Moving in Together

Chibodee

I am going to be moving in with my boyfriend of nearly three years soon! It's something I've wanted to do for awhile and he's now ready to as well! While I am excited and happy about this - I'm kinda nervous too!
Do ye have some good advise, stories, etc!?

Roselm

Chibodee wrote: »

I am going to be moving in with my boyfriend of nearly three years soon! It's something I've wanted to do for awhile and he's now ready to as well! While I am excited and happy about this - I'm kinda nervous too!
Do ye have some good advise, stories, etc!?

Hi OP,

Firstly if you have been going out for three years already I am assuming you are reasonably compatible(!) so you may not find it difficult settling into living as a couple as you already know each other well.

However maybe you should talk about things that you both feel you will need in this new arrangement so that you both know what to expect and neither will be offended, e.g. needing personal space/time for hobbies/how to do dinner (e.g. take turns every second night) etc.

Also on a more general basis around what each expects of the other, e.g. washing up/tidy up/bins out (assuming you're not both super neat and tidy), I think it's easy to forget that what one person sees as a mess/problem the other may not. If you don't say something about whatever's bothering you then nothing will get done and you get frustrated. I find just asking straight out about a specific thing is the simplest, e.g. "could you wash up some plates and pots while I'm getting the dinner ready" works a million times better than "why the bleep do you never bleeping tidy up after yourself".:pac:

That'd be the only things that really came up for me moving in with my bf (although I never shouted at him!!!).
I suppose just relax and enjoy it. You'll have a great time.
Good luck!

Ickle Magoo

Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more...would be my advice. Make sure expectations for all manner of scenarios are known and understood before you move in together.

Even set some time together on a particular evening specifically for bringing up any issues as they are brewing to prevent them building into anything worth fighting over and to stop resentment building.

Compromise and conversation are key, I reckon - as are accepting that although two peoples lives are merging into a single address, you are both still your own people with your own wants, needs, expectations, faults and quirks.

Have fun! :cool:

All the initial things you do will set precedents, so if he's doing something that only kind of bugs you, don't let it slide, because the longer you put up with it the harder it will be to change it. Also make sure you don't go overboard with the sharing aspect. You'll need your own personal space/stuff sometimes.

Other than that, enjoy yourself!

Ickle Magoo

As you wish posters to share experiences rather than give advice because you have an issue within your relationship, I've moved your post to tLL, you can get a wider variety of responses here.

All the best.

Morag

Start as you mean to go on, esp with housework.

Azureus

Im really excited for you OP! Its a really nice time

The main thing is to talk as everyone has said! Personal space was a biggie for me-I like my me-time as well as sharing, and everyone is fairly different in this and what they want/expect so definately discuss that. I just made sure from day one that my bf knew not to get offended if I wanted space etc.

You should also make sure you have a system/agreement re taking care of the house/cooking etc. Our one started off as he cooks,I clean, because I was useless and burnt everything But he taught me over the last 2 and a half years and now we cook together a lot of the time and it can turn boring jobs into a lot of fun! Now we just kinda clean as we go and do a big clean once a week together, so while our rules have changed and developed over time as it suits us, it was still definately a good idea to start out with something so we both knew where we stood!

You have been together three years so it should be a breeze provided you talk, you obviously know eachother very well by now, so just enjoy it and make sure to not stress bout the lil things! If hes doing your head in, tell him but also be aware that hes probably makin adjustments to living with a you aswell. Main thing is, enjoy it

pollypocket10

Another thing I would suggest is to make sure you get some "quality" time together.

It's easy to get into the day to day routines of housework,diy,cooking, tv etc but try to make some time for each other. A day night once a week or fortnight is a good idea. Go to the cinema or for meals or even have a romantic meal in or go out for walks if you have somewhere nice. Whatever just something nice for you both to do.

mollybird

congrats on moving onto the next level. can be a very exciting time. I would def agree with what people have said and make sure you communicate regulary. talk bout what way you like things e.g if you like certain things in certain drawers in the kitchen or what certain products you like to buy for maybe washing up things.

when i moved in with my OH last year i said i like the knives and forks in the first drawer and all the sharp knives etc go in the second drawer. think it's from the layout i had growing up in my parents place. oh and one thing ive def learned is if you plan on doing tyding up and you just dont' feel like it, just let him know. i just done that today. am dying of a hangover and not in the mood to clean the place. i just let my OH causually know and then they know what to expect when they get home.

one very good piece of advice i got when moving in with my guy was to always make an effort to do something nice together every once in a while. we always make the effort every 3/4 weeks to go on a date night. or if i'm in the mood ill do something really nice like cook a dinner or have a pint ready for him if i know he has had a really hard day. little things like that really work well.

last but not least enjoy the experience.

Asphyxia

I also moved in with my boyfriend last year after being together 3 years I think it's important to communicate regular a other posters have said. The one thing I found that started to happen after a few weeks was we started to become routine! We decided to start doing things together like going for a walk in the evenings and that way we can have a nice chat as well.

Another thing is while you take turns doing the cleaning up it's also fun to do the cleaning together putting some music on in the backround and doing the washing up and drying up.. it can be hilarious Food shopping is another fun thing and cooking together.

I was really nervous when I moved out first but it's been amazing :D:D

stevoslice

on advice from first reply, from a man's point of view.
Don't stress the cleaning aspect too much, as you could end up freaking the poor chap out.
By all means split the housework, but laying it all out flat at the very start can be pretty daunting if he has just left home, or a house share with his mates if you know what i mean.

As one poster commented, he may not see any mess whatsoever, where you see a big pile of dirty clothes thrown on the floor. If you come home and find a situation like that, just try to not to fly off the handle as that can result in a fight that lasts longer than the time it would take for him to clean up!

Eviledna

Beware the wiley balled-up sock that can bring about World War 3.

If it's his first time living with a girl, remember he's gonna see you in all your periody goodness now, moods and all. Prepare for him to be surprised, and as everyone else said keep communicating.

What have I learned after 5 years living together? Agree on systems for everthing, buy "boxes for stuff", as if it doesnt have a place it will soon consume your life.:p Ah no seriously I'm a messy betty and I found storage boxes in small apartments saved many an argument. Earplugs are good for snoring, as he will notice the bruises from those night-time thumps.:)

Enjoy your first shop. Me and my fella bought nothing but chocolate and crisps for the first week. Work out a rota or swap chores, if I do the dishes you do the washing kinda thing. Make sure it's even or it will cause arguments. Make a list for shopping and stick to it. Remember Aldi is your friend. He will eat that last stashed cookie or packet of crisps, so remember to either declare ownership or surrender.

Sleeping together every night will eventually result in the "not tonight dear" phrase eminating from one of you. Expect it and make sure he does too. Keep talking to each other, and don't ever go to sleep angry.

Enjoy discovering each other all over again!

candy-gal1

Just go for it! And enjoy it

Madame Razz

OP, I'm not sure if you are moving in to a new house, or if you are moving in to his house or vice versa. When my OH moved in with me, I gave him a wardrobe, chest of drawers etc, and I thought that that was great. But we were living together about two months or so, when he finally confided that the house still felt very much like my house, not our house, and he almost felt like he was a guest in what was now his home. The best example he came up with for this was that in our sitting room, there was a table beside the couch where I could put my wine glass, but he had nowhere to put his. I didn't even notice this, as I had been putting my glass on the table for years when I lived alone. So we went a bought a coffee table that we could put in front of the couch, for both of our wine glasses:D, and from then on he started to feel like he was at home in his own house.

So, it's important that both of you feel at home in the one space, and sometimes that can mean you or indeed him looking at your individual habits and seeing how they could/might impact on the other person, and then perhaps compromising a little on those; or even to ask the other person what could make the space feel more like theirs and accomodate that. And if YOU don't feel comfortable about something/anything, raise it in the beginning, as otherwise it will fester away and become a much bigger issue.

But enjoy it, it's a great time, and it's very special to be moving in with somebody, I know for myself, it was a real milestone.

I still miss the wardrobe space tho:p

Neyite

The best advise I can give you is:

Never demand as a Right, what you can ask as a Favour.

You may get into a routine in the household of him doing the 'man' chores and you doing the 'woman' ones, say changing the bins to take an example - It may be 'his' chore to do over time, since he always offered to do it, or whatever, but that will never give you the right to give out to him if it is not done. Or vice versa. The same rules apply to him.

So say "Honey, when you are ready, can you give me a hand with the bin", instead of "the bin is overflowing AGAIN!! Get off that Xbox -I want you to change it NOW!!!"

Neither of you are Mystic Meg

He wont know what is pissing you off unless you tell him, and neither will you. Talk things over early and often so annoyances dont build up. You will find that the littlest things might bug you - My ex used to get annoyed that the toilet roll was on the holder 'the wrong way' (he had the grace to laugh when I spluttered laughing at his indignance over it) I get bugged about the beer bottles piling up that should have been recycled (usually a pms sign) or when things get 'steeped' in the sink - i.e abandoned the dishes halfway because the footie was coming on - but try to handle it with humour, at the time, rather than pretending all is ok and letting frustration build up over days until you explode in a row.

Oh, and enjoy christening your new place together!

Getting there

Eviledna wrote: »

. He will eat that last stashed cookie or packet of crisps, so remember to either declare ownership or surrender.

I have been living with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and this is the single most annoying thing! I have to have my own chocolate stash now and he knows its mine. Sounds so selfish but the amount of fights we had that started with "You should have known I was saving it!" was incredible :rolleyes:. Likewise, he has a thing about crisps.

Also, with making dinner and cleaning up after, make sure its something that works for you two as a couple. We began with the "you cook, i clean" or vice versa thing, but we'd begin to get annoyed if one person used ALL the pots cooking while the person who cleaned them only used one pot the night before. So now its "you cook, you clean" and it works out evenly during the week depending on who's home first or whatever.

You just need to find what works for you two. I find its these small trivial things that really get under your skin and begin to fester.

Also set up a bills account! That you both pay into. Saves so much hassle!

Oh and some boys genuinely dont see mess where some girls do. For example if I say tidy up, I mean put all the crap on the table away, not re-organise it into towering piles.

God, my inner domesticfreak is coming out! I wish someone had told me these things before I moved in.

Good luck though and enjoy! Snuggling on the couch in your own place more than makes up for the little things!:)

Malari

All good advice here OP, and all stuff I really thought about when I moved in with my boyfriend. I moved into the house he'd been living in for a looong time, so it was mostly his stuff and I was a bit uneasy about it never feeling like "our" place.

Having said that, we almost instantly fell in to a working routine together and have never had an argument regarding bills, cooking, cleaning, personal space or stuff. I've never felt so at home in any other place I've lived. So hopefully your transition will be smooth too and you won't need to even discuss these things