Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

EileenG

It's that time of year, and the ABNA is coming up. I entered last time and plan to enter again.

The thing is, I don't know if I should reenter the book I had last time, which has had so much work it is scarcely recognisable, or a different one. I have a newer novel which is almost ready to go, and which I think has more depth (and action). But it is a follow-on to the first one, so might be harder to follow.

What do you think?

i-digress

It's a hard one. I think if I were you I would resubmit the first one. They publish the winner, right? It would be hard for Penguin to publish number two without publishing number one. Plus I'd say Penguin USA market the book with the 'Amazon Breakthrough Novel of the Year' tag, so if you won with book two, book one would have to come out first and might mess with their publishing schedule.

Plus, you've put more work into book one so that has to stand to you. It's a hard choice though. I have to finish my final edit super quick so I can submit on Monday, I don't know if I'll be ready though...

pickarooney

Which is the one we've been reading? I'd nearly say go with the new one as, no matter how much you've rewritten the first one you might still be kicking yourself that you gave it two chances and the second one none (yet). Then again, you will need to get the first one out the door before publishing the second one becomes a possibility.

Toss a coin?

I'm going to go for it, I think. Nothing to lose but any lingering hope that I might be a writer.

EileenG

You've been reading the first one.

Can't remember if you would have come across a reference to a fairy-like baby in it. In the other book, the baby is all grown up and is the heroine, now with a massive chip on her shoulder.

pickarooney

So the second book continues but with a new generation of heroine? Risky, but if done well can be great, à la Gabriel Garcia Marquez. "100 Years of Solid Food" sounds like a catchy title, no?

EileenG

Yes. Some of the same characters are there, but it's a completely different situation and plot.

That's another thing. If I re-enter the first book, I think I should change the title. Any ideas?

pickarooney

I can't remember what it was called last time around but it didn't strike me as a very memorable one to tell you the truth (I suppose that's a bit of a redundant statement).

EileenG

It was "Don't Feed the Fairies". One reviewer said she picked it for the title. Provisionally, the other novel is "Don't Hunt the Humans".

pickarooney

EileenG wrote: »

It was "Don't Feed the Fairies". One reviewer said she picked it for the title. Provisionally, the other novel is "Don't Hunt the Humans".

Well, I still haven't come up with a real title for mine after almost 5 years so you're probably a better judge than I!

Memnoch

Re-enter the first book if it's the one with the most work done on it, unless you are 100% confident that book two is better (especially as a stand alone read.) I.E. enter your best work. As for changing the title, I would only do that if you had a better title in mind. Don't worry about people seeing the same title again or anything else. Unless you made it to the top 100 or whatever, I doubt it will make any difference.

pickarooney

Has anyone got tips on writing a pitch? I don't suppose you guys feel like sharing yours from last year?

smcgiff

pickarooney wrote: »

Has anyone got tips on writing a pitch? I don't suppose you guys feel like sharing yours from last year?

Or you could post yours here and we'll take it from there.

EileenG,

As advised above, I'd re-enter the first book. It's highly unlikely you'll get the same readers.

pickarooney

I don't actually know what a pitch is supposed to look like!

Memnoch

For what it's worth, here's my 300 word pitch.

Ram is a civil servant and devout Hindu of great integrity. When his boss orders him to downplay the number of Muslim deaths during the sectarian riots that ravaged the state of Gujrat in 2002, he resigns. But just as the violence seems to be settling, a fresh wave engulfs his family. He must fight to protect those he loves the most and on the other hand, to salvage what shreds he can of his fading humanity. It is a struggle that will propel him towards the abyss of religious extremism. Finally, wrought with sorrow and despair and his integrity corrupted by a group of Hindu fanatics, Ram accepts a damning directive. He must punish a forbidden union between Ashok, a Hindu born in India, and Farah, a Muslim born in Pakistan.

These two young lovers fell in love while studying medicine in Ireland. When Ashok proposed and she said yes, they were sure they wanted to spend their lives together, and would somehow make it work. Now they are in India, his home country, to cement their commitment to each other. Yet doubts that lingered, are beginning to mushroom. Their Eastern and Western halves are no longer pensive whispers in the background but indiscriminate tugs against their determination; and a love that survived six years of severe family opposition, might not survive two weeks of traditional Indian marriage. But their fragile hopes pale to insignificance compared to the mortal danger they face when they encounter Ram.

'LESSER SINS' has resonance with recent events in India. The novel focuses on the tumultuous relationship between India and Pakistan and the war between Hindu extremism and moderation being waged with increasing ferocity every day on the streets of India.

Think of the pitch as the bit on the back cover, i.e. needs to entice the reader into wanting to see more. Most of it should focus on the main characters. This was hard for me, since I have 3 main characters and two equally important story-lines that eventually intersect.

If you go over to the absolute write water cooler forums there is a very good section there with a lot of great advice on pitch writing as well as a great place to get feedback from other writers on your pitch.

The essentials of a good pitch are...

Main character, their goals, the dangers/obstacles they will have to overcome in order to achieve their goals. With a short bit at the end about the theme/relevance of the story.

My pitch is actually pretty good and succeeded in garnering interest from a few agents. Sadly, the first three chapters weren't as effective at getting full reads. I might enter again this year though I haven't really done a serious edit on it, but my last PW review was encouraging enough that I'm hoping a change of reader/luck might do it. I'm going to give it a quick polish over the weekend first though.

Best of luck.

EileenG

Being abandoned on Earth by her mother was a shock, but Cytolene has a
plan. She's going to hitch a lift on the first spaceship heading
towards Eris. And while she's waiting for a suitable ship, there are
all those delicious Earthers to feast on. Human energy is the
tastiest in the galaxy.

All her plans go out the window when she discovers she's not the only
Erisian on Earth. Now she has to protect baby Ashling from the
vampire hunter who has a personal reason for wanting to see her on a
dissection table.

She enlists the help of Steve, a cute blond bodybuilder - well, she
always wanted a pet. But why does he think she's his girlfriend? And
why is he so jealous of Mike, the lethal ex-Marine?

When Ashling's mother comes looking for her baby, she's in a killing
rage and Cytolene discovers her problems have only just begun. Mind
you, Ashling's big brother Asnem is the sexiest male she's ever met.

How far will Cytolene go to protect her humans? And what will happen
when she is reunited with the mother who abandoned her?

Don't Feed the Fairies is a 53,000 word Young Adult novel, set in San
Diego and the planet Eris. It tells the story of the 63rd daughter of
an overbearing mother who has to earn her independence and who
discovers that when she's pushed to extremes, she has abilities and
strength no-one ever suspected.

pickarooney

This is not easy...

These are the 200 words I've cobbled together so far:

It's easy to get lost in Latin America, as Jonas Cotton finds out when he goes on a holiday from which he may never return.

Brian Bullock discovers it's not so easy to find someone as he scours the continent for the drug lords who have put his brother in a coma.

Where Chana Sings traces the paths of eight independent travellers as they criss-cross the mountains and jungles of South America, in search of revenge, in search of identity, in search of redemption.

When Nancy Quinn's life in Ireland is torn violently apart she hops on a plane to Peru where she begins a voyage of discovery that will lead her to Machu Picchu, the Amazon jungle and salvation.

Meanwhile one couple is struggling to get together while another tries desperately not to fall apart and a young woman with a heart of stone begins to learn about love.

A chill wind blows through the Andes when an Israeli tourist is murdered in La Paz. The police are quick to arrest a couple of local neo-nazis but Shoshana Malach is not convinced they've got the right men. Her quest for the truth brings her back in contact with an old nemesis.

smcgiff

pickarooney wrote: »

This is not easy...

These are the 200 words I've cobbled together so far:

I like it. It makes me want to read it!

Couple of small things that jump out at me.

I’d put your third paragraph as either the second paragraph (before you introduce any of your characters) or after you’ve introduced all your characters.

Is travelers spelt with one L?

Pedantic alert – it’s not the drug dealers that put his brother into a coma but the drugs, and so I’d try to reword that sentence.

Severe Pedantic alert – I’d probably put the word ‘through’ before ‘the Amazon jungle’ in paragraph 4, and also ‘eventually’ before ‘salvation’.

Send for the anti-Pedant league alert – should there be a coma after Meanwhile in your second last paragraph?

I also think you might need a stronger end line – something catchy, and that may be simply putting your third paragraph last.

Overall I think it’s very good.

pickarooney

Thanks. I need to finish it yet, and rejig the sentence order.

"Traveller" has 2 Ls in British English, 1 in US English.
Good point on the drug/lords although it's sort of intentional - it takes him a long time to realise that his brother is responsible for his own affairs and he's wasting time, but that's not something the pitch should cover I guess.

Travelling through the Amazon would take forever, she just visits a bit, and I'd have to add to, through, to... but I like 'eventually'.

There probably should be a comma after 'Meanwhile'.

EileenG

EileenG wrote: »

Being abandoned on Earth by her mother was a shock, but Cytolene has a
plan. She's going to hitch a lift on the first spaceship heading
towards Eris. And while she's waiting for a suitable ship, there are
all those delicious Earthers to feast on. Human energy is the
tastiest in the galaxy.

All her plans go out the window when she discovers she's not the only
Erisian on Earth. Now she has to protect baby Ashling from the
vampire hunter who has a personal reason for wanting to see her on a
dissection table.

She enlists the help of Steve, a cute blond bodybuilder - well, she
always wanted a pet. But why does he think she's his girlfriend? And
why is he so jealous of Mike, the lethal ex-Marine?

When Ashling's mother comes looking for her baby, she's in a killing
rage and Cytolene discovers her problems have only just begun. Mind
you, Ashling's big brother Asnem is the sexiest male she's ever met.

How far will Cytolene go to protect her humans? And what will happen
when she is reunited with the mother who abandoned her?

Don't Feed the Fairies is a 53,000 word Young Adult novel, set in San
Diego and the planet Eris. It tells the story of the 63rd daughter of
an overbearing mother who has to earn her independence and who
discovers that when she's pushed to extremes, she has abilities and
strength no-one ever suspected.

Anyone want to have a go at improving this?

cobsie

I really like what I've read of this, and I imagine buying it for my 12 year old niece...there are two audiences here; me, as I flip it over in the bookshop and read the back, and my niece as she flips it over at home and decides whether to read it, or put it aside until she has absolutely nothing else to read (hey, many a really classic novel was discovered by our childhood selves that way!)...or shelve it with a role of her eyes at my total, like, not understanding what she's into (tweeny girls are as fickle as Marie Antoin-bloody-ette). So, my edit below is largely based on the 12 yr old flip-to-back. It has more exclamation marks and less suggestions of boyfriends (my god, she watches enough iCarly for me not to be bothered on that count!)...just a pass, hope it's helpful.

EileenG wrote: »

Being abandoned on Earth by her mother was quite a shock, but Cytolene has a plan. She's going to hitch a lift on the first spaceship heading
towards Eris. And while she's waiting for a suitable ship, there are
all those delicious Earthers to feast on! It's true what they say...human energy is the tastiest in the galaxy!

All Cytolene's plans go out the window when she discovers she's not the only Erisian on Earth. Not only that, but others of her kind have their own plans for what to do with all those delicious humans.

She enlists the help of Steve, a cute blond Californian - well, she
always wanted a pet. But why does he think she's his girlfriend?!

When Ashling's mother comes looking for her baby, Cytolene discovers her problems have only just begun...

How far will Cytolene go to protect her humans? And what will happen
when she is reunited with her overbearing mother?

Don't Feed the Fairies is a 53,000 word Young Adult novel, set in San
Diego and the planet Eris. It tells the story of Cytolene, who learns that, when pushed to extremes, she has abilities and
strength no-one ever suspected.

EileenG

I like this! Might have to change the line about "others with plans for humans" since the plan to farm humans was originally Cytolene's idea. But the rest is great.

pickarooney

I don't like the 'Being abandoned' at the beginning. I can't quite explain why, but something about the tense in the first line just doesn't work for me.
"Being an energy-sucking vampire from the planet Eris can be tough" - this would be how I expect 'being' to start a sentence, whereas here I have to reevaluate the opening line half-way through.

This probably seems needlessly picky, but it had the same impact on me up each time I read it.

"It came as quite a shock to Cytolene when her mother abandoned her on Earth, but now she has a plan. She's going to hitch a lift on the first ship back to Eris."

The paragraph about Steve didn't really hang together all that well for me. I think it's the unnecesary 'Californian' and the 'well'.

"She enlists the help of Steve, who's cute, blond and dumb as a sack of kribulous nexite - just like the pet she's always wanted. But why does he think she's his girlfriend?!"

Any use to you?

EileenG

Good point about the abandoned (plus I have a terrible tendency to spell it wrong). I like your opening.

Can't describe poor Steve as dumb, though. He's got a sky high IQ, but has Aspergers, so he had terrible trouble getting a human girlfriend.

pickarooney

I just realised I'm a racist. You said 'cute blond Californian' and I heard 'dumb'.

Shame on me.

EileenG

Pitch for Don't Feed the Fairies


Being an energy sucking vampire from the planet Eris can be tough, especially when your mother abandons you on Earth. But Cytolene has a plan. She's going to hitch a lift home on the first spaceship heading towards home. While she's waiting for a suitable ship, there are all these delicious Earthers to feast on. It's true that they say – human energy is the tastiest in the galaxy.

Her plans go out the window when she discovers she's not the only Erisian on Earth. Now she has a baby (let's call her Ashling) to protect from the humans that would like to see her on a dissection table.

She enlists the help of Steve, a cute blond Californian – well, she always wanted a pet. But why does he think she's his girlfriend? And why is he so jealous of Mike, the lethal ex-Marine?

When Ashling's mother comes looking for her baby, Cytolene discovers her problems have only just begun.

How far will Cytolene go to protect her humans? And what will happen when she comes face to face with the mother who abandoned her?

Don't Feed the Fairies is a 53,000 word YA novel, set in San Diego and the planet Eris, where Cytolene learns that when pushed to extremes, she has strength and abilities no-one ever suspected.

Kerrywriterno1

Forgive me for asking this, but how can a new author such as myself, enter their novel into this competition? I've never heard of it until today.

My novel, The Zargothian Tales: Return of the Son of Hamorin, was published in ebook format last month by my publisher, WordTechs Press (not to be confused with WordTech Communication). Can authors of ebooks enter this competition?

Thanks for your time in reading this message.

Aidan

EileenG

Anyone can enter, no entry fee. It's open to all unpublished and self-published novels.

www.amazon.com/Breakthrough-Novel-Award-Books/b?ie=UTF8&node=332264011

The first round is based on a 300 word pitch. You've seen a few examples here, it's supposed to give a basic idea about the story, including technical details about length, type, background etc.

Second round is based on the first 3000-5000 words. All excerpts are posted up on Amazon.com and can be read and reviewed by the public. Very useful for feedback.

All other rounds are based on the whole novel.

Entries open on Monday, close on February 6. However, they will close entries once they have received 10,000 entries, even if it's not the closing date, so get in as early as possible.

I haven't checked if it's still the case, but last year, it was possible to enter early, and continue to edit your entry right up until the closing date.

pickarooney

I checked yesterday and the first submission is considered final.

pickarooney

A week to write and edit a new novel from scratch. Doable?

EileenG

Not to write, but edit? Yes, I think so. I often sit down to do an hour's editing, and find myself four hours later still thinking "Just a couple more pages".

Jako8

Awh man. If I knew this existed I would've started work on my idea for a novel much earlier. I suppose I'll wait 'til next year to enter. It'd be better to spend the summer working on it and then enter something which has been carefully written rather than trying to rush something out.