Can't decide wether to get baby christened

3roken

I can't decide wether to get my son christened or not!!!

I'm not catholic, and was never christened myself, nor was anyone in my family...

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic, but i dont want him to miss out on confirmations/ communions etc in the future since they seem to be such a big thing over here (i moved from england when i was 17 so was never an issue with me)

Also, im finding it very difficult to find any info on christenings.... like... what age do they usually happen at? Who is usually invited? Do i have to pay the preist?? How would i even go about getting him christened??

Any help would really be appreciated!

3DataModem

Its quick, its fun, its a nice way to celebrate the baby.

We slipped the priest 50 euro and we had twins.

Anyone you like can come. You need a shawl and a candle, that's it.

No age restrictions, usually some time in first year.

Contact your local catholic church parish office.

emo72

3roken wrote: »

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic, but i dont want him to miss out on confirmations/ communions etc

thats pretty much it for being a catholic right there^^^^^^:D

im catholic. but i dont practice it. my kids are doing all that stuff now, i cant get enthused about it. but its a big thing for them and my missus.

i just hate the thought of being a hypocrite about it. im just going through the motions to fit in i suppose. and it seems your facing the same choice.

i suppose nothing bad can come of it, and a bit of religion in your life might be a good thing.

hell, i might even get a big dose of remorse on my death bed and run back to god fully repentant:D better safe than sorry.

RRaff

I wouldn't, let your kid decide for himself when he is older! As for communion and confirmation just throw a party or do something special for him. That is what my folks did and I loved it. I also intend to do the same for my own children.

eastbono

3roken wrote: »

I can't decide wether to get my son christened or not!!!

I'm not catholic, and was never christened myself, nor was anyone in my family...

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic, but i dont want him to miss out on confirmations/ communions etc in the future since they seem to be such a big thing over here (i moved from england when i was 17 so was never an issue with me)

Also, im finding it very difficult to find any info on christenings.... like... what age do they usually happen at? Who is usually invited? Do i have to pay the preist?? How would i even go about getting him christened??

Any help would really be appreciated!

Do you or your partner feel the need for your child to be christened into any faith... if not... dont do it. Communions and confirmations in irl are part of the catholic faith and it is not necessary for your son or daughter to take part in... do not send them to a catholic school there are plenty of non denomination schools around the country or educate together schools where religion is not the number one priorty

LashingLady

3roken wrote: »

I'm not catholic, and was never christened myself, nor was anyone in my family...

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic,

For me, you have answered your own question. Christening, communion, confirmation etc are all part of being raised as a catholic. If you are not intending on bringing him up as a catholic then don't enter him into the catholic rites. They might be a "big thing" over here, but I honestly don't think that your child will feel too "left out" if they understand that they're not doing it cos they're not catholic. I was a flower girl the year I was 7 so maybe that helped me to not be in the least bit bothered at not making my communion. That was back in the 80's when there weren't that many non-catholics but there are a lot more nowadays.

My kids will be going to Educate Together school so it won't be part of the school curriculum, but even if there are a load of kids from their class making the communion we'll do something else around the time if they're feeling a bit left out......

I might have a non-religious welcoming ceremony for my 4 month old. But as we didn't have one for her 2 year old brother when he was born we might have to have a joint one for the two of them at this stage.....

lynski

I didn't and won't because we are not practising catholic, i would not have baptised them protestant, or initiated them into muslim/hindu/etc
Also no once baptised the catholics consider them members forever.

mikemac

http://www.catholicireland.net/pages/index.php?nd=86

There is a FAQ section here, it answered most questions in a straightforward way
Not pushy at all and agrees with the advice here that don't do it just for the sake of it and there is nothing wrong with letting the child decide themselves when they are older

Cgoodie

I'd say let them make up their own mind when their older rather than do it to just fit in. Perhaps if you wanted to make a special occassion out of their birth you could have a naming ceremony or something along those lines, and when it comes to when their friend are making their commuion or confirmation perhaps do something special like an extra birthday party or something along the like. Maybe the humanist association may have info on alternatives.

Dades

Unless you're concerned about getting the kid into the local catholic school (look into it!) - don't do it.

Ireland has somewhat gotten over the idea that people who don't do their communion/confirmation etc. should be burned (apart from some rural areas I suspect).

The thing is OP, if you christen them they can't undo it, you can't officially leave the church. Whereas if you don't christen them, they can decide to do it any time. There are parents who e.g. get the daughter a pretty dress instead of her making her communion so she's not left out, etc.

cnocbui

Don't.

My two kids weren't and they loved the free time they get in school when the other kids have to go off and do all the religous stuff.

They were a bit miffed at not getting brown envelopes with contents totaling a couple grand in used bills from various uncles and aunts.

Das Kitty

There will be plenty of kids not partaking in the sacraments.

You could always do something special with your kids on those days.

MagicMarker

3roken wrote: »

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic, but i dont want him to miss out on confirmations/ communions etc in the future.......

Must...... resist.... stating..... true....... feelings..... sdfipjsovnfvoajknmfds;!!!!!

mybabydoll

I went to school with 2 girls that they decided weather they wanted to be christened before we made our Holy Communion there parents are catholic but letthem decide what thy wanted to do, they both ended up get christened 1 month before there communion.

3roken

hmmm ok... well thanks everyone... at this stage im thinking i probably wont...

Nevyn

Mine are not christened, and they managed fine.
Given that you are not, chances are you would be asked to be baptised and brought into the church and to attend a certain ammount of time before that would even happen.

LilMissCiara

3roken wrote: »

I'm not catholic...

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic...

I'm struggling to see your point here.. You're not a Catholic and you won't bring your baby up as a Catholic.. So why Christen him as a Catholic..?

I'd also doubt a priest would christen the child unless the other parent is a Catholic.

james098

OP yes you should definately get them christened trust me the kids will feel it when they are older regardless what the other posters are putting this is very much still a catholic country I was born in Scotland a catholic but grew up in England therefore I have a Manchester accent since living here the past 12years I have had a lot of snide comments from people assuming as I have an English accent that Im not catholic (makes no sense to me either). my 4 kids are all born here and are also catholics and I would never want them to feel segregated because of others ignorance I really hope this help your decision

MagicMarker

james098 wrote: »

OP yes you should definately get them christened trust me the kids will feel it when they are older regardless what the other posters are putting this is very much still a catholic country I was born in Scotland a catholic but grew up in England therefore I have a Manchester accent since living here the past 12years I have had a lot of snide comments from people assuming as I have an English accent that Im not catholic (makes no sense to me either). my 4 kids are all born here and are also catholics and I would never want them to feel segregated because of others ignorance I really hope this help your decision

So you think the OP should get their kids christened because you have what sounds like an English accent and people think you're a protestant? Do you think the OP's kids are going to have that problem?

OP, you're not a catholic, your child is not catholic, ergo, don't have your child christened.

fi1979

Just so you know, in recent times I have heard that children presenting for communion must attend mass regularly as a family before making the sacrament.

think on!!

In any case, these days there are more and more non practicing catholics, and other denominations, so I believe that the numbers making communion etc will become fewer as time goes by.

Beruthiel

3roken wrote: »

I'm not catholic, and was never christened myself, nor was anyone in my family...

I'm not intending to bring him up catholic

Signing your child up to the RC Church is very much more involved than just three days out during their childhood.
If you christen your child in the RC Church, you are expected to bring him up in that religion, with all that it entails. That should be foremost in your mind and something you seriously should consider.

james098

MagicMarker wrote: »

So you think the OP should get their kids christened because you have what sounds like an English accent and people think you're a protestant? Do you think the OP's kids are going to have that problem?

OP, you're not a catholic, your child is not catholic, ergo, don't have your child christened.

No Im just sharing my first hand knowledge as I was born and raised a catholic and my 4 children are too and know first hand how diffrences can be a hinderance and why shouldnt children born and raised in this country be intergrated without bigotry

MagicMarker

james098 wrote: »

No Im just sharing my first hand knowledge as I was born and raised a catholic and my 4 children are too and know first hand how diffrences can be a hinderance and why shouldnt children born and raised in this country be intergrated without bigotry

Look, it's 2011, no one is going to give a crap if the OP's child is labelled as a catholic or not.

james098

MagicMarker wrote: »

Look, it's 2011, no one is going to give a crap if the OP's child is labelled as a catholic or not.

Yea in reality 2011 would make a diffrence but it dosent hopefully it will change but trust me it hasent and Im only going by the OPs original posting dont want to get on debate about bigotry Im just saying as a father I dont want my kids to stick out from the crowd as we have seen kids can be cruel and what harm is it anyway Im sure I remember that the catholic church opens there arms to all faiths and walks of life I just asked my 14yr old how many kids in her year from other religions she said none but she heard there is a Jewish boy in the boys school obviously the boy who ever he is must be recognised because of his religion thats wrong no matter what year it is

Eircom_Sucks

im debating this now with my partner

i as all my family were christened catholic , but we dont practice it , even the other 3 neices and nephew were

i want to get it done for my kid but my partner doesnt as she doesnt believe the catholic way of life ie and to be honest neither do i , but hearing stories of schools only accepting catholic kids is worrying me

agggggggggggggggggggggh help

wmpdd3

I am not catholic and neither is my partner. The only worry I would have is my daughter not getting into the local school that I went to.

When I went there, there were atleast 5 non-catholic pupils in my class (1984-1992).

I have applied and where it says: baptismal cert attached? I answered 'no'.

They have a fight on their hands if they want to override the published rule they have about giving preference to relatives of previous pupils.

I am getting a few questions from my family about when the Christening will be but there is NO way I will decide to Christening her, if she decides she wants to join the chruch later we'll discuss it.

I have 5 god-children, 4 catholic and 1methodist. I do my level best to support them in their faith. Their chruches know how I feel.

Beruthiel

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

i want to get it done for my kid

Serious question - what does that mean exactly?

ztoical

james098 wrote: »

Yea in reality 2011 would make a diffrence but it dosent hopefully it will change but trust me it hasent and Im only going by the OPs original posting dont want to get on debate about bigotry Im just saying as a father I dont want my kids to stick out from the crowd as we have seen kids can be cruel and what harm is it anyway Im sure I remember that the catholic church opens there arms to all faiths and walks of life I just asked my 14yr old how many kids in her year from other religions she said none but she heard there is a Jewish boy in the boys school obviously the boy who ever he is must be recognised because of his religion thats wrong no matter what year it is

So the OP and his kid should fake taking part in religion they are not part of to fit in? Do you know why there are no kids from other religions in your childs class because so many parents feel they have to play along in order to get their kids into school in this country and that is a disgrace. Do you not think it's an insult to your religion that people who aren't part of it are acting like they are? Look kids can be cruel but frankly on the list of things kids are going to get picked on their choice of religion is low on the list - clothes, weight, height, brains or lack of, not liking the right boyband, etc etc millions of things for kids to get picked on. Your not saying here that the church welcome people of different faith, your asking people to pretend to part of that church which is a different thing altogether.

And so what if kids know that boy is Jewish, whats so wrong with kids knowing and meeting people of different faiths? You didn't say he was builled/attacked for being jewish just that he is jewish which frankly is simply stating a fact. I went through the Irish school system with no religion and it didn't cause any issues and that's a good couple of years ago.

CK2010

james098 wrote: »

Yea in reality 2011 would make a diffrence but it dosent hopefully it will change but trust me it hasent and Im only going by the OPs original posting dont want to get on debate about bigotry Im just saying as a father I dont want my kids to stick out from the crowd as we have seen kids can be cruel and what harm is it anyway Im sure I remember that the catholic church opens there arms to all faiths and walks of life I just asked my 14yr old how many kids in her year from other religions she said none but she heard there is a Jewish boy in the boys school obviously the boy who ever he is must be recognised because of his religion thats wrong no matter what year it is

id much rather support her in learning about different religions, or lack thereof if the case may be, and making an informed decision based on that, rather than forcing her into a religion she will never learn properly (neither of her parents are religious) just to 'fit in'. every single kid will stick out for something in life- being fat, thin, tall, small, white, black. and in my life ive witnessed people being slagged for every reason in that list, and not once have i witnessed someone being given any grief over their religion. (in school etc., not on a worldwide scale- thats obviously entirely different)

i worry so much about what school will take my child without being baptised and the reason i have to worry is because so many people baptise their kids when in reality they shouldnt if they are not religious themselves. if people who arent religious didnt baptise their children it'd get us out of this whole 'have to be baptised for school' cycle. people wouldnt sign their kids up to certain cults just because it was 'the done thing' so i dont see why the Catholic Church is any different.

in recent times i wouldve thought the reasons against it (especially for those who wouldnt even class themselves as Catholic) would be overwhelming but it seems 'doing the done thing' is more important than teaching your child to make a life decision based on what they have learned/what they believe.

if you dont feel strongly about religion then dont sign your child up to that religion for LIFE. you may not see it as a big deal yourself but when they are older and have feelings and opinions of their own they will want to have the freedom to choose their own religion, or lack thereof, and you signing them up to the catholic church just for the sake of it or for an easy life will take that choice away from them.

when your child is older you'll be trying to teach them not to drink/do drugs/sleep around etc. just because its 'the done thing/everyones doing it/its expected' and yet your willing to permanently initiate them into a church for the same reason?????

FoxT

My children are aged 20 down to 8 now, & all 3 were christened. As I get older I sometimes wish we hadn't done it. My wife is Catholic, I was raised one, but no longer regard myself as one, so it was part of a compromise we worked out.

But....no lasting harm either way, I guess.

wmpdd3

A friend has 2 kids in Belfast, she is really not religious but since they were born she decided they were going to the local Catholic school.

So she baptised then, has them in Church every Sunday in the front row, makes sure she speaks to the priest and that he knows the boys.

Its a sad state of affairs when things get that bad and even worse when the only reason people can think of to give their child to a faith is where they will be schooled.

As I said before I fall into this category but I also see it as human right to have a school place for my daughter within a reasonable distance of my house.

hibride

RRaff wrote: »

I wouldn't, let your kid decide for himself when he is older! As for communion and confirmation just throw a party or do something special for him. That is what my folks did and I loved it. I also intend to do the same for my own children.

I agree

hibride

wmpdd3 wrote: »

A friend has 2 kids in Belfast, she is really not religious but since they were born she decided they were going to the local Catholic school.

So she baptised then, has them in Church every Sunday in the front row, makes sure she speaks to the priest and that he knows the boys.

Its a sad state of affairs when things get that bad and even worse when the only reason people can think of to give their child to a faith is where they will be schooled.

As I said before I fall into this category but I also see it as human right to have a school place for my daughter within a reasonable distance of my house.

yeah, it's amazing! Some weeks ago we went to the nearest school, it seemed really nice, but they told us that if we didn't baptise our daughter she'll be last in the waiting list behind all baptised kids. And this is a public school, I still don't understand how this can be legal

Bottle_of_Smoke

The roman catholic church has now changed its rules so that once baptised you can't leave.

So once you go vatican you don't go back again. So I'd advise against it.

Dades

hibride wrote: »

yeah, it's amazing! Some weeks ago we went to the nearest school, it seemed really nice, but they told us that if we didn't baptise our daughter she'll be last in the waiting list behind all baptised kids. And this is a public school, I still don't understand how this can be legal

Can you PM me the name of that school if you don't want to say where it is?
Cheers - there's some big discussion of this problem elsewhere.

wmpdd3

Just found out my friend had war with her local school and board of management 8 years ago because her child wasn't baptised, she was advised to do it for the sake of the child!

At the time there were many nationalities and religions n the school but she was singled out because her child was Irish.

She has heard that the same school is looking at revising their admissions policy again in May, as it is oversubscribed. It is a catholic school.

Nevyn

hibride wrote: »

yeah, it's amazing! Some weeks ago we went to the nearest school, it seemed really nice, but they told us that if we didn't baptise our daughter she'll be last in the waiting list behind all baptised kids. And this is a public school, I still don't understand how this can be legal

They have an opt out in the equality legislation, ask for a copy of their enrollement policy.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/primary_and_post_primary_education/going_to_primary_school/ownership_of_primary_schools.html

mohawk

It really depends where you live whether or not you can get an unbaptised child into a school. It is time the dept of education start taking this issue seriously as with the baby boom and an increase in demand for school places down the line this could become a huge issue.

Chances are though a priest wont baptise a baby if the parents aren't catholic. They expect parents to bring child to mass etc.

I haven't baptised my son and both my family and my sons dads family are still nagging me about it 'so he will fit in'. Supposedly I am being selfish refusing to go along with the status quo. Kids can be cruel but from I remember of school religion doesn't get you picked on. Wearing the wrong clothes, being shy or being bad a sport gets you teased in school.

hibride

Hi Dades, no problem, the School is Belgrove Junior Girls School, and this is the aplication form http://www.belgrove.ie/latest%20enrolement%20pdf.pdf (please read below "Date of Birth")

Hi Thaedydal, sorry but I'm not a native English speaker and I don't understand this --> "They have an opt out in the equality legislation"

hibride

mohawk wrote: »

It really depends where you live whether or not you can get an unbaptised child into a school. It is time the dept of education start taking this issue seriously as with the baby boom and an increase in demand for school places down the line this could become a huge issue.

Right. We want to give our daughter freedom of choice. We want her to know about other religions and then, decide... or not! But because I want to give her this freedom, she may have to go to a far away school... this would mean that her school friends would live far away, etc

mohawk

hibride wrote: »

Right. We want to give our daughter freedom of choice. We want her to know about other religions and then, decide... or not! But because I want to give her this freedom, she may have to go to a far away school... this would mean that her school friends would live far away, etc

I agree with your approach 100%. To give you child a proper choice about their own religion they need all the facts about as many religions as possible, which they wont get in a catholic school. I live in south Dublin and the ET schools are massively oversubscribed so it might not be an option for me to send him to ET (fingers crossed for a new ET in Sandyford).

wmpdd3

it says aloot about the issue when the educate together schools are so massivly oversubscribed. i found out my 2 local catholic schools have enough capacity for the year my daughter will be going....as long as nothing changes!

hibride

Fingers crossed for both of you!!

Hope they open a new ET near here too. There's one some 15-20 minutes driving, but we are like a year "late" (everybody keeps telling us we should have inscribed the baby when she was born :eek: ), so we'll see what happens. We're talking about the school year 2014-15 !!

lynski

Registered mine for ET school when son was 3/4mths and daughter was 2/3 mths. son starts in sept, we were fairly high up list.
The school is in next town, so 15 mins away, but I am fairly confident my son will be well able to make friends there and locally through sports etc.
I just do not want to have to spend tie from 5yrs of age telling him i agree with his teacher on maths, english, irish etc but dont agree with them on 'holy god' not a good message for a 5/6/7 yr old

Morag

hibride wrote: »

Hope they open a new ET near here too. There's one some 15-20 minutes driving, but we are like a year "late" (everybody keeps telling us we should have inscribed the baby when she was born :eek: ), so we'll see what happens. We're talking about the school year 2014-15 !!

Startups are running in several places around the country and it takes parents to get invovled to get an ET school started.

Here is the list of schools and the list of startup projects underway and how to look at getting a start up going.

http://www.educatetogether.ie/et-experience/educate-together-locations-2/

Rosy Posy

We didn't get our kids christened in the church. Mainly because a major part of the christening ceremony involves you standing up in front of a priest and promising to bring the child up in the catholic faith. We felt that it would be worse to stand in front of the alter and tell a blatant lie than upset the grannies and granda's. We did want something though and to have godparents, so we had 'anti-christenings' basically got close family and the godparents together somewhere, said a few words, gave them a gift and then went to the pub with all our mates and extended family and passed the baby around. It worked for us.

Days

I wouldn't if I were you! The church is less than perfect the only reason I did it was because it would have broken my mothers heart if I didn't!

Turbulent Bill

mohawk wrote: »

It really depends where you live whether or not you can get an unbaptised child into a school. It is time the dept of education start taking this issue seriously as with the baby boom and an increase in demand for school places down the line this could become a huge issue.

This is the crux of it. In many areas there is such demand for school places that parents don't have any choice in schools, with ET schools impossible to get into and Catholic schools already oversubscribed. I think there's a genuine risk that a non-baptised child could be bumped down the list in favour of a baptised one in a Catholic school.

I'm in the same situation with my newborn, not religious and have no desire to get her baptised into a church that's treated children so shamefully (and continues to wash their hands of the scandal). However I'm worried about restricting or eliminating her possible school places by not baptising her, so I might just bite my lip and put up with it.

ktod

We had a Naming Day for each of our kids instead. Lovely lovely lovely. Gathered friends and family, went down to the beach and then for a nice meal.

No problems with getting into school, but you do have to ask them to absent the child from religion lessons.

common sense brigade

If you send your child to a non denominational school he wont feel like he/she is missing out on communions etc. Problem might arise if you choose a catholic school and he/she feels left out. But even then when the other kids are making their communion you could plan a special family day out somewhere for your child.