Games so bad, boring or ridiculous they should never been released

LoGiE

Following on from a article linked in the General Retro Discussion thread titled "Games That Were Too Insane To Release" I decided to start this thread so people could nominate

"Games so unspeakably bad, boring or ridiculous they should never been released"

Here's a few that spring to mind...


First up some unspeakably bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB5lq05cxjI

Now for some boring. The review is actually pretty funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLtrrfMxKvM

And for the ridiculous....and in this case I mean ridiculously unforgiving!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdQnaLyYoM4

o1s1n

First person to mention DinoRex will be expelled from this forum forever :pac:

I always wondered how Dark Castle for the Megadrive got passed QA. The guys testing it must have been drunk.

I also want to add Battle of the Ballz. Mainly because I got it one year for my birthday and had to force myself to like it as I wouldn't be getting another game for a while.

Masochism so it was

The screenshots looked so promising! It even mentioned Virtua Fighter!

sensibleken

True Crime New York City was the buggiest piece of rubbish I ever played. Even the concept was terrible. Lets take grand theft auto and make the same game only this time you have to behave yourself!

I was never so relieved to get to the end of a game

DinoRex

Pretty much anything by Tiertex back in the day. But particularly Human Killing Machine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqbTQfoxqVE

Although I do like how you first beat up that dude and then beat up his dog.

CiDeRmAn

At the risk of sounding like a troll, I nominate Streets of Rage and Golden Axe!

o1s1n

Ah now, if that's the way we're going. I also nominate -

Gaylo: Gayness Evolved.
Gaylo Poo.
Gaylo Gee.
Gaylo Reach-around.

Myrddin

Demons Souls bored the bejesus outta me.

DinoRex

I was a huge fan of Akira when I was younger so was really looking forward to the game. But it was pretty horrible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYjvxlOhpeQ

This is just the first level, if you don't find all the hidden fuel cans you'll run out of petrol and not be able to make it to the end of the stage.

And this was just the first level. There were also horrible platform levels and horrible shoot'em'up levels.

I was a big enough fan to actually play through and complete the whole thing. It did come with a rather nice free t-shirt tough.

LoGiE

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

At the risk of sounding like a troll, I nominate Streets of Rage and Golden Axe!

BANNED




oh wait....damn it.

o1s1n wrote: »

Ah now, if that's the way we're going. I also nominate -

Gaylo: Gayness Evolved.
Gaylo Poo.
Gaylo Gee.
Gaylo Reach-around.

Don't go there, seriously.

Gulliver

Terminator 2 on the C64.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aV2F9lbl2Y

Kung Fu Superkicks on Atari 2600

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AXsvCYDR6s

Desert Falcon Atari 2600

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dmSnkmSXz0

si_guru

Skramble! for the VIC20.

The game was actually okay... but you gpt 1 life and you had to reload the whole game from tape each time to play again.

CiDeRmAn

o1s1n wrote: »

Ah now, if that's the way we're going. I also nominate -

Gaylo: Gayness Evolved.
Gaylo Poo.
Gaylo Gee.
Gaylo Reach-around.

Wow!
I think Retr0 has those ones!
Played them all to the climax....


Then cleaned up and finished the game


Actually, sorry, my mistake.
It was actually Cho Aniki

Mr Trade In

Iznogoud game for PS1, based on the infamous cartoon of the same name. Your goal was to become sultan instead of the sultan. Fcuking retarded multi-coloured acid fest.So bad I can't even find a video link.

sensibleken

Red Heat on the Comodore 64.


I never got past the first level. basically you walk (or are dragged) along extremely slowly while a multitle of naked men walk up to you. you push them away really slowly then you die. All in your nip! Oh and half way through you find a rock! (the rock does nothing)

The Vindicator for Comodore 64:


Capitalising on the 80s popularity of things with mucley blokes starting with 'The' and ending in 'ator'. This involved you going into empty rooms for an hour while slowly dieing. There was precisely one enemy in level one and that was as far as you were going to get.

DinoRex

Basically if you got an Arnie movie tie-in game for the C64 you were utterly screwed.

See also Total Recall.

o1s1n

DinoRex wrote: »

I was a huge fan of Akira when I was younger so was really looking forward to the game. But it was pretty horrible.

This is just the first level, if you don't find all the hidden fuel cans you'll run out of petrol and not be able to make it to the end of the stage.

And this was just the first level. There were also horrible platform levels and horrible shoot'em'up levels.

I was a big enough fan to actually play through and complete the whole thing. It did come with a rather nice free t-shirt tough.

I am so glad I never got to experience that when I was younger. It was billed for release on either the Snes or the Megadrive but was canned because it's just so bad. I'm a huge fan so I would have either wasted birthday or Christmas money on the thing.

DinoRex

o1s1n wrote: »

I am so glad I never got to experience that when I was younger. It was billed for release on either the Snes or the Megadrive but was canned because it's just so bad. I'm a huge fan so I would have either wasted birthday or Christmas money on the thing.

Graphics weren't actually all that bad. The sprites are all very well drawn. Sound is horrible though.

And the utterly terrible gameplay that you can only really get through via repeating things over and over again to know the patterns.

The sewer Shoot'em'up levels are ridiculously hard.

DickyC

DinoRex wrote: »

Basically if you got an Arnie movie tie-in game for the C64 you were utterly screwed.

Basically if you got Any movie tie-in game for the C64 you were utterly screwed.:D

DinoRex

DickyC wrote: »

Basically if you got Any movie tie-in game for the C64 you were utterly screwed.:D

Batman the Movie was pretty damn good.

Untouchables was lots of fun too.

Rare exceptions though.

DickyC

fair enough i will let you have them two, anybody else any other exceptions to the rule?

DinoRex

Robocop was good too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbMfCpD8gk4

Ocean put a lot of licenses to very good use for a while there.

Hygro

I'd say this game ... finished it in less than a day and cos I forgot the receipt when I brough it back 2 days later I only got half price!! :mad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEy_bZe51aM

Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy

so bad, but has me in stitches every time! :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rphx550e52w

o1s1n wrote: »

Ah now, if that's the way we're going. I also nominate -
Gaylo: Gayness Evolved.
Gaylo Poo.
Gaylo Gee.
Gaylo Reach-around.

you've so much brownie points (L)

DickyC

Hygro wrote: »

I'd say this game ... finished it in less than a day and cos I forgot the receipt when I brough it back 2 days later I only got half price!! :mad:

Gone be with the days when you could bring back a game and get a refund or different game if you thought it was crap (with receipt of course). Peats were always good on returns, remember getting c64 and atari xl stuff there.

*tear in eye*

Retr0gamer

I tend to avoid terrible games and some games are so bad that they do have a certain comedy value to them. As o1s1n mentioned Dark Castle on the Megadrive is truly terrible in every way.

Another game I'd add is Legend of Dragoon. A terrible game that represented Sony trying to jump on the JRPG badnwagon and just not getting it. They created one of the worst thougthout, boring and soulless games ever made with contrivance seeping from ever pore. The only thing worse is the people that actually think the game is good.

I also hate Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. FF Tactics is one of the best games ever made and FFTA just misses the point totally. The interface is horrendous, every battle is randomly generated and dull it's just a total waste of time and rom space.

Nintendogs. Me 'this will be great it got 40/40 in famitsu'.... Didn't realise that Famitsu takes bribes for review scores

EnterNow wrote: »

Demons Souls bored the bejesus outta me.

Aw was it too tough for the poor baby :P

Seriously though think you might not have given it enough time. There's a few people that posted the same after an hour of the game and we had to nurse them through the baptism of fire before they ended up getting it and loving it.

g5fd6ow0hseima

James Pond

o1s1n

You've obviously never played James Pond 3: Operation Starfish!

DinoRex

Retr0gamer wrote: »

Nintendogs. Me 'this will be great it got 40/40 in famitsu'.... Didn't realise that Famitsu takes bribes for review scores

I named my 3 dogs after the Magi.

Never before or since in my life have I screamed Melchior at a tiny device so much.

Atavan-Halen

This.

Yes I do actually have a copy of it. Worst €3 I ever spent. Should have gotten a meal in KFC or something.

o1s1n

atavan-halen wrote: »

Should have gotten a meal in KFC or something.

I take it you haven't played that game then yet no?

Atavan-Halen

For all of 20 seconds :P I probably turned off the Wii to go get a takeway or something.

CiDeRmAn

You see, softmod your Wii and "try" games first....

Stoner

DickyC wrote: »

fair enough i will let you have them two, anybody else any other exceptions to the rule?

topgun??

Jumpy

o1s1n wrote: »

First person to mention DinoRex will be expelled from this forum forever :pac:

I always wondered how Dark Castle for the Megadrive got passed QA. The guys testing it must have been drunk.

I also want to add Battle of the Ballz. Mainly because I got it one year for my birthday and had to force myself to like it as I wouldn't be getting another game for a while.

Masochism so it was

The screenshots looked so promising! It even mentioned Virtua Fighter!

Dark Castle and Beyond Dark Castle on the Mac were two of the best games ever released. I never saw the Mega Drive version though.

CiDeRmAn

Ah, the old days, when if you bought a game you were stuck with it and had to learn to love it or hide your loathing.
And you only had the readies to buy a game a month, if that.
I was that soldier, having seen Thunderforce 3 and 4 in the press I went around Sligo looking for a copy, only finding Thunderforce 2, oh dear..... What a pile of fetid monkey balls! And no returning it either...

Atavan-Halen

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

You see, softmod your Wii and "try" games first....

Nah, I'd rather pick up a cheap secondhand one or something and go nuts with that. My Wii is mint and I want to keep it all original for some reason

Myrddin

atavan-halen wrote: »

Nah, I'd rather pick up a cheap secondhand one or something and go nuts with that. My Wii is mint and I want to keep it all original for some reason

Does...not...compute...pzzzt.

Atavan-Halen

EnterNow wrote: »

Does...not...compute...pzzzt.

Just 'cos everything and the kitchen sink has some form of mod in your house :P

Myrddin

atavan-halen wrote: »

Just 'cos everything and the kitchen sink has some form of mod in your house :P

Says yer man that has a region modded Dreamcast It's not that I have to mod everything, but modding a Wii in this case actually improves its capabilitites (same can be said of any console mod really), & it's not as if it's a rare or expensive console in which case I'd agree with keeping it stock. But the Wii in it's normal form is an intentionally debilitated Gamecube...mod that fecker man

And softmodding isn't permanent either, if you ever get the need for having that crippled feeling again, you can restore i back to normal

For the record, my kitchen sink is stock.

Retr0gamer

Jumpy wrote: »

Dark Castle and Beyond Dark Castle on the Mac were two of the best games ever released. I never saw the Mega Drive version though.

Yes they are but the megadrive version is beyond terrible.

EnterNow wrote: »

It's not that I have to mod everything, but modding a Wii in this case actually improves its capabilitites

Listen to this man. Best thing I ever did with my Wii was mod it. I don't even play back ups with it but emulation on it is superb.

yrwhu8jxtni06a

Average loading times of twenty mins,and it wasn't even released on floppy-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2nEFAI-F10

DickyC

Waylon Obedient Gipsy wrote: »

Average loading times of twenty mins,and it wasn't even released on floppy-

imagine spending good money on that pile, would have been a waste of a good floppy in anyway:D

CiDeRmAn

Yup, they really overstretched the Speccy with that one.
Then again, that game came out in 1992.
If you were stuck with your only source of gaming being a ZX Spectrum in '92, you had tougher things going on than just SFII sucking.
Your mates by now all had Megadrives, Snes', even Amiga's and ST's, the occasional hanger on with a Master System or NES.
But you have a Spectrum....
Oh Dear...

Can you imagine the schoolyard arguments?
"Street Fighter on the Snes is the best!"
"No, I think the it's better on the Megadrive!"
"You twat! There is no way the controller or graphics on the MD can possibly compare with the Snes and its awesome power and perfect controller! You are the saddest person I know!"

then you pipe up....
"Hey, I've got Street Fighter 2 for my machine and it's ace!"
(Snes and MD owner sense a possibly ally so await the hardware of choice of the cocky newcomer)
"I love to play it on my Spectrum"

A hiding now ensues, both 16 bit console owners put aside their differences, these to be settled another day, to kick the sh1te out of this poor poor backstard, united in giving this gamer out of time a pasting!

Funkfield

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GoJHWXnrGU

Just awful. Some of the worst gameplay ever. Think I smashed the tape off the wall in sheer frustration.

Will post more as I remember them....

DickyC

remember buying it in peats for the snes, about 70 or 75 pounds at the time when it was released. the amount of play it got was unreal, winner stays on. remember reading the pc engine was an excellent port but very expensive, never had the pleasure of playing it at the time.

CiDeRmAn

Knightmare, based on that god awful CiTV show of the same name, made a big name for itself as it was made using "State of the art computer graphics", so you in effect had a kid in a blindfold/helmet, walking through a series of rooms decked out in blue screen material and the CG overlaid, while a team of his mates watch a monitor and guide him through the hazards.
Pity it was so sh1te then...

o1s1n

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

Knightmare, based on that god awful CiTV show of the same name, made a big name for itself as it was made using "State of the art computer graphics", so you in effect had a kid in a blindfold/helmet, walking through a series of rooms decked out in blue screen material and the CG overlaid, while a team of his mates watch a monitor and guide him through the hazards.
Pity it was so sh1te then...

I loved that

Haven't watched it in about 20 years. It's one of those things that's probably best left to memory!

DinoRex

Hey! Knightmare was a great show. Got to love Treguard.

But I do remember the C64 game being awful. Don't think I ever figured out how to get by the second screen.

There was a very good Knightmare game on the Amiga though that was in the style of Eye of the Beholder.

yrwhu8jxtni06a

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

Yup, they really overstretched the Speccy with that one.
Then again, that game came out in 1992.

Adams family was another great release-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVSod3jO-Lo

Myrddin

o1s1n wrote: »

I loved that

Haven't watched it in about 20 years. It's one of those things that's probably best left to memory!

This is amazing I was only telling the little guy about this show I used to love years n years ago where the contestant was blindfolded, & his/her team-mates had to help guide the player through a virtual reality world with traps etc. Hadn't a clue about the name, but now I do Knightmare :cool:

Now, off to the interwebz to see what I can find

o1s1n

Excellent! If you do happen to find any episodes, give me a shout.

I have these really vivid childhood memories of sitting in after school in the depths of winter in front of a roaring fire watching that. Good times!