What's the biggest spoof you've put in your CV?

this is arse

Put a fake academic qualification down. Was asked on starting the job to provide a copy of the cert. :eek: Found an online CV of some guy with the same qualification in PDF format, used PDF editing software to erase his name and replace with mine. printed a copy off in an internet cafe. problem sorted.

TheReverend

this is arse wrote: »

Put a fake academic qualification down. Was asked on starting the job to provide a copy of the cert. :eek: Found an online CV of some guy with the same qualification in PDF format, used PDF editing software to erase his name and replace with mine. printed a copy off in an internet cafe. problem sorted.

Well played

fabbydabby

I hate having my entire worldly achievements summarised in two pages of lies and exaggerations.

Pauleta

this is arse wrote: »

Put a fake academic qualification down. Was asked on starting the job to provide a copy of the cert. :eek: Found an online CV of some guy with the same qualification in PDF format, used PDF editing software to erase his name and replace with mine. printed a copy off in an internet cafe. problem sorted.

That shows great initiative and problem solving ability. You're hired!

Captain_Generic

Now you just have to hope they don't ask you to do whatever they hired you for

builttospill

Naked Gun 33 1/3 - Production Assistant

Daegerty

Few years experience with a company chosen at random that doesn't exist anymore.

Have to do something to get your foot in the door these desperate times

amacca

private pilots license

im invisible

Daegerty wrote: »

Have to do something to get your foot in the door these desperate times

SPUD
No, actually I went to Craignewton but I was worried that you wouldn't have heard of it so I put the Royal Edinburgh College instead, because they're both schools, right, and we're all in this together, and I wanted to put across the general i dea rather than the details, yeah? People get all hung up on details, but what's the point? Like which school? Does it matter? Why? When? Where? Or how many O grades did I get? Could be six, could be one, but that's not important. What's important is that I am, right? That I am.

MAN 1
Mr. Murphy, do you mean that you lied on your application?

SPUD
Only to get my foot in the door. Showing initiative, right?


trainspotting, spuds job interview

im a bit of a perfectionist, actually

amacca

builttospill wrote: »

Naked Gun 33 1/3 - Production Assistant

Nice - very nice....permission to use this one for the laugh myself?

Poor Craythur

Applied for a job with the NHS last year. Before one could fill out the application you had to do a checklist thingie. I said I had some of what they were looking for (which was true) but couldn't get to the next stage. So I changed it to saying I had everything they were looking for, and was then allowed to proceed to the filling in the application phase. Filled that part out honestly, did my research, got an interview and got the job.

My thinking was that the NHSJobs application system is just a generalised template, and each individual hiring person might not be bothered if you only have some of the required skills.

builttospill

amacca wrote: »

Nice - very nice....permission to use this one for the laugh myself?

Be my guest but there are better spoofs out there!

amacca

builttospill wrote: »

Be my guest but there are better spoofs out there!

Charlie Sheens arse and stunt double in Hot Shots Part Deux?

Daegerty

amacca wrote: »

private pilots license

would a commercial one not be more use?

builttospill

amacca wrote: »

Charlie Sheens arse and stunt double in Hot Shots Part Deux?

Stick that on a CV and I reckon you could blag yourself a seat in the Dáil.

qz

If any of you cnuts got, on the merits of a misrepresentation, a job that I applied for and was rejected, fcuk you.

amacca

Daegerty wrote: »

would a commercial one not be more use?

I wanted to make it semi-believable

and I had 10 hours at the time so I would have been able to answer some questions about if asked

eternal

Never lied on my c.v .

ejmaztec

this is arse wrote: »

Put a fake academic qualification down. Was asked on starting the job to provide a copy of the cert. :eek: Found an online CV of some guy with the same qualification in PDF format, used PDF editing software to erase his name and replace with mine. printed a copy off in an internet cafe. problem sorted.

So, how long did you spend at Templemore?

amacca

qz wrote: »

If any of you cnuts got, on the merits of a misrepresentation, a job that I applied for and was rejected, fcuk you.

you're doing it wrong man

the only way to get a job is through misrepresentation

never reveal your true self to your employer...they dont want to see their limitations/shortcomings/etc reflected in you:D

RichieC

Doctorate in Quantum electro dynamics... no one is brave enough to question that bollocks.

Adyx

Daegerty wrote: »

Few years experience with a company chosen at random that doesn't exist anymore.

Have to do something to get your foot in the door these desperate times

None of the companies I've ever worked for do actually exist any more. Honest. That's probably why I can't get a job now.

TrollHammaren

this is arse wrote: »

Put a fake academic qualification down. Was asked on starting the job to provide a copy of the cert. :eek: Found an online CV of some guy with the same qualification in PDF format, used PDF editing software to erase his name and replace with mine. printed a copy off in an internet cafe. problem sorted.

Welcome to boards, Dr. Guttenberg!

VinylJunkie

qz wrote: »

If any of you cnuts got, on the merits of a misrepresentation, a job that I applied for and was rejected, fcuk you.

With that attitude I wouldn't be surprised if you where rejected.

Oranage2

my last 2 jobs i made up a company that did similar work to the one i was applying too and gave a family member as a reference. both times got the job.

Nothingbetter2d

this is arse wrote: »

Put a fake academic qualification down. Was asked on starting the job to provide a copy of the cert. :eek: Found an online CV of some guy with the same qualification in PDF format, used PDF editing software to erase his name and replace with mine. printed a copy off in an internet cafe. problem sorted.

ain't that a movie starring Leonardo Decaprio? you know the one where he was cashing pay cheques from pan am airlines and then later cheques from some hospital in america

tommy21

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

ain't that a movie starring Leonardo Decaprio? you know the one where he was cashing pay cheques from pan am airlines and then later cheques from some hospital in america

Its not from the movie, its an age-old trick. But yes he does insert his own name into someone else's cert and frames it.

messymess

Pauleta wrote: »

That shows great initiative and problem solving ability. You're hired!

Not necessarily. There's a possibility, depending on the pdf editing software and the technique that was used, that the previous name he overwrote is stored the files metadata. Perhaps in multiple locations!

matrim

I have down that I was head of a department in one of my previous jobs. While technically true, I was the only person in the department so it was by default was I head of it.

I'm honest about the circumstances in a interview it has definitely bumped me up the list and gotten me a couple of interviews that I wouldn't have had without it.

The_B_Man

Fake Bsc. I failed the year, but still put it down.

Technically i didnt lie, coz i didnt mention passing it anywhere, just put "between year xyz and year abc i did this course", coz thats what i spent that particular year doing!

chillywilly

I never lied on my CV but I'm thinking of doing it with the amount of success in this thread!! Any tips? :P

General General

Member of The Fall (1987-1989) - played drums.

Capt'n Midnight

I lost my job when they discovered that I had copied parts of my thesis so I've had to put my plans to be chancellor on hold. Ah well back to my castle and private village for a while.

Mike 1972

Oranage2 wrote: »

my last 2 jobs i made up a company that did similar work to the one i was applying too and gave a family member as a reference. both times got the job.

I see your fake reference/previous job and raise you ten

I knew a guy who made up a fake job at a fake company (He was actually in prison at the time) and gave his drug dealer as a reference.

chillywilly

Mike 1972 wrote: »

I see your fake reference/previous job and raise you ten

I knew a guy who made up a fake job at a fake company (He was actually in prison at the time) and gave his drug dealer as a reference.

At least he was trying to better himself!

Pauleta

I applied for a job a few years ago that i was clearly not qualified for. Went to the interview pissed from the night before and waffled for ages about how great i am. Then i had to do a multiple choice test. I guessed the vast majority of the questions, even going as far as ticking certain letters because i had used so many a's and b's. Apparently i scored very high in the test :pac:. There were about 15 people there that day and i was the only one that started the next week. 4 weeks later they kinda copped on i was useless and let me go with full wages and 2 weeks severance pay

Sea Sharp

I'm a marathon runner.
/turns up to interview stinking of cigarettes.

pragmatic1

chillywilly wrote: »

I never lied on my CV but I'm thinking of doing it with the amount of success in this thread!! Any tips? :P

I'm definitley going to now. Thanks for the good ideas folks.

Pdfile

i lied about my leaving cert results to get a job in a shop once...

i lowwered my grades on the junior cert to make myself seem more adverage ( which got me the job... and most jobs to date... whenever i put down full qualifications i dont even get a call back... i dumb down a little Hey-presto ! )

Aoifey!

Made up some work experience and gave them my very helpful neighbours number

bijapos

My mother never went to Secondary school (which was normal enough here in the 50's). In 1959 she went to London and her first interview was for a job as a cashier in a Nat West bank. She was asked did she do the Leaving Cert, said she did, yer man said start on Monday and bring the cert with you. She decided to chance it and showed up, they never asked for the cert and when she left 10 years later she was assistant manageress.

Never spoofed anything in my cv

Eever

bijapos wrote: »

My mother never went to Secondary school (which was normal enough here in the 50's). In 1959 she went to London and her first interview was for a job as a cashier in a Nat West bank. She was asked did she do the Leaving Cert, said she did, yer man said start on Monday and bring the cert with you. She decided to chance it and showed up, they never asked for the cert and when she left 10 years later she was assistant manageress.

I worked in a bank where one or two people didn't have their leaving cert (which is required) so when they started they just chanced their arms with that sort of "oh yeah I'll bring it in next week" thing and then it's forgotten about.

But then a year or two later they'd be doing an interview for a promotion, they'd get said promotion and their file would be looked back on and they'd be told "we haven't got a copy of your Leaving Cert here, you'll need to bring it in before we can sign the new contract" so not only could they not get their promotion, but they'd also be fired on account of the fact that they misrepresented themselves (which I can understand but as far as I'm concerned is completely stupid if you've proved your worth so much that you're about to be promoted).

I also know a girl who has faked a Law Degree. Well, she did a year and a bit of Law but all her family and extended family believe she has completed said degree (a fake degree hung proudly framed in the hall while she had her graduation party where all her relatives gave her money as congratulations). She now works in her uncles law firm but as a secretary, not a solicitor.

Unpossible

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

I lost my job when they discovered that I had copied parts of my thesis so I've had to put my plans to be chancellor on hold. Ah well back to my castle and private village for a while.

Germany just isn't ready to go back to having nobles in charge

Mike 1972

Eever wrote: »

I worked in a bank where one or two people didn't have their leaving cert (which is required) so when they started they just chanced their arms with that sort of "oh yeah I'll bring it in next week" thing and then it's forgotten about.

I did that (for my college exams) but I wasnt lying.

I was asked for the certs and told them (truthfully) that they were in by parents house but Id be down there in a couple of weeks and would pick them up then.

I did but I never bothered my @r$€; bringing them up to the office and never heard another word about it.

Eever wrote: »

But then a year or two later they'd be doing an interview for a promotion, they'd get said promotion and their file would be looked back on and they'd be told "we haven't got a copy of your Leaving Cert here, you'll need to bring it in before we can sign the new contract" so not only could they not get their promotion, but they'd also be fired on account of the fact that they misrepresented themselves (which I can understand but as far as I'm concerned is completely stupid if you've proved your worth so much that you're about to be promoted).

In theory If the misrepresentation was on a signed application form (as opposed to a CV) they could be sued as well although given the time lapse and failure of the employer to follow up on checks their case wouldnt be a particularly strong one.

Oranage2

chillywilly wrote: »

I never lied on my CV but I'm thinking of doing it with the amount of success in this thread!! Any tips? :P

make sure you have balls, else you'll have to deal with glass ceilings

BraziliaNZ

I always say I have a degree but only did 2 years in college, lol. I think experience and references mean more to most employees that education, in my field anyway.

Remmy

Eever wrote: »

I also know a girl who has faked a Law Degree. Well, she did a year and a bit of Law but all her family and extended family believe she has completed said degree (a fake degree hung proudly framed in the hall while she had her graduation party where all her relatives gave her money as congratulations). She now works in her uncles law firm but as a secretary, not a solicitor.

What a patethic indivudial..

Daegerty

Remmy wrote: »

What a patethic indivudial..

Pulling something like that off is a useful skill in that business and is something actual lawyers would envy. When you're in the business of lying I'd think that would be a good start

Captain Havoc

My CV is honest, probably why I'm in a job I hate.

squeakyduck

My CV is pretty honest too.....well apart from duties on family farm: picking stones. My brother told me not to take that out of my CV. My interviews actually revolve around what "stone picking" is....always an icebreaker :cool: