should i let her know?

LegacyUser

i wrote this very long post explaining my situation ,giving dates, details,how’s,why’s etc...
then i deleted because essentially all it is ,is that i love this girl, i’m totally mad about her. We went out for nearly 7 years and i ended it last summer. Doesn’t really matter why but she went through hell after it.
She now agrees that the break up had to happen then. but most of the reasons for the break up are now gone.
I saw her couple of weeks ago and we talked for an hour and since then, i can’t stop thinking about her.im 32 and have had lots of relationships in the past and i know my feelings.
I know i’m totally in love with her. She has a new boyfriend and she has no idea i feel this way .as far as she is concerned i love her as a friend.
I have no idea what/if anything she feels towards me but should i tell her how i feel?
If she wants to move on she can just ignor me but what if she feels the same?

Marty McFly

Hi op i think you have to let her know how you feel, if you dont youll always have the thoughts of what if, yeh she mightnt feel the same way as you but at east then youll know wee you stand and will be able to start moving on or it could lead to the twos of yehs getting back together, i say bite the bullet.

LegacyUser

I think it's really selfish to let her know. She's in a relationship now. She may be very happy. Either way, that's none of your business now. Forget about her. Do you really think she's going to drop all and come running back to you when she hears you have feelings for her?

If in a few years she happens to be single again and you are also single, perhaps then mentioning your feelings is a better idea, but right now, I think you need to steer clear of her and her life and find something else to focus on.

neuro-praxis

If you decide to tell her how you feel, you better be absolutely sure that this is it. That she is the one you want to commit to. If she has gone through hell to get over you and has done it quite well by the sounds of things, you'd nearly need to have a ring in your pocket if you want her back tbh.

28064212

You can let her know, just be aware of the consequences. She might decide she needs to cut you out of her life because you can't be "just friends". You also have to completely respect whatever she decides, otherwise you're just veering into creep/harrassment.

It is arguably a 'selfish' thing to do, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

LegacyUser

Op here,
the main reason i have not yet let her know how i feel,was that i wasn't really sure my self.

that's why i couldnt .i needed to see her to be sure and now i am.

i have no problems proposing to her tomorrow but i think that's gonna be wired.

honestly i have no idea how she feels towards me.obv the fact that she has boyfirend means she has moved on but at the same time she has no idea how i feel either.

has any one ever been in a similar situation,on either side?

LegacyUser

A year ago, you didn't know your own feelings after dating her for 7 years.
But after an hours' conversation& finding out she's dating someone else, suddenly you see the light?
I don't know. On one hand, you could argue you've had all your chances with this girl& blown them. At 32, you're no spotty teenager (ie: you should be fairly clued in!)
On the other hand, maybe the timing was just off a year ago.
Have a heart to heart with this girl, explaining your feelings. Do not press her for a reply or feedback- give her time to think it over.
You've nothing to lose. Wait much longer& she might get engaged to the new guy& then you really WON'T be able to approach her.
G'luck.

Sound Bite

Have difficulty understanding how you didn't know she was the one after seven years & that it took until she got a new boyfriend, but anyway I don't believe in having regrets so I'd go for it. Tell her...you've little to loose but alot to gain.

That said, you must be sure of your feelings as to break up with her a second time would probably crush her.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

OP here again,
ok ,i did not just find out she has a new boyfriend.
i knew pretty much from the start.

i had said nothing cuz i wasnt' sure of my feelings.
the break up happened cuz it had to happen.

if we had not broken up,this would never happen.i would never get here and neither would she.

if she was the exact same girl as before the breakup ,then i would not do this as i knew it would end the same way.

the breakup changed a few things that only the breakup could have changed.

i needed to see her to be sure and now i am.

to those saying this is selfish of me,well of course it is...im certainly not doing this for her or any one else,im doing it for me.

i don't think there is anything wrong with it though.

believe me ppl,this is not a case of me wanting her back just cuz she has a new BF.

she has been going out with the this boy for 7 months now,and i knew from day one and said nothing and wished them the best of luck.

i don't even want to get back with her if she doesn't feel the same way about me,or thinks that she is never going to feel that way again.

there is simply no point is that's the case.
this is just incase she has feelings for me.

Package

yes, let her know. if you feel this way now, then the chances are that you probably always will feel this way.

if you would like her back, then i think you have to give her all the options and let her make an informed decision

Sound Bite

After reading your second post.....

You have to tell her. If I felt like that about someone I'd wouldn't be able not to tell them. Tell her and even if you don't get the response you're looking for, at least, you'll know where you stand.

good luck

muboop1

Go for it...

Imagine regretting this?

Worst that happens is you get rejected... and you move on!

Whilst it may seem terrible, the regret you feel later could be so so much worse if you do nothing!