Farmyard Humour

JohnnyBananas

Hi Guys,

I was recently helping a farmer relative feed his cattle. He told me one of his cows was not calving and that “She’ll be going in for burgers, but don’t say it too loudly”.

He also told me when cows are artificially inseminated; the AI man (as he is known) starts joking as if he is trying to romance the cow like a woman in order to score. As he is about to inject the cow with bull semen, he starts singing “Let’s get it on, Oh, Let’s get it on”. (i.e. that romantic song about “love making”)

That’s my starting point. If anyone has any similar farmyard humour, I’m all ears.

Thanks In Advance for all responses.

aidan_walsh

Baa.

That was a chat up line.

mikom

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

If anyone has any similar farmyard humour, I’m all ears.

Like a head of corn.......

Kimono-Girl

i knew this cow once,


she mooved away though....




*closes door on way out*

FreudianSlippers

Meat is murder, delicious delicious murder

jimthemental

Come on people we must have some better eggsamples?

steddyeddy

The cows must have been fresian during the winter!

prinz

steddyeddy wrote: »

The cows must have been fresian during the winter!

They could always just wear out a jersey for a bit of warmth.

jimthemental

prinz wrote: »

They could always just wear out a jersey for a bit of warmth.

I think you're starting to milk this one a bit.

muckwarrior

Here's a funny Cavan farmer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leSRbDxEEOM

Kimono-Girl

mastitis....


that is all....

FreudianSlippers

Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse.

prinz

jimthemental wrote: »

I think you're starting to milk this one a bit.

The OP is reaping what he sowed tbh.

jimthemental

prinz wrote: »

The OP is reaping what he sowed tbh.

This humour is only barley funny.

carfiosaoorl

He aw, he aw he aw-lways called me donkey

prinz

jimthemental wrote: »

This humour is only barley funny.

Trying to think of something better is certainly going to separate the wheat from the chaff alright.

uch

Bullocks

--Kaiser--

The puns so far are terribull.

goose2005

uch wrote: »

Bullocks

Ewe should be ashamed of yourself.

(I'll get me c-oat)

dontmindme

Holy cowpat Batman! This thread is still going!

Plazaman

Paddy was walking by Farmer Micks shed one day when he see Mick inside dancing rauchily in front of the Massey Ferguson in nothing but his string vest, dubious coloured Y-Fronts and wellies. "Jaysus Mick", yells Paddy, "What the fecl are ya at". A stunned and embarrassed Mick explains "Meself and the missus are having martial problems so I was talking to a marriage counsellor and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor".

Ba-dom-tish...... playing Vicar St...... when the injunction is lifted.

prinz

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

The puns so far are terribull.

The standards are slipping but the steaks are still high.

ejmaztec

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

The puns so far are terribull.

I bet there will be a lot farm ore worse than that in this thread.

fabbydabby

Hear about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field.

Hear about the award winning farmer? He was outstanding in his field.

ejmaztec

fabbydabby wrote: »

Hear about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field.

Hear about the award winning farmer? He was outstanding in his field.

Sorry, but those are complete bullsh1t.

jimthemental

Anyone hear about the new Massey Ferguson film? I don't know what it's like but the trailer was good.

ejmaztec

jimthemental wrote: »

Anyone hear about the new Massey Ferguson film? I don't know what it's like but the trailer was good.

Starring Christian Bale?

prinz

ejmaztec wrote: »

Starring Christian Bale?

Yep. Opposite Mylene Farmer as leading lady.

sensibleken

I cud make a longer post but im too baa-shfull

af_thefragile

Q. What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post?
A. Amusement Park.



*walks out*

jimthemental

How do Tipp men find sheep in long grass?

Very arousing!

ejmaztec

prinz wrote: »

Yep. Opposite Mylene Farmer as leading lady.

If the plot's good, they'll make a stack of money on it.

prinz

ejmaztec wrote: »

If the plot's good, they'll make a stack of money on it.

Yeah but they'll plough it back into another project.

Genghiz Cohen

Jaysus the english language is getting a right threshing here!

jprboy

What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high b.......ix

Thephantomsmask

jimthemental wrote: »

Anyone hear about the new Massey Ferguson film? I don't know what it's like but the trailer was good.

Farmageddon? People will be flocking en massey to see it but I thought it was a bit corny.

ratmouse

Hay, why have all the jokes ended already?

kylith

A farmer walking through his fields sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The farmer shouts "Na ol an t-uisce, ta se lan de chac bo" (don’t drink the water its full of cow****.) The man shouts back "I’m English, speak English, I don’t understand you. To which the farmer replies "Use both hands, you’ll get more in".

mstan

OisinT wrote: »

Meat is murder, delicious delicious murder

And we all know how much pleasure you get from any murder story...

danh789

Are you still allowed to called the coloured sheep "black"?