Is this considered rape?

LegacyUser

My friend was having sex with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and in the middle of it he penetrated her anally with his finger. She had always made it clear that she wasn't interested in anal and at the time said no more than once and tried to push him off her but he didn't stop and did not take no for an answer. Is this considered rape? I'm absolutely shocked by his behaviour. They have since broken up but he is looking to get back together with her and she's considering it..

LegacyUser

It is most definitely rape/sexual assault. You should have a serious chat with her about the implications of getting back together with him.

Goldenegg

I would definitly think so. What happened to her was a sexual assault. They were both two consenting adults ( assuming they are adults ) except he pushed the boundaries way to far and did not respect her enough to stop what he was doing when he was told to.

She is mad to think about getting back with him. If she does he might begin to think that she got over it and that it will eventually become acceptable for him to do such things. I would stay well and truely away.

VinnyTGM

I would consider that rape, she didn't consent to it but he did it anyway.

wasper

concerned friend wrote: »

My friend was having sex with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and in the middle of it he penetrated her anally with his finger. She had always made it clear that she wasn't interested in anal and at the time said no more than once and tried to push him off her but he didn't stop and did not take no for an answer. Is this considered rape? I'm absolutely shocked by his behaviour. They have since broken up but he is looking to get back together with her and she's considering it..

If she is considering going back to him, then what is there to discuss?

seamus

Technically it's sexual assault, as rape requires vaginal penetration.

But yes, what he did was a crime and should be seen as such. It's one thing pushing the boundaries with your partner and trying something new - but when they tell you to stop, you stop. If you continue, it's assault, plain and simple.

He's a scumbag. She should get it into her head that he assaulted her and completely and utterly pissed all over the trust that's developed in a sexual relationship. If she takes him back, then you should refuse to play any part in it.

Oryx

Did he apologise? Did he understand why it was a problem? Does the friend think there is even a miniscule chance this could happen again?

What he did was sexual assault. The important thing to me would be whether he realised the severity of what he did, because if he didnt think it was a big deal, then he may try it on again. And what if next time he thinks anal sex is a fun thing to try?

I doubt youre asking if it was rape to bring him up on charges, but to see if its something your friend should play down or really take note of. She should take note, and think seriously about whether she should trust a guy who will not listen to her when she is most vulnerable.

desolate sun

seamus wrote: »

Technically it's sexual assault, as rape requires vaginal penetration.

No. Rape is also anal penetration.

Miaumiau

well it's digital anal rape, but not normal rape. so saying that her boyfriend raped her is wrong but saying that he assaulted her is dead on.

This kind of thing is happening more and more. I blame porn for giving men wrong expectations about women. I've had someone come on my face before without asking me first. It's not 'assault' but i certainly didn't consent to it. rrrrr.

AckwelFoley

desolate sun wrote: »

No. Rape is also anal penetration.

no its not, not in the eyes of the law anyhow.


That guy is a prick. She shouldnt bother with him again.

Nevyn

seamus wrote: »

Technically it's sexual assault, as rape requires vaginal penetration.

Legally there are 3 different definitions of rape, that of the vagina with a penis, of the anus with a penis or of either with an object. To state that rape requires vaginal penetration denies the exist of anal rape victims both female and male.
Men get raped too and they don't have vaginas.

Miaumiau

there is also oral rape and digital rape

seamus

Under Irish law, the act described in the OP is not rape.

I'm not attempting to downplay the seriousness of the act, simply stating the fact. I personally consider it rape in the typical sense of the word.

Miaumiau

It's not quite like that. It isn't the same kind of rape as using a penis.

I've been raped and I would hate someone to equate what the OP describes with what happened with me. very different.

I'm in now way saying it isn't a sexual assualt don't get me wrong! But i think the word rape is often used when it shouldn't be (jokes, used as a metaphor for general 'bad' things etc) and not used enough when it should.

It is digital anal rape to be technically precise about it.
Whatever label you want to put on it, it's never going to be allright behaviour, and please encourage your friend to leave him. Please please do, he crossed a big thick line.

Sibylla

If she didn't agree to it, Then yes it's sexual assault.

Firetrap

Regardless of whether it's rape or not, that he didn't respect her wishes and didn't stop is a big red flag in my book. It's a line that has been crossed IMHO.

28064212

Awful lot of declarations on the legal definition of rape on this thread without anything to back it up.

There are two types of (legally-defined) rape in Ireland: Rape and Rape under Section 4. In this case, it's clearly not the former. IANAL (no pun intended), but I'm pretty sure "any object held or manipulated" can refer to a finger as well as an external object. So it is rape under section 4. Of course it's all fairly irrelevant since there's no suggestion that anyone is going to take a legal case against him

EDIT: It's been pointed out to me that rape with an object is solely applicable to vaginal rape, so the incident is in fact sexual assault, not rape. Thanks to seamus for the correction

GaelMonfils

total scummbag that fella. She should just leave well alone and learn from the experience.
Question of actually reporting the guy for a sexual assault.......not too sure.

LegacyUser

concerned friend wrote: »

My friend was having sex with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and in the middle of it he penetrated her anally with his finger. She had always made it clear that she wasn't interested in anal and at the time said no more than once and tried to push him off her but he didn't stop and did not take no for an answer. Is this considered rape? I'm absolutely shocked by his behaviour. They have since broken up but he is looking to get back together with her and she's considering it..

Quite apart from the technical question of whether this can be considered rape under Irish law, it sounds like you're taking this a lot more seriously than your friend. If she's actually considering resuming a relationship with her boyfriend, she's hardly going to press charges against him. It sounds to me like you are too much in the middle of things, and you should let the two of them sort out their own issues.

gerryk

Another aspect to this is that her saying no was to the entire sexual act from that point on, supported by her attempting to push him off. In this case, it was most definitely rape, no technicalities or grey areas.