Hes back with hisex ... she hates me ... i feel i'm being pushed away ...

LegacyUser

Sorry if this is a long post, i'll try and keep it short.

Ok i just don't know where to begin, i just feel so emotionally drained right now. This might sound a bit mixed up as theres a few issues going on but any help is appreciated.

So my best friend got back with his ex girlfriend recently. She really really doesn't like me even thought i've never met her or spoken to her on the phone or has she tried to get to know me. Shes logged into is social neworking sites as him and mesaged me as i keep all my pages private! (thats a whole other story for another rant!)

So since they've gotten back together (and broken up and gotten back together) in 2weeks, me and my best friend have had so many arguments or hes being really distant or hes chatting away great and all of a sudden he's all oh gotta go and hangs up in my face!

Our friendship is so close we ve been friends for so long and in different countries and if we weren't miles apart we'd maybe would end up together, who knows. But i understand sometimes things aren't meant to be and I'm happy to have him as a friend like hes been for the last 5 years. We're really close. He messaged me online 2 nights ago saying he had to sneak around to talk to me. Surely this can't be good, so why can't he see that?? And why can't he see how upset its making me?? I've never said to him that she's a bad or wrong person, how could i say that i dont know her. So i can put my handup and say no i've said nothing out of the way against this girl but she must hate me!

I'm not jealous that he has a gf because i want him to be happy but if hes even said he's sneaking around to talk to me, how id that happy! He's had other gf's in the past and i've had bf's so its not a case of "oh he has a gf, he cant do that!!!" haha I'm really scared of losing the best friend ive ever had. I tried explaining it last night and just endedup crying and it ended in an argument. I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry this is so long and maybe makes not much sense

gypsy_rose

I think you need to back off a little bit. He's not your boyfriend. I know he's a good friend of yours and you don't want to hear this, but if you care about him so much maybe back off for a little bit until his gf is a little more comfortable, because it sounds to me like she's suspicious of your friendship, and frankly, she's right to be since you believe that you "could have been together." If they've got back together she needs time to be get comfortable again, and it's also going to be doing his head in if they keep having fights over you. If you're such good friends you'll survive this, just keep in more casual contact for a while until things calm down

Monkey Allen

I think this thread could just as easily be started by your 'BFF' if you were the one in a new relationship. People move on over time. A 'BFF' very very rarely exists unless its your partner.

Distorted

I think you're being unreasonable and need to adjust your expectations. Theres nothing worse than a female friend who keeps butting into your relationship. Not saying men shouldn't have female friends but its quite rare that it doesn't cause trouble. Most people naturally back off when finding out a friend of the opposite sex has a new girlfriend/boyfriend to avoid treading on toes. Friendships wax and wane but rarely stay the same throughout our lives. People's priorities change.

It sounds like both of you are stuck in some sort of situation of keeping the other hanging on for something thats never happened. If you are that concerned, bite the bullet, tell him you want it to be you he's going out with and see what he says. Otherwise, start acting like the friend you claim to be and support him in his relationship and give him the space he needs to develop it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. Its hard to express on text about "could hae been together" thats like sayin i could win the euromillions or i could date brad pitt .... 99.9 percent chance i wont so its not like its an issue or i sit down thinking it overevery day... so i really don'tthink thats suspicious. If that makes more sense?
I'm more annoyed that she used his FB and MSN to annoy me ... THATS what i think is suspicious.
On the taking a step back well i have because not much more i can do. Until next week when his birthday present arrives (that i couldnt cancel even if i wanted to!)

gypsy_rose wrote: »

I think you need to back off a little bit. He's not your boyfriend. I know he's a good friend of yours and you don't want to hear this, but if you care about him so much maybe back off for a little bit until his gf is a little more comfortable, because it sounds to me like she's suspicious of your friendship, and frankly, she's right to be since you believe that you "could have been together." If they've got back together she needs time to be get comfortable again, and it's also going to be doing his head in if they keep having fights over you. If you're such good friends you'll survive this, just keep in more casual contact for a while until things calm down

LegacyUser

Distorted thanks for the reply. I think youve got what i'm saying a little wrong when you said "Theres nothing worse than a female friend who keeps butting into your relationship. " I;ve butted no where nor never mentioned the woman to him in either a negative or positive light. So i'm not sure what you mean by that to be honest.
As for "biting the bullet" that was never an option as we don't live in the same country. So going out together was never an issue. Sorry if my post was unclear but it was a long and confusing post

Distorted wrote: »

I think you're being unreasonable and need to adjust your expectations. Theres nothing worse than a female friend who keeps butting into your relationship. Not saying men shouldn't have female friends but its quite rare that it doesn't cause trouble. Most people naturally back off when finding out a friend of the opposite sex has a new girlfriend/boyfriend to avoid treading on toes. Friendships wax and wane but rarely stay the same throughout our lives. People's priorities change.

It sounds like both of you are stuck in some sort of situation of keeping the other hanging on for something thats never happened. If you are that concerned, bite the bullet, tell him you want it to be you he's going out with and see what he says. Otherwise, start acting like the friend you claim to be and support him in his relationship and give him the space he needs to develop it.

zxcvbnm1

Ya - quite clearly you fancy the pants off him and are clearly very jealous.

As a previous poster said,lay your cards on the table or just back off.

All this drama is ott really.

LegacyUser

wow zxcvbnm1 i clearly fancy the pants off him ... thats news to me. And no table or cards because we dont live in the same country

IrishEyes19

OP, were you friends in the same country and someone moved or did you meet online?

I only ask this as perhaps his gf is a little wary of him having a best friend who is a girl on the internet and so on.

Sibylla

OP I think you should leave it be. Being friends is wonderful but being with his partner is probably more important to him than spending time with friends. When people get into serious relationships they often forget about their social circle.

fungun

hes chatting away great and all of a sudden he's all oh gotta go and hangs up in my face!

This bit stands out to me. Whats wrong with this? As a friend, this should be fine. Unless you expect you to be his #1 priority. In which case his gf is right to be a bit worried.

Also agree with the comment above about 'could have been together'.

Although Im completely happy for my missus to have male friends and vice versa there is an unwritten acknowledgement of how close a friend of the opposite sex can be without crossing a line, based on our understanding of each other. Sounds to me like his gf is not happy for him to have a female friend who is as close as you are to him, or demands as much as you do (i.e. unhappy when he has to suddenly hang up). Thats her prerogative and his choice to make as to whether he goes along with it. Its not ideal he is going behind hr back and this will cause problems for him if (when) its found out.

My advice: Stay his friend but you will have to be not as close and not in touch as much. Try to find that balance point where his gf is actually ok with it. Otherwise he is gonna have to end up choosing between you and he will probably choose her.

tbh

MissingmyBDD wrote: »

wow zxcvbnm1 i clearly fancy the pants off him ... thats news to me. And no table or cards because we dont live in the same country

if you didn't, this wouldn't be an issue for you, nor would you have mentioned the fact that you "maybe would end up together".

whether you know it or not, you're giving out signals. We've picked up on it here, no doubt the ex has as well. It's sad that your friend is more distant, but really, there's nothing you can do.

LegacyUser

OK nobody has mentioned that someone "harrassing" me from someone elses facebook account isn't right. I didn't think i deserved that but all the replies here seem to think i do

tbh

MissingmyBFF wrote: »

OK nobody has mentioned that someone "harrassing" me from someone elses facebook account isn't right. I didn't think i deserved that but all the replies here seem to think i do

you should only be interested in your actions -they are the only things you have any control over.

dub_3

Ok so you have a friend,
he has a girlfriend,
and she doesn't like you.

It's none of your business who she likes or dislikes.

If her boyfriend has an issue with her not liking one or more of his friends,
then he has to decide what to do about it.
It's got nothing to do with you.
He has to decide if her disliking you, or anybody else is a dealbreaker in their relationship.

She has to decide if him having a female friend she dislikes, is a dealbreaker in their relationship.
It's got nothing to do with you.

He may be trying to talk her round to accepting you as his friend,
and that you're not a threat to their relationship.

He may or may not succeed in this attempt.

The only thing you can do to help your friend in this is to back off bigtime and leave them to get on with their relationship.

Your friendship may in time resume in a low key way,
or it may be on hold for the duration of that relationship,
or it may be gone forever.

You just gotta wait and see.

You might think that she is a bitch,
but remember she is his bitch.

Pyr0

OP : The GF just sounds like an immature, insecure c*unt to be honest. I wouldn't bother trying to talk about it to your friend. Maybe lay off the texting or chatting a bit and do him a little favour, I doubt he wants to run around his GF to even chat to you but tbh I'd just cool the contact to give him a break, I'm sure he's getting a earfull from her and isn't enjoying the situation at all either. That's something HE has to sort out with his relationship, not you.

LegacyUser

If it's none of my business why is she harrassing me online? She's not on my friends list so im being brought into it

dub_3 wrote: »

Ok so you have a friend,
he has a girlfriend,
and she doesn't like you.

It's none of your business who she likes or dislikes.

If her boyfriend has an issue with her not liking one or more of his friends,
then he has to decide what to do about it.
It's got nothing to do with you.
He has to decide if her disliking you, or anybody else is a dealbreaker in their relationship.

She has to decide if him having a female friend she dislikes, is a dealbreaker in their relationship.
It's got nothing to do with you.

He may be trying to talk her round to accepting you as his friend,
and that you're not a threat to their relationship.

He may or may not succeed in this attempt.

The only thing you can do to help your friend in this is to back off bigtime and leave them to get on with their relationship.

Your friendship may in time resume in a low key way,
or it may be on hold for the duration of that relationship,
or it may be gone forever.

You just gotta wait and see.

You might think that she is a bitch,
but remember she is his bitch.

LegacyUser

thank u

Pyr0 wrote: »

OP : The GF just sounds like an immature, insecure c*unt to be honest. I wouldn't bother trying to talk about it to your friend. Maybe lay off the texting or chatting a bit and do him a little favour, I doubt he wants to run around his GF to even chat to you but tbh I'd just cool the contact to give him a break, I'm sure he's getting a earfull from her and isn't enjoying the situation at all either. That's something HE has to sort out with his relationship, not you.

You're clearly emotionally dependent on him. The girlfriend has no right to hassle you over the internet, but she's allowed to mind that you're emotionally involved with her boyfriend. Even though you're not with him or trying to get with him, you have a bond with him which does seem to have gender roles. Now that he's with her, you're relationship with him is becoming messy, arguments are starting because the depth of your emotional relationship is putting strain on his new relationship, and vice versa. He's having to sneak around to get in touch with you because no matter what he does, one of you gets upset. You asked "why cant he see how upset this makes me?". This is something you ask about a boyfriend, not a friend. The change in attentiveness of a friend shouldn't upset you so much.

Since you're not physically around, she has no idea how far your emotional relationship goes or if her boyfriend is thinking of you often. She can't see how you two act with each other. All she knows is that her boyfriend spends time in contact with you. He sneaks around. He has to try to stop you getting upset. This would worry any girlfriend.

Maybe you could explain how she hassles you?

dub_3

MissingmyBFF wrote: »

If it's none of my business why is she harrassing me online? She's not on my friends list so im being brought into it

She's harassing you because she constantly finds her boyfriend chatting with you online. He's obviously not provided her with a satisfactory explanation for his behaviour.

Remove him from your friends list and she will stop harassing you.

seenitall

dub_3 wrote: »

She's harassing you because she constantly finds her boyfriend chatting with you online. He's obviously not provided her with a satisfactory explanation for his behaviour.

Remove him from your friends list and she will stop harassing you.

As if that (or any other reason) is a justifiable reason for harrassment?

The one who should be removing his friends from his lists in order to appease his g/f is obviously the spineless guy, and not the OP. In the meantime, OP, I wouldn't let this type of thing bother you too much. Her harrassment strategy, whatever it consists of, shows up HER insecurity more than anything else, and it's not like she can actually hurt you with her on-line silliness. You are doing nothing wrong as long as you talk to your friend the same way you always have. Just know that it is up to HIM to sort his g/f out, either that or perhaps he will end up cutting YOU out at her request - which will be out of your hands too. In any case, a bit of patience is advised.

dub_3

seenitall wrote: »

As if that (or any other reason) is a justifiable reason for harrassment?

Just to be clear I'm not in any way condoning her harassment, just pointing out the obvious cause of it and the equally obvious solution to it.

It's pointless for the OP to try to communicate with her friend through social networking sites, when she knows that

A: his girlfriend doesn't like her
B: his girlfriend has access to his online accounts

seenitall

IMO, the "solution" you are suggesting is no solution at all. If the OP is being truly harrassed online by the friend's g/f, modifying her behaviour in order to appease her is really nothing but letting people have their way through force (i.e. online bullying).

Granted, sometimes it is wiser to just let things go for the sake of one's own peace of mind, but reading OP's posts, I suspect that she still has some way to go before being able to both take your advice and feel happy with herself for doing so.

While the GF sounds like a nutter (if what you posted is true), you also sound like a nightmare. I'd dislike you as well if you obviously (and it is VERY obvious) fancied my boyfriend, had long intimate chats and got upset when he had to hang up quickly. You're not acting like a friend, you're acting as if this man owes you something because you've been 'close' for a long time. I have loads of male friends but once a girlfriend comes on the scene, I hardly expect to be having hour long Skype calls and pouring my heart out to that person. It's just not appropriate. It really isn't. Plenty of people will come out with the 'but it's possible to have friends of the opposite sex' line. Yes, it is, as long as both parties realise that it's different to having same sex friends and that boundaries have to be respected. You come across as emotionally attached and incredibly needy. The poor bloke, dealing with his girlfriend and some female friend who gets upset when he has to get off the phone and says things like 'why doesn't he see how upset this makes me'. Your level of neediness and dependence is not reasonable. Leave him alone and find your own boyfriend!

littlefriend

I don't understand the harassing bit? how is she doing this? She contacted you by using his facebook or whatever but how is that harassment?

LegacyUser

Well if ur on facebook and a chat message from your friend "John" pops up on your screen, you assume its John.... "John" says hi how are you or whatever and you reply and then "John" starts f'ing you out of it. If it was from her own page i would have less of a problem as i could choose to accept or reqject the message but when you assume its your friend you're going to answer. When its happened a lot i dont know what else to call it

littlefriend wrote: »

I don't understand the harassing bit? how is she doing this? She contacted you by using his facebook or whatever but how is that harassment?

amdublin

What is this birthday present that you cannot cancel?

It is likely that this will irk her even more.

Distorted

Is it possibe that the girlfriend is so mad at the OP she tried to find out more information about her and really just wants to tell her to butt the hell out of their relationship? Is it likely that they split up before because he is messaging another woman ie the OP? I'm not surprised she's objecting to it! Its just that I'm not really seeing here that the girlfriend is the problem, more the OP. Its like she doesn't want a girlfriend taking up too much of the guy's time and therefore reducing the amount of attention she gets from him. I'm also failing to find sympathy for the OP in portraying herself as the victim. These people are in a relationship, and a third party is trying to interfere, yet the third party is complaining that the girlfriend is stepping on "her" territory. The OP sounds as though she would be happier if she split them up!

I agree that the guy in question is spineless. In fact the girlfriend sounds about the one whose reactions are the most "normal" and understandable.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hi OP,

OK, so the girlfriend pretending to be him online to chat to you, not ideal behaviour.

But leave that aside for a moment and look at your own actions- as someone pointed out, they are the only actions you have control over- not his, not hers.

Put yourself in the girlfriends shoes for a moment. Proper introspection is needed here.

Quit the "victim" act as it doesn't wash. You have not been wronged here.

Lets examine your actions;

1. You get annoyed when he has to suddenly end calls. People end calls all the time for all sorts of reasons, needing to go to the loo, spotting their friend across the street, and so on. What annoys you here is that he is ending them on her account. You don't like not being his number 1.

2. You try explaining how you feel and this ends in an argument and with you crying. Ask yourself OP, is this really normal behaviour? If it were a female friend who disappeared off the radar in the first flushes of a relationship (as people tend to do), would it end in a teary row? Doubt it.

3. You said "maybe we'd end up together if we didn't live in different countries". Implying that circumstance and geography have been the only factors that stood in the way of you two getting together. Implying that, yes, you do fancy this guy. If it were me describing a situation with a platonic male friend, I would say "It was never a question of us getting together, we were always just friends" or something similar. It sounds to me like you see him as the one that got away or something.

4. You're imagining that the relationship is flawed and doomed, "he's not happy because hes sneaking around to talk to me". Reading between the lines, I'd say theres an element of "he'd never be unhappy with me".

Whether you admit it or not OP, you fancy this guy. Its as plain as day.

If I'm wrong and you don't fancy him, you still hate the idea of not being his number one priority, his number one girl. You can't just be happy for him and leave it alone.

Neither option is healthy or conducive to your happiness, unless you remove yourself from the situation forthwith.

This is what I think your plan of action should be;

Back. Away. Leave. Them. Alone.

Get on with your own life.

Look, I know it sucks when a male friend turns cold when he gets a GF, but thats life. Hanging around as an intruder is not going to make the situation any better. You need to suck it up and move on.

One (genuinely platonic) male friend stopped texting and mailing when he fell in love. Did I have tearful rows with him over this fact? No, I wished him well and left him to it. A few months later, I got an email saying that he was sorry he'd been out of contact, but his GF was a bit uncomfortable at first. We're all good friends now.

Another male friend has completely stopped contacting me (though there was a history of attraction) when he got together with his GF. Again, there were no dramatics or histrionics, I simply left them too it and was glad for him. All I know is that hanging around like a pest where I'm not wanted, is not good for my self esteem or dignity.

Can I ask what the contents of this online chat that you had with the girlfriend were (when she was posing as him)? I suspect she was doing a bit of detective work and if she saw xxx and I miss you John xx and so on, that would explain why she freaked at you. I could be reading between the lines, so apologies if I'm wrong, and the content of the chat were innocuous.

So, in summary;

• Leave this guy and his GF alone.
• Remember, you are the unwanted intruder here.
• He's not your "BFF"- As his GF, she holds the mantle of being the most important person in his life.
• Accept that this is (sometimes, not always) the nature of male/ female friendships.

Take care, OP.

spinandscribble

just leave him be.

Your reaction to john cooling off on talking to you speaks volumes. He hasn't as much free time anymore since he has a gf. Simples.

I had a similar experience to this years and years ago in the past except I was johns gf. I didn't like this girl he'd never met constantly messaging ect but i never dreamed of talking to her or complaining. Her behaviour while desperate wasn't threatening because I thought about it logically. Sadly this girl hasn't thought it through and is giving you the fuel to blame her for johns lack of contact rather then him moving on from you to her.

I think it would help you to stop focusing on her and just see the truth. Johns actions are his own.

If he's really your friend he won't stop speaking to you altogether and if you're really his friend and not just pretending to be his friend because you think you love him or something, then give him space.

Elle Collins

missingmyBFF wrote: »

I tried explaining it last night and just endedup crying and it ended in an argument.

If you are crying and fighting over your friends relationship with his partner and what you feel it's costing you in terms of unlimited access to him then you are clearly a woman with boundary issues. I don't blame the gf going demented in the situation you have put her in.

missingmyBFF wrote: »

I don't know what to do about it.

What you need to do about it is back off and find our own bf. Some day the tables may turn and you may find yourself plagued by a female 'friend' of your partner who's calling him up crying and fighting over what she feels are her rights to him. Maybe this would do you the world of good: You come across as so deluded that you'd have to be on the opposite side of the fence before you'd realise the full inappropriateness of your behaviour.

Also I doubt you really value this man as a friend. No way in hell would I be the cause of this sort of hassle in any of my friends lives.

Advice? - BACK OFF!!!

spinandscribble

Elle Collins wrote: »

Also I doubt you really value this man as a friend. No way in hell would I be the cause of this sort of hassle in any of my friends lives.

+1

this was the first thing that popped into my head, if you're really a friend you'd be less me me me and put yourself in his shoes more.

perri winkles

Have to agree with everyone OP, you need to take a step back and give this couple a bit of breathing space.

The fact that your friend has been more distant, hanging up the phone etc shows where your place is Im afraid. He has put his girlfriend before you and you need to accept this, it's what most people would do. You come across as painfully needy.

It's very obvious that you like this guy. I have a best friend who is a guy and I could never EVER see us together. You wouldn't say this if there wern't some lingering feelings there.

Were you a factor in their original break up out of interest?

YOu got used to having him all to yourself and now you feeling like he is being taken away and you don't like it.

It's life OP, people grow apart when they become attached and you are no exception.

Give them some space!!

LegacyUser

I wish i didnt go unreg'ed now so i could delete this because no matter how many times i've written i don't want a relationship with this guy and even if i did i couldnt because we dont live in the same country!

zxcvbnm1

Op - you absolutely have to back off. Getting into arguments and crying is not normal behaviour. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Pretty much everyone here has said to back off - so you have to give that some consideration.

Distorted

MissingmyBFF wrote: »

I wish i didnt go unreg'ed now so i could delete this because no matter how many times i've written i don't want a relationship with this guy and even if i did i couldnt because we dont live in the same country!

But you can't get the amount of attention, phone calls and messages you seem to require without being in a relationship!

No girlfriend or boyfriend of someone is going to put up with the amount of attention you, as a third party, demand.

Can't you accept that you will not get the attention of this guy that you have done in the past if he has a serious girlfriend and move on? He is moving on, and you are trying to stop him! Find something else to fill in the time you spent with him on the phone!

Most friendships change over time. True friendship is accepting the other person's wishes, and respecting them, not demanding that your friendship continue on the same lines.

Your comments towards his girlfriend are also very disrepectful.

Even if you don't want a relationship with him, you are emotionally involved with him. Its strange also that you put so many barriers in place to having a proper relationship with this guy, yet put up so much objection to him having a girlfriend. Maybe you need to examine within yourself why this is, instead of selfishly asserting your need for his constant attention? Your conduct and attitude only seem to be making yourself, your friend and his girlfriend unhappy.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

MissingmyBFF wrote: »

I wish i didnt go unreg'ed now so i could delete this because no matter how many times i've written i don't want a relationship with this guy and even if i did i couldnt because we dont live in the same country!

Maybe you don't want a relationship with him, but you certainly do have unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of the parameters of your friendship. Is it just that you want to be the number 1 girl in this life?

LegacyUser

Which comments towards his girlfriend are disrespectful ?

Distorted wrote: »

But you can't get the amount of attention, phone calls and messages you seem to require without being in a relationship!

No girlfriend or boyfriend of someone is going to put up with the amount of attention you, as a third party, demand.

Can't you accept that you will not get the attention of this guy that you have done in the past if he has a serious girlfriend and move on? He is moving on, and you are trying to stop him! Find something else to fill in the time you spent with him on the phone!

Most friendships change over time. True friendship is accepting the other person's wishes, and respecting them, not demanding that your friendship continue on the same lines.

Your comments towards his girlfriend are also very disrepectful.

Even if you don't want a relationship with him, you are emotionally involved with him. Its strange also that you put so many barriers in place to having a proper relationship with this guy, yet put up so much objection to him having a girlfriend. Maybe you need to examine within yourself why this is, instead of selfishly asserting your need for his constant attention? Your conduct and attitude only seem to be making yourself, your friend and his girlfriend unhappy.

I am a friend

He is an eejit for letting someone tell him who he can be friends with!!

amdublin

This isn't about him. It is about the op.

Op back off and let their relationship develop without you causing stress.

I am a friend

amdublin wrote: »

This isn't about him. It is about the op.

It is about him - he is so under the thumb and eager to please that he is sidelining his friends for his gf. He is also allowing her send messages to his friend via facebook. How desperate is he to have a gf? Seriously...

amdublin

I am a friend wrote: »

It is about him - he is so under the thumb and eager to please that he is sidelining his friends for his gf. He is also allowing her send messages to his friend via facebook. How desperate is he to have a gf? Seriously...

The op cannot control the actions of anyone else (ie him). She can only control her own actions.

You are not being helpful to the op by going on about him.

Squiggler

I am a friend wrote: »

It is about him - he is so under the thumb and eager to please that he is sidelining his friends for his gf. He is also allowing her send messages to his friend via facebook. How desperate is he to have a gf? Seriously...

I don't agree with you, but, even if you were right surely the advice to the OP would still be the same. Forget about him and find other friends.

LegacyUser

I was beginning to think friends these days are disposable. I never thought that before but you seem to think the same as me that they arent

I am a friend wrote: »

It is about him - he is so under the thumb and eager to please that he is sidelining his friends for his gf. He is also allowing her send messages to his friend via facebook. How desperate is he to have a gf? Seriously...

Elle Collins

MissingmyBFF wrote: »

I was beginning to think friends these days are disposable. I never thought that before but you seem to think the same as me that they arent

You are living in cloud-cuckoo land OP.

spinandscribble

Elle Collins wrote: »

You are living in cloud-cuckoo land OP.

agreed.

Hopefully op you'll look back on this some day and realise how silly you've been, that way you have a chance to be happy. Good luck.