HICKEYS!!!!

greenprincess

Would you be P.O'd if your boyfriend gave you a hickey>?

Ok I am with himself 4 yrs now, yes we are still in our early 20's but I think it was totally uncalled for.

The other night my bf gave me two massive hickeys on my neck. I work in an office where hickeys are really not ok and he knows this. And they are totally visable with my shirts I have tried to cover them up but people have noticed, I am MORTIFIED

I went crazy and he thinks I am over reacting and being a bitch. I really dont think I am or am I?

Cheap Thrills!

Well OP, didn't you feel him doing it at the time..

I would normally feel that....?

greenprincess

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Well OP, didn't you feel him doing it at the time..

I would normally feel that....?

I used to be really on edge to notice if he was trying to give me one because he was always trying to but I didnt notice this time as it has been a while since he has tried.

I am just really annoyed as it is totally unprofessional and he knows it is unaceptable where I work
(he knew this before he gave me the hickey)

Kiera

Yes I would be very pissed off, they’re disgusting! But I wouldn’t have been so silly not to have noticed him doing it.

Cheeky_gal

greenprincess wrote: »

I am just really annoyed as it is totally unprofessional and he knows it is unaceptable where I work

1) In fairness, it's your own fault for allowing it (don't know how you didn't feel it TBH).

2) I think you're seriously over reacting, they disappear after a few days.

3) Concealer, hello?

greenprincess

Kiera wrote: »

Yes I would be very pissed off, they’re disgusting! But I wouldn’t have been so silly not to have noticed him doing it.

I guess I jus trusted him not to. It is very hard to notice when he is

prinz

He knew it's something you didn't want, and he went ahead and did it anyway. No you're not over-reacting to call him out on that.

greenprincess

prinz wrote: »

He knew it's something you didn't want, and he went ahead and did it anyway. No you're not over-reacting to call him out on that.

I did give out a bit because it is embarassing to have people at work point them out, and I did try everything to cover them up, tooth paste, make up, baby powder.

The problem is whenever I 'call him out' on something he turn it around to make it my fault. Like when I gave out about him giving me a hickey he has pointed out that I am being an over-reactive b+tch. I just wish I could do something right

Cheeky_gal

I'm sorry but this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard OP. I've been reading threads all day in work about partners cheating on one another, fathers abandoning their children, people committing suicide, and here you are complaining about a hickey?? How could a little hickey make you so angry?

prinz

greenprincess wrote: »

I just wish I could do something right

You can, show him the door.

Cheeky_gal

greenprincess wrote: »

The problem is whenever I 'call him out' on something he turn it around to make it my fault. Like when I gave out about him giving me a hickey he has pointed out that I am being an over-reactive b+tch. I just wish I could do something right

Ok well there seems to lie your problem. Seems like it's a regular issue with him then. My apologies if I came across harsh.

Have you tried talking to him about this?

Bottle_of_Smoke

They can be done easily without being noticed.

Its not the end of the world but it was a very inconsiderate thing to do.

He owes you a nice meal at his expense

greenprincess

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

They can be done easily without being noticed.

Its not the end of the world but it was a very inconsiderate thing to do.

He owes you a nice meal at his expense

ya your def right it is not the end of the world by any means at all!! It just seems to be a straw I cant take.

I just got a bit of a laugh out of u saying 'He owes you a nice meal at his expense' on valentines day he asked me to transfer him money. By no means would I have been put our if i didnt get a valentines present. we have never really celebrated, i got him a tiny present and a card. but it was a slap in the face i thought to be asked to pay for my own valentines pressie i would have been thrilled with a heart felt card and a hug. i just dont know what i am doin wrong

Squiggler

greenprincess wrote: »

I just wish I could do something right

prinz wrote: »

You can, show him the door.

I second prinz. Knowing that you don't like them and that it would embarrass you he shows no love or consideration for you by marking you like that. And it sounds like this isn't a one off.

IrishEyes19

greenprincess wrote: »

ya your def right it is not the end of the world by any means at all!! It just seems to be a straw I cant take.

I just got a bit of a laugh out of u saying 'He owes you a nice meal at his expense' on valentines day he asked me to transfer him money. By no means would I have been put our if i didnt get a valentines present. we have never really celebrated, i got him a tiny present and a card. but it was a slap in the face i thought to be asked to pay for my own valentines pressie i would have been thrilled with a heart felt card and a hug. i just dont know what i am doin wrong

OP, sounds like you're upset about other things in your relationship other than just the issue with him giving you hickeys

tinkerbell

greenprincess wrote: »

Like when I gave out about him giving me a hickey he has pointed out that I am being an over-reactive b+tch. I just wish I could do something right

And there lies your problem. He calls you that awful name? That's really horrible. Sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you anyway and it's even more obvious if he's giving you hickeys when you said you didn't want them.

Did he actually call you an over-reactive bitch or is this what you took from it yourself? Also hickeys are quite easy to do accidentally, especially if you're in the midst of passion.

booboo88

greenprincess wrote: »

I did give out a bit because it is embarassing to have people at work point them out, and I did try everything to cover them up, tooth paste, make up, baby powder.

The problem is whenever I 'call him out' on something he turn it around to make it my fault. Like when I gave out about him giving me a hickey he has pointed out that I am being an over-reactive b+tch. I just wish I could do something right

if any bf or partner calls you a bitch thats where i draw the line.
hes being manipulative if tries to place blame on you

Oryx

If someone does something to you physically that you dont want, then that is a no no. It doesnt matter if its a hickey or some other sexual thing youre not into. If you dont want it, he doesnt do it. And thats the end of it. Its the fundamental rule of respecting another person.

Tho this does seem to go deeper than just a lovebite on your neck. You sound as if he can manipulate you into feeling that something is your fault, when you cross him on an issue. That is a much bigger and more insidious thing than the smaller issue of the hickey, and something you need to work on being able to cope with.

If you feel you are in the right, then stick with that. I think in this case you have every right to be upset, and you should explain again to him why you feel like that. It boils down to the same old thing: communication. Talking and being heard, and understanding where he is coming from too.

28064212

Hang on, did he deliberately give you a hickey? That seems to be a fairly vital piece of information that's missing. I don't think I've ever deliberately given or received a hickey, but they happen sometimes. If you don't want a hickey, tell him to stop sucking on your neck

homerjay2005

<snip>

lighten up ffs, its just a hickey and they can be hidden as easily as they are given.

Azureus

I wouldnt care if it happened accidentally - it can very easily in the moment
Although i like to call it bad workmanship !

My bf gives me em the odd time as a laugh cuz he knows I hate them / have to have my hair back in work / scraped back a lot of the time as I teach ballet.. Bastid!

Its no big deal imo, but if you really really dont like them (seriously) and he still does it knowin it genuinely upsets or annoys you then thats not so cool.

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.
Ickle

Firetrap

If you don't want hickeys, he should respect that. So what if it doesn't bother some people. It bothers you and that's all that matters.

From what you've written though, it sounds like there are other larger problems in your relationship than hickeys and you might want to take another look at those.