Real Head Turner.

Especially the tasteful rear window sticker.

hdowney

gah they don't want much for that piece of ;););)

Tea 1000

P.O.A.
What the hell? Are you f**king selling the car or aren't you? Dealers are particularly bad for this. I filter all that crap out by setting the min price at €1000.
The other thing that annoys me is in Auto trader UK mainly, 107 miles instead of 107k miles. And you can't set a minimum mileage to weed those out.

scoobymunster

Zubeneschamali wrote: »

I love Real Head Turner.

Especially the tasteful rear window sticker.

Also a contender for the bad parking thread to!

CHALLENGE FOR EVERYONE:
The seller in the above ad wants either 3k straight up, or a car for under E500 with tax and NCT. How many can you find?:p

BlackWizard

Red D red I

Crackity Jones

Zubeneschamali wrote: »

I love Real Head Turner.

Especially the tasteful rear window sticker.

Err anyone else check out that website. <embarrassed cough>

_Conrad_

Crackity Jones wrote: »

Err anyone else check out that website. <embarrassed cough>

Well, i havn't, but it sounds funny when you first think of the concept of someone being that much of a tool to sign up to/use a website with a name like that, then you realise: "wait,no that's actually pretty sad and a little weird as a really"



One thing that gets to me is when ignorant, barely literate fools list off a huge amount of modifications or aftermarket parts with 90% of the names and/or spelling incorrect because they didn't fit them and don't really know what any of it is.

firefly08

Err anyone else check out that website. <embarrassed cough>

Sorry I was busy closing pop-ups there. But...no, no I didn't

Blitzkrieger

If I was richer I'd almost like to buy it, get whatever laughs out of it I could and then destroy it in some Top Gearesque fashion. I know I lol'd when I saw that window sticker.