What Does Your New Starsign mean for you...

stevoslice

http://www.yournewstarsign.co.uk/

I now know that all Libra's are thieves and cannot be trusted, I knew in my heart i wasn't born a libra, i was too good at juggling to be one of them.

All this time i thought i was a TS (Trans-Starsigner), a virgo born too late, but now i know my true calling. I'm going to run off and join the circus. as soon as i get out of prison for robbing that bank...

admiralofthefleet

same as the old one - fuck all

liah

I was a Leo-Virgo, now I'm just a Leo.

Means just as much as it did before-- squat.

scientific1982

A wet fart.

Metallergy

it says... this. weekend. mega-bingo. free entry before 9 with OAP card

what the fug. decipher

chicken fingers

SFA

Jesus Wept

I used to be a libra, it wasn't the most exciting starsign but at least I wasn't one of the wankery ones like leo.
Now I am a virgo and I just can't get my head around it or be arsed to.
It also reminds me of John Virgo which is creepy.

stevoslice

Metallergy wrote: »

it says... this. weekend. mega-bingo. free entry before 9 with OAP card

what the fug. decipher

uh-oh, if my reading is correct

this

Jesus Wept

thebhoy wrote: »

uh-oh, if my reading is correct

this

starlit

Old-Pisces
New-Aquarius

As a Pisces you were curiously shaped. Pisces are made out of blancmange.
As an Aquarius you will be required to be hopping mad. Aquarius people make good accountants.

Ya right!:rolleyes: Hopeless at accounting...anyways the other stuff makes sense lol. :P

chin_grin

People still believe in this sh*t?

Duggy747

The jokes on Penguin bars are more relevant to me than that shìte people read.

iPlop

chin_grin wrote: »

People still believe in this sh*t?

I don't but

As a Libra you were dishonest. Never take your eyes off a Libra - they'll steal anything that isn't nailed down

As a Virgo you will be required to be good at juggling. Virgo are at their best in the rain.

I fcuking new them juggling pins would come in useful some day:pac:

Nevyn

This doesn't effect anyone who wasn't born this year.

TeddyTedson

The-Rigger wrote: »

Scary! Better put my penis in a vault.

FreudianSlippers

sweet fúck all.

Morlar

Mine has not changed but I'd go along with this :
Alternatively...

Bad things happen to good people every day, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with what day of the year anyone was born on. Astrology is lies made up by people who want to take money from the gullible, and the best that can be said about them is that they may not be doing so maliciously.

In case you're wondering how I know this: I used to write horoscopes. I made them all up. Every last one. And so does everyone else that writes them. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. They may be lying to themselves, and they may have some sort of elaborate system they use to make them up, but they are still making them up.

fontanalis

The exact same as for 500 million other people on the planet.

Kimono-Girl

it got my original one wrong so im not going to believe it! :eek:

The_Minister

Thaedydal wrote: »

This doesn't effect anyone who wasn't born this year.

If this is the first time in centuries that it has been updated, then surely the update is overdue and all our old star-signs are wrong?

If the changes are necessitated by the planets shifting (or something) then any dividing line probably occurred centuries ago.

Minstrel27

As an Aries you will be required to be fond of pies. Aries people make excellent tennis umpires.

Wow, I always wondered why I was so good at being a tennis umpire

Stinicker

Mine is very vague, is that normal?

FreudianSlippers

Stinicker wrote: »

Mine is very vague, is that normal?

Nah, they're usually pretty specific tbf

J K

Morlar wrote: »

Mine has not changed but I'd go along with this :
Alternatively...

Bad things happen to good people every day, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with what day of the year anyone was born on. Astrology is lies made up by people who want to take money from the gullible, and the best that can be said about them is that they may not be doing so maliciously.

In case you're wondering how I know this: I used to write horoscopes. I made them all up. Every last one. And so does everyone else that writes them. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. They may be lying to themselves, and they may have some sort of elaborate system they use to make them up, but they are still making them up.

:rolleyes: Typical Sagittarius attitude...

el oh el

newsflash: astrology is all made up, now go on and lead your life as you want to, not as someone tells you to

Tabnabs

Sweet Jebus, it's all change for me

As a Gemini you were unable to communicate. Gemini people have a tendency to speak in tongues

As a Taurus you will be required to be non-human. Tarus people are all descended from the Dogon.

Does this mean I have to start paying money to Tom Cruise and his gang?

phill106

You old star sign was Scorpio

You new star sign is Scorpio

What does this mean?

Well, the first thing this means is that you're not the person you thought you were. You're going to have to completely change your personality and habits to fit in with your new astrologicaly mandated sign.

As a Scorpio you were made out of turnips. Scorpio are only truly awake on Tuesdays.

As a Scorpio you will be required to be made out of turnips. Scorpio are only truly awake on Tuesdays.

Alternatively...

Bad things happen to good people every day, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with what day of the year anyone was born on. Astrology is lies made up by people who want to take money from the gullible, and the best that can be said about them is that they may not be doing so maliciously.

In case you're wondering how I know this: I used to write horoscopes. I made them all up. Every last one. And so does everyone else that writes them. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. They may be lying to themselves, and they may have some sort of elaborate system they use to make them up, but they are still making them up.






Its all bull, we all know scorpios are the sexiest sign of the zodiac.

stevoslice

Tabnabs wrote: »

Sweet Jebus, it's all change for me



Does this mean I have to start paying money to Tom Cruise and his gang?

As a Dogon you must have increased knowledge of the stars, and so maybe you could take over from fergus gibson.

Metallergy

The-Rigger wrote: »

.. ?! death by aids. what the hell sort of prophecy is that man you really the mod for sunshine n lollipops? more suited to bum-pine & droll-ipops, morelike. ****ing hell the thankwhores swapped spit over that too

Earthhorse

I was a virgin, now I'm a lion.

Rawr.

brian ireland

Before:As an Aquarius you were hopping mad. Aquarius people make good accountants.

NOW!!As a Capricorn you will be required to be up to something. We can all see you, with your shifty little eyes.

Thats a load of me B0ll0x

Jesus Wept

Metallergy wrote: »

.. ?! death by aids. what the hell sort of prophecy is that man you really the mod for sunshine n lollipops? more suited to bum-pine & droll-ipops, morelike. ****ing hell the thankwhores swapped spit over that too

Welcome to the Humanities forum.

Azureus

As an Aries I am fond of pies and will make an excellent tennis umpire...

I was an Aries before and still am..
It happens to be true that I like pies, not so sure about the umpire bit but could be my new calling. Thanks for giving me that essential career advice, if it goes tits-up Im blaming you thebhoy!

lil'bug

You old star sign was Sagittarius

You new star sign is Sagittarius

As a Sagittarius you were full-bellied, with a tendency to flatulence. Sagittarius make poor lovers, as they have a fetish for newts.

As a Sagittarius you will be required to be full-bellied, with a tendency to flatulence. Sagittarius make poor lovers, as they have a fetish for newts




hmmmmmm sexy newts

noel farrell

its all bull **** cop on

ShooterSF

The amount of people here that haven't copped the satire in the OP is nearly as sad as anyone that actually believes in the stuff.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Thaedydal wrote: »

This doesn't effect anyone

Correct.