Gaydar is rubbish

boddd

Hi all,

Does anyone else find gaydar rubbish, am 27 and not really out, am out to a few people but have not going to gay clubs/pubs yet. Intend on going to one in the future though. Anyway to get back to my point I have been using gaydar for a while and I find it possible to find someone who is not into just hook ups. Clearly state on my profile that I am not looking for one night stands. Also in gaydar chat the main room is gay cruising. Only messages you ever see are about people stating whether they are top or bottom. Does not give me much hope of actually having a relationship some day. Is there even a point of going to gay pubs/clubs if gaydar is a true reflection of the gay community.


P.S. If you are not looking for a one night stand and want to meet a nice country lad send me a message, lol

boddd

boddd wrote: »

Hi all,
I find it possible to find someone who is not into just hook ups.

Meant to say impossible, that's what happens when you write too quickly when you are pissed off, lol

Morag

And in other news water is wet...

Try a site which is not a hook up site, try OkCupid which has a large irish base.

filmbuffboy

Sharrow wrote: »

And in other news water is wet...

Try a site which is not a hook up site, try OkCupid which has a large irish base.

might be a good alternative, but the problem is most lads that are on gaydar with 'looking for sex' profiles have 'relationship' profiles elsewhere. Id have to agreee with the OP. not much hope out there. most lads only seem to want anonymous sex!

boddd

Sharrow wrote: »

And in other news water is wet...

Try a site which is not a hook up site, try OkCupid which has a large irish base.

Thanks, will try that site, was always under the impression that gaydar was the main gay dating site in Ireland.

A lemon

Ok Cupid is the best free dating site out there, but it doesn't have anywhere near as big a presence in Ireland as Gaydar, which is unfortunate. Whatever happened to romance and a bit of mystery? I have an account on Gaydar, but I barely ever use it. Too much cock and ass plastered all over the site.

Dwn Wth Vwls

Gaydar is indeed rubbish, that's a given, but do you have a face photo up? That's probably a big hindrance to finding a date if you don't. I'd suggest making new profiles on other sites such as OkCupid, plentyoffish, maybe even gayromeo.

Also when you're writing your profile, try to stay away from being negative. You might be unhappy about how things are going, but your profile is not the place to complain or talk excessively about things you hate.

SparkyTech

I joined it a few days back, and im looking for something more then a hook up! My experience of it so far has been overly poor. Theres an imbalance of older/younger members and too many looking for one night stands. Having said that, have started chatting with two lovley guys so we shall see how it goes

ElectricGirl

My friend uses Manhunt all the time and he isnt on it just for one night stands and has had some dates from it. There is a few good ones out there But yes Gaydar is useless.

brian93

I used manhunt, and although it's similar to gaydar i managed to find a man whom i've been in a relationship with for 9 months. I'm not saying use manhunt, it's pretty bad, but there are men out there who aren't looking for sex. me or my boyfriend aren't into sex and there will be others out there. good luck

SilverCircle

This is sad and it feeds back to a certain extent to the other thread in this community "Younger meeting older?" (or that could be "caucasian meeting coloured" or "fat meeting thin" etc. etc.). In my opinion the problem stems from people having preconceived ideas of what it is they want and not being prepared to deviate in any way from that. For instance, many younger guys who say I would never hook up with an older guy have never done so and consequently they cannot know whether or not they might have found a very fulfilling relationship by doing so. And i am not talking about the "ONS" sex meet merchants.

I am on Gaydar too and I met my ex bf on there and we had a very good 6 year relationship. Sadly it has ended now. But I am trying to meet someone new and if any of the posters on this thread had met me online in gaydar I would be very interested in meeting to explore whether or not a relationship was possible (and if not sure we could have some fun anyway ).

The point is that by "excluding" certain categories of people from your preferences you immediately reduce the chances of meeting someone and starting a relationship. So if you want to maximize your options then have an open welcome for all. Just meeting someone for a coffe or a drink does not and should not commit you to having sex or starting a relationship. If there is a spark there it will develop from that and if not no harm done and pick yourself up and try again.

Best of luck to all of you (and to myself also He He He).

Rick_

Both relationships I have had were from Gaydar, both ended up being total tw@ts though. It's only good now for taking the piss in the chatrooms. The chat rooms are empty but the cruising rooms are full. Tells you all you need to know really.

Try Plenty of Fish as well, it's more of a relationship orientated site. Or just PM me...! :P

bitter_lemon

Paddy C wrote: »

Both relationships I have had were from Gaydar, both ended up being total tw@ts though. It's only good now for taking the piss in the chatrooms. The chat rooms are empty but the cruising rooms are full. Tells you all you need to know really.

Try Plenty of Fish as well, it's more of a relationship orientated site. Or just PM me...! :P

i was the only lesbian on "plenty of fish" :rolleyes:

keepkeyyellow

Oh Gaydar. I've started and deleted so many accounts I just can't remember anymore, however it's great for chat up lines.

'Wanna come over to mine so I can spank you while I smoke a cigar?'

Xani

I'm in a very happy relationship at the moment with a guy I met on Gaydar, so it can't all be bad. We met and had a drink and took it from there, neither of us were looking for sex meet-ups. Met two other guys there who were really cool but it didn't work out for various reasons not related to the website.

Having said that, the majority of messages I got were from guys wanting me to come over for sex. You just need to wade through the crap to find the right guy

hypersquirrel

bitter_lemon wrote: »

i was the only lesbian on "plenty of fish" :rolleyes:

I tried Ok Cupid. Seem to be a few more on that.

KnifeWRENCH

I set up a profile last week, out of boredom mainly. Just to see what happened.

I tried to emphasise as much as possible "I'M NOT HERE FOR SEX SO FÚCK OFF IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE AFTER". Haven't had too many pervs come onto me yet, so it must be working! :pac:

I'll probably end up deleting it at some point anyway, 'cause I don't see myself using it too much.

Xani

Some advice with Gaydar: Leave yourself logged in whenever you are at your PC. People tend to check "Who's online" rather than browse through offline profiles. I'd get several messages a night when logged in but almost none when not.

Aishae

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

I set up a profile last week, out of boredom mainly. Just to see what happened.

tried okcupid the other day for the same reason - seems to be a fair few on there (girls in my case) but seem to get a lot of suggested americans...
doubt anyone will be pervy - i type too much :pac:

Rick_

I've now made a profile on OK Cupid and the amount of guys from Dublin on it is quite surprising. Noone closer to home really, and most of the people on there in the 90% match category are from America or somewhere around Europe. There apparently is a guy who is 99.7% compatible with me but when I search I can't find him, the highest it's bringing up is 93%. Just my luck!

calm_bull

boddd wrote: »

Hi all,

Does anyone else find gaydar rubbish, am 27 and not really out, am out to a few people but have not going to gay clubs/pubs yet. Intend on going to one in the future though. Anyway to get back to my point I have been using gaydar for a while and I find it possible to find someone who is not into just hook ups. Clearly state on my profile that I am not looking for one night stands. Also in gaydar chat the main room is gay cruising. Only messages you ever see are about people stating whether they are top or bottom. Does not give me much hope of actually having a relationship some day. Is there even a point of going to gay pubs/clubs if gaydar is a true reflection of the gay community.


P.S. If you are not looking for a one night stand and want to meet a nice country lad send me a message, lol

I have just written exactly the same forum post, ****e isnt it

filmbuffboy

Joined OKcupid last week and have already met a lovely guy online and been exchanging emails with him back and forth.

quite the result considering the most you would get from Gaydar usually is "up for some fun?" :rolleyes:

edwinkane

It's all to easy to decide one site or other is "rubbish", and the reason sites are rubbish is mainly because they are used in such a way as to render then "rubbish".

I know plenty of guys who have met on gaydar, and are in long term relationships. I also know plenty of guys who have used and continue to use gaydar, successfully, to find casual sexual partners.

What they all say is that it's also possible to use gaydar (and lots of other sites) and never find anyone for anything. It's a matter of how you use the site, and not the site itself, which makes it work for you.

filmbuffboy

agree with you completely edwinkane, your location can have A LOT to do with how successful you are too.

A lemon

filmbuffboy wrote: »

Joined OKcupid last week and have already met a lovely guy online and been exchanging emails with him back and forth.

quite the result considering the most you would get from Gaydar usually is "up for some fun?" :rolleyes:

I wish the Irish gay community would mass migrate to OKCupid, it's such a great site - doing the questions can be a fun way to kill a few minutes and the forum (which is somewhat hidden) is absolutely hilarious.

filmbuffboy

forum? what forum?

azezil

Ah OKCupid, funny aul site. I just did a search, the most compatible person (within a 25mile range of Dublin) for me is an ex of mine :pac:. Funny, I never thought we were all that compatable when we were dating, haven't even talked to him in yeeeeaaarrrrrrs.

Oh and as for gaydar, it used to be ok, I'm not sure if it's because I just don't have the patience for it anymore or something else but I just couldn't be arsed even trying on it these days. As already mentioned the only busy chat room is the cruising room. Not my cuppa.

A lemon

filmbuffboy wrote: »

forum? what forum?

http://www.okcupid.com/forum

It's craaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzy!

edwinkane

azezil wrote: »

Ah OKCupid, funny aul site. I just did a search, the most compatible person (within a 25mile range of Dublin) for me is an ex of mine :pac:. Funny, I never thought we were all that compatable when we were dating, haven't even talked to him in yeeeeaaarrrrrrs.

Oh and as for gaydar, it used to be ok, I'm not sure if it's because I just don't have the patience for it anymore or something else but I just couldn't be arsed even trying on it these days. As already mentioned the only busy chat room is the cruising room. Not my cuppa.

Many guys say that, while the concept of a cruising room is good, what happens in gaydar is that it turns into a room where the same guys appear to be all the time, pasting the same lines fruitlessly looking for sex they rarely seem to find. There is a lack of humour and it just seems to be rather like the film groundhog day, the same thing going around and around and getting nowhere.

azezil

edwinkane wrote: »

Many guys say that, while the concept of a cruising room is good, what happens in gaydar is that it turns into a room where the same guys appear to be all the time, pasting the same lines fruitlessly looking for sex they rarely seem to find. There is a lack of humour and it just seems to be rather like the film groundhog day, the same thing going around and around and getting nowhere.

True true.
The chat room 6 / 7 years ago was a very different place. It used to be a fun place to chat to random people about random things. I met my first bf there and made some very good friends, now as you rightly pointed out, it just seems to be the same people posting the same crap looking for a shag over and over. Disappointing really.

edwinkane

azezil wrote: »

True true.
The chat room 6 / 7 years ago was a very different place. It used to be a fun place to chat to random people about random things. I met my first bf there and made some very good friends, now as you rightly pointed out, it just seems to be the same people posting the same crap looking for a shag over and over. Disappointing really.

Well, they say they are looking for a shag, but actions speak louder than words. Gaydar has always had an element of smoke and mirrors about it, and if a guy truly is looking for a shag, he'd work out pretty quickly that simply copy and pasting the same line over and over for hours and hours every day, doesn't often result in getting a shag.

So we have to conclude that those guys are not actually looking for a shag, but have another agenda.

The result is that conversations such as you speak of happening 6 or 7 years ago, are effectively banned from the chat room, and hence gaydar has become the wasteland it now appears to be.

SparkyTech

They do have a general chatroom thats not crusing, for the Dublin region, albiet no-one ever uses it

St._Andalou

I think Gaydar is a useful resource. If it doesn't work for you, that's fair enough.

Websites are just objects; it's the people who make them what they are, so there's no point criticizing Gaydar as a separate entity.

The great thing about Gaydar is the range of guys you're able to connect with. Yes, lots and lots of them are looking for sex. However, there are some who are looking for a relationship.

There are a lot of timewasters, too. Just be smart, safe, and define clearly what you're looking for.

Rick_

SparkyTech wrote: »

They do have a general chatroom thats not crusing, for the Dublin region, albiet no-one ever uses it

They also have a General Chat for NI but alas, it's always empty. The NI Cruising room is always lively with chat but interspersed with people advertising themselves for a shag. If too much chatting happens, the silent members of the room tell us to shut up and go to the General Chatroom if we want to talk. So, the Cruising room is to be oppupied, but not chatted in. God knows how anyone arranges a meet or even finds friends if you can't actually say anything to anyone! :rolleyes:

edwinkane

filmbuffboy wrote: »

might be a good alternative, but the problem is most lads that are on gaydar with 'looking for sex' profiles have 'relationship' profiles elsewhere. Id have to agreee with the OP. not much hope out there. most lads only seem to want anonymous sex!

Surely if you are not looking for sex, and looking for a relationship, it doesn't matter what most other lads are looking for, as you are only looking for one guy?

bitter_lemon

hypersquirrel wrote: »

I tried Ok Cupid. Seem to be a few more on that.

hmm dipping my toes in the torrid waters of online lesbianism. cheers

Barna77

Gaydar is like a huge Coppers, lots of prícks, freaks and weirdos

But at the same time, there're lots of guys that avoid the scene like the plague (I don't blame them), so online would be the only chance of meeting other guys. You'd find some decent genuine guys as well, you just have to look for them. they hide deep in the vaults

Untense

boddd wrote: »

Hi all,

Does anyone else find gaydar rubbish

Yes! ..and no.

Anyway to get back to my point I have been using gaydar for a while and I find it possible to find someone who is not into just hook ups. Clearly state on my profile that I am not looking for one night stands.

That's great - once you're clear what you don't want, the unwanted people become very obvious and you don't have to deal with them. But now that you know what you don't want, you have to say what you do. I've noticed a lot of people on these profile thingies talking endlessly about what they 'hate'. Instant turn off. I want to meet decent people, but a whiner? Of course you're not a whiner in real life, but on the internet the only impression anyone will get of you is a few negative paragraphs of text and a few thumbnail images.

Here's my Enda Kennyesque 5 point plan for Gaydar profiles:

1: State who/what you are, what you ARE about / what you DO like.
Don't talk about your faults - unless it's also one of your better qualities. You don't need to show you're human, unless you're not.

2: State what kind of person you DO like
what qualities you typically appreciate, the kind of things you like to share, what you like to keep for yourself. Frame it all in the positive.

3: Leave your profile on a lot because you'll get more hits.
More hits, more people, more potential matches, more comments. "Lo unto me, and I will make you fishers of men", said Jesus - who obviously knew a thing or two about gay profile sites.

4: Filter incoming messages STRINGENTLY. Here's a few types I ignored by default:

• Empty Profiles
• Bad punctuation and grammar * unless the message has interesting content and it can be assumed the person just happens to by dyslexic.
• One word / One sentence messages. i.e. "Hello!" , or "Hi how's it going?"
• People who instantly ask for your instant messenger / mobile / email address

5. Get gaymarried and have loads of gaybies.
[OR]
Make your profile ridiculous and meet people who have a good sense of humour and are fun to talk with.


I used this process and found it ridiculously easy to meet someone nice. I used Gaydar for a couple of weeks and enjoyed a long-term relationship with a cool guy for my minor efforts.

Is there even a point of going to gay pubs/clubs if gaydar is a true reflection of the gay community.

It's not a true reflection of the gay community. It's a true reflection of part of the community, just as all us people here on boards complaining about gaydar are a reflection of another aspect.
And just as you're there hating that aspect of it, there are others too. You just need to make that more obvious.

P.S. If you are not looking for a one night stand and want to meet a nice country lad send me a message, lol

CHECK YOUR INBOX.


also, OKcupid is way more fun and more bettererer.

St._Andalou

Untense wrote: »

4: Filter incoming messages STRINGENTLY. Here's a few types I ignored by default:

• Empty Profiles
• Bad punctuation and grammar * unless the message has interesting content and it can be assumed the person just happens to by dyslexic.
• One word / One sentence messages. i.e. "Hello!" , or "Hi how's it going?"
• People who instantly ask for your instant messenger / mobile / email address

Great post overall, but doesn't number four here disqualify 99.9% of the messages people receive on Gaydar?

To be fair, I'm guilty of sending the bland "How are you?" opener sometimes (but my profile's not blank). It's too much effort to open every conversation with an insightful, startlingly brilliant witticism. Sometimes "Hello, how's it going?" is fine.

azezil

St._Andalou wrote: »

Great post overall, but doesn't number four here disqualify 99.9% of the messages people receive on Gaydar?

To be fair, I'm guilty of sending the bland "How are you?" opener sometimes (but my profile's not blank). It's too much effort to open every conversation with an insightful, startlingly brilliant witticism. Sometimes "Hello, how's it going?" is fine.

Agreed. In my experience it makes little / no difference if I open with something interesting / related to their profile or a simple hi, how are you

edwinkane

St._Andalou wrote: »

To be fair, I'm guilty of sending the bland "How are you?" opener sometimes (but my profile's not blank). It's too much effort to open every conversation ...

Obviously, it depends on what you are looking for. If someone opened with "how r u?" I'd not be as impressed as if they opened with something more interesting. Although it could be frustrating to put some effort into a message and have teh other party not even bother replying, I guess.

edwinkane

Barna77 wrote: »

Gaydar is like a huge Coppers, lots of prícks, freaks and weirdos

I've found in life that one invariably finds what one expects.

Untense

St._Andalou wrote: »

Great post overall, but doesn't number four here disqualify 99.9% of the messages people receive on Gaydar?

To be fair, I'm guilty of sending the bland "How are you?" opener sometimes (but my profile's not blank). It's too much effort to open every conversation with an insightful, startlingly brilliant witticism. Sometimes "Hello, how's it going?" is fine.

You're right, it did disqualify a lot of messages. If you don't mind extra effort, you're bound to meet more nice people if you go along with their openers.

It depends on what you want. I wanted to minimise boring fizzle-out conversations. (I found the 'How's it going' ones tended to go that way quickly)

You're also right in that it does take more effort - that's why it's a good way of screening. An opener didn't have to be amazing, witty or whatever. A brief reference to the text in the profile or something explaining why they were messaging in the first place was enough. Just to indicate they'd done more than look at photos or location and paste their stock message.

LegacyUser

Gaydar is what you want it to be, i have met some good mates, some good dates and some good shags.. Being gay is the same as being hetrosexual you meet if you connect you take it futher, if you dont connect you put it down to one of them things. If find if i have told a guy i wont have sex when we meet and then meet in a place where other people are then fine thats what you do.. If you arrange to go to a guys house for first meet, from a well known gay dating site, and he decides to try to lure you to his bedroom.. Well what do you expect you put our hand out your gonna get it slapped.. Meet someone in a place such as coffee shop, bar and take your date as you find it. If guys mesgage you looking for ONS then fine you dont have to reply, its his choice to message you its your chioce to reply or not.

Thread: Gaydar is rubbish Reply to Thread

Conor30

meeee wrote: »

Gaydar is what you want it to be, i have met some good mates, some good dates and some good shags.. Being gay is the same as being hetrosexual you meet if you connect you take it futher, if you dont connect you put it down to one of them things. If find if i have told a guy i wont have sex when we meet and then meet in a place where other people are then fine thats what you do.. If you arrange to go to a guys house for first meet, from a well known gay dating site, and he decides to try to lure you to his bedroom.. Well what do you expect you put our hand out your gonna get it slapped.. Meet someone in a place such as coffee shop, bar and take your date as you find it. If guys mesgage you looking for ONS then fine you dont have to reply, its his choice to message you its your chioce to reply or not.

Thread: Gaydar is rubbish Reply to Thread

I never met anyone decent on it and never bother with it these days. Full of pricks.

Conor30

Barna77 wrote: »

Gaydar is like a huge Coppers, lots of prícks, freaks and weirdos

Coppers isn't even that bad! It's just usually too overpacked and full of drunks...but it's a good laugh!! I've not found it to be full of freaks at all...a few pricks maybe. Bur gaydar...my god...that's certainly full of freaks and pricks. And so many guys on there who have an inflated ego - it's hilarious!

Conor30

edwinkane wrote: »

I've found in life that one invariably finds what one expects.

I don't agree with that! People always get what they expect to get? As if. :rolleyes:

Rick_

Perhaps he didn't mean it in that way Conor...?

For example, if you go out to the pub for the evening expecting to see lots of drunks and prícks, then that's what you'll notice most wherever you go or you'll actively try to pick them out to justify your feelings to yourself. So, in other words, if you start something with a bad/negative attitude then you'll feel bad/negative doing it, so stay positive and you'll get more out of it.

(If that makes any sense whatsoever, I'm guessing it probably doesn't!)

Barna77

Conor30 wrote: »

And so many guys on there who have an inflated ego - it's hilarious!

Spot on. Some guys there think of themselves as if their DNA has been designed by god so they have to chose who they might share it with. And then you see them in real life and you think you were wasting your time trying to get to know them

I won't give any name hahahaaaa

Conor30

Paddy C wrote: »

Perhaps he didn't mean it in that way Conor...?

For example, if you go out to the pub for the evening expecting to see lots of drunks and prícks, then that's what you'll notice most wherever you go or you'll actively try to pick them out to justify your feelings to yourself. So, in other words, if you start something with a bad/negative attitude then you'll feel bad/negative doing it, so stay positive and you'll get more out of it.

(If that makes any sense whatsoever, I'm guessing it probably doesn't!)

That makes sense and I agree with that but that's just your interpretation of what he meant! I agree it's best to be positive about things. Hope for the best and expect the worst!

Conor30

Barna77 wrote: »

Spot on. Some guys there think of themselves as if their DNA has been designed by god so they have to chose who they might share it with. And then you see them in real life and you think you were wasting your time trying to get to know them

I won't give any name hahahaaaa

I agree completely!

And then the random mails out of the blue with 'wanna shag mate?' and no picture and you know they wouldn't even be man enough to see it through anyway!