Funny slaggings

Hurricane-Dean · 29-01-2011 8:27pm #1

Sharing slaggings with friends last night, one of them burst out with "she had the face of a bag of smashed crabs" I have to say I pissed myself laughing. It probably helped that we were pissed but have you heard any similar to this?
Apart from that one here's a few others to get the ball rolling

She had the face of a camel trying to eat a biscuit through a tennis racket
I dropped the hand on her and it was like feeding a horse
She had the face of a bulldog chewing a wasp

(and for all the women out there, any slaggings you heard about men are welcome, we can take it

)

AnonoBoy · 29-01-2011 8:29pm

Would you smash it?

aligator_am · 29-01-2011 8:30pm

Hurricane-Dean wrote: »

Sharing slaggings with friends last night, one of them burst out with "she had the face of a bag of smashed crabs" I have to say I pissed myself laughing. It probably helped that we were pissed but have you heard any similar to this?
Apart from that one here's a few others to get the ball rolling

She had the face of a camel trying to eat a biscuit through a tennis racket
I dropped the hand on her and it was like feeding a horse
She had the face of a bulldog chewing a wasp

(and for all the women out there, any slaggings you heard about men are welcome, we can take it )

She looked like her face went on fire and somebody put it out with a fork

She'd a head like a melted welly / wheelie bin

She'd a belly like a poisoned pup

Her arse started at the back of her neck

Hurricane-Dean · 29-01-2011 8:32pm

aligator_am wrote: »

She looked like her face went on fire and somebody put it out with a fork

She'd a head like a melted welly / wheelie bin

She'd a belly like a poisoned pup

Her arse started at the back of her neck

Ha ha that's brilliant

seafood dunleavy · 29-01-2011 8:33pm

I remember 2 lads having a slagging match.One goes "Your parents should bring ya back to the condom factory and ask for a refund!"

Hurricane-Dean · 29-01-2011 8:33pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Would you smash it?

Last night I probably would have, but not now

MrStuffins · 29-01-2011 8:35pm

Your ma's your da!

AnonoBoy · 29-01-2011 8:35pm

Hurricane-Dean wrote: »

Last night I probably would have, but not now

Come around his house any night of the week and Hurricane-Dean would be hanging out the back of it.

El Horseboxo · 29-01-2011 8:35pm

Ye look like you got sun burned through a tea strainer.

120_Minutes · 29-01-2011 8:36pm

[norn iron] yer ma's yer da![/norn iron]

Hurricane-Dean · 29-01-2011 8:37pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Come around his house any night of the week and Hurricane-Dean would be hanging out the back of it.

Well Thursday through Sunday

AnonoBoy · 29-01-2011 8:37pm

I had anal sex with your father last night and he said I was amazing. We're thinking of starting a relationship.

barbarians · 29-01-2011 8:37pm

Dunno will the city slickers get this but "she looks like she's been put through a hay baler and had the string cut".

(i.e. she is enormously fat)

MrStuffins · 29-01-2011 8:38pm

120_Minutes wrote: »

[MrStuffins] yer ma's yer da![/MrStuffins]

FYP :pac:

smokie2008 · 29-01-2011 8:38pm

If my Dog had a face like yours I'd shave his arse and teach him to walk backwards.

Blondini · 29-01-2011 8:40pm

She's looked into more japeyes than a tokyo optician ...

stateofflux · 29-01-2011 8:41pm

'the state of ya, you stupid lookin bollox!'

brummytom · 29-01-2011 8:42pm

Hurricane-Dean wrote: »

(and for all the women out there, any slaggings you heard about men are welcome, we can take it )

Speak for yourself!

/runs off crying

Blondini · 29-01-2011 8:47pm

She has a minge like a stabwound on a gorilla's back ..

RichieC · 29-01-2011 8:49pm

You stocking of sh*te! is my current favourite.

barbarians · 29-01-2011 8:55pm

She Has Nipples You Could Dial A Phone With

She Had A Head Like A Chewed Toffee

She Was As Rough As A Bag Of Mangled Badgers

She Was So Gone She Never Arrived

She's Got A Face Like A Dogs Ass

clikityclak · 29-01-2011 8:55pm

Ah 2 of the funniest I've heard in recent times are

>You've a face on you like a dog that licked piss off a nettle
> 'X' is like a round bale with legs

Dupont · 29-01-2011 9:03pm

she has more chins than a china phonebook

the tide wouldnt take you out

a sniper wouldnt take you out

gilmour · 29-01-2011 9:05pm

ya haaaaaaaaandicap bastard

Fukuyama · 29-01-2011 9:13pm

I have a formula for creating on-the-spot names for ugly wimmenz... They work best when in the middle of a normal sentence such as when discussing a rotten looking girl to your mate.

The formula is as follows:

Horrible Place + Unsightly Animal = EpicName!!

For example - SwampDonkey, Sewergremlin.... the possibilities are endless.

MrStuffins · 29-01-2011 9:15pm

Dean0088 wrote: »

I have a formula for creating on-the-spot names for ugly wimmenz... They work best when in the middle of a normal sentence such as when discussing a rotten looking girl to your mate.

The formula is as follows:

Horrible Place + Unsightly Animal = EpicName!!

For example - SwampDonkey, Sewergremlin.... the possibilities are endless.

LimerickSquirrel............ nah it didn't quite work for me!

Helmet · 29-01-2011 9:22pm

She's not built for soft ground!

rainbowdrop · 29-01-2011 9:38pm

Dean0088 wrote: »

I have a formula for creating on-the-spot names for ugly wimmenz... They work best when in the middle of a normal sentence such as when discussing a rotten looking girl to your mate.

The formula is as follows:

Horrible Place + Unsightly Animal = EpicName!!

For example - SwampDonkey, Sewergremlin.... the possibilities are endless.

I do that:D Humptybackedfuck-pig was one of my personal favourites for a girl I used to go to school with.

There was also two other girls I went to school with, who were best friends with each other. Both of them were on the 'large' side, ugly as sin and were known by everyone as 'Earthquake and Typhoon - The natural disasters':p