Landover Baptist church- Thank You Rev. Jim

prinz

Ellis Dee wrote: »

I reckon this is an offshoot of the Westboro Baptist Church..

You're half right, it's a pisstake of the likes of the WBC.

summerskin

prinz wrote: »

Ellis Dee wrote: »

I reckon this is an offshoot of the Westboro Baptist Church..

You're half right, it's a pisstake of the likes of the WBC.

I'm shocked at how many stupid people there are after reading this thread.

Do any of you that took it seriously not realise that it's a parody site, and a bloody good one?

So many stupid people.

slowmoe

Nicole, I know just how you feel, sort of. I had a problem a couple of years ago with feelings "down there". Then I heard that Reverend Jim Osborne was selling special hand-shaped Prayer Cloths for physical problems for only $49.99 each!

The way he said they work is like this - You explain your problem, and then Reverend Jim reads the problem with his hands on some special material. Then he prays to Jesus over your problem, and one of his assistants cuts out the cloths to the shape of his hands, so the prayers to Jesus get stuck in the cloth!

Here is the letter I sent him

Quote:
Originally Posted by Me, like three years ago I think . . .
Dear Reverend Jim,
This is very embarassing. I am an 18 year old virgin and I am having issues with my lady place. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I get very damp down there. And I feel all hot and tingly too. It can be very distracting, especially when I am in church and our young Godly Pastor is preaching. I get all tingly down there and I start squirming in the pew so much that I can't concentrate on his sermon!

I've have enclosed a $100.00 bill, because I think my lady place problem is so serious that I want you to use both hands and make me two prayer cloths. Make sure to pray extra hard over them! I will take them with me to church and I will sit on them when I get that moist, distracting, hot tingling in my lady parts.

By the way, are your prayer cloths washable? Because sometimes things get really wet down there! Also, do think they would work better inside my panties, so that your prayers could get directly in contact with the afflicted area?

YIC

Tammi


He sent me the cloths, they were the softest velvet you ever felt! He agreed with me that they should go inside my panties. Unfortunately, he said the cloths weren't washable, but he had a great idea!

He said I could send him the cloths I had used, and he would just send me more when he got them. He even sent me some pre-paid envelopes! I would guess that over the last couple of years, he has probably sent me like 50 or 60 velvet prayer cloths and just as many pre-paid return envelopes!

I was never as trampy as you are, rubbing myself down there, and thanks to Reverend Jim, whenever I feel moist "down there", I just stick one of Reverend Jim's velvet prayer cloths in my panties and I know Jesus is helping me to not be a slut!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=398424&postcount=15


epic troll site

slowmoe

Making for some interesting reading though is the abundant life church in galway, sounds like landover could be partly based on it

http://dialogueireland.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/newsletters-from-abundant-life-the-archive/

http://dialogueireland.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/abundant-life1.pdf

http://dialogueireland.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/abundant-life2.pdf

Due to circumstances out of our control we’ve had to leave our facility (one of the finest in the country) and move to a hotel for our services.

didn't pay the rent!!! and loads of requests for money especially for their unpaid tax bill, with some charming comments about the irish to top it off...

We are also making plans to bring our family home this summer! We’ve not been home to Texas as a family for several years now and are all looking forward to seeing family, sun, Mexican food, etc.! We wanted to let all our partners and friends know, in case some of you are interested in helping us with expenses. The family will be in Texas for about a month… I’ll have to fly back to Ireland so that I only miss one Sunday or so. The tickets alone will run to about $6,500. (There are many benefits to having a beautiful family of six… this ain’t one of them!) So if you’d like bless us, we’d really appreciate it. Your donations could go toward tickets or perhaps “buy a day” for us. One day, calculating airfare, car hire, food, etc., would be around $300

I’m reconfiguring our mail-out and wanted to let everyone know what we were doing. Everything is going well, but we are, along with many others, trying to cut back on some of our ministry expenses. Our newsletter costs us about $500.00 per month to send out. We have needed 100 partners at $50.00 per month to pay bills here, but we have currently only 12 partners (along with a few others that give less). As you can see, that barely covers the newsletter cost, and it provides no salary for our family. Though we thoroughly enjoy sending each month’s letter with new stories and new pictures of recent events, we feel we need to trim it in order to be good stewards. So if you desire to remain on the mailing list, please consider becoming a monthly partner. We feel it would be irresponsible of us to continue sowing seed into ground that yields no fruit to the ministry here.

In Ireland, this generation is filled with godless hedonism and nearly every single young person has no knowledge of God! That is not an exaggeration.

jomc

That stuff is nuts, isn't that the guy who got sued for not paying rent for a year even though he'd been asking his church goers to give him extra money to pay the rent? And then bought a villa in spain or something? I think his 'leader' ordered him back to texas, leaving a huge amount in debts unpaid and then 'gave' the church to the people who run the victory church

Nothingbetter2d

wait they claim they love jesus yet deny themselves the so called blood of christ which is wine?

what a bunch of fruitloops

Nothingbetter2d

lets all register on this troll site and troll their religion but troll it in Gaelic