Don't have regrets!

stripysocks85

Today I buried an old friend.

Throughout primary and secondary schools, we were best friends. In fact, she was one of those girls that would be a great friend to anyone. A sound, loving, easy going girl who was always smiling, well, almost always!

At merely 25, you'll understand my shock when I heard she had passed away. No reasons or explanations given, just a mystery. A beautiful girl who exuded optimism and fun, snatched before our very eyes.

So. Why am I posting this? Well. To encourage you all not to have regrets. I have a regret. When I left school to go to college, I drifted apart from her. I could have picked up the phone at any stage, sent a quick text, phoned for a quick hello, even called into her for a catch up. I didn't. I became so wrapped up in other things, in college work, college life, and then the working world, that I neglected my friendship with a girl who has now been taken far earlier than her time should be. I regret not making the effort. I regret not staying in contact with her, so that I would have many more memories than I have right now. She asked my mum regularly how I was, and it was nice that she thought about me. I just wish I had made an effort. For about 3 years, I had little/no contact with her. Now it is too late.

She is, was, a fabulous girl. It's funny, as so many of the things that annoyed me, or amazed me, or that I laughed about, are now the things that I smile about and remember. For example, heading into the toilets about 10 minutes after arriving in the pub to check makeup!! She always loved her make up, and enjoyed looking immaculate, but you know? She didn't have to try too hard as she was naturally beautiful. A typical girl - loved fashion, accessories, make up.

Beautiful girl. Wish I had kept in touch. I'll always wish I had done things differently. The only small solace I can take from this is that we had text each other over Christmas for a small catch up. Had arranged to meet at a weekend when I'd be home next for a proper catch up. Sadly, that never materialised as she's gone now.

I'm rambling now. But yeah. Don't have any regrets guys & gals. So many of us become enthralled in our own silly problems, that it's not until something like this that kicks you up the arse and makes you think. Makes you value what you have. Friendships take effort. We should all try & make the extra effort to keep in contact with those we love.

I'll never forget you A. I'm sorry I didn't try harder xx

MLH1

Sorry S I was the apple of your eye and didnt spend as much time with you as I should have, thinking of you 5 years on and the amazing man you were.

KayTee

So sorry to read about the loss of your friend. Everything you say makes sense and puts the important things in life into perspective. Life just passes us by sometimes in a blur of excuses and reasons why not... Be good to yourself at this difficult time x

stripysocks85

Thank you. I just.... I wish that I had made more of an effort. And you know, sometimes I thought about it. Ha. Thought about it. It's not that difficult to send a quick text. But you don't find the time going by. Weeks roll into months, and before long, you're almost embarrassed that's BEEN so long, that you shy away from making contact. I remember once she pulled into the car park, and I turned my head away, as I almost didn't know what to say to her.

But, you know what? At the end of it all, we had one of those relationships where you didn't have to see each other all the time to know the other cared. I admit, things had slided an awful lot in the wrong direction, but if we did meet up, it was like we picked up from where we'd left off & just like old times again. Sigh. No point having regrets now I guess. I just better make sure it doesn't happen with any of my other friends.

Dudess

Lovely post Stripy - but don't be too hard on yourself, it's something most of us are guilty of (and I don't mean literally "guilty" - just using it in the figure of speech sense). There's a girl I worked with up to a while back whom I got on fantastically well with, and I keep saying on Facebook etc "We must definitely meet up" and she says the same, and it's gotten to the point where it's become a bit of a joke now. But the intention is every bit there for us to meet up, and I'm sure you had every intention of meeting your late friend too. It's natural to forget to stay in regular contact with those who are no longer present in your daily life, but it doesn't mean you don't care about them...

MissMiami

Sorry to hear about your friend, hun.

I think with all our hectic lifestyles, what with work and college, etc, that it can be difficult to spend as much time as you would like with people like that. Sometimes you don't realise that it has been months since you've last seen that person and sadly, it may take an event like this to fully appreciate the time you have with friends and family.

Thank you for your post, it has really struck a cord with me and I will make more of an effort to spend more time with those I don't see very often.

Hope you're doing OK. xxx

stripysocks85

Thanks guys.
Glad that I could even encourage one person to make the little extra effort. I realise modern life is so busy - we're all being dragged in different directions and we get so worked up about small things. Well, things that appear big at the time but when put into perspective, they really don't matter much at all.

Above post had me in tears! Set off very easily this week though. Still. Such is life. These things happen.

seenitall

SUICIDE, op. It's an important word. I am convinced that if it were used more often, there would be less of it.

Sorry for your loss.

stripysocks85

seenitall wrote: »

SUICIDE, op. It's an important word. I am convinced that if it were used more often, there would be less of it.

Sorry for your loss.

It wasn't suicide.

seenitall

stripysocks85 wrote: »

It wasn't suicide.

I'm also sorry about my assumption then.

krudler

seenitall wrote: »

SUICIDE, op. It's an important word. I am convinced that if it were used more often, there would be less of it.

Sorry for your loss.

bloody hell, presumptious much?

stripysocks85

If it was, I would say. Was just thinking about suicide the other day. How important it could be to someone, to smile at them, or just pop into them, say hi. Sounds cheesy, but a smile really could brighten up someone's day. I know plenty of people are feeling so alone & such now, but a small smile could make a difference. I am thankful, that in my friend's case, it wasn't suicide. Doesn't seem to be anything suspicious. Just a horrible tragedy. Unexplained for the most part thus far. Murmurs of a heart attack, but who knows.

Sibylla

Sorry about your loss OP. Sometimes it takes a loss or the opposite to reflect on things. It sounds like you and your friend were very close and losing someone like that is always painful, Lovely first post OP.

lauren12

Sorry for your loss hun, I can't imagine how robbed you, her family and other friends feel. But she touched your life and that is a wonderful thing.

LegacyUser

dear op,
i feel your pain and can totally understand your loss i lost my dear dear friend s at the end of oct. she was my best friend from school since we grew up together. their was four of us in our group and we were all so close the whole way up to her death. she died of cancer she died a month to the date she found out it was terminal.
i miss her everyday and when the three of us get together we see the evident void. i was lucky to have spent as much time with her and never lost contact with her. i feel for your loss but remember even though you feel guilty just remember the good times you had and she too remember them as well.
dont regret anything i felt like that over the last couple of months but i know what my s would say to me. shed actually kill me if i was regretting everything. live your life not just for you but for her Non, je ne regrette rien because youll just beat yourself up.
you will have those happy memories that may first seem sad but they make you smile later and be glad that you had such an incredible person in your life even if it was for such a short time. i do!without her i would not be the person who i am today or nor would i know how to make an incredible chilli con carne:)
chin up pet.
thinking of you s:)

stripysocks85

Thanks for all the support.

So, its just over a week since it happened. I had to take yesterday off work. I really did not feel up to it. The thoughts of everything returning to normal, whilst she is gone, just didn't sit right with me. Also, I did not sleep for any length of time Sunday night. Kept mulling things over in my head. It's the first time i've had any real loss.

I'll get over it. Such is life.

cock robin

That story really touched me stripeysocks85. But you will get over your loss and learn that we all sometimes need a cool hand on a fevered brow every now and then. May your friend sleep well and dream easy. TBH text and all forms of social media create situations where people stay in touch but do not really connect properly as nature intended. People cant hide anguish or pain when you are face to face with them, but too often we rely on texting and such like and are content that all is ok when in fact the opposite may be true. Do not beat yourself up you did no wrong

beks101

Your post really moved and upset me SS, I'm so sorry for your loss. It makes you wonder about life really. Here I was sitting in front of TV worrying about work in the morning and berating myself for not making the gym...I'm so terrible at maintaining contact with friends and have let a fair few drift over the years, as well as my current situation where work is taking priority over all the social stuff I should be doing with my friends.

I'm not only upset to hear about such a young, vibrant life being snatched away so inexplicably, but I'm upset at myself for being such a fcuking idiot to be honest. I always know I'll live to regret it but get so caught up in the little responsibilities I have that I forget about the bigger ones. Thank you for sharing this with everyone and please be kind to yourself, grief is an unpredictable process and you need to be patient and compassionate towards yourself now more than ever. I think your friend would be proud of you and how you so eloquently expressed what we all need to think about a bit more in our lives xx

stripysocks85

An update!!

So it's been 3 weeks now. Hard to believe. Feels like so much longer. i'm feeling okay. I do still genuinely forget sometimes, and expect to see her around at home and such. Anyway. i'm sticking to my intention of making more of an effort with other friends, and have a big booze up weekend coming up after Paddys! I have summer plans made with 2 other friends.

I really think it's important to make the effort, otherwise things will slide & I don't want to be in a position like the one from last month.

Hope everyone is making a little change too - NO REGRETS