how do you stop worrying about what people think of you?

galaxyminstrels

Hi all,
just wondering is there an answer to the above? I have lost some friends in the last few years, through no fault of my own and find I am constantly worrying about what people think. It's gone to the point where every time I meet somebody new I am worrying about whether they liked me or not, whether I talked too much or too little. I am beginning to overthink situations
So girls, do you worry about what people think of you?
If you don't, I'd love to know how you don't worry about others opinions of you?
Thanks everyone.

RxQueen

You can't stop yourself worrying, you just got to learn not to care . If you're you and they don't like you for who you are , then they're no worth having around

g'em

Everyone worries about what people think of them, everyone It's an entirely human reaction, and the need to belong is one of our most fundamental needs in life. But when you're worrying so much that you can't control it and it becomes irrational and disproportionate to what's really happening then it can be extremely unpleasant.

Someone said something very simple and straightforward to me once - not everyone is going to like you. Deal with it :pac: It's true though, no matter how great a person you are there will always be someone who doesn't like or doesn't agree with something you've said or done. So what though? There's room for all of us. Think about it, do you like every single person you've ever met? Of course not. But do you give the people you don't like a second thought? Probably not. You just accept that there's something you don't like about them but each to their own.

Now think about all the people you do like. Are they perfect? God no, course they aren't. But despite all those flaws (and maybe because of them) you still adore them and value their friendship, you have no problem letting the little stuff slide and you know well that everyone has their little foibles and quirks. Well, they feel the same way about you. You're not perfect, neither am I or anyone else here. But that just makes us who we are, and accepting the bad stuff along with all the awesome stuff will help to give you confidence and stop worrying. Don't beat yourself up over the teeny things that go wrong - I can almost guarantee that the minute things you do that you stress and obsess over are forgotten in an instant by the people who care about you, of whom I'm sure there are many.

And hey, if someone does get hung up on something really small and inconsequential then more fool them - if they want to live their life expecting perfection from everyone around them then it'll be a very disappointing life they lead!

Be you, enjoy being you and trust that other people will enjoy being around you too

MoodeRator

g'em wrote: »

Be you, enjoy being you and trust that other people will enjoy being around you too

And there you have it, in a nutshell!!! Life is only as complicated as you make it! Relax and just enjoy being you:)
Bang on the money g'em!!!

theg81der

Pick nicer friends! I used to try to fit other peoples expectations now I find nice people who fit mine - mind you they are probably people other people may not value highly. Sometimes the quieter people who don`t put themselves out there as much have a lot to offer in terms of friendship and are worth making an effort with.

Yes I do worry what people think still but I`m not sure I reflect that in my actions - it doesn`t stop me being me because the people who react badly are not the ones I want to be friends with anyway. Its a good way of picking out the diamonds.

Eve_Dublin

Great advice from G'em there.

It probably comes with age as well, at least for me. In the past few years, I've become a lot more comfortable being how I am instead of trying too hard like I did in my early twenties. I remember being in situations with people from college or friends of friends who I desperately wanted to like me fro whatever reason (I was at a stage when I still thought people were "cool")...when the reality was, I didn't particularly like them and didn't enjoy their company. The pain I went through to be an all singing, all dancing Eve_Dublin and the feeling of betraying who I really was made me very lonely. When I went travelling alone, I had to be myself and I spent a lot of time alone. I learned to get along with myself and not depend on others and now I've got the frame of mind of "you can like me or lump me....I don't need you".

I know some of my friends have noticed a change in me...I've probably calmed down a lot and I spend more time just doing my own thing. I was the clown in school, in college, among friends..still am to some degree but only when I feel like it and not because people expect it from me like before. I look back now and remember the stress I put myself under to be the "funny girl". Jaysus. I reckon that came with the territory of trying to find my place in the world back then but now I've finally found my place, I know who I am....I'm far from perfect but still worthwhile. As worthwhile as anyone.

michelledoh

galaxyminstrels wrote: »

Hi all,
just wondering is there an answer to the above? I have lost some friends in the last few years, through no fault of my own and find I am constantly worrying about what people think. It's gone to the point where every time I meet somebody new I am worrying about whether they liked me or not, whether I talked too much or too little. I am beginning to overthink situations
So girls, do you worry about what people think of you?
If you don't, I'd love to know how you don't worry about others opinions of you?
Thanks everyone.

I think personally you tend to mellow out as you mature and care less about what people think. As someone above said, try to surround yourself with positive people is also good advice!

who the fug

Just get older, you just have time or interest in anxiety

Maple

Learn to like yourself first, it'll help. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, then the less you'll mind what people think of you. Once those people who actually matter in your life know and love you, then you're already onto a winner so don't let random strangers upset your inner calm.

Feeona

We all worry about what people think*. The trick is to not let it interfere with your quality of life. Decide what it is that you want from life and go for it!








*Apart from psychopaths and you don't want to be one of them!

Aishae

you can only live up to your own expectations not down to anyone elses as my mam says....
what i take from that is to be who and whatever i AM - thats good enough for me and if its not good enough for someone else (and inevitably there will be people like that) then their expectations of me are either lower than mine or just plain old different. and im still happy with me. thats the important thing.

cards

Try repeating an affirmation.You've got to practice it and just keep saying it over and over every day and play with visualizing yourself as operating with your new belief.One I've been playing with for a while has been,

I am totally independent of the good or bad opinions of others.I respect myself.I respect others and others respect me.I have healthy personal boundaries.I am strong.I have high self esteem.

Saying it out loud(obviously not in public!),especially into a mirror,silly as it sounds helps you to adopt a new belief. The problem is most people give up after a day or two without realizing it might have taken it 10 years or more to get to their current way of thinking.

flowerchild

Depending on how you do it, it's not necessarily a problem. Some individuals have what is called an 'external reference'. They check with and (at least partially) look to others' reactions to decide how they are going. Other people make an internal judgement instead. Both approaches have strengths and limitations. And some people use a mixture of internal judgement and external check.

Used judiciously, it can help you be v high quality and high performing. You just need to learn to keep your own sense of self intact where the external world is not approving your approach. It may still be right, in absolute terms, or right for you.

pollypocket10

OP I used be the very same. I don't think I did anything to change, just got older, wiser and more confident.

I think people used to actually think I was an ignorant so and so because I was so stand-offish but in actual fact I was afraid to open my mouth in case people thought I was stupid or boring or whatever.

But you know what, I don't think anyone is taking half as much notice of us as we think and even if they do think I am thick as two planks, it's not going to stop me from sleeping at night.

jellybeans

cards wrote: »

Try repeating an affirmation.You've got to practice it and just keep saying it over and over every day and play with visualizing yourself as operating with your new belief.One I've been playing with for a while has been,




Saying it out loud(obviously not in public!),especially into a mirror,silly as it sounds helps you to adopt a new belief. The problem is most people give up after a day or two without realizing it might have taken it 10 years or more to get to their current way of thinking.

I can't stress enough how important this is, reprogramming your brain to think positive and "talk yourself down" from those anxious thoughts. I also learned that you should always ask yourself "what do I think of them". I had the same problem, it's social anxiety really and i think a lot of people get it at some point. Age is defo a factor and positive affirmations do work! also maybe the most valuable thing I learned was "what someone thinks of me is none of my business"

Augmerson

I grew up in a mid-sized town in the Midlands, which if any of you are from the Midlands (or even outside of there and passed through), you will know how parochial it can be at times, but then so can be many Irish towns, it isn't exclusive to my hometown. Anyway as a teenager I was very self-conscious and was always worried what people might say or think of me, but as I got older and move away from the Midlands to Dublin and then to Vancouver, I just began not giving a flying ****. The only people whose opinion's I value are my family and friends, and outside of that the only other people I'd care what they thought of me would be a Jury if I was in court.

Life is far too short to consider what strangers think of you. Family and friends perhaps, but strangers? No way, don't let them hold you back. Do whatever is you want, only small minded people would care what somebody else is doing anyway.

LollieB

I would be very like you OP and I have been trying my hardest to overcome it. I spoke to my best friend in the world about it and she said, "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter".

It's very true to an extent. I know that the people closest to me in the world want the very best for me and don't think I'm an idiot or stupid etc. Even if I am acting like an idiot, they will tell me outright for my own sake and I will always do the same for them. Those that laugh at you behind your back, or leave you feeling stupid or left out or anything like that are not true friends, nor are they worth your thoughts or energy.

I keep trying to tell myself that I can't help how other people act but I can help my own reactions to them. It's hard but its bloody well worth it!

Will

galaxyminstrels wrote: »

Hi all,
just wondering is there an answer to the above? I have lost some friends in the last few years, through no fault of my own and find I am constantly worrying about what people think. It's gone to the point where every time I meet somebody new I am worrying about whether they liked me or not, whether I talked too much or too little. I am beginning to overthink situations
So girls, do you worry about what people think of you?
If you don't, I'd love to know how you don't worry about others opinions of you?
Thanks everyone.

If you can realise that no matter how much you may worry it is not going to alter how other's view you, it will only effect the view you have of yourself.

Short and sweet.

Raze_them_all

I base my self worth off of my own opinion of myself not others, oh also I don't really like people too much